A dangerous trap
by InkButterfly
Summary: He never thought a monster like him deserved happiness, yet there he was popular in school, with a girlfriend. Unfortunately a certain flea wants revenge and is out to ruin his life. Will he be able to protect everyone he cares about? Warnings: Yaoi, Psycho Izaya, blood, OC death, violence, language and non-con. Izuo/Shizaya
1. 2 years ago

Title: - **A dangerous trap**

Rating: - M

Main pairings: - Izuo

Disclaimer: - I don't own Durarara

Warnings: Yaoi, Psycho Izaya, blood, death, violence, language and non-con.

Summary: - He never thought a monster like him deserved happiness, yet there he was popular in school, with a girlfriend. Unfortunately a certain flea wants revenge and is out to ruin his life.

**2 years ago**

"See you tomorrow." Shizuo waved watching Kadota run off in a different direction. Next to him Shinra looked up eyes twinkling in anticipation.

"Well? Now that he's gone, can I take some blood? Come on just a little bit." Shaking his head, his fingers quickly unwrapped the wrapper popping a strawberry lollipop into his mouth.

"No way. I have to get home anyway, its Kasuka's birthday." Shinra sighed adjusting his thin rimmed glasses.

"Fine, I'll just have to spend time with my future wife."

Unlocking the front door, the teen kicked his shoes off. "I'm home." The delicious smell wafting from the kitchen was his mother's cooking. As usual it looked like his father was still at work.

"Welcome back dear. Did you have a good day?" Shizuo smiled opening the fridge.

"Yeah, I didn't get into any fights. Is Kasuka home yet?" Pouring a glass of milk he downed it in one, wiping away the milk moustache.

"He came back a while ago. Keep him busy for me, until your father gets home. I need to prepare." Opening the cupboard he could see the balloons ready to be blown up and what looked like a folded banner. Opening the other cupboard he could see more decorations.

"Did you get th-" His mother smiled cutting him off.

"Cake? Yes its somewhere safe so that you can't pick at it."

Shizuo pouted pouring himself another glass. It wasn't his fault that he had a sweet tooth. "...Top shelf. I made some baby cheesecakes. You can have one. Take one up to your brother as well." Draining the glass he helped himself.

"Thanks mum."

Jogging upstairs he had already finished his own, licking the strawberry from his lips. "Kasuka?" Since there was only two of them, they got their own rooms. If there were any more additions to the family they would have to share.

"Come in, nii-san." His younger brother was sitting in front of the computer.

"Happy Birthday!" He had already said it when they had woken up this morning. "Are you talking to your pen pal again?"

Kasuka looked at him with the usual blank expression. "Yeah, don't tell our parents." Shizuo shrugged taking a seat on the bed.

"Don't stay on there too long. A new episode comes out today." His brother rolled his eyes.

"Yeah yeah. Aren't you supposed to be distracting me?"

"You know about that?" He wasn't going to deny anything.

"We do the same thing every year. I'm thirteen not five." Yes, today his little brother had hit a milestone and had become a teenager. It looked like he already had the rebellious stage ready. "I'm going out later to meet a friend." Shizuo said nothing. It was a school night, they had a curfew. Both of them looked up hearing the front door close. "And father is home." Shrugging his shoulders he lay back on the bed closing his eyes.

"Shizuo! Kasuka! Dinner!" Blinking awake, his brother was still typing away on the screen.

"How long was I out?" Blank eyes looked his way.

"About ten minutes." Shizuo stretched leaving the bedroom, Kasuka not far behind him.

The stairs were covered in confetti, a large banner running across the wall. There were balloons up everywhere. Both of them took a step into the kitchen, where their mother was holding a large cake, with thirteen candles. "Happy Birthday, Kasuka!" His brother took a step forward.

"Thank you." Within seconds the candles had been blown out.

"Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy birthday, Kasuka. Happy birthday to you." Shizuo sighed knowing their neighbours could hear their parents singing at the tops of their voices. "Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!"

The cake was put to one side, while they sat at the table to eat dinner. Shizuo shifted all his vegetables to one side, his eyes flicking up and narrowing on the delicious looking butter cream topping. "Shizuo! No cake until you finish everything." Against his parents his strength was useless.

Shizuo lay awake in his bed. All the lights in the house were off and everyone was or should have been fast asleep. Yet he was still awake, a bad feeling in his gut. His instincts were like an animal, as was his sense of smell and if he felt that something was wrong then it probably was. Slipping out of bed he went into the opposite room, seeing that the computer was still on and that there was no one in the bed.

Stepping back into his bedroom he quickly got dressed. The window in Kasuka's room was wide open, the cold night breeze blowing the curtains. Either he would need to go out the same way or risk getting caught by their parents. The bright computer screen glowed, drawing his attention.

Kasuka's pen pal as he called them was called Nakura. It was rude to read his brother's things but he needed to know where he had gone. Coffee eyes widened in shock as he scrolled down the mouse groaning under his grip.

_Nakura:- Its your birthday today. Aren't you happy?_

_Yuuhei:- Not really. My existence is meaningless._

_Nakura:- Haha, you're still a kid. Things might get better._

_Yuuhei:- I doubt it. I'm not my brother. I'm...blank._

_Nakura:- Hm? Your brother again? You have a bit of a brother complex, don't you? You don't have to worry. I'm your friend._

_Yuuhei:- On the internet. You can't do anything in the real world._

_Nakura:- Well then, why don't we change that? Why don't we meet?_

_Yuuhei:- Okay. When and where?_

Shizuo kept reading the mouse screaming before the plastic shell cracked and shattered. "Dad!" It was no longer about Kasuka breaking curfew. The bad feeling in his chest only got worse. His brother had gone to meet a stranger alone in the dark. "Dad!" Running into the room he made as much noise as possible.

"Son, I have work tomorrow."

"I think Kasuka is in trouble. He climbed out of the window." The bedside lamp switched on, both his parents bolting upright.

"You should have told me about this sooner. The internet isn't safe. It looks like I need to change the parental settings." Shizuo said nothing twirling an apple lollipop in his mouth. The two of them were in the car, on their way to the meeting place.

He hadn't understood Kasuka's feelings at all. The first time he had discovered his adrenaline strength was when Kasuka had eaten his pudding cup. No one came between him and his dairy products. He had picked up the fridge, his arms shaking as he lifted it above his head, face twisted in anger.

His younger brother had stared at him calmly. Watching as his bones thankfully broke, the fridge slapping back against the floor. He had been the one filled with shock and regret. "Shit. I'm sorry, Kasuka." His brother had shrugged.

"Its okay, Nii-san." Kasuka had stayed with him while his mother shrieked and panicked calling the hospital.

Kasuka kept to himself, a permanent blank mask on. His eyes empty and emotionless. He hadn't known that his sibling was unhappy. If he had... What could he do? He was destruction incarnate. If Kasuka was being bullied he could make sure they left him alone. But he hadn't known anything.

Shizuo unclipped his seat belt as soon as the car stopped. Why would anyone meet at an abandoned factory? "Shizuo, you be careful." Clenching his fists he ran inside. He didn't know what the place had been used for but it stank of chemicals. The lights overhead flickered swaying dangerously. It wouldn't kill him if he was hit but it would piss him off.

With each step he took he could hear cold mocking laughter. "Kasuka-kun, you just aren't getting it." In the dim light he could see two silhouettes. One standing, one on their knees. "When I do this!" There was a soft whimper which he knew was his brother. "You are supposed to scream!"

Now that he was closer he could see his brother kneeling on the floor, sobbing quietly, a knife pinning his hand to the floor. "Are you actually human? You haven't done anything I expected." Shizuo growled, seeing the raven lift his brother by his hair. "Maybe I should just kill you. Kahahahahaha! Maybe I should just gouge out those eyes of yours!"

The teen was a nut case that couldn't be much older than he was, crimson eyes gleaming dangerously. "I SAID SCREAM!" Kasuka didn't, letting his head drop. "I AM YOUR GOD!" Shizuo saw the light reflect from the sharp edge of a blade, rushing forward.

"Get the fuck away from him!"

The teen fell to his knees caught of guard. "Nii-san." Crouching down he wiped the tears from his brother's cheeks.

"Lets go home." Closing his eyes he went to pull out the knife.

"Hah! So you did let someone know." The teen moved closer, tongue licking the smooth edge. "Smart boy. It looks like I'll have to kill you both now." Shizuo yanked the knife out, ripping his shirt to wrap the bloody hand.

"You can try! Kasuka, run." His brother blinked before doing as he was told. The raven stood on his heels.

"Yes! Run run, as fast as you can. Make the chase more fun! I get booooreed so easily." Shizuo blinked seeing the blood seep through his shirt. "I do hope you'll be more fun." When had he been cut?

His nose twitched in irritation, a shudder running through him. There was something seriously wrong. "Don't be shy now. I'll kill you any way you like. Become a sacrifice to your god!" Shizuo clenched his fist slamming it into the teen's face. "Owie. That hurt. What are you? Not human? Imposter? Not human? Not animal either? Something new. I get to kill something new."

He was sure he had broken the raven's nose, blood pouring freely. "You would be Shizuo Heiwajima, right? Am I right? Of course I'm right. I'm me. I can't be wrong. So then... Shizu-chan. Yep that fits. Shizu-chan Shizu-chan, I'm going to kill you!" Every word was sang like a children's nursery rhyme.

"I'm Izaya Orihara. Forever twenty one, the immortal god. I've killed cats, dogs, rabbits and any other animal I could get my hands on. But that was sooo looong ago. Now I've moved to my precious humans. You will be number..." Shizuo felt sick watching him count on his fingers. "...Sixteen."

Serial killer. The murders had probably been on the news but his parents would always change the channel and it wasn't like he had wanted to watch anyway. "Then I'll go after your brother and gouge out those eyes. Ugh I hate those eyes. I hate dead fish eyes. Did I mention that?" Shizuo took a step back, pain alerting him he had a knife in his leg.

"Now where should I start? Hahaha. You are unpredictable. I haven't planned for this. Hm? I can't let you go either. You know Shizu-chan. I think we can have a lot of fuuuun together." Shizuo growled clenching his fist. The teen was grinning wildly, arms outstretched.

His ears pricked up hearing sirens in the distance. "Oh? You called the cops? Haha oh dear, you called the cops. Like they can stop me. No one can stop me." One burst of movement, the killer's arm cracked as he snapped it back.

"Interesting. Is that all you can do?" Chills ran down his spine.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? I just broke your arm." The raven cackled in response.

"Izaya Orihara! Come out with your hands up! You have until three before we come in armed. Release the hostage!"

"Hear that Shizu-chan? They think you're a hostage when I'm the one being held. Wahahaha, so funny."

"One...Two...Three..." Bright lights filled the darkness. Shizuo shoved the teen to the ground in disgust. It didn't take long for him to be held down and cuffed.

"Oh look. You caught me. Too bad you couldn't save the first fifteen." Shizuo yanked the knife from his leg, limping behind the cops. "But can you hold me? Do any of you have the power to? My weak pathetic precious humans. I'll judge and save you all!" Even the cops seemed to shudder.

Those cold cruel crimson eyes never left his as the serial killer was shoved into the back of a police van. "I am always free. I know everything. I know where you all live, what you do. Everything. Shizu-chan you're still number sixteen. This isn't over. I always get what I want. Look forward to it. I will see you soon. Hahahahahahaha!" The double doors slammed shut.

A comforting hand rested on his shoulder. "Don't worry. He's going away for a very very long time." Shizuo nodded getting the feeling he was being watched. Izaya Orihara. Usually he had trouble remembering names. That was one he would never forget. The sick bastard who had tried to harm his brother.

"Nii-san." His brother was shaking as the two held each other. His father did not look happy and he knew they wouldn't be leaving the house for a while. "You're bleeding." Shizuo shrugged.

"It'll heal. We should get your hand cleaned up." He noticed how his father's hand seemed to tremble as it rested on his shoulder.

"I'm taking both of you to the hospital." Both of them nodded, climbing into the car.


	2. 2 years later

**2 years later**

Shizuo blinked, using his finger and thumb to pinch the bridge of his nose. Of all things he had to dream of that bastard. The memory wouldn't leave him and neither would the damn flea's words. Why was he called a flea? Because he had drained the remaining spirit Kasuka had left.

It had been two years since he had met the serial killer and had helped put him away. Two years of constant therapy sessions with his younger brother to put his parents minds at ease. But unlike him who could handle it, Kasuka was another story. Just like every other morning, his younger sibling had sneaked into his bed and was clutching his bed shirt like a life line, brow furrowed and occasionally making a small whimper.

Neither one of them had gone to the trial. Their parents had refused not letting them out of the house. The computer had been taken away back then too. The adults said that Izaya had been put away and wouldn't be able to hurt anyone. For him that was enough. Lock the bastard away and leave him to rot.

Taking a deep breath he knew it wouldn't do any good if Kasuka woke up to witness his temper so early in the morning. Right now he needed to be the responsible big brother. Gently reaching out his hand paused, gaze locking onto the scar on the back of the small hand. It was the same the other side. The knife had gone right through. There was a small crescent shaped scar by his right eye too.

Leaving his brother to sleep, Shizuo stepped into the shower, taking off his bed shirt. Along his chest right over his heart was a thin horizontal scar. The very first one to mark his body permanently had been the flea. It was a constant reminder of how close he had become to losing Kasuka.

"Shizuo! Kasuka! Come on, you two have school." Now that he was dressed, the teen hurried downstairs in case there was little milk left. A lot of things had changed in two years. For a start he was now seventeen. He was actually popular in class even though he could be mistaken for a delinquent.

Grabbing a dish he poured himself some cereal, reaching for the sugar. "Good morning, nii-san. You realize the box says sugar coated." Shrugging his shoulders, Shizuo covered it anyway, reaching for the milk.

"Its better this way." Kasuka sighed, staring at him blankly.

"Better for the dentist."

It wasn't long before their mother came to check on them. "How did you two sleep?" It was a question mainly directed at his brother.

"The same as usual." Kasuka wouldn't share how he felt with anyone.

"Remember you two, straight home after school. No it's Tuesday, isn't it?"

"Yeah. We have therapy after school." Shizuo sighed. He wasn't one to talk about his feelings either.

Their mother seemed uncomfortable. "Well, make sure you call to let us know where you are. If it gets too late your father can pick you up." Neither one of them said anything.

Knowing his own strength and what he could do, he could agree that he was indeed a monster. It was why he spent every waking moment holding back the demon of rage inside him. At least then he could go along with everyone being happy. Somehow he had become the protector of his class. The hero if you asked his classmates. It was that that made him popular and his locker full on valentines day.

Speaking of... Never would he have thought to fall for one of those fairytale romances. It just wasn't him. Kasuka sure, Kadota maybe and Shinra... well Shinra was Shinra. But it had happened. Less than a month ago he had met someone he could actually fall in love with.

That time it wasn't done deliberately. That time his body had moved by itself. A busy station and a girl who would have smashed her head wide open, if he hadn't caught her. Shizuo wasn't one to believe in fate...but yeah, it was fate. Especially since the girl was his classmate.

Chiyoko Wakahisa, a cute but clumsy girl with long dark hair that fell to her waist and dark chocolate eyes he could stare into forever. That was who he had saved and that was who had blushed bright crimson while asking him out under the famous tree, in view of the whole school.

If he had said no, he really would've been known as a monster. Not that it mattered, the girl had already captivated him, so of course he said yes. Because of who he was no one said anything bad about their relationship or acted out in jealousy.

As usual Kasuka was silent on their walk, minute seconds away from reaching for his sleeve. The bastard flea had damaged his baby brother and that he would never forgive. The two of them walked side by side ignoring everyone around them.

It didn't take them long to reach the gate. They were early so it didn't matter how long they took. "Nii-san, I'll see you after school." There was nothing he could do as his brother hurried off. Going in the opposite direction he knew everyone would already be in class. It had been lucky that way. To be put in the same class as his girlfriend and all his friends, it had been a great start to the year.

Sliding the door back, there was only a small group of students in. It was just like every other classroom. Black board and teacher's desk at the front, then five desks in five rows, each one had a number on, so it was easy when it came to re-arranging. Besides that his teacher had a memory like a sieve.

Shizuo had a seat by the window on the fourth row, the number on his desk was seventeen. Right in front of him at desk twelve was Chiyoko. Right at the front by the window at desk two was Shinra. His other friends Kadota, Karisawa and Walker sat along the back row, desks twenty six, twenty four and twenty three.

They were his group of friends, apart from that he got along with everyone in class, especially Tomoyuki Sanda who sat next to him at desk eighteen. For... odd reasons, his pencil was always breaking. The class rep was their stationary supply as well as their study guide for make up tests.

"Morning." Everyone was crowded around his desk.

"Good morning, Shizuo-kun." His now permanent frown twitched.

"Morning, Chiyoko." The girl blushed. Shizuo sighed noticing the looks he was getting.

"Why? Why do you get to flirt so openly first thing in the morning? My beloved pushed me away." Everyone groaned knowing where this was going.

"Shizu-Shizu! Did you watch it? Everyone else missed it." As did he. Erika Karisawa was the class otaku along with Yumasaki Walker.

"Sorry I missed it." The girl pouted clearly upset.

"I'm not having this. I want all of you to go home and watch it tonight." No one argued. Karisawa could tend to be a little unhinged when things didn't go her way.

The bell rang loud, everyone getting to their seats. Chiyoko looked back and smiled, making the both of them blush. The door slid open one by one his classmates filing in. "Get to your seats." The first thing he noticed were that seats thirteen and fourteen were empty. Mika if he remembered correctly was absent due to illness. Today was the first day that Seji wasn't in.

Along with those two the seat next to him was empty. The class rep with perfect attendance wasn't in. "Number two."

From the front he could hear Shinra's voice "Here." One by one their number was called.

"Number eighteen?" The teacher looked up staring at the empty space. "He's not in today?" Glancing around the classroom, everyone was shaking their heads.

Turning back, a dark shadow caught him eye. His gaze snapped to the window. It was mere seconds. Unsure of what he had seen he looked out of the window seeing the teen laying on the ground, limbs bent in a way that shouldn't have been possible.

Shizuo covered his mouth looking away. "Was that?" His classmates rushed to the window, looking down at the scene. In front of him his girlfriend was shaking. "No way! Tomoyuki." Hushed whispers went around the room.

"Get back to your seats!" The teacher left the room, leaving them all to wonder what had happened.

"Hey! He hasn't moved yet. Kishitani, will he be okay?" All eyes were on Shinra, the son of a doctor.

"Probably not. You can see the way his body is bent. Look the amount of blood there means he's bled out. Probably cracked his skull right open." One of the girls was staring out of the window tears rolling down her cheeks.

When the teacher returned he wasn't alone. Outside the class rep was surrounded by paramedics, lights flashing on the ambulance outside the school gates. "I've been told to send you all home. I want everyone in a single file." The girl at the window hadn't moved. "In your desk orders. Now."

In single file they left the classroom. If what Shinra had said was true then the teen wouldn't survive. His next concern was whether Kasuka had seen it or not. If the scene somehow triggered his panic attacks... Glancing down the line he could see every student looking confused. He couldn't see his girlfriend. Was she upset as well?

School was dismissed all of them led away from the scene. The other classes didn't know who it was that had fallen from the roof. Glancing up his gaze went to the roof. His stomach turned, hearing Izaya's cold laughter in his head. With a sigh he unwrapped a strawberry lolly. They didn't work much any more. Maybe he had been affected more than he had thought.

They walked in their usual group. Kadota, Karisawa and Walker in their own little group. Shinra was on his own talking non-stop about the love of his life and he was standing between Kasuka and Chiyoko. They were the only two that seemed to be affected by what had just happened. His girlfriend's hand was slipped into his right, while Kasuka held onto his sleeve on his left.

"Nii-san, that was your classmate, right?" Shizuo swallowed twirling the lolly.

"Yeah. He was the one I was telling you about. He would always bring in enough stationary for everyone. He was more of a teacher than our actual one." They all fell into silence. Shizuo hoped Tomoyuki made a full recovery, the teen had done a lot for him.

"Well then. We have the rest of the day off. What should we do?" Shinra was looking excited, no doubt wanting to rush home to the amnesiac Celty.

"For a start all of you are going home right now to watch the new episode." Karisawa clenched her fists, before squealing loudly. "You'll never guess what happens...ah! Spoilers. But I want to tell you."

Kadota smiled in apology. "Okay, we'll go and watch it first. Then lets meet up at the fountain in two hours?" All of them nodded in agreement.

"Shizuo-kun, see you soon." They lived in different directions.

"Yeah, see you." It wasn't good to leave her alone but right now he had to get Kasuka home. They would see each other in a bit any way.

The next to leave were the two otakus, Karisawa dragging them into the nearest shop to check out the new manga. "I'll let you borrow any new volumes." They were gone in seconds, a quiet Walker trying to catch up.

"I guess I should check on them." Shinra was still talking to himself. "Shizuo, I'm sure Tomoyuki is fine." Shizuo watched Kadota run into the store.

"We're back." Neither one of his parents were in the house, both of them at work. "Kasuka, are you okay?" His brother hadn't uttered a word.

"Fine, nii-san. I'm going to my room." Where he would probably stay all day until his therapy appointment.

Shizuo sighed, kicking his shoes off. Trudging upstairs he heard Kasuka's door slam. Going into his own room, the door was kept open in case anything happened. The computer was now in his room. Pressing the button he waited for it to load, shrugging off his light blue blazer.

Once the computer had finished loading, the teen opened a web page accessing his favourites. One of his favourite sites popped up. Finding the episode link, he sat back in the chair waiting for it to load. "Fuck. Why is this so slow?" It took two hours to watch a half an hour episode. Karisawa would know if they had seen it or not.

Shizuo growled irritably seeing a small red line, the video buffering. Throwing the lolly stick away, the screen flickered momentarily. "What the hell?" Moving the mouse, the cursor remained where it was. Had he managed to break yet another device?

Coffee eyes widened the little white cursor moving by itself. He could do nothing but watch as it went through the programs opening a document. Shizuo stared at the blank white document. A small smiley face appearing. Then a black cat with a sort of Cheshire grin. Over and over the same picture pattern appeared. Was it some sort of virus? His stomach dropped as the font size was changed. _SHI _by now he was getting chills yet something compelled him to keep watching. _ZU- _It couldn't be. There was only one bastard... _CHAN. _

Shizuo rolled the chair back wanting to run from the room. The same word was typed over and over again in red. _SHIZU-CHAN. SHIZU-CHAN. SHIZU-CHAN. SHIZU-CHAN. _It was as if his computer was cursed. There was one last smiley face that sent a shudder through him before a new web page was opened. This video loaded immediately, his hand quickly slamming the door shut.

_Breaking News _scrolled across the bottom of the screen, showing a picture of a white building. The cursor moved again, turning the sound up all the way, the report blaring through the small speakers. _"We are live outside the mental institution, known for holding some of the most deranged criminals. We have yet to hear from the directors just how they managed to let one of the most dangerous serial killers escape." _

An image flashed up of the same bastard teen he had met two years ago. _"Izaya Orihara,a teenage boy who was the culprit for twelve murders and maybe more to be uncovered. The very teen who was said to be a demon and was judged as completely insane and delusional. The teen is highly dangerous and should not be approached at any cost. If you see this boy don't be fooled and report it to the nearest authority. We advise you not to stay out late. _

The woman smiled as she finished reading the auto cue. _"That's all for from me and now onto the weather." _Shizuo stared at the screen from where he was sitting on the floor, his mouth agape in shock. "...No." Izaya Orihara was loose. The bastard flea that hurt his brother was roaming around. The cursor was moving again, back to the page covered in his name. His head fell into his hands as he read the new typing.

_I told you they couldn't hold me. See you soon, Shizu-chan. _


	3. Dying rose life

**Dying rose life**

_A/N:- Thank you for the reviews, the updates on this one should be frequent. This story is stalking me like Izaya is Shizu-chan. Any ways enjoy._

Shizuo jumped at the thunderous sounding knock at the door, his fist clenched head turning wildly to stare at the door wide eyes, as if Izaya was going to appear holding a knife. "Nii-san?" His head pounding wildly, every muscle in his body screamed for him to hurry into bed and bury himself under the covers. "Nii-san?"

The door opened slowly, blank eyes staring at him as he crouched on the floor. "What are you doing?" Shizuo blinked knowing how weird it must look. The computer chair was by the window, no where near the computer.

"Don't look at the screen!" He didn't want Kasuka to know that the flea was loose.

Too late, his younger brother walked right up to it. Shizuo closed his eyes waiting for the inevitable. All those therapy sessions gone down the drain. "Um, nii-san. I don't think father would like finding out that you download porn."

His eyes snapped open in shock. "I wasn't." Blank eyes rolled, the cursor moving to the play button.

_Ah nn more...ah fuck...fuck me...ooh. _His face heated up looking away from the screen.

"I-" No, it would be better to admit it than let Kasuka know what he had really seen. "I- I thought it was anime." The younger Heiwajima shook his head leaving the room.

"Let me know when you finish." The door closed, leaving him to stop the video.

Damn that bastard messing with his computer. Cancelling the page, he went into history looking for the link to the news video. There was nothing on there. No weird documents open either. It was as if his computer had never been hacked.

Shaking his head, the teen tried to calm down, relaxing back in the chair. The video was now nearly loaded. Clicking play he shuddered as the villain came on. _Mwhahahahaha! You think you can stop me? With all your powers combined you will fail. I am unstoppable! _Stopping the episode he knew Karisawa wouldn't let it go but right now he couldn't bring himself to watch it.

Two hours later and he was sitting by the fountain, drinking a strawberry milkshake. "Did you see it? Did you see it?" Everyone had arrived instead of Shinra. The hyperactive otaku was bouncing around. "Shizu-Shizu! . ?" Reluctantly he shook his head.

"My computer broke." It was a lie. Karisawa looked down dejected.

"Um...I saw it."

"Really? So you know that..." Chiyoko nodded, sitting next to him. "Yes! Shizu-Shizu. I'll record it for you. Dotachin! Did you see it?" The relentless teen was already running to him.

"Thanks." Looking down at his lap he couldn't meet his girlfriend's eyes.

"Its okay." An irritated cough sounded close by.

"Are you two flirting again? Have you even kissed yet?" Shinra didn't look happy. Shizuo spluttered wiping milkshake from his lips.

They hadn't kissed yet. In truth he was scared she would run if he got too close. The silence between them stretched becoming awkward. It was Kadota that saved him from embarrassment. "Right, so what should we all do?" Karisawa's idea of going to a cosplay cafe was shot down.

"I want to see my beloved." Shizuo sighed draining the carton.

The six of them ended up in Shinra's apartment huddled around the large television, a controller in his hand, the other in Celty's. No one knew much about the amnesiac, then again she didn't know much about herself. Celty was kind to everyone which made Shinra jealous, whether it was due to some sort of trauma, the woman couldn't talk, instead communicating through a PDA. It was thanks to her that Kasuka had begun to heal and he hadn't been affected.

She was like a guardian to all of them, a helping hand and a ready to listen ear. No matter when it was they could call and she would be there. Shinra was now staring glassy eyed at her. Celty only smiled as she did. If his friend got any closer he would end up with a punch in the ribs.

Everyone smiled and enjoyed themselves, while he was pre-occupied with what had happened in his bedroom. Was it really safe to leave Kasuka alone in the house? "Shizuo, the game has started." Slamming his thumb down on the small analogue stick, he winced as he heard it snap clean off in his hand.

"Ah!"

Things didn't get much better as he walked through the crowds, Kasuka at his side. "Are you okay, Nii-san?" Shizuo shrugged cursing as the lollipop wrapper wouldn't come off. Tugging a bit harder the hard ball of candy snapped off of the stick. He stood a bit closer than necessary to Kasuka, glancing around wildly. Right now he couldn't afford to let his guard down.

"Excuse me." His teeth clenched a man he didn't know touching his arm. Was this someone Izaya had sent? "Are you interested in modelling?" Shizuo blinked. "Maybe singing or acting? I work for a talent agen-" His hand squeezed, lifting the man from the ground.

"Don't lie to me! I know he sent you!"

The scout struggled, feet kicking wildly, fingers trying to claw at his hand. "Nii-san." A hand rested on his shoulder. "Put him down." Releasing his grip the man fell to the floor coughing.

"Kasuka, don't go near him." His warning was ignored, his little brother helping the man up.

"Sorry about that. Why don't we talk for a bit. Nii-san, I'll be back in a minute." Unable to do anything, he watched as Kasuka vanished from his side.

"I smoothed things over." His heart calmed once Kasuka was back, in his hand he was holding a business card. "He really was a talent scout. What do you think? Should I audition?" Shizuo said nothing, catching a glint from the corner of his eye.

"Excuse me." Kasuka stepped in again, leading the lady offering free samples away.

Every nerve in his body was on edge, the two of them barely making it to the clinic without him causing any major damage. "Nii-san, I'll sign us in." Shizuo nodded, taking a seat in the waiting area. It wasn't just Kasuka that had to attend therapy. It was compulsory for him to do so too. For his brother it seemed to be helping.

"Kasuka Heiwajima." It wasn't long before his brother's name was called.

"I'll see you soon, nii-san." Nodding his head he tried to forget how frazzled he was feeling.

"Shizuo Heiwajima." His therapist was a woman named Namie Yagiri. She had long raven hair and always wore a green jumper, for some reason she went around wearing a white lab coat.

The room was supposed to be calming. Taking a seat on the sofa, he waited for the same questions to be asked. The same every time since he had never answered. "Heiwajima-san, why don't you lay down." This time he did as he was told, surprising the both of them.

Staring up the ceiling he listened to the fan cool the room. "How are you feeling?" Shizuo shrugged in response. The woman tutted.

"I can't help you if you don't let me." His own laughter came out bitter.

"You can't help me. Not when he's loose." The happiness he had managed to gather was slipping through his fingers.

"He?"

"Izaya Orihara. The bastard hacked into my computer to send me a message." His therapist's eyes narrowed jotting something down.

"How is school? Has anything stressful happened?" It was the first time Namie was writing.

"Our class rep was rushed to hospital after being pushed off of the roof." He still didn't know whether or not the teen was alive.

"You said pushed. Did you see anyone?" Shizuo shook his head. "Heiwajima san, I think that you have a lot of built up stress within you. What happened two years ago might have affected you more than you first thought. You need to open up and talk to me about this. Only then can I help you."

"It was the flea. I know he did it." His therapist sighed softly.

"It's not Izaya." Shizuo sat up glaring. "Izaya Orihara is still locked up as he has been since his verdict." Shaking his head he knew that the woman didn't believe him. "Shizuo, I can prove it. Follow me."

Taking a deep breath his fist clenched. He was led into a small adjacent room, with only a large computer in. "Sometimes my patients need closure, rather than taking them to the actual person, we have this system here." Shizuo watched as she pressed some buttons, pulling up an image. "Security, This is Namie Yagiri. I request a live feed to Patient Izaya Orihara.

Did that mean that they didn't know? Why hadn't anyone known the serial killer had escaped. His eyes widened as the visual changed giving him a direct view of a white room. There was a barred window, a bed against the wall and a chair in the centre of the room. In the chair sat a raven haired teenager, looking blankly ahead in a straitjacket. "He has to be sedated or his laughter affects the other patients."

Shizuo moved closer as if those crimson eyes would flick up and look at the camera. "As you can see, the patient is secured and can't hurt anyone. A complex feeling filled his chest, his knees wobbling. "So what I saw...was all in my head?" His voice sounded strangely empty.

"Did anyone else see it?" Thinking back, the answer was no. Kasuka hadn't seen it.

"...No."

The teen was back on the sofa. It was the longest any of their sessions had lasted. "Stress affects people in many different ways. Are you eating and sleeping properly?"For once he paid attention to the woman's words.

"Yeah, just fine. Am I going mad?" His gaze fell back to the open door. Izaya was safely contained. It was all in his head.

"No. I think you just need to rest. If you need to change our appointments to be more frequent you can."

"Nii-san?" Leaving the room he met his brother in the waiting area. Usually he was the first one out and waiting.

"How did it go?" Kasuka's lip twitched.

"Good. My therapist thinks I'm doing well. I told him that I'm thinking of auditioning. Nii-san, you were in there a long time." Reaching into his pocket, the teen unwrapped a lolly feeling a weight lifted from his shoulders.

"I told mine about what happened today. She said I need to rest."

The two of them left the building, noticing the car waiting outside. The sun was already setting. "How was it?" Climbing in the front, Shizuo pulled his seat belt across.

"Fine. It helped." Kasuka gave the same answer. Their father tapped the steering wheel.

"I heard about today. Your classmate. He was already dead when he reached the hospital." Shizuo closed his eyes letting the news sink in.

No longer would he be forced to spend time in the library, the kind teen going though the exam questions making it look like child's play. He hadn't managed to get above thirty before his study partner had stepped in. "I'm sorry, son." No one spoke a single word on the way home.

Kicking off his shoes, Shizuo was met with a hug. "Its okay, I'm here if you need to talk." His mother was warm making his vision hazy. "Go and sit down. I'll bring your dinner in." Doing as he was told, the teen sat down on the sofa. As usual the news was on.

_Breaking news _again scrolled across the screen. This time it was outside a small house. Reaching for the remote, the volume bar went up. _Earlier today, school girl Midori Mizukawa was found dead inside her home. Her parents returned from work less than an hour ago to find their daughter dead on the kitchen floor. Police have been to the scene and taken evidence. From their report the teen slit her own wrists, before using the last of her strength to stab herself in the stomach. _

The report carried on but he was no longer listening, a photo popping up of the girl. He was terrible with names. But the face he recognized. It was a girl from his class. When the seating plan had first been decided his seat number had been sixteen. The cursed number that made him angry and fearful all at the same time.

It was the teen who had agreed to switch places with him. "Shizuo? Why are you watching the news?" His mother took the control out of his trembling fingers, turning the channel over. Tomoyuki Sanda was dead and now the current occupant of desk sixteen. Izaya Orihara was locked away, so what the hell was going on? "Shizuo, honey. What's wrong?"

"...She's in my class. The news just said a girl died. She was in my class."


	4. Crumbling bonds

**Crumbling bonds**

It took him a while to calm down, his short nails digging into his palms. His mother suggested that he rest but being alone right now might bring back his newly discovered madness. Izaya Orihara was locked away securely. Two of his classmates had according to the police committed suicide and he was going slightly bonkers.

There was no way he could stay awake forever though and with school looming the next morning there was no choice but to leave the comfort of his family and retire to his bedroom. His hand rested on the closed door, an anime poster covering a hole from his last temper tantrum. Pushing the door open he noticed the computer was on.

"Nii-san?" The blank stare did nothing to disguise the concern his little brother was feeling. Faking a smile, Shizuo stepped over the threshold.

"I'm going to get some sleep. Goodnight, Kasuka." The younger Heiwajima nodded going into his own room. Closing the door he was left by himself for the first time since his first contact with the flea.

His instincts screamed that it wasn't his fault, that he wasn't losing his mind, that Izaya had somehow managed to escape. After all wasn't that what the serial killer had said? With one eye on the screen, the teen got ready for bed. His heart was pounding hearing a knock on the door. "Shizuo, don't forget to unplug the computer."

"...Yeah, I will."

Taking a step forward and then another, he sat on the chair, reaching slowly for the mouse. Just as he touched it the screen flickered. It looked like Kasuka had been doing some homework, the page still open. _SHIZU-CHAN. _Shizuo swallowed eyes on the screen. _SHIZU-CHAN SHIZU-CHAN. You couldn't stop it. Could you? Such a monster but so weak and pathetic. Its too late now. SHIZU-CHAN SHIZU-CHAN. _

Shizuo grit his teeth. "SHUT UP!" His vision blurred red, hands on the computer as if he could rip the flea from it. "Shut the fuck up!" The computer hit his bedroom floor hard, smashing beyond repair. Even so his foot came down crushing the electrical components to bits.

His bedroom door burst open, his parents standing by the door. "Shizuo?" The teen blinked slowly coming to his senses. "What have you done, honey?" Once again he had lost control. All the hard work he had put in was crumbling to dust.

"Do you feel better now?" His parents loved him no matter how strong he was or how much of a monster. Until Izaya everything had been happy.

"I-Sorry." He was disappointed in himself. His father sighed stepping into the room without any fear. A comforting hand rested on his shoulder, a hand of an adult telling him that everything was okay.

"Its just a computer. We were thinking of getting a new one anyway." It was only to make him feel better. "Try and get some sleep." Shizuo nodded leaving the mess. Climbing under the covers his head rested on the pillow.

"We'll clean it up tomorrow." His parents left the room, he couldn't ask his parents to leave the light on.

Pulling the covers over his head, Shizuo curled into a ball, hearing Izaya's cold laughter in his head. He didn't get much sleep and when he did it was plagued by nightmares of malicious fleas. Why now? Why after two years was this happening? He really was a monster.

Shizuo woke up to his mother sweeping up the broken computer. "Shizuo, honey you have school soon." Rubbing at his eyes, the teen climbed out of bed, not feeling any better. Maybe he really should make another appointment to see his therapist.

Making his way downstairs, his father caught sight of him just as he was about to leave. "Have a good day, son." Forcing another smile, Shizuo waved joining his brother in the kitchen.

"Mother made pancakes." Taking a seat, his gaze fell to the scar on Kasuka's hand.

Pulling the plate in front of him, he reached for the syrup. "I'm going to call him." Shizuo looked up questioningly. "The talent scout from yesterday. I thought about it last night. I'm going to audition."

"Good luck." As long as his little brother was away from any danger then it was fine. Right now the only danger was he himself.

"Thanks. Will you be okay? I mean..." Shrugging his shoulders he shoved a mouthful of pancake in. Two deaths in one class, there was no telling what was going to happen.

"I don't know. I'm going to extend my therapy sessions." His brother only nodded.

The teen was stalling, not wanting to leave, unfortunately it seemed he didn't have a choice. A knock at the door had his mother hurrying downstairs to open it. "Coming...Oh Chiyoko-chan come in, the boys are just finishing breakfast."Shizuo swallowed his mouthful, his girlfriend standing by the stairs.

"Good morning, Shizuo-kun." It was lucky he hadn't still been asleep, his mother might have sent her up again. Her smile soothed him, making him feel slightly better.

"Morning. Mum, we're going." Kasuka waved at them as they left. It looked like his brother was serious about being an actor.

The two of them walked together, a gap between them. "Um, Shizuo-kun are you okay? I mean yesterday..." Shizuo growled at himself, for causing everyone around him to worry. "I shouldn't have asked?" It sounded like she was going to cry making him feel even worse. His face turning a dark shade of red, his fingers stretched out, brushing them against the soft skin of Chiyoko's fingers.

The girl flushed looking up at him in shock, their gazes meeting, before simultaneously looking away. Shizuo bit his lip, glancing down at their entwined fingers. "I...uh, if I can do anything to make it better..." Both of them lapsed into silence, faces red and unable to look at one another.

His group of friends were waiting outside the gate for them. "Shizuo, we aren't allowed in the classroom until the bell from now on." Shinra stared at the two of them holding hands, pulling away quickly he looking around spotting a teen in a full on maids outfit, that had been caught by the disciplinary committee.

His eyes narrowed. Wait was that... "It's Karisawa's new phase. Hopefully she gets bored quickly. Did you see the news last night?" A shudder ran through him.

"Yeah, another one." It looked like everyone knew the way they were staring.

"Do you want to go out after school?" Shaking his head the two moved away from the usual group.

"I can't. I have a therapy session." Kadota raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"Shizu-Shizu." The maid bounded over jumping on his back. Kadota was looking concerned as if he should step in. "I recorded it for you." Ah. Closing his eyes he set Karisawa down, a hand on her shoulder.

"My computer broke yesterday." That was it, the otaku's eyes watered.

"No. But...why? It was such a great episode. Hurry and get a new one." At that point Kadota stepped in taking her away.

Everyone was silent as they took their seats, the desk next to him and desk sixteen were vacant. No doubt everyone had seen the news. Their teacher was the last to come in. "Settle down. As you may already know, Tomoyuki Sanda died from his fall and Midori Mizukawa was found dead in her home." Hushed whispers broke out around the classroom.

"They said it was suicide? Bullshit, she had a boyfriend."

"Settle down." The teacher banged his fist on the desk.

"Yeah, Tomoyuki was happy. He wouldn't jump. Its two people from our class. What's going on." The whispers turned to normal speech and then shouting to one another.

"I saw Midori yesterday, she was excited about her date."

"SILENCE." Everyone stopped staring at the teacher.

"Their deaths have been ruled out as suicide. I know you have your opinions but that is what the police have decided. Now I know this may affect you since you were close, there is a stand in counsellor if you wish to speak to someone. If you notice any of your classmates acting different from usual let me know."

Everyone fell into silence again staring at the empty desks. "Number two?" Shinra's hand raised."

"Here." As each number was read out, his gaze went around the room to see if anyone else was missing.

"...Number twenty two." The desk behind him. There was no reply. "Number twenty two." His head fell in his hands. Not another one. "Does anyone know where Ayako Ikina is?"

Everyone else had come to the same conclusion as he had. "She's always on time. Maybe someone should go and check on her?" Every single one of his classmates wore the same expression.

"Okay, I'll call to check on her at break. Number twenty three." Shizuo sighed. Izaya was right, or at least the fragment of his madness was right. There was nothing he could do.

"Wah! Sorry, I'm late aren't I?" The door slid open, the bouncy bubbly girl that was Ayako Ikina stood there smiling sheepishly. "My straighteners broke. Look bed hair." Shizuo had never been so relieved, he could see some of the other students looking the same.

Ayako was popular around school, her nails a different colour everyday, her hair in perfect ringlets that fell over her shoulders.

"Number twenty two, see me after school." The girl smiled.

"Yes, Sensei."

Shizuo heard the chair scrape behind him, the familiar rhythmic drumming of her nails against the desk. "Hey, Shizuo-kun. Do you want any candy?" And she was known for her sweet tooth. Glancing behind him, she was already taking out a large open bag. "I only have one strawberry left though, do you want it?"

"No, you have it. I'll take this one." He didn't much like raspberry but he wasn't going to take the last strawberry from a girl he had prematurely decided had died, especially not since they were the girl's favourite. "Hm, suit yourself." Shizuo turned back around looking out of the window, the sweet on the corner of his desk. Behind him he could hear the sweet wrapper.

"Number twenty two, what have I said about eating in class? Number twenty four, put the book away or it will be confiscated and what are you wearing?" He could make out Karisawa's voice anywhere.

"You can't take my manga away." It was the teacher versus the otaku again.

Behind him Ayako coughed, then coughed again, breaking into a full blown choking fit. "Number twenty two, go get a drink." Shizuo turned around in his seat seeing that the happy girl looked pale, eyes wide, fingers clutching at her throat.

The coughing got a lot worse, the girl's lips turning red as she spewed blood over her desk. While he sat in shock, Walker gasped and one girl screamed. "I'll call an ambulance." The teacher was already rushing from the room. More blood came up getting over her hands and newly painted nails. Her eyes rolled back, the coughing stopping as her head hit the desk sending the bag of sweets scattering across the floor. Ayako Ikina didn't move.

Most of the class had left their desks standing at the far side of the room. It was Shinra that got up from the front, his fingers dipping in the crimson liquid to check her pulse. "She's dead." Screams rebounded from the walls, three students running from the room.

"That's the third one."

"It doesn't look like suicide this time."

"We're all going to die, I don't wanna die."

"Shizuo-kun, what's happening?" Chiyoko looked terrified. Shaking his head he moved away from his own desk, taking her hand.

"How do you feel?" Class had once again been dismissed for the police to do their part. Shizuo was currently staring up emptily at the ceiling, listening to his therapist.

"Another girl died today. She died after eating a sweet. I should have accepted it, I should have eaten the last strawberry one."

Namie was jotting things down. "You think she died after eating a sweet? The police haven't finished their report have they?" Shizuo closed his eyes listening to the whirring of the fan.

"I don't know, they don't tell us anything. This one wasn't a suicide though, was it?" The raven smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry, I can't answer that. How did you sleep last night?"

The teen laughed bitterly. "I didn't, not properly anyway. I smashed the computer yesterday. I keep hearing his laughter in my head."

"And the messages you saw?" His therapist was tapping the pen against the pad.

"I saw them again, it was why I smashed the computer."

"I see. Do you have any other electronic devices? The computer screen was the outlet for your stress. Maybe now the messages will stop. I want you to go straight home and rest. I have some sleeping pills if you need them. You don't need to make an appointment from now on. Your school asked me to stand in as a counsellor." Shizuo nodded remaining where he was. When he finally left it was with the pills.

He didn't have much of an appetite, so he skipped dinner and got ready for bed. There was no sign of a computer anywhere in his room. Maybe his therapist was right, there was no way for any messages to appear, no way for Izaya to get to him. Even so, he played with the two pills in his hand, holding a glass of water. Without hesitation he downed them, placing the glass down and climbing into bed. He was out within minutes.

The next morning was the worst. Everyone in the school now knew about their class. The cursed classroom as it was now newly named. One of his classmates was crying as her friends from another class walked away. Every single one of them was miserable as they entered the class. Desk twenty two had been removed and replaced, no sign of the little doodles drawn in with a nail file.

"What a bitch. Just because someone died she doesn't want to be friends?" Three of his classmates were tying to calm the crying girl.

"You saw the way they looked at us." Bonds of friendship were being cut, isolating their class from the rest of the school.

His friends didn't look bothered since they didn't hang out with any of the other classes. Chiyoko though had lost a friend, along with everyone else. Shizuo sighed, his fist clenched looking at the clouds, they were grey and murky. A storm was coming. Typical, he didn't have an umbrella.

He was still looking out of the window when the door opened and the teacher came in. "Good morning, class." No one replied, everyone was falling into despair. "I know we have lost three classmates, Ayako Ikina was pronounced dead at the scene yesterday. The police haven't yet confirmed the cause of death."

"I know it has been a shock for all of you, but I need you to focus. Today, I want you to welcome a transfer student to our class. Why don't you introduce yourself?" Shizuo glanced back to the front, his blood turning to ice in his veins. Standing by the desk in their school's uniform was a girl with short shoulder length raven hair and crimson eyes.

That sharp gaze went over the room landing on him. He could feel it. The new student smiled. "I'm Kanra Orihara, I hope we can all have fun together. Sensei, I can choose where I want to sit?" Apart from desk sixteen the only two vacant seats were beside him or behind him. "I'll sit there." His fists clenched, eyes wide as she bounded down the aisle towards the desk.

"Okay, You can sit next to Shizuo Heiwajima."

The chair scraped back as Tomoyuki's desk became occupied. His heart raced, confused eyes falling to the raven. The girl looked back at him with a smirk. "What's wrong, Shizu-chan? You look like you've seen a ghost. Let have fun shall we, ne?"


	5. Mister unpopular

**Mister unpopular**

Shizuo blinked in shock. Surely his mind was playing tricks on him again. Why else would he be envisioning the damn flea in a dress? Pinching himself hard he found that no there was a new student in the classroom. The volcano that was his temper erupted, chair scraping back.

Someone across the room screamed. His fingers were wrapped around the girl's neck, her feet hovering in the air. "Number seventeen! Put her down!" His fingers squeezed mocking crimson eyes staring at him. If he could stop the deaths from happening, then just this once he would unleash what he feared.

Sharp nails clawed at his hand, the girl's face changing colour. He wouldn't be fooled for a second. The sick flea really had escaped. "You won't hurt anyone else." His voice was low, speaking through gritted teeth.

"Shizuo. Drop her."

The haze that filled his mind slowly faded, turning his head he met Kadota's steady gaze. "Calm down." A perfectly still hand covered his, coaxing his fingers to loosen. Taking a deep breath he let go. The girl fell to the floor landing on her knees, one hand clutching at her throat as she coughed. Kadota stepped back, allowing him to see his classmate's reactions.

Every single one of them were staring at him wide eyed showing a mixture of fear and disgust. Everything was breaking thanks to that bastard. Shizuo cursed clenching his fist. Why wouldn't they stop staring at him like that? He wasn't a monster. The teacher looked pissed. His girlfriend was refusing to look at him, her shoulders trembling.

"Shizuo Heiwajima! Out side now. You can stay there until class finishes." Why? All he wanted to do was stop Izaya from hurting anyone else. Why were they staring at him accusingly? Sliding the door open, the teen took a step outside slamming it shut. Glancing back through the small window he could see his classmates getting out of their seats to help the supposed victim. Crimson eyes flicked up to meet his, a smirk on that unforgettable face.

Standing outside the classroom, his head rested against the wall. From inside he could hear faint voices. His fist slammed into the wall, wincing as the plaster cracked. Brushing the dust from his knuckles, Shizuo trudged away from the classroom, heading up to the roof.

Things had been going so well. But now no one in the school wanted anything to do with their class and it looked like he had become the most hated person. Throwing open the door, it bounced back against the wall, hinges loosening. Slumping against the wall, the teen gazed at the gap in the fence that blocked anyone from falling from the roof.

But it hadn't saved Tomoyuki. Digging into his pockets Shizuo pulled out the remaining lollipops, the pink wrappers gleaming up at him, the small pictures of strawberries making him feel sick. "Fuck!" Hurling the lollipops away, he watched them sail over the fence. After Ayako strawberry had gone from being his favourite flavour to one he hated. Just the taste made him feel sick to his stomach.

A cloud of smoke made him realise that he wasn't alone on the roof. Someone else had skipped class. Oh well it was none of his business. "Shit man. We thought you were a teacher." Just his luck a group of three delinquents came from around the corner. "Check it out, Shizuo Heiwajima." Even worse he knew the idiots from middle school. "Your nature finally caught up with you?"

"Here. Take one." Shizuo caught a rectangle package as it was thrown at him. The box was open. "They might calm you down." Sliding one from the box, he held in between his fingers. "You'll need a light." A small flame flicked as he placed one end in his mouth. "Fuck."

Breaking into a coughing fit the three delinquents laughed. "You'll get used to it. What do you think?" Tilting his head back, Shizuo exhaled watching the smoke. It did calm him.

"Yeah. Its good." It tasted disgusting but something told him he wouldn't stop.

"Great. Have the pack. You're in the cursed class aren't you? Must be creepy."

Shizuo said nothing concentrating on his cigarette. "You know you can hang around with us if you want. We can fight just like old times." He didn't remember any of their names, only that he had been sent to the hospital a few times with them.

"You guys shouldn't get involved with me." Not when Izaya would be watching his every move from now on.

"Pfft. Please we know your strength. You broke three of my ribs. Remember?" Yeah, he remembered. The dumb trio that never listened, always provoking those stronger than them. "I doubt you remember our names. I'm Tetsuhiko Motoori." Ah that was right, talking non stop and bragging about everything. Apart from the gelled back hair and three ear piercings there was no difference from the kid he knew.

"And this is Iwao Ijiri and his cousin Sugita." Shizuo glanced at the short raven with a tied back ponytail. The other one didn't seem to be interested too busy reading a magazine. It wouldn't be a good idea to get anyone else caught up in the current mess. There was enough people on his list to protect as it was.

The bell rang loud and clear signalling the start of the next class. Shizuo remained where he was sitting against the wall another cigarette held between his fingers. The three delinquents had already left, whether it was to go to class or go home he didn't know. Looking up he watched as the clouds slowly passed overhead.

The teen didn't move as the door opened. "I thought I'd find you here." Of course it was Kadota. "Since when do you smoke?" His friend sat down beside him.

"A little while ago. Its calming." Right now he wasn't in the mood for company. Why didn't everyone leave him alone?

"You have detention after school. The teacher was pissed that you weren't there. The new girl, why did you hurt her?" Shizuo laughed bitterly. So that's how it was. He was the monster and Izaya was the poor victim. "You know her, don't you?"

"...Yeah. That isn't a girl." Kadota raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. "You can say it. Everyone is afraid of me now, right?"

"Sorry Shizuo. I know you did everything to keep your strength in check. Maybe it will all blow over." But he knew it wouldn't. No one in his class would talk to him from now on and even if they did it would be with disgust or indifference.

"Doesn't matter. Kadota be careful, I don't want to lose any of our group." That would hurt him the worst and truthfully he didn't know how he would react.

"This is getting to you, isn't it? The deaths in our class." That was because they were his fault. Their blood was on his hands. Now that Izaya had actually dared to show his face he knew that he wasn't going mad. If it hadn't been Kasuka he had chose as his last victim... Shizuo closed his eyes wondering whether or not his classmates would still be alive.

"Maybe you should take a break. You could go on a date with Chiyoko. How far have you two actually got?" A dark blush covered his cheeks.

"...We've held...hands." His friend laughed shaking his head.

"Who knew you were shy?" That steady gaze met his own. "Shizuo. Don't push those you care about away. We were in the same middle school. I know your habits."

The two of them skipped class, going to the next one. It was no surprise that the class fell silent when he walked in. Making his way back the desk, Kadota went back to his right in the corner. Taking a seat he could feel his stomach turn. A hand rested on his arm making him flinch. Mocking crimson were staring at him.

Shizuo recoiled from the touch smacking the offending hand away. "Shizu-chan, I wanted to say I forgive you for earlier. If I said something to upset you..." Everyone was staring at the two of them, he could feel their gazes.

"You...no nothing." Turning away he directed his gaze out of the window, shifting his chair a little further away.

Goosebumps ran along his skin knowing the flea was right next to him. It was a good thing Kasuka had skipped school to go to his audition. His brother was doing well at the moment, there was no need to jeopardise that. This was his problem. From the moment Izaya had made Kasuka a victim it had always been his problem.

But wasn't it a good thing that Izaya had shown himself? The serial killer was in sight, there would be no more killings. Like this he could keep a close eye on him. Clenching his fist he could feel those eyes on him again. Watching, observing, plotting. If that was the way the flea wanted to play it...he would rip that facade away showing everyone who the real monster was in the classroom.

From now on there would be no more deaths. With Izaya in clear view, he would protect everyone he cared about. Turning around he met those sharp crimson eyes with a small smile. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. If he had to pretend to be ignorant then that's what he would do...For everyone's sake.

The bell rang for lunch, breaking him out of his thoughts. "Orihara-chan so you want to come with us?" The girl bit her lip. With a sigh Shizuo spoke up.

"You can have lunch with us if you want? I wanted to a-apologize for ear-lier." His stomach turned in disgust, his tongue sore where he had bitten it forcing the words from his mouth.

"Then I'm having lunch with, Shizu-chan."

The usual group made their way to the roof. He made sure he was the last one up watching the raven's every movement. Sitting in their usual seat, Shizuo made sure he was sitting directly opposite Kanra, next to Chiyoko. Not once did his eyes leave her. Unfortunately Kadota and Karisawa were on either side and the most in danger if the raven had a knife.

"I'm happy. I thought Shizu-chan hated me. You're quite strong aren't you?" Taking a bite of his sandwich he used it as an excuse so he didn't have to talk. Chewing slowly he didn't like the way the rest of the group was getting attached. "With strength like that, do you think you can protect everyone?"

His jaw froze mid chew. Was she trying to provoke him?

"Shizu-Shizu can protect everyone just fine." Shizuo blinked his gaze sliding momentarily to Karisawa who looked oddly serious.

"Is that so?" Crimson eyes twinkled. "Then would you protect me too, Shizu-chan? I heard some scary rumours in class."

How could Izaya ask something like that? He would rather throttle the damn flea than help. "I-" A hand rested on his making his face heat up. It was unlike Chiyoko to be so forward. "Orihara-chan, you should ask one of the other guys in class. Most of them showed an interest in you." Shinra whistled from where he was sitting.

Shizuo blinked as his hand was squeezed, his girlfriend shuffling closer. Kadota was mouthing something at him but he couldn't lip read. "Eh? You two look pretty close. Is she your girlfriend Shizu-chan?"Oh no.

"Yep. Shizu-Shizu and Chi-Chi are so cute together." His hand squeezed tighter wishing the otaku would shut the hell up.

"Shizuo-kun, that hurts." Quickly he released his grip.

"I see, you have such an adorable human at your side." This was bad. This was very bad. Chiyoko was now the one most in danger, he could feel it. Karisawa squealed taking Kanra's hand.

"So Kan-Kan what are your hobbies? Do you like manga?" The questions went on and on but at least for the moment he could get his thoughts together.

"Shizuo-kun, I'm going back to class." Chiyoko stood quickly leaving through the door. Shinra made a loud noise shaking his head. Kadota was the same.

"Shizuo, go after her. She wants you to follow." Shrugging his shoulders in confusion, the teen stood giving Kanra a warning glare. It was returned with a sickly sweet smile.

"See you later, Shizu-chan."

Chiyoko was sitting at the bottom of the stairs. "Chiyoko? Weren't you going back to class?" His girlfriend looked at him as if she was going to cry.

"Shizuo-kun...How do you actually feel about me?" Why was she bringing it up? "I don't understand you. Since Tomoyuki-san died you've been acting strangely." Shizuo sighed unable to bring himself to say the words.

"And then there's that new girl. Have you met her before? You were staring at her in class and then at lunch too. Do you like her?" Chiyoko lowered her head not looking at him. He really was an idiot.

"...I thought I knew her. I was wrong." Better a lie than to tell the truth. "Chiyoko, you are one of the most important people to me. I was um thinking. Do you want to go on...a date?" Shit. Why was this so hard?

Stupidly he had made his girlfriend feel insecure and worried. "Chiyoko, look at me." Now he could see the tear tracks, wiping his thumb gently across her cheek, the two of them stared into each other's eyes. "Right now I can't tell you." Moving down Shizuo brushed along the soft lower lip.

"Shizuo-kun?"

Closing the distance between them, his lips replaced his thumb. Chiyoko's lips were incredibly soft. So this was how kissing was. It was only for a few seconds, the teen backing away. "Um..." Both of them flushed. He had just had his first kiss. The girl brought her fingers to her lips smiling. A smile he returned with one of his own.

His face dropped, realising they were being watched. His gaze lifted meeting their observer. There at the top of the stairs watching them with a smirk was Kanra. "Chiyoko, I'll protect you no matter what. Okay?" Chiyoko smiled taking his hand, the two of them walking back towards the classroom.


	6. Outside the class

**Outside the class**

His classmates still fell into hushed whispers as he entered the classroom. Letting go of his girlfriend's hand, Shizuo took a seat.

"He's a monster, right? I mean you saw what he did to the poor girl." Gritting his teeth his gaze went to the dreamlike clouds passing overhead.

"Shh! He might hear us." He could hear every word. Chiyoko was facing the front completely silent. His face flushed remembering what he had done only a few minutes ago. The two of them had finally shared their first kiss. Funny how it took a serial killer to make him act on his feelings.

But what now? He had proposed to go on a date. What did normal people do on dates? Chiyoko was the first person he was interested in. Maybe Kadota could help out. Taking any advice about relationships would ruin any chances he had of making things work. It would need to be somewhere where Izaya couldn't reach them.

Chiyoko had nestled in his heart becoming one of the most important people to him. Someone that accepted him for who he was and hadn't yet run away from him because of the deaths of his classmates and his attitude towards Kanra. When had it changed so that he was unable to look away?

"How long do you think until she leaves him?" His fingers clenched. They were right and it was like a stabbing pain to his chest. They were still just kids, anything could happen.

"Maybe by the end of today?" Did they really think they couldn't hear him. "You saw how he's been looking at the new girl."

Shizuo growled his fist slamming against the desk. "Shut the fuck up!" In three steps he had the boy pinned to the wall by the collar of his shirt. Once again he had snapped. Even though he hated violence, even though he didn't want to hurt anyone. The teen was staring wide eyed at him. It was one of the more mouthy ones.

He didn't bother to remember their names. Two girls and three guys grouped together taking the piss out of anything and everything. It was surprising that Izaya hadn't got rid of them first. "Fuck!" Gasping sharply his grip loosened. There was no way he just thought that. A hand rested on his arm. At first he thought Kadota had intervened again. Except that the hand acting as an anchor was trembling.

"Shizuo-kun. You never said where you want to go on our date."

Shizuo didn't want to leave his girlfriend alone. Surely Izaya wouldn't try anything. The bell rang the rest of his class filing in. Walking past them he ignored the few biting comments. Shaking his head he made his way through the corridors until reaching an unfamiliar door.

Knocking twice he waited until he was given the okay. She might not have even started yet. "Come in." Grabbing the handle he pushed open the door. There sitting at the desk was his raven haired therapist wearing the same white coat and green jumper. "Shizuo. Come in. Close the door." Doing as he was told the teen glanced around.

The school's counsellor room was nothing like the one he went to on a weekly basis. It looked like a large desk and sofa had been placed into an empty classroom. It didn't settle his nerves at all. "Sorry about the state, I'm getting the room refurbished if they expect me to work here. Take a seat."

With a sigh he sat down on the plastic chair. "Did the sleeping pills help?" Clasping his hands the teen nodded. Like this it felt like he was being interrogated.

"Yeah. I slept...fine." Nothing was written down.

"That's good. I'm glad things are settling down." But they weren't. If anything he now stood in the eye of the storm unable to do anything except to watch Izaya's next move. "Shizuo? Is something bothering you?"

Closing his eyes he tried to calm the rage inside him. "You said the flea was locked away. Did you lie to me?" Namie raised an eyebrow.

"Its not my job to lie to you, Shizuo. My job is to listen. I showed you the live feed into Izaya's room." Shizuo grit his teeth. She was lying to him. No. Maybe not. Maybe Izaya had fooled everyone somehow.

"...It doesn't matter. The damn flea transferred into our class." One eyebrow raised.

"Are you sure its him? I don't think even he would risk it. That is if he was free." His therapist wouldn't be much help.

"Its him. He's transferred as a girl called Kanra Orihara." Dark eyes blinked.

"Shizuo. I stand by what I said before. Stress-"

The chair cracked as his fist clenched. "I know what he is. I've seen what a nut job he is. Dressing up as a chick wouldn't be a problem for him." Namie only shook her head. It was obvious she didn't believe him.

"I have access to the school records. I can assure you that Kanra is a girl. Unless you have some sort of proof, I can't do anything." With a growl the chair was hurled across the room, Shizuo storming from the room slamming the door. If she wanted proof then that's what he would give her.

After the last bell he knew he needed to stay for detention. "See you tomorrow, Shizuo-kun." His classmates left him behind.

"See you later, Shizu-chan." His other friends waved joining the rest as they either went to their clubs or went home. Now he was left alone to sit in an empty classroom. A shudder ran down his spine knowing this is what it would be like if he let Izaya carry on.

The damn teacher hadn't even arrived yet. Resting his head on the desk the teen let his eyes slip shut. Behind his eyelids it wasn't a pretty sight. Crimson chaos remained in his mind, making his eyes snap open. Sleeping without the pills was a bad idea. Only five minutes had passed. If the teacher took any longer then he would leave.

As it was outside the classroom he had no way to protect his friends or girlfriend. At this very moment they were probably walking home together unaware of what the bastard in a skirt was capable of. Throwing his chair back in frustration he knew he shouldn't have stayed behind. The closer Kanra got the more danger his friends would be in.

Desk nineteen shattered as it smashed into the blackboard. Maybe if he hurried he could catch up. Leaving the classroom Shizuo hurried along the empty corridor. "Aghhhhh!" A loud scream sounded. Changing direction he followed after the loud noise. His feet stopped outside the staff room. Another teacher was screaming fumbling for the phone to no doubt call for help. Laying on the floor was his teacher, his left eye horribly mutilated and bleeding out. He hadn't been paying attention and this is what happened.

The ambulance didn't take long to arrive. The other teacher had fainted, so it was he who had made the call. Again it was too late. "He's still alive. We need to get him to the hospital." Shizuo blinked in shock. His teacher was still alive? How could that be? The others had died straight away. Had Izaya messed up or was this another damn message? Nothing made sense. So far those in his class that had died had been close to him but not in his inner circle. The flea was teetering around the edge of that circle.

He knew at any moment the serial killer could strike. Maybe at that time he would lose someone close to him. No. He wouldn't let that happen. "Hey kid. Are you coming?" Shizuo wasn't really sure what made him climb in the back of the ambulance, next to his teacher. Maybe it was to make sure the flea didn't come back to finish the job. Either way Izaya had screwed up and left someone alive.

When the teacher regained consciousness, he could explain to the police that it was Izaya who had attacked him. Shizuo had learnt long ago that adults didn't listen to children's stories. They would however listen to another adult. "Stay alive, Sensei." If Namie wanted proof then this was it.

Shizuo stood outside the hospital cigarette in hand, the entrance light illuminating him. A shiver ran down his spine and it wasn't because of the cold. There was that feeling again. He was being watched. "Try it, flea. You aren't getting near him." Leaning against the wall the teen exhaled watching the smoke rise.

The sound of tyres crunched against the asphalt headlights blinding him. Shit! Quickly stubbing the cigarette, Shizuo walked towards the car. Kasuka was sitting in the back giving him the usual blank stare of concern. "You should have called me sooner. You know I don't like you after dark." With a sigh he climbed into his seat strapping the seatbelt across.

"Sorry. I had detention. I thought I'd be home sooner." Pushing the small mirror up he didn't want to see his reflection. His father sighed.

"I thought this would happen. With Kasuka passing the audition and the accidents happening in your class... I've brought you each a phone. From now on I want you to contact me frequently. No excuses from either of you."

Shizuo smiled not arguing. This was his father's way to help protect them. "Oh and I replaced the computer." That meant more messages from Izaya. Oddly enough the thought of seeing those grinning cat faces no longer phased him. What was a few words compared to sitting right next to the damn serial killer?

Slowly the car was reversed back out of the hospital parking lot. His teacher was still alive and stable. Apart from one ruined eye the doctors believed he would make a full recovery. For him that was enough. It wasn't long until the raven's true colours were revealed. "...Wait! Kasuka you passed your audition? Congratulations."

While their father listened to the radio down low while driving. Shizuo turned his head to look at his younger brother. "Thanks nii-san. I'm going to become an actor." It was something he had never seen coming but never had he been prouder. At least his brother had his future in motion. Where as he didn't know if he would live to see the end of the month.

"There is just one thing. I have to go to a training school. It means I won't be going to school with you any more. Sorry nii-san." Shizuo let the words sink in. "Nii-san, why are you smiling?" With Kasuka going to a new school he would no longer be within Izaya's reach. It meant one less person to worry about. It looked like the flea had selected their battlefield. Outside the classroom everyone else should be safe.

Kasuka's news cheered him up greatly. Now he could focus his sole energy protecting Chiyoko. "Son, you know your teacher will be fine." Shizuo nodded finishing his dinner. Nothing on the news. For now it looked like his teacher was the latest casualty.

"Yeah, I know. That's what the nurses told me. I'm gonna go to my room." His father rested a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't break this one."

The new computer sat in the same place as the old one. The screen was a lot slimmer than the old one. Taking a seat, Shizuo pressed the button in booting it up. On his bed was a box with a picture of a phone. His first phone. Tearing open the box he left the manual alone, holding the sleek model in the palm of his hand.

"I've already set yours up. I know how you hate learning to use anything electronic." Kasuka stood in the door way holding his phone up. "Nii-san. Why don't you audition too? I'm sure you'll get in." The door closed his little brother joining him on the bed. "I'm worried. Its only your class that are dying. I don't think its a coincidence. You can come with me. We could go to the same school."

Running his thumb over the back of his phone, Shizuo reached over ruffling dark locks. If only things could be so easy. If only he could just walk away and follow the same path as his brother. "I'm sorry, Kasuka. I can't. I can't leave them behind."

"But nii-san-" Kasuka was sitting with his back to the computer so he didn't see the cursor move by itself.

"Besides, I don't think I'll be a very good actor. My temper will probably get in the way." On the screen a blank page opened. A row of smiley faces showing up. Then there was a large cat popping up. _SHIZU-CHAN SHIZU-CHAN SHIZU-CHAN. Nice try. I'm the winner of this game. _Again the bastard was playing with him.

"What are you talking about? You could do it."

_I'm watching you. You can never escape. _Shizuo grit his teeth. "Kasuka. I don't want to leave them alone in that class." More smiley faces appeared each in bright red. _You know you should give up on that nasty habit you've picked up. SMOKING KILLS. _A gasp left his throat. So he really was being watched. Looking up the screen had gone blank.

Was it supposed to be some sort of threat? What was Izaya going to do? Try and choke him with them? "Oh, nii-san. Your phone it looks a bit plain. Maybe you should go and buy a phone charm after school tomorrow. It looks like Chiyoko would have better taste than you." Shizuo caught the sly smile before it was gone. "Good night, nii-san." Placing the box down, Shizuo laid back on the bed. "Yeah. Good night Kasuka. Thanks."

Removing his cigarettes from his pocket, Shizuo tossed them in the air catching them. His new addiction to help calm his temper. If it worked who cared if it slowly killed him. Unless that's not what the flea meant. As if a light bulb went off above his head, his body froze, the packet dropping on his nose.

Unless it wasn't about him. But the three delinquents weren't in his class. They were separate, uninvolved. The screen lit up again glowing in the dark. _Did you figure it out, protozoan? _Shizuo grit his teeth. "They aren't in our class." A smiley face popped up. _But you're too late. Three bad influences all gone. _Shizuo closed his eyes not watching the sing song music notes filling up the page. It wasn't just his class. It was anyone that got close to him. Wherever he went he knew Izaya would follow. "I won't forgive you for this!" His fits clenched holding back from wrecking the new computer. A smiley face appeared on the screen. _So Shizu-chan, want to take a guess at who's next? _Shizuo growled the screen going blank again. "Izaya! I'm going to rip you apart!"


	7. Expect the unexpected

**Expect the unexpected**

It took everything he had to keep from smashing the computer along with everything in his room. To go downstairs and turn on the news would be the logical thing to do. But why would the flea lie? It would only serve to set the volcano off inside him. For now he needed to stay calm. His family couldn't know what was going on.

They wouldn't believe him. Everyone knew he was seeing a therapist. Just like Namie believed he was under a lot of stress, so too would his parents. No adults would believe him. Somehow Izaya had tricked everyone, slipping underneath the radar.

The computer screen remained blank, it looked like even psychos needed their beauty sleep. After all the cross dresser needed to wake up on time for school. Shizuo didn't sleep. In his hand was the packet of cigarettes he had been given. There were four left in what looked like a twenty pack, the green translucent lighter half full.

He had warned them. He had told the three delinquents to stay away. It shouldn't have happened. None of them were in the so called cursed class. If he had known maybe he would have tried harder. It wasn't that hard to scare people away. Usually when someone saw his strength they scampered away calling him a monster.

Closing his eyes he could feel the black hole inside him. It was always there, carefully hidden from those he cared about. An emptiness inside his heart that no one truly understood him, that no one really accepted him. "Shut up!" Shizuo whispered harshly his hands covering his ears as blunt nails dug into the side of his head.

This was what Izaya was doing to him. Making him feel like he was losing his sanity, breaking the locks that kept the monster caged one by one. Wouldn't it be better to give him what he wanted? To isolate himself and cut all ties? But if he was wrong then didn't that leave his friends in danger? His new phone sat harmlessly on the bed. Too bad his contact list was empty except for Kasuka and his parent's numbers.

Even if he wanted advice, someone to talk to there was only his therapist and she probably had him down as stark raving bonkers. No different from the nutter that was supposed to be secured in a white padded room in a strait jacket. In his other hand was the box of sleeping pills. Should he use them? It was the only way he would get any sleep.

Shizuo jumped caught of guard, listening to the rustling outside. Uncurling his legs from his chest, the teen slowly got up from the bed, one eye on the harmless looking screen that could come to life at any time. Yet the best thing to do would be to shut it down, cutting his connection with the flea. Making his way to his window, Shizuo clenched his fist, one hand pulling the curtain back showing the bedroom window.

The blond relaxed seeing that a branch had been caught scraping against the glass. What was he expecting? Izaya to jump out, crimson eyes of madness gleaming at him? Taking a step back he let the curtain fall back. Shizuo froze, head snapping around, hearing the rapping at the door.

Looking around for something to defend himself, Shizuo kept his widened eyes on the door. "Nii-san, are you still awake?" It was only Kasuka. The teen was panting, hand combing his hair back. Was the flea happy making him suffer? Probably he was a sick bastard.

"Nii-san? Everything okay?" Those blank eyes fixed on him searching for the truth. Forcing a smile, Shizuo returned to his bed.

"Hm? Yeah, I'm fine. Thought I heard something. Did you need something?" His little brother sighed.

"Do you mind if I sleep with you tonight?" Coffee eyes widened. Stupid. How could he forget?

"You know you can. Can you shut the computer down?"

Quickly hiding the cigarettes away, Shizuo placed his new phone on the bedside table, next to the broken alarm clock that hadn't worked in four months. Normally something like that would be replaced except that it was a limited edition clock he had received from Karisawa. Kadota knew that it was broken and had made him swear not to tell the otaku. So there it sat the clock face broken looking pretty on his table.

"You take these?" Damn he hadn't been quick enough. In his hand Kasuka held his sleeping pills.

"Yeah, my therapist gave them to me." His little brother said nothing handing the box back. Holding back the covers, the teen slipped underneath the covers shifting over so Kasuka could climb in. How could he forget his original duty? His job was to protect his little brother.

"Are you still having nightmares?" Kasuka gave a small barely noticeable nod.

"Yeah, I think they'll always be there. Thanks for being here with me, nii-san." Shizuo closed his eyes feeling the comforting warmth. It wasn't just Kasuka that needed him. He needed Kasuka. The two of them were the only ones except the adults that knew what had happened.

"Goodnight, nii-san."

"Goodnight, Kasuka." Whether it was exhaustion or the fact that he wasn't alone, the teen was out like a light within minutes.

The next morning Shizuo blinked awake, a leg over his stomach and an arm over his face. The computer screen remained ominously quiet. The sunlight shone through his window showing that it was going to be a nice day. "Oi, Kasuka. Time to get up." No, his brother no longer would go to his school. Using a touch of his strength, Shizuo slid from the bed, heading for the bathroom.

"Shizuo honey, I've made you breakfast." Scrubbing his wet hair dry, Shizuo made his way downstairs. His stomach dropped seeing the thick layer of strawberry jam on top of two slices of toast. "What's wrong?" Shaking his head, the teen picked up a slice taking a bite.

"Nothing. I'm going to go to school." Quickly scoffing the toast he knew he would be sick.

"Oh, okay. Well have a good day. Have you got your phone?" With a nod of his head and a kiss on his cheek he was gone.

"Morning, Shizuo." If someone was waiting for him he would have expected Chiyoko. Instead it was Kadota running a hand through his hair looking like he hadn't slept a wink.

"Morning." The two of them walked together. Kadota was the sensible one in the group that watched over them.

His friend was completely silent, staring at his feet. Something was wrong. Did Kadota know about Kanra's secret? "Shizuo, we won't have our usual teacher today. Shizuo blinked staring at his friend.

"You saw it then?" Maybe there was one person he could confide in.

"...No, I didn't see it. But I know what happened. You went to the hospital with him?" How did he know that?

"Yeah, I was supposed to stay for detention." His fingers twitched his new bad habit becoming known as a cigarette was slid from pack and placed between his lips.

"Shizuo, you know those are bad for you." The teen shrugged lighting up. He had already lost his favourite flavour. He wasn't going to let go of his new addiction.

"Yeah, probably." Kadota only shook his head looking disappointed.

"The police are probably going to interfere this time. There was no way this one will be counted as self harm." Shizuo paused.

"Kadota, We haven't reached school yet. How do you know what's going on?" Kadota sighed lapsing into silence.

Chiyoko was waiting at the gate for him, a small pink flower in her hair. "Good morning, Shizuo-kun." Her smile was contagious.

"Morning Chiyoko." Giving her a quick glance over he could see that there was no damage, not so much as a scratch on that beautiful face. "My dad brought me a phone." Reaching into his pocket the teen pulled out the new device holding it up. "I was thinking...Maybe after school do you want to come shopping with me?"

His girlfriend smiled, cheeks turning a dark red. "For a mobile charm? I should get one too." Chiyoko held up a pink mobile, an old charm barely hanging on. "We can go together. If you want... I mean-"

"Then you can come with-" Both of them paused waiting for the other to finish. Dark eyes blinked the two of them in an awkward silence. His heart was beating wildly in his chest.

"Good morning, Shizu-chan." It was as if an ice cold bucket of water had been tipped over his head. His mood turned sour in an instant.

"Good morning, Kanra." Since when did the two of them become so friendly? Damn it, it made his job harder.

"Good morning, Chi-chan. Oh, you got a phone Shizu-chan?" The sleek model was stolen from his girlfriend's hand. "Let me add my number." Great now Izaya had two ways to contact him.

Shizuo trudged to his desk, the two girls followed behind him talking like best friends. Kadota was already in the classroom, head resting on his desk. Taking a seat he waited for what was left of the rest of his class. The door slid open, the principal walking in face dark. Next to him was a police officer. Next to him Kanra leaned forward eyes twinkling. Shouldn't she be afraid of the cops?

"I'm not sure if you are aware but your teacher Atshushi-sensei was attacked after school ended yesterday." A shocked collective gasp went around the room. "Officer Nagatsuka would like to speak to each one of you individually. In the meantime class today will be self study." Shizuo knew that everyone would turn to look at him.

"Its obvious who did it. Shizuo was the last one to leave." It was the same damn idiot from before.

"Yeah, I'll tell the police. It looks like the monster couldn't control his temper." Shizuo grit his teeth, the desk screaming as he gripped the wood.

"Hey, Shizu-chan I think they're talking about you." Crimson eyes gleamed, one slim hand resting under her chin.

Glancing around the room as a distraction he noticed desk twenty four was empty. Closing his eyes Shizuo breathed deeply. It was Karisawa's desk. Glancing along he could see Walker was staring into space and Kadota still had his head on the desk. It couldn't be... Turning back and glaring at Kanra he could only hope that the class otaku was off sick.

It wasn't long until the door slid open again. "Shizuo Heiwajima." It was his turn. There were still students before him that hadn't been seen. He alone had been singled out.

"See. Even the police think he's guilty." Clenching his fists, the teen shoved them in his pocket following after the man in uniform.

"Take a seat." Shizuo had been led into an empty classroom, the occupants currently outside running laps on the field. Pulling the chair back he noticed that the leg seemed to wobble, his gaze falling to the etched out words. "You had detention yesterday?" Just like that his classmates had thrown him forward as a scapegoat., when the real killer was sitting in the classroom plotting their next move.

"Yeah. I got called back for detention. Our teacher never showed up so I was going to go home. When I left, there was a scream, I followed it to the staff room where he was laying on the floor." The officer nodded setting his radio on the desk.

"That fits with the statement given. You then climbed into the back of the ambulance?" Shizuo nodded.

"Yeah, I went to the hospital with him and then my dad came to pick me up."

"Do any of your classmates hold any grudges or were angry enough to do something like this? Your teacher's eye was almost gouged out. There was a trace of ink, as if someone drew on the eyeball." With a sigh he shook his head.

"Not that I know of." Everyone hated him instead.

"Okay, you can go."

Instead of going back to class, Shizuo took his time making his way onto the roof. It wasn't like anyone could bother him. There was no way to know if the three delinquents were gone. None of the other classes would open the door to them. Leaning against the fence, his fingers slipped into the links, a cigarette in his other hand.

"I thought you'd come up here. Did they think it was you?" Kadota sighed joining him.

"Yeah, it looks like everyone hates me. I have to be the most unpopular teen in the entire school." His friend nodded looking unsteady. The cracks were showing with everyone involved.

"Yeah, looks like it. You got a phone? About time?" Handing it over he let his friend add in his number.

"Kadota. I can trust you with anything, right?" Worst case scenario he lost his best friend.

"Sounds serious." Shizuo smiled bitterly.

"Well you might think I'm completely mental." A hand rested on his shoulder.

"You can tell me anything you know that." Taking a drag of the small white stick, Shizuo exhaled.

"Say that after I finish. Two years ago when it was Kasuka's birthday..."

Shizuo finished looking up at his friend. "Well? Do you think I've lost I?." Kadota took a step back running a hand through his hair eyes wide.

"...Wow. I had no idea. And you think this Izaya has infiltrated our class as Kanra?" The blond sighed. Having someone else say it it did sound ridiculous.

"You don't believe me?"

"Its not that. I believe you. Don't take this the wrong way but you don't exactly have it in you to make up such an elaborate story." Shizuo grinned punching Kadota softly on the arm.

"As long as I can protect everyone it should be fine. Our teacher is still alive." Once again Kadota looked downcast. "Kadota?"

"Shit. You told me your problem. I can't lie to you. Atshushi-sensei won't give you the proof you need." Somehow he knew where this was going. The police officer said their was traces of ink...It was just like a manga he had borrowed from the class otaku. Besides that the man had been left alive.

"Izaya didn't do it, did he?" Kadota wiped a hand over his face.

"No. Not this one. Karisawa came to me last night with blood over her uniform. You know she can be unstable when provoked."

"Fuck!" Shizuo clenched his fist feeling the links in the fence snap.

"That's one word for it. Shizuo, Karisawa is my responsibility. This is my problem not yours." The teen said nothing crushing the cigarette under his foot. "I'm asking you to turn a blind eye – ah! That wasn't the best choice of words. Please pretend you don't know anything. I'll keep her under control. If anything else happens, we'll leave school. Shizuo?"

Damn it. He hadn't expected someone else. "Shizuo? I'm sorry to ask you..." Shaking his head he looked at the small cuts littering his palm. What did he do? Karisawa was in their inner circle, a friend. A friend that had attacked someone and made them lose one of their eyes. It could've been a lot worse. Closing his eyes, Shizuo turned and walked away. "...Okay. I didn't see anything." Neither one of them smiled knowing what he had just done.


	8. Light in the darkness

**Light in the darkness**

Sliding open the classroom door, Shizuo was met with silence, all eyes fixed on him. Gritting his teeth the door slammed back. Right now he was in no mood to be singled out. Trudging to his desk, his blood boiled hearing the usual suspects start up. "Oh look the monster returns. He hasn't been arrested yet." Taking a deep breath his foot moved one foot in front of the other.

One. Breath in and out. Two. Breath in... "I feel sorry for his parents having to put up with him." Shizuo saw red an inhuman growl filling his ears. "Aggh!" One hand wrapped around the mouthy teen's throat, slamming him into the blackboard. Letting go he watched as the boy crumbled to the floor out cold. His head snapped around seeming the frightened gazes. "Anyone else?"

Not a single one of his classmates replied. Clenching his fist, Shizuo scraped his chair back against the floor, dropping down in his seat. Right now he wished that he had never seen Kadota on the roof. Maybe then he wouldn't have known.

Izaya Orihara was a serial killer who he hated with every fibre of his abnormal body. The psychotic teen played mind games and made his intended targets suffer. Erika Karisawa was his friend, a slightly unstable otaku who was one of the most generous people he had ever met. Damn it. What the hell had he agreed to? Any further and the teen might have become a killer.

The door opened but whether it was the police officer or Kadota he didn't bother to look. Right now his best friend had forced him into a dangerous position. He had become an accomplice. "Shizuo-kun, are you okay?" Chiyoko was turned around in her seat looking at him with wide concerned eyes. "Ah, yea- No not really." One smooth hand rested on his, stroking gently.

The happiest period of his life had become hell. His popularity had nose dived into oblivion. His friends had gone to hopefully a better place. Everyone looked at him as if he was a freak. The black hole inside was slowly stretching threatening to swallow him whole. Kadota never returned to class, which he found he didn't really care at that specific moment.

Saying yes or no, there was no difference. Being forced to make such a decision had rocked their friendship. "What's wrong, Shizu-chan?" Biting back a growl he met that sharp crimson gaze. Kanra was still prancing around in the girl's school uniform.

"Nothing." Shizuo flashed a false smile, slightly worried that he was becoming so good at lying. How would Izaya react to the fact he wasn't the only psycho around?

The police officer had taken all he needed and had left with the order to contact him if any of them knew anything different. There was no doubt that he would be called back again. By now the whole school had heard what had happened and had become fearful of everyone in the cursed class, though mainly him.

Shinra looked at them now and again, Shizuo knew that his friend and wannabe doctor probably suspected something was wrong. Their inner circle had cracked becoming fragile even without the flea's assistance. The teen knew he was drowning and there was no way out of the sinking black hole.

The end of the day was finally near, narrowed coffee eyes watching the clock while everyone else watched him. The thin hand seemed to slowly drag its self along to the next line. His hands clenched wanting to either run from the room or smash everything to bits.

Was the clock broken? Was Izaya controlling that just like he seemed to have access to everything else. Gritting his teeth, he could hear the blood rush in his ears, vision narrowed completely on the clock. Shizuo jumped as the bell rang loud catching him off guard.

Chairs scraped back nearly everyone running from the room. "Aren't you leaving? Shizu-chan." Crimson eyes gleamed. The only four left in the classroom were himself wanting to get out of there, Chiyoko who was silent, Kanra who looked like she was having great fun and Kadota who was leaning against the door frame staring at him, coming back to look for him.

The two of them stared at each other, he was the first to look away. "...See you later, Shizuo." The distance between them grew with each step Kadota took and with each step that he didn't.

"...Yeah, see you." Then it was three. Him, his girlfriend and a cross dressing serial killer.

"Shizuo-kun, are we going shopping?"

Kanra tried to follow keeping close as the third wheel. Shizuo glanced to his right where the girl was skipping beside them, hands behind her back. With each movement the knee high skirt rode up a little, his gaze dropping to the revealed flesh.

A hand squeezed his own and he knew he had been caught by Chiyoko. With a sigh, his mouth opened to explain, nothing coming out. What was he supposed to say? One crimson eyes winked. Shizuo grit his teeth. Damn it. His girlfriend was looking down at the floor. "Chiyoko, come on. We're going shopping."

Holding hands the pair walked quickly. Shizuo occasionally looked behind him to see if Kanra was following but at least for now it looked like they were safe. His grip released slightly, gently holding Chiyoko's hand. Only now was he beginning to feel relaxed, the tension from his body draining.

Chiyoko was becoming an irreplaceable girl to him. A light in the darkness, a helping hand to keep him out of the darkness that threatened to swallow him whole. Like Kadota had been, she was an anchor that kept him grounded yet sent his head up in the clouds every time. Holding hands had become easier and more natural.

"Shizuo-kun, I know this little shop that sells mobile charms." Shizuo smiled nervously. Even if it was such a simple errand it was still a date. A faint blush dusted Chiyoko's soft looking cheeks. She knew it too, how this was a new added step to their relationship. One by one they were walking together on the same path.

The shop itself wasn't one he would usually go into, looking like a cute girlie boutique. Everything was a bright colour, making his eyes hurt slightly. "Shizuo-kun, over here." Moving past the teddy bears he followed Chiyoko feeling anxious now that they had let go of each other's hand.

He was led to a small area with baskets full of sale charms and numerous metal hooks holding up the rest. Keeping a small distance he stood glancing over them, while his girlfriend crouched taking a closer look. "Shizuo-kun, why don't we get matching ones?" she sounded excited and happy. Another step in their relationship.

"Sure. You choose though." His phone vibrated in his pocket, making a sliver of dread run through him. It could be Izaya since the damn flea had his number now or it could be Kadota trying to drag him further in as an accomplice.

"How about this one?" Shizuo shook his head looking at the creepy looking doll. "We should decide together." That was how he ended up crouched next to her, taking a closer look. His eyes skimmed the multiple choices, gaze snapping back to a black grinning cat. The damn charm reminded him of the messages he was getting on the computer.

Reaching out, his fingers gently pinched the bottom of his chosen charm lifting it from its slot. It was a silver heart, one on a pink string the other on blue, both had love etched into them. "Chiyoko, how about these?" Dark eyes flicked up to meet his.

"...They're perfect. Um, I should get one for Kanra." Shizuo's smile dropped. He didn't like the way Kanra was getting too close.

"Chiyoko, you and – no never mind." His girlfriend looked happy and he didn't want to ruin that smile. "Lets get these then." It was a good thing he had been given his pocket money. Though he would be broke for the rest of the week. Maybe he should look for a part time job? That way he could spoil Chiyoko more.

She still wasn't finished, looking through the sale baskets. "What do you think of this one?" His breath hitched slightly at the tiny butler like charm. It was from a certain anime that Karisawa had acted out on. Guilt ate away at him making his mood drop. Gently plucking the red string, Shizuo added it to the ones he was going to buy.

"I think that's all." Dark eyes looked longingly past him, up at one of the large teddy bears they had walked past when they first entered the little store. Opening up his coin purse, the teen sighed knowing he would have no extra money for cakes. In three strides, the bear was in his hands.

Without a word he made his way to the checkout, Chiyoko stood at his side holding the end of his sleeve. As soon as the items had been paid for it was time to leave. "Here." His fingers trembled slightly as he handed the gift over.

"That's for me? Shizuo-kun, I – you -Thank you." Shizuo panicked slightly hearing the slight hitch in her breath.

"Shit! Did I upset you? I thought you wanted it?" Running a hand through his hair he looked around not sure what to do if she started crying.

"I did and you noticed. I'm glad you're my boyfriend." Chiyoko took a step forward, the teddy bear held in her arms. Things were still awkward but they were both beginners and would work things out together.

His own cheeks dark, Shizuo moved closer the teddy the only thing in between. Chiyoko's eyes slid shut, then his lips were on hers not caring who was watching or what anyone thought. The two of them were in their own world. Slowly they parted the taste and touch lingering on his lips. "...That was..." Chiyoko was flushed and breathless.

Nodding his head, Shizuo turned away fumbling blindly for her hand to hide his own flushed cheeks. The two of them walked the streets together finding somewhere to sit. In the end they chose a large water fountain with plenty of room. "Shizuo-kun, pass me your phone." With no hesitation it was handed over. "You don't have a wallpaper set."

The teen blinked not having a clue what Chiyoko was talking about. Sure he had glanced at the manual the phone came with, but that didn't mean he understood anything. "Shizuo-kun smile." The phone was held in front, a flash blinding him. "You didn't smile. Wait here." Shizuo nodded bewildered. Had he done something wrong?

Apparently not, Chiyoko returning with a woman who had a flip chart around her neck. It was the woman that had his phone. "Chiyoko?"

The girl sat back down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. Shifting closer, his arm looped around her slim waist. "Okay and smile." Doing the best he could, he heard a shutter sound. "And done. I hope you don't mind me saying but you look so good together."

Shizuo found himself smiling, looking down at the new wallpaper on his phone. Both of them were close and smiling. This was the girl he loved, this was the girl he had to protect from Izaya. He needed to find the proof needed and out the serial killer to the adults. It was the only way to protect Chiyoko.

Shizuo was whistling as he finished his dinner. Nothing could ruin his mood. His phone was on the arm of the sofa, a blue string hanging from the top with the silver heart dangling. Kasuka was sitting on the floor in front of him with what looked like a script. "Your date went well?" Putting the plate to one side, the elated teen leaned back.

"Yeah, it's still a bit awkward but we're happy together. I love her Kasuka." And he knew the rest of his family liked her too. The only danger was that she was way too close to Izaya's clutches and it made him feel sick to his stomach with anger.

"Good. You deserve to be happy, nii-san." Shizuo smiled daydreaming about their next date.

The computer was going haywire when he entered the bedroom, a mix of smiley and angry faces filled the screen one after the other, the occasional black cat popping up. This time it wasn't his name that popped up. It was the same pattern over and over again as if the past button was being spammed. Something felt off, the flea was usually more talkative.

Slipping the phone from his pocket, the damn thing wouldn't stop vibrating. His friend's name flashed up on the screen. "Hey." His brow furrowed hearing rustling in the background.

_Shizuo, can you get to the hospital? You need to see this. _The teen clenched his fist. He should stay away and not get involved. _Please. I believe everything you said about Izaya. Please get here._

The call ended, Shizuo running down the stairs, slipping his shoes on. "Dad, can you give me a lift to the hospital?" His father poked his head around the door.

"Do you know how late its getting? What's wrong?"

"Kadota called me. I think something has happened." Shoving his cigarettes further into his pocket, the two of them left the house and got into the car.

Kadota was in the reception area looking distraught with his arms crossed, next to him was a solemn looking Karisawa. "I'll wait here for you. Don't be too long." Thanking his father, Shizuo followed after the other two following the path to their teacher's hospital room.

"It's just like one of those horror manga I read." If it freaked out the otaku then it had to be bad.

"Just wanted to scare him a bit. He shredded all the manga in my desk and cut my maid cosplay in half. I saved for that. Just wanted to scare him... He wouldn't stop. Every time. Singling me out...always me. " Shizuo could see how unstable she was, her long usually braided hair was unkept and left messily around her shoulders. It was clear her make-up wasn't waterproof, mascara streaking her cheeks.

Kadota wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Its okay, Karisawa. This isn't your fault." The otaku shook nibbling at her nails. "Shizuo I hope you haven't eaten. We haven't called the nurse, so I don't think they know yet." With every step he could feel something in the pit of his stomach.

The three of them stood outside the hospital room, Kadota's hand resting on the door. "Ready?" Karisawa's usually squeal came out as a low whimper. The door was pushed open, a strong stench hitting his sensitive nose. His eyes bulged in disbelieve, one hand clasping over his mouth, the other grabbing his stomach trying to stop the bile from rising.

The heart machine was showing a horizontal line, a long beep sounding. The white sheets were brilliant crimson. The eye that the otaku had ruined had a knife sticking out of the socket, the other eye stared unseeing. Shizuo couldn't move any closer, speechless. Blood continued to to seep into the sheets. "Shizuo?"

Shaking his head, the blond was on his knees his dinner covering an area of the floor. His eyes were closed but the image was still imprinted in the back of his eyelids. Even now he could still see the wide gash across his teacher's throat, where the crimson life blood was flowing from. Was the head even still connected?

"Shizu-Shizu. Look around." Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Shizuo slowly stood catching a glance of the dead body on the bed. He was back on his knees, not remembering eating that much to throw up again. Letting his eyes flick up, he could see the clinical white walls were covered in blood.

Crimson smears covered the walls. Taking a step back, his gaze fell back to the otaku. "Did y-you?" Karisawa shuddered clinging to Kadota's side.

"We came to apologize and try to avoid Karisawa getting in too much trouble." Shizuo said nothing, the girl had mutilated one of the teacher's eyes, did she really think she would get off lightly? "This is what we found. I thought you should see it."

If it wasn't Karisawa then that only left one person or rather monster. Izaya. "Is this?" Shizuo said nothing reading the words that covered the walls. _MINE. BITCH. ONLY ME. MINE MINE MINE. DIE. DON'T INTERFERE. _The same type of words were written in crimson over and over again. The messages on his computer screen made sense.

No doubt the flea thought the otaku had ruined his sick game and was beyond pissed. Clutching at his stomach Shizuo left the room unable to look at any more. Karisawa had made herself known and even worse had made herself a target. He had been worried that Chiyoko was next. That was wrong. Glancing over he could see Kadota embracing the girl, steady gaze fixed on him. His friend knew what was going on. Izaya's next target was Erika Karisawa.


	9. Broken frame of mind

**Broken frame of mind**

_A/N: Damn, I was hoping to update everyday. Heat makes me exhausted, so please bare with me. Thank you for all the reviews so far and here is more Psycho Izaya and freaked out Shizuo. _

"What did you do?" For a few seconds Shizuo didn't answer listening to the fan swirl, a tapping of an impatient pen on a clipboard, the woman's claw like nails occasionally scraping across the page. Behind his eyelids he could see the scene from yesterday vividly in his mind. It was disturbing and once again his session had been pencilled in. "Shizuo?"

Swallowing the bile down, he could see the crimson messages written in his teacher's blood, see the madness that was Izaya Orihara. His ears were still filled with the piercing screams. It wasn't something he had been able to talk about to his parents, Kasuka or the police.

That's why he was spending his Saturday afternoon with his therapist. All morning he had cut communication from the world, remaining huddled under the bed covers trying to figure out what the hell to do next. He hadn't answered to the knocking at his door, nor had he replied when his father had entered his room, taking a seat on his bed. "Shizuo! What did you do?"

Swallowing thickly he tried to talk, managing a monotone emotionless voice as he repeated the events of that night. "...I kept throwing up. I hadn't eaten much but nothing stayed down. It was- It was... I knew he was sick...But that bastard..." Cold fingers rested on his forearm.

"Keep calm. Get it all off your chest." His panicked eyes slid closed again, fists unclenching as the touch left his skin.

"There was blood everywhere... Are people supposed to have that much blood? Everything was red. The sheets...the walls...it was everywhere. I couldn't look any more...crawled from the room...couldn't stand up." The memories were still painfully fresh. It was finally sinking in. Izaya was the psycho he had vowed to protect everyone from. Was it even possible?

"What did you do then?" His eyes opened again hearing rustling. Namie was adjusting herself in her seat. It had been two hours since he had arrived, completely silent and only able to blink. "Shizuo?" It felt like his eyes were glazing over again.

"...Karisawa screamed alerting the nurse...more screams. The doctors took us to a spare room...contained us...sirens and screams. The police man wasn't nice...kept shouting the same questions...wanted to search us for weapons." The sirens had been loud and deafening. After what he had seen the teen had been numb.

"Did they take you away?" Shizuo let his gaze drop to the bright green jumper his therapist was wearing. "Shizuo? Try and focus for me, okay?" Barely managing to nod his head, Shizuo closed his eyes, wincing as more images flashed through his mind. A mix of panic and despair filled him. His state must have been noticed, Namie's voice becoming softer. "Take a deep breath, slowly. In and out."

"In and out. In and out. We can stop here if you want to?" Shizuo moved to sit up, head between his knees, trying to even out his breathing just as he had helped Kasuka with his panic attacks. Izaya was insane, on a completely different level. Now he had stared into the abyss and seen a true monster.

Silence filled the room, Namie watching over him from her seat. "...I'm...I don't know...I knew...not to this extent..." It was shocking how dead his voice sounded. His mother, his father, Kasuka, Chiyoko, Kadota, Walker, Karisawa and Shinra. The ones on his list, the ones Izaya was most likely to go after to get to him. How was he supposed to protect them? Sure he had sent people to hospital, but he hadn't killed anyone.

"...I'm not...strong enough..." His hands were trembling as he held them in front of him. His Strength had been a curse and although his friends and family hadn't treated him differently, Shizuo had only ever wished to be normal, to live without his strength. And now he was lamenting the fact that his strength wouldn't be enough.

"Shizuo, do you want to stop? Your father drove you here, didn't he?" His father had been the one to book him in for an urgent appointment after not getting a response from him. Finally regulating his breathing again, Shizuo lay back on the sofa. "Good boy. Did the police take you away?"

"...They tried...My father thought something had happened...came in to get us... The police tried but my dad is stubborn and wouldn't let...anything happen to us. We got in the car...had to keep stopping so we could throw up." Namie continued tapping the pen not writing anything.

"You went home? Did the other two stay with you?" His father had offered for Kadota and Karisawa to stay the night. His friend had refused, leaving with an unstable Karisawa. "...No."

"What happened then?" His therapist was insistent fiddling with the white lab coat.

"I was left alone...Mum and dad went in another room to talk..."

"About what had happened?" Shizuo gave a half hearted shrug. "Okay, what happened next?"

"Mum gave me a hug...fear and worry...after Kasuka...She tried giving me my dinner..." The sight of food had him running to the toilet where he could throw up.

"Did you manage to eat?" Shizuo shook his head.

"No...Haven't eaten at all...nothing stays down..." His stomach grumbled, his energy depleted. Yet he didn't have an appetite.

"Shizuo, you need to eat. You don't want to end up in hospital do you?" The blond shuddered at the word. "What did you do after you couldn't eat?" He had been confronted by both his parents, both of them trying to help in their own way, yet none of them had been able to get through to him.

"...Bed to sleep...didn't get any..." His phone kept ringing until he had turned it off, it would've been smashed to bits if he hadn't seen the small charm. The computer remained unplugged. It hadn't helped at all. Izaya couldn't be caught, he could go where he wanted, whenever he chose. Shizuo had sat against the wall, the covers wrapped over him, gaze switching alternatively between the window and the door.

"Did you take the sleeping pills?" The teen shook his head. He had forgotten they were even there locked in his growing despair. "Okay. Any messages like before?" Again he shook his head. "Do you feel well enough to go home?"

"...A bit better..." His therapist smiled, flicking long raven hair back over her shoulders.

"Good. For now I want you to go home and rest, take a nice relaxing hot bath. Don't isolate yourself, talk things over with your family."

"...Okay. Thanks." Slowly he stood up, his hands still shaking slightly. Trudging to the door, Shizuo glanced behind him seeing Namie smile back at him. Leaving the room he slowly made the journey back to the car and his worried father.

"Everything okay?" Climbing into the car, Shizuo pulled his seat belt across. Namie hadn't asked about Izaya. In fact she hadn't mentioned anything about him at all. Taking a deep breath his head lolled against the window. "...I feel a bit better." The car started, coffee eyes narrowed at the clinic. For the first time he wondered if it was okay to trust his therapist. She had been the one to persistently deny his thoughts about Izaya's escape, or maybe he was being paranoid.

The journey back home was silent, his father tapping at the steering wheel. Something landed in his lap. Glancing down he could see it was his cigarettes. Shit. His parents hadn't known that he smoked, or they shouldn't have anyway. "I'm not stupid, son. If they calm you go ahead. Just don't let your mother find out." The window wound down, a cool breeze blowing through. "...Thanks."

"Shizuo, you know you can tell me anything. If something is bothering you or after you, you can tell me." With a sigh the teen slid a cigarette from the packet.

"I know. I just...I need time..." The two of them fell into silence. The offer had been given.

Kasuka was sitting on the stairs when they returned home, watching him silently. As soon as the door closed, his mother was there fussing over him. "Shizuo, honey. Do you want to try eating again?" It would probably end up the same but like his therapist suggested he agreed.

The television was switched off, nothing was mentioned about school, deaths or the incident at the hospital. "Nii-san, I made you some soup, it might go down better." Damn, now he felt guilty for making them worry.

"Thanks, Kasuka." At least he was talking again, even if his voice held no emotion.

The conversation was meaningless but it helped create an illusion of normalcy. His father was doing well at work, as was his mother and Kasuka... Well Kasuka seemed to enjoy his new growing career, a script held between his hands. "They taught us to do voice training, so I can change the pitch of my voice and Monday we're learning face expressions, so I can act without words." His little brother was having a great time.

The spoon trembled in his fingers, the thick liquid running off the spoon. "Sweetie, take your time. You've had a shock." How was he supposed to eat when he couldn't keep hold of the damn spoon? "You can try again later." Letting his head drop in disappointment, Shizuo handed the untouched dish over.

The teen stared at the water as it rose to the top, his thought were askew again, all sorts of memories replaying in his head. No matter how much he tried to block it out, they wouldn't stop playing until the sequence was done.

Letting his clothes drop to the floor, Shizuo dragged his tired body into the hot water. Usually bubble bath would be added, to make his time more relaxing. The only one he owned though was strawberry scented and that was a big negative at the moment.

Sinking further down, the teen stretched his legs resting his arms on the side of the bath. Izaya had made himself known now, hopefully the police would put two and two together and double check the flea's room at the institution. The sooner everything was over the sooner he could piece his life back together.

Then there was Karisawa the trigger to the flea's current action. She would no doubt be the next target and those sharp crazed crimson orbs wouldn't stop until her life was taken. Kadota had already said he would protect her. His friend would be putting his own life at risk. So where did that leave him?

Did he actually have what it took to go against the psycho? His strength could be useless. And then where would he be? Dead like the rest of his classmates. Shizuo grit his teeth his fingers flicking at the water. Wasn't that the whole idea of the game though? Because that was what it was to the flea, a sick game.

If he let Izaya take what he wanted...Wouldn't everyone be saved? Number sixteen would be crossed of the list. "Fuck!" No, he couldn't just offer up his life. Why the fuck was he even thinking about it? Gliding one hand through the bath water, Shizuo lifted it to his face, watching as it trembled. What had changed?

Why was he reduced to a small child hiding away from the monster under the bed? Closing his eyes, Shizuo clenched his fist bringing it down, so water splashed. No that was it. What had changed was that he had realised he wasn't going mad, that this wasn't all in his head. Before hand he had been ready to chase the damn flea down and sling his ass back in jail or the asylum.

And now? Now he was full of a cold empty anger, now he was drowning in despair. He had seen Izaya's handiwork and knew just what his opponent was capable off. It didn't feel like he had a choice any more. Now he felt like he was the one trapped and cornered and waiting to be put out of his misery like a dying animal.

It was a feeling he didn't like. For the first time in his life he felt weak. "Fuck! I'm not strong enough." There were so many people counting on him to save them, even if they didn't realise it. "What if I can't protect them?" With head in his hands he put a name to the feeling that made him numb. It was fear. Just like everyone feared that he was a monster. He was afraid of Izaya Orihara.


	10. Reason to be strong

**Reason to be strong**

The bath water was cold by the time he climbed out wrapping a towel around his waist. Afraid of Izaya Orihara? If that was so then what the hell did he do now? Letting his hair drip, Shizuo trudged to his bedroom, pushing open the door. A blank computer screen stared back at him. Still numb the teen let the door close behind it, his naked form sliding down the door where he sat on the floor.

Everything was so damn silent, like the calm before the storm and he was smack bang in the middle of whatever the hell the flea was planning. Why was he so strong and yet so damn powerless at the same time? Gripping his head, a silent scream left him. He was lost.

A knock at the door didn't startle him, part of him already resigned to his oncoming fate. Pathetic. "Shizuo, honey. Are you okay?" The door was pushed open slamming into his back. "Sweetie?"

Shifting to one side was all he could manage the door flying open. "Shizuo, you haven't got dressed yet? You'll catch a cold."

Shizuo nodded solemnly forcing his body to move. Was this what fear did to people? "...Sorry. I think I was in there too long." His throat ached forcing the words from his throat. His mother didn't hide her concern biting her lip.

"Oh, Okay. Do you feel like eating? I could get you a drink?"

"Mum, I need to get dressed." It was cold to shut her out.

It was as if his brain had stopped working, his limbs slow to react. It took him a while to get dressed, collapsing down on the bed, one arm slung over his head. There was another rap at the door, this time it was his father. "Shizuo, everything okay?" What had Namie said? He needed to talk and not shut everything out.

"...No." The single word conveyed everything he was feeling, his heart in agony. Nothing was okay, everything was a mess and a sadistic psycho was out for revenge. The way his father looked back and moved his hands before closing the door, meant that this was the second part of his mother trying to get him to eat.

His role model took a seat on the bed beside him. "You want to talk about it?" Shaking his head he felt the awkward silence fill the room. Unlike his mother, his father would wait until he was ready to talk. "...Dad, you know...everything that happened?" Sharp knowing eyes fixed on him.

"Yeah, I know everything that has happened. I make sure to pay attention in your lives."

"...My strength...Why me?" What was the point of having something he couldn't control or use properly? He couldn't protect anyone.

"Because you're special. The doctors said so, you're different from everyone else. Its not a bad thing." Rubbing a hand through his hair, Shizuo slowly moved to sit up.

"I break everything I touch. The damage I do...you have to pay for." He was nothing but a freak and a monster.

"Son, that has never been an issue. You can't help what you do. You've put effort in to controlling your temper, all those anger management classes. Look how popular you became." All over now.

"Shizuo, you're still a child. Leave the adult problems to the adults." Acceptance. That was what he received every single time.

"...Slightly embarrassing." His father laughed ruffling his hair.

"Yeah, I'll leave the sentimental mushy stuff to your mother. Are you going to be okay?"

The talk helped, even though the real problem hadn't been breached. His father quietly left the room. The door closed but not before his mother stepped back in. Neither of them said anything to each other, the time for words had passed for now. Warm arms wrapped around him holding him close. Resting his head on the woman's shoulder, Shizuo closed his eyes.

It was safe and secure, for once a peaceful sleep. Cracking one eye open he looked into his mother's sleeping face, hair falling over her cheek. Just when had he fallen asleep? Better yet why hadn't there been any of the nightmares that plagued him? Glancing down he could see soft hands clutching his own. She must have held him until he had fallen asleep.

Carefully slipping one hand free, Shizuo brushed back the fallen lock of hair. "...Thanks mum." Remaining where he was he knew something had to change. His father was wrong he was no longer a child. He hadn't been a child from the first day he had met Izaya.

Gently slipping his other hand free, the teen carefully climbed off of the bed, making his way through the dark. Tiptoeing across the room the door was opened a crack. Quietly he made his way downstairs, turning on the light. "Nii-san, you shouldn't be up." Spinning around, Kasuka was standing in his pyjamas by the door holding a cup of water.

Instead of going back to bed, his younger brother joined him on the sofa. "Nii-san, is this him?" Coffee eyes widened. How was he supposed to answer that? "I know he's locked up but sometimes it feels...I don't know. Like he can still get me." Shizuo said nothing, his fingers shaking. "But I know I don't have to be afraid. I have you watching out for me."

That wasn't the case though, Kasuka was anything but safe. He just didn't know how much danger he could be in. "Kasu-" A hand rested on his, blank eyes gazing into his own.

"Nii-san, I feel safe knowing you're there to protect me. I know you would never let anyone hurt me. If it hadn't been for you, I might have...you know back then. I'm happy you have your strength."

His words were stolen, leaving him just as blank as the stare. His little brother was growing up quickly. "I wouldn't be going down the path of an actor if it wasn't for you. Nii-san, you aren't a monster." Someone had been eavesdropping on his conversation. "Are you sure you don't want to join me at the training school? You'd make an amazing action star, maybe a superhero."

Shizuo grimaced at the idea of wearing lycra. "You were listening." His voice had a touch of accusation. Kasuka only shrugged.

"I was worried, we all were. Its the quietest I've seen you ever." All he did was make everyone worry. "I'm going back to bed. See you in the morning." The teen said nothing as he was left alone.

In his hands he held his phone, fingers brushing against the small heart charm. A small smile briefly touched his lips before it was gone, lost in a wave of despair. Something else he had realised was that he wasn't the only one involved. Whereas he had a therapist and his family, who did Kadota and Karisawa have?

The otaku was most likely blaming herself and hiding under her bed knowing she had pissed off a serial killer, or maybe she didn't know how much danger she was in. The only two that knew what was going on was himself and Kadota and he hadn't said anything. Once again his fingers touched the button. What if there were messages from Izaya?

But then again there might be messages and missed calls from Chiyoko and his friends. Clasping his hands, Shizuo rocked back wondering what the hell to do. Switch on the phone. Don't switch on the phone. Switch one the phone... Pressing the button his heart beat quickened becoming almost painful. The screen lit up brightly, the logo popping up, before it finished loading and he found himself staring at the two smiling figures on the small screen.

Such a happy memory, one that had been marred with the after events of the day. There were only three missed calls and one message. _I will protect her. _There was nothing asking for help or blaming him for getting involved. Kadota didn't need him. Not as he was right now anyway.

Closing his eyes he could hear the footsteps on the stairs. His family had never given up. Who was it this time? "Couldn't sleep?" Ah, it was his father again.

"I think I slept too long." The peaceful time where he didn't have to worry about the immediate future.

"You know if your mother wakes up and find you gone, she'll panic. Are you feeling better now?"

Glancing at the picture on his phone, Shizuo nodded slowly. "Better than I was." His father didn't get any closer leaning against the door frame. "Good. With everything that has happened, your mother and I are worried. Shizuo, how would you feel about moving?" His mouth dropped open in shock, eyes wide. They were going to take him away?

"Our main concern is that school. Maybe it might be better if you joined your brother in acting, or we could find you another school." It wouldn't make a difference. He would be followed and another class would suffer. Or maybe not. He could leave all his friends behind and make a fresh start. Shizuo laughed bitterly at the thought. Like hell that was possible.

"...Sorry, dad. I have some people that I can't leave behind."

Weak or not he couldn't and wouldn't abandon his friends. It was already too late. Maybe things would turn out like a manga, this was the main turning point, where he got stronger and took on the main villain with everyone cheering his name. But this was reality and nothing of the sort would happen.

"...I see. The choice is up to you for now. Will you be okay to go to school on Monday?" The question froze him in his tracks. If he went to school he would see Kanra smirking at him, ready to torment him further. Hell he couldn't bring himself to leave the house, how was he supposed to face the source of his fear?

"...I think so." There was no choice. What if Izaya got pissed again and killed one more classmate. What if he went after Chiyoko? Or Shinra? They were completely innocent and kept in the dark.

"Your friends...They're important to you." It wasn't a question. "Shizuo, go and get some more sleep. Its supposed to be a really nice day tomorrow, well today now."

His mother was still asleep hands outstretched as he climbed back into bed. His father was up to something. It was laughable, he had been given the chance to escape everything and instead he had decided to stay. Stupid or brave only time would tell. Closing his eyes, his hands slipped into the warm loving hands of his mother.

It was mid morning that he found out what his father had planned. The sun was high in the sky, heat making him thirsty. . "Shizuo, honey. Can you go and help your father?" Doing as he was told, the teen found the man in the garden lighting a fire. Shielding his eyes his gaze took in the patio table and several chairs piled up.

His father stood there in one of those embarrassing I love to cook aprons. "Dad? What are you doing?" He was met with a wide smile.

"Look at the weather. Its nice and hot, perfect for a barbecue. Can you make sure the chairs are set out?" So this was the next part of his intervention. There were plenty of chairs, so just who had been invited?

If it was his father's friends there was going to be a lot of drunk men, most of them passed out on the kitchen floor again. If it was his mother's friends, they would talk non stop about things he didn't and would never understand. The door bell rang and he knew he was about to find out.

"Shizuo-kun." Shizuo gaped as his girlfriend smiled at him. His father was looking away being too preoccupied with the barbecue. "Heiwajima-san, thank you for inviting me." Why was she here? He knew then that this was Kasuka's doing. And since his his brother didn't know about the transfer student, Kanra wouldn't be attending.

Next to arrive was Celty and Shinra. His friend ignoring him completely only having eyes for his companion. Walker, Karisawa and Kadota arrived together. He could see that none of his friends had gotten much sleep. It was good to see them. Glancing down he noticed Kadota and Karisawa holding hands.

She didn't look terrified so maybe she didn't know. Tired eyes caught his gaze, placing a finger to his lips. She didn't know. "Shizuo-kun, do you want anything to eat?" Not wanting to worry anyone else he said yes, watching as the girl he loved talked to his father.

"I haven't told her. I'm not going to." Kadota stood by his side, no sign of the otaku. "So don't say anything. I'll watch over, I'll protect her." Shizuo said nothing. Kadota was the brave one, taking care of Karisawa, when he had been useless.

The two of them took a seat on the patio chairs. "Karisawa was shocked at first, I managed to calm her down. I think I'll have nightmares for the rest of my life. What about you?"

"...Same. My therapist helped, as well as my family. They're trying everything to help. They offered to take me out of school." Seeing the shock on Kadota's face he smiled. "I didn't take it. I'll stay with you guys."

Over by the barbecue was his happy girlfriend waving over at him a plate in her hand. Waving back he retuned the smile. Glancing over in the corner, Celty and Shinra were in their own little world. Karisawa's familiar squeal pierced through his ears. Blinking in confusion he turned back to Kadota. "I think I was just glad to hear that."

Next to him his friend laughed. "Yeah. I know what you mean. Shizuo, you know none of this is your fault. For now I guess we need to protect everyone and get Izaya back where he belongs." The two of them made a silent promise between them. His mother was smiling in the kitchen talking with Kasuka. Everyone he cared about was in his home. They had all accepted him and he loved every single one whether it was friend, family or girlfriend. They were the reason he had worked so hard to keep his strength in control and now he would use every tiny bit to protect them all and keep their smiles.


	11. Face your fear

**Face your fear**

"Ugh!" Shizuo retched clinging to either side of the toilet bowl. It looked like he couldn't pretend everything was okay after all. It had been stupid to force himself to eat. Yet he had done so to try and convince his parents that he was fine now.

The result was a quick getaway and quickly rushing to the toilet, hoping that he hadn't been caught out. "Shizuo, when was the last time you ate?" Damn, well it could be worse. "I'm guessing not since the hospital." His hair was held back saving the strands from getting dirty.

"Pretty much. I should have started off on soup or something easy."

Wiping the back of his mouth, the teen slowly stood. "I thought you looked pale. You're making yourself sick." It wasn't his choice. Leaving the bathroom, Shizuo went to sit on his bed instead of returning downstairs to where the fun and laughter was. Kadota followed after him.

"Are you really going to school tomorrow?" His body still felt tired, falling back against the covers.

"I don't have a choice. I'm the one that bastard is after. I can't protect you if I'm not there."

"Shizuo, I've said it before. You're an idiot. You are not a super hero. We can protect ourselves. Even after the way our class has treated you lately, you still want to help?"

"There's n-" Kadota ran a hand through his hair dropping down in the computer chair.

"Can't be helped. But there's no way you're doing this on your own. You still don't get it. Relationships work two ways. To love and be loved. Why don't you take a step back and let the ones that care in?"

Coffee eyes narrowed up at the ceiling. As usual Kadota was the sensible one that took the role of responsibility. "You don't want to see everyone get hurt. Then what about you? How are your parents or even Chiyoko going to react if you end up in hospital or worse?" They would be heart broken and that was something he didn't want to put them through.

"You think I should limit break?" It was dangerous and after so many years holding back difficult to control. A steady gaze settled on him.

"You need to protect yourself too. Do it, let the chains loose. If you hurt someone it doesn't matter. At least they'll still be alive." Shizuo lifted his hand seeing it tremble slightly in front of him.

"Thanks Kadota. Its like I have two therapists." His friend laughed leaning back in the chair.

"You'd be surprised about the problems I've had to deal with. Those two attract trouble." Just like him, only this time everyone was getting dragged along. "So this is the computer. Have you switched it on since?"

"Don't!" The panic in his voice slipped through and he realised he was under the covers. It was just a damn computer.

" I thought as much. You don't have to look if you don't want to." His heart pounded violently as the small silver button was pressed the monitor switching on and loading. "Shizuo, there's nothing here. It looks like you've been left alone."

Slowly peeking out from under the covers, his eyes narrowed on the screen. Everything was completely normal. It looked like Izaya had gone silent after his little temper tantrum. A knock at the door made them both jump. "Found them." An excited looking Shinra was swaying on his feet.

"Are you drunk?"

Their bespectacled friend sighed happily. "Drunk on love. Isn't my beloved amazing?" Shizuo said nothing watching the raven dance across his bedroom floor. "We'll get married when I leave school. It will be a big wedding and she will be the most beautiful creature in the entire world." By the computer Kadota was grimacing at the display.

"She loves me..." Shizuo got up seeing a large flower in the teen's hand.

"I don't want any mess in my room." His mother would never let him hear the end of it. "She loves me...She loves me..." Snatching the flower away it was dropped in the bin by his desk. Shinra had no intention of believing his one sided love wouldn't work.

"Shizuo, I was divining my future with my beloved. Just because you already have yours. Oh! She was looking for you. Are you two going to flirt again? Its painful to watch." Kadota covered his mouth stiffling a laugh.

"I'm going to get her." Shinra grinned widely.

"And bring her to your room, right? Should we leave you two alone? Shizuo and Chiyoko sitting in a tree-"

Shizuo clamped one hand over his friend's mouth. "Really? How old are you?" His face felt hot, cheeks flushed at what had been implied. He didn't think that way at all. His goal wasn't to get laid, it was to keep the girl he loved by his side.

"Shizuo, we've been away long enough." The computer screen was left on as the two of them left the room.

"Hey, wait for me!"

Chiyoko was waiting in the kitchen, face downcast. "Chiyoko?" His girlfriend looked up and smiled.

"Shizuo-kun. Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?" Shaking his head he gently wrapped his arms around her shoulders holding her close.

"...No, I was feeling a bit sick." A soft hand touched his forehead, brushing his bangs out of the way.

"You don't feel hot." Damn Shinra for putting the wrong ideas into his head.

Chiyoko's soft lips were the sole picture of his gaze. He couldn't look away, even as she spoke to him, delicate fingers brushing against his arm. Did it mean he was turning into some sort of pervert? "Shizuo?" Forcing a smile the teen took a step back.

"Do you want a drink? I haven't paid much attention, have I?" From the corner of his eye he could see a goofy Shinra smirking, making kissing motions.

Things only became worse when a loud squeal pierced his ear drums. "Shizu-Shizu and Chi-Chi look so good together." Now everyone was staring at the two of them. His parents paying the most interest. Chiyoko averted her eyes, looking down at her feet. "So cute, both of you are so s-"

"Karisawa." The otaku froze staring past him.

"Shizuo, I guess there was something I forgot to tell you." Kadota winked striding past him. Shizuo blinked, eyes widening as the girl was swept up and silenced with a kiss. Next to him his girlfriend had the same reaction, as did Shinra who was glancing back and fourth between Walker and Karisawa. They were the most likely couple.

The seconds ticked by and his two friends didn't seem to be stopping any time soon. Chiyoko blushed reaching for his hand. Shinra gave a suggestive look to Celty resulting in a jab to the ribs. Eventually the new couple broke apart, both of them a little breathless. Kadota had managed to do the impossible and make the otaku speechless.

Although he didn't eat or drink anything, Shizuo had a good time. Everyone was having fun and there was plenty of love in the air. But time waited for no one and the day was quickly approaching an end. "You can stay if you want? Of course the girls will be in a separate room."

"Thanks, Heiwajima-san but I need to go home."

One by one they filed out of the house. Shizuo stood by the door watching them go. "Come on my beloved, lets go home where we can-ow! Ah, you can hit me- ow!" Shaking his head he waved to the two of them, Celty dragging Shinra away by his ear.

"See you tomorrow, Shizuo." There was plenty to be said, though nothing he could mention around the rest of the people surrounding him. "See you, Shizu-Shizu!" Karisawa threw her arms around him. If Kadota was jealous he did a good job of hiding it. Walker nodded, trailing after the new couple.

"Do you want me to walk you home? Or my dad could drive us?" Chiyoko shook her head, looking at him with those dark eyes.

"I'll be okay. See you tomorrow, Shizuo-kun." Awkwardly they took a step forward going in for a hug and crashing into each other. "Sorr-"

"Sorr-" Both of them stopped smiling shyly. "Um, thank you for having me over, Heiwajima-san." With that she was gone.

"You too look cute together." Shizuo scrubbed a hand over his face.

"Mum!" His family sure knew how to embarrass him. His mother shrugged.

"What? When I was your age, your father and I-" Covering his ears he quickly escaped upstairs.

"I don't want to know." At the bottom of the stairs he could hear soft laughter.

That night he didn't sleep at all. The computer had remained on the desktop screen. Izaya had left him alone, even as he went into shut down. Their connection was lost. Shizuo remained with the covers pulled over his head, the bedroom door was closed. He had reassured his parents and Kasuka that he was feeling better. No one would come in to bother him.

Tomorrow was a new day and the first time he would see the flea after what he had witnessed. Nerves rattled his frame, his eyes wide and unblinking. It wasn't as if Izaya would come into class and slit everyone's throat... was it? Surely he still had time to find a way out of the problem. Forcing his eyes closed, the teen forced himself to breathe normally.

It was already too late, this was his decision. Tomorrow at school he would face his fear and only heaven knew what his reaction would be. His eyes closed yet his mind still continued to run, his problems and fears going around like they were on a hamster wheel. That night he didn't sleep at all.

Monday morning. The sun light leaked though the gap in the curtain. Outside birds chirped sounding annoyingly chipper. A loud knock at the door made him groan as he forced his tired body from the bed. "Shizuo honey, do you want any breakfast?"

The teen had declined instead stepping into the shower. Now that he was fully dressed and ready for school, Shizuo leaned over the sink taking a look in the mirror. His eyes looked haunted, dark bags showing how he hadn't slept. His stomach grumbled but he knew if he tried to eat it would be a waste. Taking a deep breath he felt himself relax completely, the lock on the invisible cage that he kept the other half of his strength in, clicked.

This was it. Time to face the damn killer. His classmates ridicule and belief that he had done it. "Chiyoko. Karisawa. Kadota. Walker. Shinra." Over and over he repeated his friend's names reminding himself why he was doing this.

His cigarette box was now empty, smoking the rest on the way to school. Every time he managed to take step forward, it was another two back as his fear tried to drive him back home and under the covers. "Chiyoko, Shinra, Kadota, Karisawa, Walker." Placing one foot in front of the other, the teen forced his scared and exhausted body to move.

It was as if the entire school stopped as he walked through the gate. "That's him right?" So the rumours had spread, just like he knew they would. Even the disciplinary committee stopped scolding students. With a growl his fist clenched storming into the building.

"Good morning, Shizu-chan." That voice. Shizuo felt his blood run cold, his legs trembling as they refused to move. Slowly Kanra skipped closer, skirt fluttering, hands in her pockets. "Did you have a good weekend? Anything happen?" That damn smirk.

His body refused to co-operate. "Hm? Uwah, Shizu-chan. You haven't been sleeping, have you?" Crimson eyes full of mirth met his own. "Your health is important you know. You should take care of yourself. You want to live a long time, don't you?" She was laughing at him. The bitch was laughing at him.

"Though I suppose a monster like you wouldn't get sick or injured. What do you think? If this continues we'll be the only ones left in the class." Shizuo flinched as Kanra removed her hand from her pocket, his mind going into overdrive. Was it a knife? Did it look shiny? His hand finally moved, pinning the cross dresser to one of the lockers.

There wasn't a shred of fear in those cold eyes. "...You fucking flea. Is this a game to you?" His voice was thick with emotion, more than the last couple of days of emptiness. The raven laughed, fingers stroking along his hand.

"What could you mean by that?" His stomach growled, a wave of dizziness falling over him. His grip loosened.

Kanra took a step forward. Fuck he was hungry, his throat was parched. Shizuo felt himself sway dangerously crashing into the locker. Maybe he shouldn't have come in after all. "Shizu-chan, why continue to fight? You can't stop anything." Crimson eyes gleamed as she got closer.

His chest ached, blood rushing quickly in his ears, his heartbeat sounding like a large drum. His vision blurred, one finger poking his forehead. "You have already lost." Shizuo could do nothing as his body shut down, sliding down the lockers. It was only that the raven was holding him that he wasn't on the floor. His mind reeled as he was kissed.

"...Wha?"

The lips on his were forceful and demanding stealing away the last of his air. He couldn't push the intrusion away. When it was over his body slumped, head hitting the floor, the last few days taking their toll. Above him he could hear manic laughter before everything went black.


	12. Calm before the storm

**Calm before the storm**

Shizuo groaned his head swimming. Crimson covered his gaze, slim fingers ghosting along his cheek. "All mine. Haha." His hand moved passing through the killer. What? The insane raven danced out of the way. "I could do anything to you. Anything at all. Well? Should we start, Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo blinked wondering why his body wouldn't move the way he wanted it to. Why was it so hot? There was a flash of white, a cruel merciless smile. A glint of silver tearing through his shirt, the sharp edge touching the edge of his scar. "Hahahahaha! What to do? What to do? So helpless..." Clenching his fist, the teen tried to get up, swaying dangerously.

Slim arms caught him, the stench clogging the back of his throat. Lies, deceit, manipulation, murderer. "...go..." His mouth refused to work, a cold shiver sending goosebumps along his skin.

"Let you go? Oh, Shizu-chan. Why would I do that? Aren't you having fun?" His stomach twisted in disgust, a weight pressing down on him...

Coffee eyes slowly opened, the disorientated teen looked around the room, seeing a white clinical space. Was he in the infirmary? No, he had been there a number of times. The beeping next to him was getting annoying. As was the thin tube connected to the back of his hand. Shit. This couldn't be good.

A hospital. He was in a damn hospital. "...Shit." Now he remembered. Kanra. The bitch had kissed him when he was at his weakest. He had been uselessly vulnerable. His decision had been wrong, instead of brashly deciding to face his fears he should have waited until he was better. No wonder he didn't feel his strength. There wasn't a single bit of energy in his body.

Glancing to his side there was a jug of water on a small table. His throat felt like sandpaper, though something told him it had been worse. Bad enough for him to pass out anyway. That was when the door to his room swung open and boy his father did not look happy.

"Oh, Heiwajima-kun, you're finally awake." Finally? Just how long had he been out? The nurse looked quite young, light mousy hair and bright kind eyes. "Its natural you're confused. You were brought into hospital three days ago." Shizuo sat up sharply. Three days? "You need to take better care of your body. I'll leave you two alone. As soon as you can eat, you'll be released."

Three days. He had lost three days. Had anyone else been killed? Better yet why was he still here? Izaya had him, why was he in a hospital in the first place? "Son, If you weren't ready you should've said. Your mother is worried about you. Dehydration, not eating, stress... Shizuo you had a high fever."

Shizuo said nothing, knowing there was something else. "You were delirious, kept saying something about Izaya and Kanra." Because he had been there, hovering over him, touching him, teasing a blade over his skin... "You know that boy is locked away, he can't hurt anyone." Again he couldn't say anything. If his father knew they would already be gone, out of Ikebukuro and somewhere safe. It wouldn't do any good though. Izaya would follow.

The killer was on some sort of revenge obsession. So why had he been left to recover? Why not just finish him? Unless... The flea thought he hadn't suffered enough. They already knew Karisawa was the next target. Shizuo coughed, grasping at his throat. "Here, drink." Guilt ate away at him as he was handed a glass of water. Slowly taking a sip, the liquid was a godsend sloshing down the back of his parched throat. No matter what happened it looked like Izaya wouldn't kill him.

Not until the end of the game anyway. But for now he was dancing in the middle of the crazed teen's palm, his movements monitored. "Feel better?" Shizuo took greedy gulps holding the glass out for more. It was never enough, his thirst and hunger back with a vengeance.

Why, he didn't know yet, maybe it was because he had time. Maybe because he could now afford to be reckless knowing the raven wouldn't harm him. His friends though were another story. "You're doing good. Do you want anything to eat?" In reply his stomach rumbled, making his father smile.

"I'll be back soon."

Shizuo closed his eyes hearing the door click shut. Just how much damage could Izaya do in three days? If it was anything like the previous week a damn lot. Sliding towards the edge of the bed, the teen slowly laid down, peering over the edge of the bed. Just to check Izaya wasn't hiding under there ready to jump out with a knife.

The door opened again but this time it wasn't his father. Kadota and Chiyoko stood in the doorway. "Hey, how are you feeling?" The door closed, his girlfriend taking a seat in the chair beside the bed, pouring him another glass. Kadota remained standing arms crossed.

"I feel like I've been hit by a truck." Not that he would know what that felt like. His friend smiled momentarily.

"You weren't ready. You shouldn't have come in." Shizuo felt his heartstrings tug painfully, trembling hands passing him the glass.

"Thanks, Chiyoko." Dark eyes met his own.

"Was this my fault? I made you eat. You were sick..." Great, he had upset his girlfriend.

"No. Its not your fault. I just don't know when to rest. How did I get here anyway?"

How had he managed to wake up in hospital room and not with Izaya? It was Kadota that stepped forward, a serious expression on his face. "It was Kanra. She came running into the classroom. At first everyone thought you were the next victim." The blond laughed bitterly.

"Did anything...happen?" He kept his voice low and tried not to sound panicked. Chiyoko was still in the room and he needed for her to remain uninvolved.

"Shizuo, you're out of water." Draining the glass, Shizuo coughed.

"I'll get some more." Holding the glass jug, Chiyoko ran from the room.

"Thanks. I don't want her involved. She's too..." His cheeks flushed, still not used to being sentimental.

"Precious? I know what you mean." Kadota was silent for a long pause.

With an irritated sigh, he went to yank out the tube. "Just tell me. Is everyone still alive?"

"Yeah. No one else has been killed. You realise you were delirious." Shizuo dropped his head in his hands.

"Not you too. What did I say?" If it was anything about what he had been going through, then Chiyoko might have heard him.

"You mentioned Izaya a few times. Kanra too. A lot of it was jumbled. There was a stage where you started screaming and pointing." Great. Everyone in the hospital probably thought he was nuts. "Did you have a nightmare?" That wasn't it. Izaya had been there. Right in front of him.

"...Something like that. How's Karisawa?" Better to change the subject for now.

"Ah, about that. I'll let her tell you. She's determined that we go on a double date." Well that was one way to help protect her. He could watch over Chiyoko at the same time. "Well...triple."

The tone in his friend's voice meant it wasn't good news. "Kanra and Yumasaki have started going out?" Shizuo blinked in disbelieve.

"What? Doesn't he know what Kanra is?" A killer, a cross dresser and a lunatic.

Kadota sighed dropping down in the vacant seat.

"I didn't tell him. There are no secrets between him and Karisawa. Even you thought those two would get together, didn't you?"

The two otaku's were always together. "Yeah. You think Kanra is going though Walker?" It would make sense. Kadota scrubbed a hand through his hair.

"That's exactly what she's doing. While you've been in here, she's got the whole class wrapped around her finger. Including the new teacher."

Someone else on the cursed class hit list. Izaya was up to something. "We nee-" The door opened again, an out of breath Chiyoko holding a now full jug.

"Shizuo-kun, I brought more water." Kadota gave him a look and he guessed he had some sort of dopey lovestruck smile on his face.

"Thanks." The girl smiled pouring him a glass.

"Um, have you eaten yet?" With a sigh, the teen admitted the problem.

"Not yet. My dad's gone to get something. As soon as I eat, I get to leave. This thing will probably bruise."

By the time his father came back, the pair were gone. Kadota escorting Chiyoko home. "I thought soup would be best." Right now Shizuo didn't care what he ate. The tube came out with a small tug, beads of blood dribbling down his skin. "Shizuo!" Wiping the blood away he left the tube where it was on the bed. The hospital gown was bad enough.

Pulling himself up, his fingers fiddled with the ties on the flimsy gown. The tray was set in front of him, a delicious aroma wafting past his nose. "You can have that, if you finish the soup." Next to the small bowl, sat a wrapped chocolate éclair. Already his mouth was watering. Sweets had always been his downfall.

The liquid glooped off of the edge of the spoon. His gaze went to the chocolate treat. "Son?" Bending his head, Shizuo slowly lifted the full spoon to his lips, blowing gently. The taste hit his tongue, gliding down his throat, lips clamped down on the spoon. Returning the spoon to the dish, Shizuo waited, counting to ten.

Eight...He still felt fine. Nine...Usually by now he was emptying his stomach. Ten...All clear. A smile touched his lips, realizing he could now eat. Next to him his father visibly relaxed. The next mouthful went down just fine, as did the next and the one after. Never had he thought he would like the taste of soup so much.

Draining the bowl, the teen proudly set it aside. It was over, the fear was still there but not as much as before. Clenching his fist, Shizuo knew he would need to get his strength back. Eating and drinking normally was a start. Sleeping was a definite, luckily he had enough pills left. "Well done. I'll go and get the doctor. I imagine you don't want to be in here any longer."

Shizuo smiled, reaching for the chocolate treat. His father had left the door open, a shadow passing by. He didn't miss the raven hair. Climbing out of bed, the teen grabbed hold of the IV holder, the bag of fluid hitting the floor. "I know you're there! Fucking flea! I've had enough of your games!" Yet his feet couldn't move another step. So he still had a bit of fear in him, enough to stop him in his tracks.

"Ah ah, We'll keep playing until I want to stop. You don't make the rules, Shizu-chan." That voice grated on his nerves, his hands clenching the pole tighter. "I'm sure by now even a protozoan like yourself has realised who's next." Shizuo grit his teeth, hearing the mirth. It was even worse than he remembered.

"Leave her alone. She has nothing to do with this!" His warning was met with cold laughter.

"Oh? But she has. That bitch interfered with my game. Mine. I'm in control. Who lives. Who dies. All under MY control. Hahahahaha." Now he really did feel sick. Shizuo forced his trembling foot to move. Even if it was only a damn step.

"You're a sick fuck. What your mother didn't give you enough cuddles as a kid?" His voice was bitter and angry. Just a bit more and he could smash that smirk off the bastard's face. Izaya laughed.

"Ah, that might be why I killed her then. What do you think, Shizu-chan?" Shizuo froze, eyes widening.

"Hahahahaha. Why so silent? Don't tell me you're scared again? Where's that strength of yours? The game isn't fun if you're not at your best. You are a MONSTER, are you not? Then prove it. Prove it prove it. I want to see. Hahahahahaha. How does it feel to know you've failed everyone? And you'll continue to fail fail fail."

Shizuo growled forcing his other foot to move. His blood ran cold in his veins hearing a cut off scream. Like that his muscles unlocked sending him skidding across the floor from the momentum. He knew as soon as he reached the door that Izaya had long gone. Just as he knew the slowly spreading crimson puddle on the floor was the nurse's life force.

The slim body of the woman that had taken care of him was slumped against the wall, blood drenching the crisp white uniform. Her once kind eyes stared absently at the opposite wall. Just like his teacher, her throat had been cut. Screaming pierced through his ears and only when everyone left their rooms, did he realise it was him.

More questioning from the same damn cop. What happened? What did he see? Did he do it? Shizuo shook his head denying everything. He had been in his room and heard a scream. By then it was too late. Throughout it all a comforting hand had rested on his shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. This time he hadn't thrown up. It looked like he was getting used to it. Another person had died because they came in contact with him.

Neither one said a word on the way home. His father knew by now to let him brood quietly. When he was ready to talk he would. But instead of feeling miserable and drowning of guilt, Shizuo could feel the volcano inside him rumble and stir. His thoughts were dark, most of them revolving around ripping the damn flea's head clean off his shoulders.

A dark vengeance was making itself known. None of the adults would listen to reason. He was still a child with a wild imagination and in need of a counsellor. The only one who knew what he was really dealing with was Kadota. If Izaya wanted to see the monster so badly then he would show him. To take down a monster you needed a monster. The only one that could take the damn flea down was him.

It looked like his brother was still in acting school. His mother smiled and gave him a hug as he came through the door. "Shizuo, I was so worried." Shizuo let her kiss his cheeks and fuss over him. "Have you eaten? I should make you something." A loud squeal stopped him from answering. "Oh, one of your friends is upstairs. Won't they get in trouble skipping class?"

The teen shrugged, kicking off his shoes. Making his way upstairs he pushed open the bedroom door. Karisawa was sitting cross legged in the middle of his floor. "Does Kadota know you're here?" The otaku looked up smiling widely.

"Dotachin knows why I'd be here." Ah that was right. Something about a double date.

Glancing around the room, his closet door was open, nearly all of his clothes were either on the bed or on the floor. Rubbing a hand over his face, Shizuo took a deep breath. "What are you doing?" He was met with another squeal full of excitement.

"I'm so glad you asked, Shizu-Shizu. I was thinking of going on a date with Dotachin. Then I thought we should do a double date. Then Yumacchi and Kan-Kan got together, so it became a triple date."

Shizuo sighed not wanting to know why she had a tape measure or what she was doing to his clothes. He didn't have a problem with the date. If he got to spend more time with Chiyoko then that was great. "Where are we going then?" Karisawa stood up, storming over to him with a rolled up poster. With a giggle she unrolled it holding it out with a big grin. "Isn't it obvious? Here!"

Taking one look at the poster, the teen groaned. "You want to go here?" A quiet get together... For Karisawa that was out of the question. Of course it would be impossibly crowded. The otaku pouted tapping at the poster. "Everyone already agreed. Come on, Shizu-Shizu. I already have the perfect outfit for you. I just need your size." Shizuo groaned shoulders slumping. Of all things. How was he going to help protect her at a cosplay convention?


	13. Preparing for war

**Preparing for war**

Shizuo glanced over at the small calendar, seeing the big red x over each date. With each day crossed off, his anxiousness grew, a slight tension in the group. Time was up. Tomorrow was the day for the convention. His outfit sat hanging on his closet door. Ironic since the character he was cosplaying as was the cause of everything.

Izaya had been oddly silent, not bothering with so much as a stupid smiley face on the computer screen. Chiyoko, Walker and Karisawa remained blissfully unaware of what could happen. With a sigh the blond climbed into bed. Tomorrow was the day he took the serial killer head on and rid Ikebukuro of a monster.

On the bed his phone lit up showing he had a message. Kadota had done something on his phone setting up some sort of group chat. Currently his screen was being spammed of Karisawa showing off her anime collection. It was already late and she as usual showed no intention of calming down.

_Karisawa:- Look look at this one. You need to watch it. Did you see my- _Shizuo blinked a small smirk touching his lips as the conversation went silent. So it looked like Kadota was staying the night.

_Chiyoko:- Is every one still there? Hello?_

Shizuo smiled reading over the words. As much as he wanted to reply, there was Shinra who had been added, as well as Kanra. Still maybe it was better to keep your enemies close. Holding in the power button he watched as the screen shut down. It was time to get some sleep. After all he would need every last bit of his strength tomorrow. This was it. This is where it all ended.

One awfully hot Saturday morning. Why hadn't he been given something with lighter clothing? With his cosplay he was going to sweat terribly. Karisawa had been the one to arrange the costumes, so he had no idea what the others would be wearing. Gazing mournfully at his own costume, Shizuo headed straight for a cold shower.

His fists clenched and unclenched. A sliver of fear ran through him. What if he failed? It was quickly shoved down back under the surface. No. He couldn't think like that. Karisawa was from his inner circle. She was Kadota's girlfriend. There was no way in hell he was going to let anything happen to her. Regardless of the consequences he was going to make sure she remained unharmed.

Shizuo sighed, wrapping a towel around his waist. Sure he still had nightmares, who wouldn't? But if he let it get him down... if he started drowning again... Then what would happen to those he cared about? It wasn't something he wanted to think about. His friends would stay safe. Izaya wouldn't get to them.

Back in his room, narrowed coffee eyes stared at the outfit. Slipping on his boxers, Shizuo reached for the crisp white shirt. With a sigh the buttons were done up on by one. As usual the otaku didn't think she had done anything wrong. His cosplay attire was proof of that. Next was the black waist coat and a black tie. Lifting his collar, the teen flipped it around affixing it properly.

The dark pants fit him a little too well, stopping just below his ankles. Everything was sized perfectly. The twin tailed coat ended just above his knee, the sleeves stopping centimetres after his wrist. Inside one of the pockets was a silver pocket watch. Leaving where it was Shizuo grabbed the piece of paper. On it was a purple pattern. A circle with a pentagram inside. On the back was instructions.

Counting down the seconds, Shizuo lifted his hand away, peeling the piece of wet paper from the back of his hand. The temporary tattoo remained, transferred to his skin successfully. Throwing the rubbish away, the next step was the wig and worse the contacts.

Pulling up his eyelid, Shizuo moved the small disc to his eyeball. He was more than slightly apprehensive. If his strength got out of control... Well then he would be the one to suffer. His eyes stung, blinking repeatedly he resisted rubbing at them.

Shizuo stared at his reflection in the mirror, seeing someone else entirely stare back at him. The raven hair that covered his real hair was going to be irritating, a loose lock falling in the centre of his forehead. There was nothing he could do. It was the design of the wig. It was a little creepy how much his current self looked like Izaya.

Clenching his fist, the teen stopped his thought process before he smashed the bathroom mirror. He was nothing like that monster. The last thing to put on was the white gloves, covering up the symbol on his hand. Karisawa had even left him some silverware so he didn't have to ask his mother. Slipping the phone in his pocket, the teen hurried out the door and towards the meeting place.

Shizuo ignored the camera flashes and whispers around him. Hadn't they ever seen anyone in cosplay? It looked like he was early. Snapping the phone closed he didn't want to see the chat between Chiyoko and Kanra. Hopefully Izaya wouldn't do anything to her. He couldn't protect both of them. But after today he wouldn't need to.

"Shizu-Shizu!" At last. Looking up his mouth almost dropped open. It had to be. She couldn't have picked anyone else? Karisawa grinned, holding a black handled dagger in front of her, the silver blade seemed to glint red as the sunlight hit it. Gone was her usual dark hair, now a light pink. The fringe covered her forehead, the rest falling in front of or behind her shoulders. Tiny red ribbons at each end.

The dark blue uniform had a large red bow at the front, the skirt cutting off just below her knees. "Well? What do you think?" As she got closer, he could see the red contact lenses.

"...It suits you." A little too well in fact. The teen wished she would put that blade away. Why did it seem familiar?

"Hey, Shizuo." Kadota stepped forward. "Ready?" Kadota was wearing a black fleece, with a tan jacket, a white shirt was untucked hanging over the murky green knee length shorts. The raven wig was shorter than his own ending in a ducks tail at the back. Bright blue eyes stared into his own, his friend pulling at the light coloured beanie. Tan boots were laced up, a phone held in Kadota's hand.

"Yeah, I'm ready." No matter what game Izaya played he wouldn't fall for it. Kadota nodded checking his phone.

"Good. Yumasaki went to get Kanra." Shizuo nodded, the otaku trying to take his glove off to see if he had applied the mark properly.

"Perfect. You look perfect." A loud squeal pierced his ears. "I need to take a photo. Say it."

With a sigh he gave Karisawa what she wanted. After all a happy otaku was less likely to cause trouble. "I'm merely one hell of a-" His voice squeaked mouth dropping open.

"No no. That's wrong." Shizuo ignored her only having eyes for his beautiful girlfriend. Chiyoko stood a little in front of him, a shy smile on her lips. Her hair was blonde, put up in four ringlets that spiralled down. A thin red hairband pressed down the fringe, one thick lock hanging over. The band had two large roses.

Her eyes were a vivid green. A similar red band was around a slim neck, a small rose on the side. The dress she wore was cute, red with white frills. A pink bow on the front, the sleeves blossoming out to cover her hands. The bottom of the dress was mainly pink. "D-does it look bad?" Slowly Shizuo shook his head, hearing the silverware clink in his pocket.

"No, you look amazing." They were both wearing white gloves. Chiyoko blushed holding out her hand.

"I'm glad. After the costume change-" Shizuo stopped listening. Karisawa was looking at his girlfriend oddly. Something was wrong.

"Chi-Chi. Where's your costume? That isn't the one I picked." He knew. As soon as he heard the laughter close by he knew.

"Kan-Kan! You changed your costume too?" The otaku didn't look happy. Shizuo turned away not wanting to look at her. Whatever game she was playing, he wasn't a part of it. Instead he turned his attention to Walker, the quietest one in the group.

His hair was white, eyes crimson like his own. A long tie was centred down a white shirt. Next was a light blue jacket with a green hood. Like Kadota he held a phone in his hand. Everyone had arrived and now all he had to do was make sure at the end of the day those who he cared about made it home safely.

"Shizu-chan, you haven't told me how I look." There was only so long he could ignore her. At least those damn crimson eyes were gone. Instead he was staring into a deep blue orb, a black eyepatch covering the other, connected with a single string. Her hair was really short and a dark navy, that had a sheen to it every time the light caught the strands.

The outfit was blue, a long overcoat covering almost all of the shorts. The cuffs were black, same as the gloves. Long dark boots cut off high above her ankles, It was finished with a thin bow tie tied over white. Kanra smirked at him, holding the silver skull head of the cane. The rest was black, with a shiny blue ribbon tied around it.

"Sorry, Karisawa-chan. Your choice was good but this is better. Don't you agree, Shizu-chan?" Shizuo said nothing, reaching out to take his girlfriend's hand. Somehow Kanra got impossibly close stepping in between them. The eye patch flipped up, Shizuo finding himself staring into a light purple orb, with the same mark as his own.

"Ah ah, this one is mine." The teen could do nothing as Kanra looped an arm through Chiyoko's guiding her away. It was Karisawa that rushed in front, waving the blade around.

"No no no. We need to go together." The way Kanra froze didn't go unnoticed.

"That blade. Where did you get it from? It looks real?"

The otaku grinned holding it up. "Its pretty right? I found it in the back of Shizu-Shizu's closet." Everyone turned to look at him. Kanra's gaze narrowed.

"And where did you get it? Shizu-chan." Why was she so interested in the damn thing? A name passed through his mind before it was gone. He had never been good at remembering names.

Kadota was looking at it strangely too. "Karisawa, I think you should give that back before someone gets hurt." The pink haired otaku gripped onto the handle holding it close to her chest.

"Noo. I want it. Shizu-Shizu, I can have this right? Holding out his hand the teen took it back. Such a thing had been in his possession?

The knife was move like a dagger, sleek back handle with a silver swirl pattern over the hilt. The blade itself was smooth and shiny, turning it slightly the edge changed red. Just touching the edge drew blood. Why the hell would he have such a thing? It was clearly real and could do a lot of damage. His head hurt, catching a flash before it was gone.

If it was important he would eventually remember. Running his fingers over the hilt, something at the end stuck out. Something that didn't go with the design. With everyone watching, Shizuo tugged at the top where a chain hung off. The top of the hilt opened, the chain coming off in his palm. It was a ring. A silver band.

"Hahaha. Shizu-chan already has another girlfriend? I guess I'll take Chi-chan then." With a growl, his fingers gently took hold of Chiyoko's hand, keeping her by his side.

"Shizuo, what is that?" Kadota stood close too, looking over his shoulder. Shizuo said nothing, a flood of memories rushing back.

The end of the hilt closed. Holding the ring up, the teen rotated it. Under the band there were some engraved words. _Until death I vow. _His fingers fumbled in surprise. Taking off his glove, the ring fit nicely over his finger. So that was it. All along he had held something he could use against the flea, something to protect his friends with. Something that would drag him to the depths of the underground for the rest of his life.


	14. Game over or continue?

**Game over or continue?**

_A/N:- Got the Durarara box set for my birthday and it came with four art cards :)_

_Ah, I should mention I don't own Black butler or Future diary either. Enjoy._

"Are you going to tell me what is going on?" Kadota didn't look happy. His girlfriend stood beside him, the two of them holding hands so Kanra couldn't do anything. Karisawa skipped happily ahead holding tightly to the blade. Next to her was Walker. As soon as Kanra made a move he would be ready.

Shizuo only sighed. "I'll tell you after everything is over." Weighing up the risks he had chosen to hand the blade over. His friend didn't accept his answer, sharp blue eyes gazing into his own.

"Shizuo, you gave Karisawa a real blade. I need a reason not to take that thing away from her." Scrubbing a hand through his hair he made sure not to dislodge the wig.

The white glove was smooth against his hand, except for the bump that was the silver band. As long as they didn't find out it should be okay to continue as he was. Once it was all over he could hide the ring and the knife just like he had done subconsciously since he had received the damn thing. "Succession. The blade is a ceremonial dagger for succession." The ring a binding contract that couldn't be taken back.

"Succession? For what? Are you in trouble again?" Shizuo shook his head not wanting to talk about it any further. Chiyoko was by his side and if things went wrong and he was found, then there would be a painful choice to make and he wasn't ready to walk away from the love of his life.

"Shizuo-kun?"

Bright green eyes looked at him full of concern. "Is everything okay?" Putting on a smile, the teen raised Chiyoko's hand to his lips.

"Everything is fine." He could only hope that was true.

"Oh. Okay." Guilt bit sharply at him, seeing her downcast face. Shooting a glare at Kadota for bringing the conversation up. Why couldn't he have left it alone?

Chiyoko tugged at the sleeve of her dress. "Um, Shizuo-kun. What Kanra said about another girlfriend..." Damn that bitch trying to mess with his girlfriend.

"Its not true. I only have you." The ring in his possession was anything but romantic. It was a curse, a choice of which path to take removed.

"...Okay. Sorry I-" Shizuo leaned over pressing his lips to hers.

The crowds were vast, covering the streets, a mass of vivid colours, accessories and characters from favourite manga or anime. They hadn't got that far in yet and already he felt as if they would get lost. In front of them Karisawa squealed loudly. "Did you see that? They put so much thought into their costume." The otaku waved her phone hurrying after her target.

Shizuo watched as she hurried off, oblivious that they were supposed to stay together. The crowd seemed to close off making it impossible to get through. Worried blue eyes glanced at him. Making sure he was keeping hold of Chiyoko's hand, they tried to wade their way through. Right now he didn't know what was worse. The fact that the otaku had left their protection or the fact she was alone with a very real sharp blade.

"Excuse me." Shizuo turned around seeing the hand resting on his arm. A small blonde in a sailor uniform looked up at him, camera in hand. "Can I take a photo of you?" The teen could do nothing as Kanra stepped up beside him. The girl smiled, snapping their picture.

"Your costumes are so good." Shizuo forced a smile trying to see Karisawa over the crowd. Do you mind if I take more pictures?" It was two against one, Chiyoko holding the sides of the dress as she curtsied.

Kanra stood between them, the cane pushing up against his jaw, one hand resting on his girlfriend. "That's perfect. Thank you." It wasn't the first time they were stopped for photos, the damn bitch getting into her character role and treating him like a servant. As they moved on the crowd thinned slightly, the area more wide spread. "Hey! Do you want to join us for a photo?" Shizuo glanced up where the voice was coming from, seeing long red hair and a chainsaw. Kanra was already rushing over with a wide grin.

Kadota and Walker had vanished, going to track down Karisawa. As long as he didn't let Kanra out of his sight everything would be fine. "Get over here." The demanding voice irritated him Following his character he gave a small bow leading Chiyoko to join the group. They met a number of people, becoming instant friends. Shizuo complimented the woman in red on her costume. Not once did he take his eyes off of the serial killer.

"Get your hands off of my Yuki!" Shizuo hurried towards the voice, pushing a few people aside while murmuring an apology. That voice was no doubt Karisawa and she didn't sound happy. Maybe he shouldn't have let her have the knife at all.

There was no need to worry, cheers surrounding them. Standing in the centre was Karisawa brandishing the knife, a crazed look in her eye. Behind her was Kadota looking like he wasn't worried at all. Shizuo groaned rubbing a hand over his face. It was a stage. There was no need to worry at all.

"Shizu-Shizu! Your turn." The surrounding cosplayers turned his way. Damn. The crowd closed, leaving him standing close to the makeshift stage. His nickname was repeated as he was urged onto the stage. And where was Kanra? Currently hopping onto the stage attaching the microphone to the collar. "_Shizu-chan, Chi-chan, our turn."_

Chiyoko carefully made her way up. For now Shizuo stood where he was wondering what to do. A growl left his throat watching those dangerous hands reaching out to touch Chiyoko's cheek. _"That face is a fright. Can you even call yourself a lady? I don't want to ask you to dance when you're looking like that."_

"Shizuo. You're shaking." Kadota's hand rested on his shoulder. Whether it was from fear or anger he didn't know. Shizuo narrowed his eyes, not liking how close Kanra got as the two danced as their characters. When it was over, Chiyoko slowly made her way back towards him. It seemed like Kanra wasn't done just yet.

"_Hey. Playtime's over." _Shizuo shuddered feeling that cold gaze on him. _"Just how long are you going to feign sleep?" _Every word was directed at him. _"Children are greedy when it comes to games." _Everyone was clapping as she spoke. Taking a deep breath, the teen made his way to the stage. Kanra looked at him and smiled. _"Too bad for you...this is game over." _

Shizuo spun around seeing Kadota and Walker standing side by side, the otaku wasn't with them. Where the hell was Karisawa? Kanra gave a bow, unpinning the microphone. While the crowd clapped and a new pair stepped up, the teen vanished through the crowd. "Fuck!" He had been distracted and now both the serial killer and intended victim were somewhere in the crowd.

"Shizuo-kun?" His arms wrapped around Chiyoko.

"Chiyoko. I need you to stay with Kadota." Hearing a high pitched scream in the same direction Kanra had gone, Shizuo turned and ran. Time was up. It looked like succession wouldn't help after all.

Making his way through the crowd he could see Kanra. Taking the silverware from his pocket, Shizuo held them between each of his fingers, arms crossed over his chest. As soon as she came into view he threw the knives and forks, all of them being dodged, the cane smacking the last one away. "What did you do to Karisawa?" There was no sign of the otaku.

If anything happened to her...it would be his fault. "That's for you to find out, Shizu-chan." Kanra spun around aiming a blade straight for his face. With a growl he caught the sharp metal between his teeth biting down harshly. The blade cracked into pieces, the teen spitting them out. "Hahaha. Now that's more like it. Show me the monster."

Kanra was quick on her feet leading him through deserted streets and open alleyways. Even so he didn't give up knowing it was time to end the game. "Izzaaaayyyaaa-kuun!" His own speed increased surprising even himself. Fingers snaked around the nearest signpost, tearing it from its concrete holding. One blue orb widened slightly, that sadistic smirk directed at him.

Hurling his arm back, Shizuo threw aiming to knock that cocky head from Kanra's shoulders. The teen ducked at the last moment, the signpost slamming into the wall where it remained. One blue eye winked, the teen hopping up onto the signpost. "Is that all you can do? Surely you can do better? How are you going to pro-"

"Shut up!" Shizuo reached for another signpost. "Where. Is. Karisawa? If you touched her..." He was met with cold laughter the teen vaulting off of the signpost onto a low balcony. Shizuo watched her move gracefully through the air as if nothing could hold her back. "Fuuck!" He couldn't let the psychopath go. Who knew who else would get hurt or worse.

It looked like the bitch was heading towards the roof. Running through the double doors into the lobby, Shizuo took the stairs two at a time. His temper was unleashed, his strength unlimited and still Izaya managed to keep ahead with the agility of a damn cat. It was too bloody hot to be running in a butler's costume.

At last he reached the top of the building, slightly out of breath and panting. Throwing the door back it slammed back on its hinges. "Aw, you took so long to get here. I almost got bored of waiting." Kanra was sitting cross legged on the rooftop. "You know, If you can't beat me..." He never heard heard the rest, the teen running and vaulting to the next building.

"Come and get me, Shizu-chan." One mocking hand waved to him. Making his way to the edge of the building, Shizuo glanced down seeing that it was a long way to fall. "Gah!" Turning away he began to walk back towards the centre of the roof top. "Oh? Are you giving up?" It was insane. It was stupid. Spinning on his heel, the teen ran towards the edge, kicking off as he hit the edge.

It felt like he was flying as he soared over the gap. But humans weren't meant to fly, gravity taking hold. Rage overtook his panic, seeing Kanra calmly waiting for him knowing he would fail. Both hands reached out, his fingertips crunching against the corner of the brickwork. The sun was cruel, beating down on him, draining his energy with its infernal heat.

Digging the tips in, Shizuo growled pulling himself onto the roof. Collapsing on his knees, it took a while for him to get his breath back. Glancing up he could see Kanra slowly skipping back. Shoving the pain to the back of his mind, the teen forced his overworked muscles to move. Kanra was laughing, already scaling the emergency staircase down.

"Fuck! Izaaayaaa!" He no longer had the energy to move the way he wanted. If he jumped would he survive? His bones were like steel now, after so many breaks as a child. Kanra was quickly vaulting down to the bottom. From where he stood everyone looked like ants. One hand clenched his thigh as he forced himself to his feet. Taking a step from the edge, Shizuo let himself free fall.

The sliver of fear vanished, one goal in mind. Twisting his body, his feet slammed into the bonnet of a parked yellow car. "Ugh!" Shizuo felt the impact, a shock wave running through his system. Sliding from the car onto the ground, he could see Kanra hop down from the lowest part of the fire escape.

The alarm on the car blared out drawing attention. Shizuo ignored everything around him, dragging his leg along behind him, his body refusing to move as he wished. Ripping the signpost from the ground, the teen knocked another volley of knives away. Aiming the signpost he heard Kanra scream and knew it had hit its target.

The cosplay was ruined, the navy wig slipping, the eye patch lost in their chase, leaving one eye purple and the other blue. Slowly he stalked towards the monster that plagued Ikebukuro. Kanra was screaming holding her shattered arm. Shizuo couldn't bring himself to care. It was the least the flea deserved after everything he had done.

"Aha, Shizu-chan..." His hand wrapped around her throat slamming the slim form into the wall. Kanra coughed, one hand clawing at his. "...Monster." Shizuo shook his head laughing bitterly.

"As if you can talk." The navy wig slipped completely, the raven tossed against the wall like a rag doll. "You! Won't hurt anyone else!"

"...Sorry Kadota." Once released his strength was near impossible to reel in. Within seconds Kanra's neck would be broken. His fingers squeezed, watching the teen struggle.

"...S-st-op!" Shizuo shook his head, his voice an inhuman growl.

"And what about your victims? What about my classmates?"

In his pocket his phone rang. Reaching in with his free hand, Shizuo caught sight of the charm. Chiyoko. She would never forgive him... His eyes widened seeing the caller ID. It wasn't Kadota or any of his friends to say Karisawa had been found, like he had hoped. Flashing up on the screen was a little animation of a cat. From where he held Kanra, the raven laughed. "...You-might...get th-at."

Keeping his hold, Shizuo answered the phone. _Hahahahahahaha. That was brilliant. Amazing. As expected of Shizu-chan. _What? Releasing his grip, Kanra slid to the floor unconscious. How was it possible? _You seemed shock. Oh, look at what you did to that poor girl. Uwah. You really are a monster. Is she still breathing?_

"...What kind of game is this?" Crouching down, Shizuo slapped the unconscious raven. There was no response. _Game? This is my game. Ne, Shizu-chan. Aren't you going to say hello? How rude. Just when I came especially to see you. _Shizuo felt a shudder rush down his spine. Standing slowly the teen turned around. Across the rode stood the raven that haunted his dreams, wearing a dark red top, with a cropped black blazer and pants, a silver chain hung from the waist.

Then who was the one currently passed out? _So unpredictable. I didn't expect you to have...that. To think the next generation of the Awakusai... Rules rules rules...But rules are meant to be broken, don't you agree? _Shizuo clutched at the phone. Why was he listening to Izaya's poison? _Hahahahaha. You knew...that blade. What it means. That interfering bitch has the best protection. This is what makes games fun. The twists. The decisions. The gambles. The turns and ultimately your downfall. _

Shizuo growled taking a step towards the raven. His movements slow and uncontrolled. "LEAVE HER ALONE!" He was met with cold mocking laughter. _Oh, don't worry. Thanks to your decision, Karisawa-chan is safe. How does it feel knowing you gave the ultimate protection to her, rather than that girlfriend or brother of yours? Aren't they more important? You really are a protozoan._

A boost of adrenaline rocked his body, giving him the burst he needed, legs running towards the flea. This time he wouldn't mess up. _Hahahahahaha. Oh dear. Didn't anyone tell you to look before you cross? _Shizuo couldn't stop hearing the blaring horn. Too late a large truck slammed into his side, throwing his tired body up into the air.

His body landed with a thud as he bounced against the asphalt. "Shizuo!" His eyes stared at the waving psychopath, Izaya turning to be swallowed by the growing crowd. "Shizuo-kun!"

"Shizu-Shizu!" So she was safe. Good. Everyone was safe for now. "Call an ambulance!" Ah, that was Chiyoko. He really was a failure as a boyfriend.

His fingers felt damp, a pool of crimson spreading from underneath his battered body. Why couldn't he feel anything? "Shizuo! Can you hear me? Shizuo?" The voice sounded faint, his vision going dark. The panicked voices stopped as his exhausted body finally shut down.


	15. The aftermath

**The aftermath**

Shizuo blinked opening his eyes, not at all surprised that once again he was in lying in a hospital bed. His entire body ached, the damn machine next to him continued to beep steadily. More needles were jammed into his skin. Trying to get up he found his leg elevated high, a neck brace around his neck, keeping his movements to a minimum.

Staring blankly up the ceiling, Shizuo retraced his steps in his memory. He had failed. Izaya had been ahead of him all along, watching and laughing. He had assumed Kanra was the flea. They looked identical and even called him the same ridiculous nickname. Did that mean while he was wasting time watching Kanra, he had been missing everything that was happening?

Either way he had lost his advantage. The teen had no idea where Izaya was and here he was stuck in a hospital. His arms and torso were covered in bandages, his cosplay outfit no doubt ruined. Karisawa was going to be pissed for a while. His body refused to move. "Fuck!"

Shizuo waited for someone to come, whether it was the nurse, doctor or his friends he didn't mind. He just needed someone to keep him company. Everything was dark outside the door, not a single sound from the usual bustle. "No one is coming until morning." His eyes widened seeing the last person he wanted to leaning casually against the door frame.

The apprehensive teen watched as the door closed. Right now he was completely vulnerable. Kanra slowly stepped towards him, the machine next to him giving away his panic. "Shouldn't I be the one scared of you?" She was laughing at him. They were both out of their costumes, the raven's arm in a cast.

"...What the hell is going on?" If she wasn't Izaya then who the hell was she? He couldn't do anything as she took a seat on the bed.

"You look confused. Shizu-chan, would you really have killed me?" Shizuo growled.

"Who the fuck are you?" He was in no mood for games.

"I told you. I'm Kanra Orihara. Oh, you got me confused with Izaya didn't you?" So it was a trap and he had fallen for it. "Don't worry, I won't do anything. I'm not like that psycho." Shizuo blinked.

"...Then why were you in my school? In my class?" Crimson eyes looked away.

Kanra sighed. "I wanted to meet the one who had managed to put him away, at least for a little while. I've never seen him this obsessed over anyone."

"...Why?" It didn't make sense. "What's your game?" Kanra laughed bitterly resting her chin on her hand.

"Who said I have one? I wanted to see the one in the same boat as I am. Izaya always wins, there hasn't been a single game he's lost. Both you and I, our lives are forfeit. We're going to die and there's nothing either one of us can do about it." What?

"What are you talking about? The flea stepped in to save you." Was he walking into another trap?

"Hahaha, you believe that? He just got bored of hiding away in the shadows. He would've let me die and then used it against you. Izaya cares about no one." Shizuo could hear her voice drop, sounding almost fearful?

"I'm his cousin. As if that means anything. You know the first person Izaya killed was his mother. She tried to get him some help, seeing how sick her beloved son was becoming. The second was his older sister because she was irritating. He slit their throats without any remorse. Do you really think he'd care about me?" Kanra shook her head. "I'm nothing but his scratching post for when he gets bored."

Shizuo listened his guard up. He wouldn't fall for her lies. "What are you doing?" With her working hand, the raven slipped off the plastic hospital gown, letting it fall to the floor. There was no doubt she was a girl now. Her body was slim, breasts small a variety of scars and cuts covered her belly, just below her waist and shoulders. Each one looked deep.

"Looks bad doesn't it. Izaya found you and he found me. He's playing with us. As it is you're defenceless. He could waltz right in and slit your throat." Shizuo blinked not sure what to believe but the evidence was there. He could see that the scars continued covering the girl's back.

"...I thought you were Izaya." So much time wasted.

"Heh, sorry. I've been around him too long. Ask me anything and I'll answer." Shizuo groaned staring at the ceiling.

"Do you know where that bastard is?" As if he could go after him now while he was like this.

"You won't be able to reach him." Crimson eyes narrowed. "Actually you could but I don't think you would want to. Izaya is protected by the Awakusu-kai. Just like you he was given a succession blade and taken under Shiki's wing."

Shizuo said nothing. That was one group he wanted nothing to do with. The flea was with the Yakuza, it made sense. He didn't know who Shiki was though. The one that had given him his was a man with red hair, the same bright suit with a scar over one eye. Then there was that gaudy cane. For now Izaya was out of the way plotting his next move.

"Shizu-chan. I'm glad you saved Karisawa-chan." His gaze once again dropped to the multiple scars. All along he had thought Kanra was there to slowly drive him insane, to gloat as the deaths were set in play... Was her story true? If that was the case then he had hurt an innocent who looked like she had gone through hell.

"...Sorry about your arm. You should have said."

Kanra smirked placing something between his lips. "Would you have believed me?" No. He wouldn't have. A small light flared lighting the cigarette.

"Uh, can you put your gown back on?" The raven grinned moving teasingly close.

"Does it make you uncomfortable?" Her small breasts pressed up against him. "We could team up. Take on Izaya together." Her fingers slowly moved over his bandages. "What do you say?"

Crimson eyes glittered looking hopeful. "You're incredible. You kept up with me to the end and the way you jumped from that building and you got hit by that truck. Yet you're still alive." Shizuo panicked as her hand moved lower. "We could be perfect together."

"Kanra. Get off of me. I have a girlfriend." The raven pouted gathering up the hospital gown and snatching the cigarette.

"Fine. You know where I am." The disturbed girl waved as she left the room, the door slamming shut. At last he was alone, just as confused as when he had first woken up.

"Sleep well?" Crap. Sunlight flitted through the curtain. Outside his room the nurses hurried up and down dealing with patients. Standing in front of his bed was his father. "This is becoming a habit." Oddly enough he found that he could move. "The doctor gave you something to keep you from moving around. Knowing you, you would try coming home as soon as you woke up." Shizuo sighed, he couldn't deny it.

Everything still hurt but he could move, reaching up to yank out the tube connected to his hand. The clip pinching his finger came off next, the machine flat lining. "Can I leave now?" The doctor stood by the door. "I would prefer if you stay in for observation. You did get hit by a truck." Shizuo was already climbing out of the bed, his legs crumpling underneath him sending him sprawling across the floor.

His fist pounded the floor in frustration. "Shizuo, take it easy." The blond cursed as his father and doctor helped him back onto the bed. "Don't worry about school, stay here and let your body recover." Shizuo said nothing laying miserably on the bed, the doctor fussing over the neck brace and his leg. The white bandages were spotted with red patches.

"The nurse will need to change your bandages."

His temper wasn't at its best. There was unnecessary damage to his body that should heal in no time. All he needed was a couple of good nights sleep and he would be fine. Hospitals brought back bad memories. The nurses were kind even though he tried to push them away. If Izaya paid a visit... He didn't want anything to happen.

The television was switched on, stuck on a cartoon channel. He was being treated like a child. His father tried to stay as long as possible. But that was impossible since he was supposed to be covering a shift at work. Kanra didn't show her face again. Shizuo found himself wondering if she had already been discharged or if he had done some serious damage.

Had she messed with his head that much? She was an Orihara. She looked identical to Izaya. What if this was just another part of the game? But she didn't sound like she was faking, those scars and cuts were definitely real. So was she friend or foe? Was it safe to trust her? Kanra knew a lot about the flea, she could help him..."Damn it."

His anger was dangerously bubbling under the surface. His thoughts were going around in circles, plagued by both Oriharas. The remote flew across the room crashing against the wall, the plastic going one way, the batteries another. Maybe both of them just wanted to fuck with his mind.

The only good point of the day was the knock at the door, his friends waving sheepishly. "Hey, Shizuo. How are you feeling?" Kadota stood right beside him where the machine should be, Karisawa holding his hand with Walker beside her. Then there was Shinra and Celty standing at the end of the bed and Chiyoko sitting in the chair on the other side of the bed.

Everyone stood in awkward silence, no one sure of what to say. It was a high pitched squeal that broke the silence. "Shizu-Shizu. Do you know how much effort I put into those costumes? You ruined yours. Tears, blood stains...I had to throw everything away. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Chiyoko looked horrified, Kadota slapped a palm to his head. Coffee eyes widened, Shizuo laughing. "Karisawa, come here." The otaku stepped closer not a shred of fear in her eyes. Wrapping his arms around her, the teen pulled her close. "Thank you." Closing his eyes Shizuo revelled in how warm she felt, her arms laced around his neck.

Her breath was on the back of his neck making him smile. "Thank you." He could feel her confusion yet Karisawa remained silent returning the embrace. Thank you for staying alive. Thank you for never changing and remaining who you are. Just knowing that she was safe made his chest swell with relief and happiness. It didn't matter if he had lost to one of the flea's games. His friend was still alive, noisy and a hopeless otaku in love with his best friend.

Slowly letting his arms drop, the two separated everyone staring at them. Kadota only smiled knowing how he felt. Walker was glancing between the three of them and Shinra... Well Shinra was busy analysing his medical chart licking his lips. Give it about ten minutes and he would be asking for a blood sample.

"You got hit by a truck and you look perfectly fine." Shizuo grinned laying back down, his muscles screaming.

"Shinra, I look like a mummy." The raven shrugged going back to his chart.

"Well I'm glad you're okay. You have to see the videos online. They look amazing." Karisawa was waving her phone around. Videos?

"Karisawa, I don't think he wants to hear about those." Kadota had a slight glint of panic in his eyes. "Why not? Shizu-Shizu is a celebrity." That didn't sound good at all. A gentle hand rested on his own and squeezed.

"Are you okay, Shizuo-kun?" The rest of his friends glanced at each other.

"Ah, you know I think I want a drink. Shizuo?"

"Milk if they have it, thanks." Kadota left the room dragging Karisawa behind him.

Walker scratched his head. "Uh, I think I'll go and check on Kanra. She hasn't had any visitors." Celty pinched Shinra's ear dragging him from the room, the door closing. Shizuo sighed. "Well that was awkward." Chiyoko smiled stroking the back of his hand. It would bruise like the rest of his battered body. "I think they were trying to be subtle."

A small plastic bag was placed on the bed. "That is what's left of your phone. "Shizuo lifted the bag seeing that it was completely crushed, falling into bits. The small heart charm was in pieces. "We can get another one. I'm glad you're safe." His girlfriend sniffed wiping at her eyes. "When I saw that truck hit you. You w-went flying. Then you came back down and didn't move. I thought-I thought-"

Shit. Chiyoko clung to him sobbing against his chest. "Chiyoko. I'm okay." He didn't look okay but that was just the doctor being thorough.

"You have a neck brace and your leg is broken." It was a good thing Shinra had taken the chart away, so she didn't know about the rest.

"Its a precaution. I'll be out of here in no time and then we can go shopping again."

He really was a horrible boyfriend. "...Okay. Promise me." Shizuo held out his pinky finger seeing the ring still on his index finger. Their fingers entwined shaking on a promise. "Shizuo-kun, I'm scared. With everything that's been happening. I really thought I lost you."

Shizuo sighed, all he was doing was making her miserable.

"Chiyoko I-" What he supposed to say? Damn it! She wasn't involved.

"I get it, Shizuo-kun. You have your strength and that gets you into trouble. But you don't need to protect me. If I- If I- I don't want to be a burden to you." Shizuo groaned. "I-I think I should go." Chiyoko stood walking towards the door. The teen watched her reach the door.

"No!" There was a bad feeling in his chest. If he let her walk out of the door then it felt like he wouldn't see her again. "Chiyoko! Please don't go." Karisawa was safe but that didn't mean the rest of those close to him were.

"Shizuo-kun?" Slowly she walked back towards him.

"Don't go. Stay by my side." Entwining fingers, the two of them stared at each other. "I need you to trust me. Once everything is over I will tell you. But for now, just trust me. I'll keep you and everyone else safe. I promise." Chiyoko nodded, fingers brushing against his cheek. Shizuo smiled sealing their promise with a kiss. It looked like he had to talk to Kanra again.


	16. Going viral

**Going viral**

"And how do you feel?" Shizuo closed his eyes refraining from snapping back with a waspish retort. Why of all people was she in his hospital room?

"My body aches and no one will let me leave this damn place." Namie only tossed back her hair, tapping her pen against the clipboard.

"I'm sensing a lot of anger from you." Her voice was slightly more irritating than he remembered.

"You think? Shit...sorry..." It wasn't a good time to be discussing his feelings, especially with someone he didn't completely trust. Then again he hadn't trusted Kanra at all and look where that ended up.

"I understand, you need to vent. You can fill that rage building up. Do you know why I'm here?" The blond shrugged trying to go back to watching cartoons, the same four repeats had been on all day. "Your father thought it would be best for me to talk with you."

Great. "I'm fine. Can you leave?" The raven smiled all business like at his tone.

"Shizuo, I get the feeling that you don't want to talk to me. Has something happened? Maybe with Izaya?" Shizuo stayed silent saying nothing. His fingers twitched itching for a cigarette or maybe those sleeping pills. Either one would do.

"Hm, I have no appointments for the rest of the day. You can stay silent as long as you want..." The teen growled looking away from the screen to direct his fiery gaze at the woman.

"What do you want? I've said all I have to. Nothing has changed." Namie stared at him condescendingly.

"Yet you gave your friend a knife, chased one of your classmates through Ikebukuro and jumped off a building." Crap. That did sound bad. "Did I miss anything else?"

Shizuo cursed, who had told her about that? It made him sound like he should be the one locked away. "...I was wrong. I thought Kanra was Izaya." Namie nodded jotting down something.

"Have you been sleeping well? How many of the pills have you used?" She wasn't listening to him, just like everyone else trying to mask over the problem.

"Okay then, another question. How long have you had suicidal thoughts?" Coffee eyes widened.

"Wait! What?" The raven only smiled looking at him as if he was a mess.

"It seems I didn't realise how serious the problem is. It seems like your mental health has taken a turn for the worst."

"What the hell? I don't have suicidal tendencies." Namie sighed, pen moving across the page.

"No? Shizuo I'm going to show you something." Where was his friends when he needed them? Now he knew what the messenger bag the woman carried was for.

Inside was a laptop already loaded up. Shizuo closed his eyes rubbing a hand over his face. He knew exactly where this was going and now he knew exactly what Kadota didn't want him knowing. The page loaded up, on the screen was a popular website for sharing videos. "Fuck."

It did look bad. Someone had been watching him or maybe it was a coincidence. There were numerous videos, some including him and his friends, others he had no idea who the people were. The particular one though was of the stage, Karisawa brushing back her pink hair as she skipped into position. He could see Kadota's lips moving before the otaku stepped in front holding out the special knife. So much for keeping it a secret.

The image of the blade was now on the internet and would soon be seen b everyone depending on how popular the video was. Karisawa was probably squealing and saving every link to watch over and over. For him though it was a nightmare. What was the chances that the yakuza would see it?

Time was already running out and he didn't want to deal with both the yakuza and a serial killer. The video ended with Karisawa leaving the stage. "You did give that blade to her, did you not?" Shizuo said nothing refusing to answer. His ring less hand slid over the other to keep the band out of sight.

The next one made him freeze. The video started with him running through the crowd. "This is you. Your friend said as much. Do you have anything to say? Your choice of attire is an interesting one. Did you feel the need to be someone else so badly?" Shizuo grit his teeth, fists clenched. Slowly he began counting in his head. Was she trying to piss him off?

"I was dressed like everyone else. It was a cosplay convention." The raven nodded the pen moving again.

"And how long have you had this character fixation?" Shizuo felt his mouth drop open. "Its understandable that when reality becomes too hard to deal with, you move to something or someone that feels more comfortable." Shizuo blinked. .Hell?

It was an uphill battle but for the moment he managed to keep his strength in check watching the rest of the video. He had never really seen himself in action before and damn it was like watching a monster in action. The bill would be sent to his parents and maybe he would be grounded, since his strength wasn't his fault.

It was like watching a live action version of the anime and he knew this was the one Karisawa would never let him forget. Buildings were damaged, signposts were demolished used as a spear or javelin. It was incredible and terrifying all at the same time. So this was what he was... The video ended leaving him speechless. Glancing at the views he could see it was the most watched since it had been added.

It was bad. Even if he had been wearing a wig and contact lenses, someone was bound to link his strength and they would find him. So this is what Karisawa meant by a celebrity. "Shizuo? Your thoughts?" Ignoring the raven, the blond glanced down at the comments underneath. Crap. There were already a lot. And not all of them were from trolls.

_Ilovepancakes123:- Holy crap! Is that real? Can someone actually do all of that?_

_Awesomegrelle:- I was there. Everything was real no wires. It was amazing._

_Anon:- Fake video :(_

_Grumpytortoise:- Well that isn't a way to treat signs. How are children supposed to cross the road now?_

_IamGasai:-Why is everyone being so negative. It was a brilliant display. The pair are true fans._

_Anon:- Ciel got the boots wrong. They're the wrong shade._

Shizuo couldn't read any more, the next video beginning to play. This one was even worse showing his movements getting more reckless. The angle changed, a silhouette dropping through the air. It was his body plunging towards the ground. Even though he knew the outcome, his eyes scrunched shut not wanting to see. It didn't matter since the sound hadn't been muted.

His eyes snapped open hearing a loud crunch as he landed on the car bonnet. His stomach turned at the sight. Right then was when his leg had broken, landing at a strange angle as he slid down. No normal person would have got up after that. Shizuo watched the hit count continue to go up. It hadn't even been a week yet. It was bad.

Lucky him even the end of the fight had been filmed, including the bit where the large truck slammed into him sending him high in the air. He remembered that clearly enough, it was a miracle nothing else had been broken. The blond knew that he had been saved by his abnormal body.

At the bottom he could see there was numerous pages of comments. Namie was watching him jotting things down.

_Ilovepancakes123:- Oh my! That looked like it hurt._

_Anon:- Did he die?_

_CutieAkuma06:- I think they went a bit too far, it looked like they were actually tying to kill each other._

_Anon:- Fake video:( No one could survive a fall from that height or that truck._

_Grumpytortoise:- The owner of that car couldn't have been happy._

_Anon:- Fake and gay._

_Logicalstar322:- I think the guy needs help. Clearly he's suicidal._

_Chainsawred:- That. Was. Amazing._

_Bloodsport77:- Holy shit. That is some anti-climatic parkour._

_Demonsaint:- Does no one realise the guy got hit by a TRUCK? Quit with the trolling._

_Anon:- Nice to see they filmed it instead of trying to help._

Shizuo sighed leaning back against the pillows. Somewhere among those comments was probably Karisawa defending them and taking control. At least she couldn't do any harm with a keyboard. The laptop was closed going into hibernation. "Those weren't the only videos." The teen said nothing.

"Your family has probably already seen them, as well as your brother and friends." He knew that. His friends were the ones who had seen his battered body laying unmoving on the asphalt, not knowing whether he was still alive or not. He hadn't realised there was so much blood. His chart mentioned internal bleeding but on the video...Shizuo shuddered.

"I need you to talk to me, Shizuo." Damn Izaya for getting him put in hospital. His hands clenched and unclenched.

"You've seen what was on the videos, the same as everyone else. I was in cosplay and thought Kanra was going to hurt one of my friends. I was wrong. Can you go now?" Something else was written down.

"Pushing me away won't help, Shizuo." Shizuo knew he had been right to suspect her. Right now he could only feel like she was trying to manipulate him.

"I've told you what happened. If I was you I'd get out." His teeth were gritted, voice coming out forced with a small growl. The raven only smoothed out that horrible green jumper.

"Hm? Is that a threat? All it takes is a few words and I can have you as securely locked up as Izaya."

Shizuo laughed bitterly. "But he isn't is he? I'm not falling for any more damn mind games. You lied to me, you tried to mess with my head. There is nothing wrong with me. Get out. I'm feeling really angry." The two of them glared at each other.

"You don't know how weak you really are little boy." There was a knock at the door but neither of them paid attention.

The long haired raven laughed at him, continuously tapping that pen. Shizuo felt his vision blur his hand lashing out to grab at the slim throat. He missed his fingers tearing at a silver chain. "No! Seji got me that." The woman was down on her knees searching for the missing pendant that had slid under his hospital bed.

It didn't take her long to find it, the moment of panic gone, leaving a cold hearted bitch staring at him with malice. "I had enough anyway. I'm not even a proper therapist. Why would I want to waste my time listening to stupid brats spill their problems? So let me tell you. Izaya is wandering around Ikebukuro as free as that twisted bastard can be."

Shizuo shuddered as the words left her mouth. Even though he knew, having someone confirm it sent shivers down his spine. "He's going to continue to kill everyone you so much as say hello to. I've heard the same damn thing everyday he comes to see me. Izaya is looking forward to killing you. The nut case sharpens his blade every night before he sleeps, just for you."

The door opened, Kanra standing in the doorway. Namie had yet to notice her. Better yet why was she here? Was it to join in and shove him into a corner? Or maybe she was bored? "And he will come after you. After he kills the person you care most about with you watching." Shizuo lashed out, the raven dropping to her knees.

Namie barked with laughter, wiping the mark on her cheek. "I quit. Do you know how much time I have wasted on you, when I could be with my Seiji?" Shizuo shook his head.

"Now who's in need of a therapist? Well you always did have that possessive love for that brother of yours."

At last Kanra spoke, moving over to the window, pulling back the curtains sunlight flooded in. "Shut up! There's nothing wrong with my love for Seiji." Crimson eyes gleamed skipping around the side of the bed.

"Hm? Nothing wrong... Apart from it being incestuous, immoral and wrong. He is your little brother."

Shizuo could feel the hostility around him lifting the small hairs on his arms. Throwing back the covers he tried to get out of the bed. Reaching for his lying therapist, his broken leg failed him, sending him to the floor. Or not. Bracing himself for impact, Shizuo opened his eyes seeing that he was leaning on Kanra's shoulder, her good arm helping to support him.

Grabbing Namie with ease, Shizuo threw her out of the open window. Next to him the raven laughed. "I see you've met Izaya's maid. Did you know we were on the ground floor?" The teen shrugged, Trying to get back into bed.

"...You helped. Why?" He didn't know who to trust any more.

Kanra smiled pulling the covers over him. "I said before. We could be a good team. You want to protect your friends and I want to stay alive." She sounded sincere. Shizuo dropped his head in his hands, the neck brace digging in. It wasn't needed any more. He knew his own body. But if he shattered it, then the nurse would only put a new one on.

"...Say I trust you and we team up..." The raven was all ears paying attention. "We need to set some rules in place."

"Here we go with the rules. Go on then. What can't I do?" Her voice was bitter, Shizuo guessed he had said the wrong thing.

"Don't tell anyone about Izaya, I don't want to worry anyone. Don't come anywhere near my house. Kasuka finally has his life back on track." Kanra nodded ticking them off on her fingers.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah. Don't make a pass at me. I have a girlfriend." His gaze dropped to the ring on his finger. How long for though? Time was running out. Chiyoko was currently being guarded by Kadota but that wouldn't last long. That was why he needed to get out of the damn hospital as soon as possible.

Kanra smiled keeping her broken arm out of the way. "I can't promise the last one, but I'll stay away from your family." Shizuo shook his head in disgust. She wasn't a temptation to him, she could try as many times as she wanted and he would still reject her.

"Fine." Sticking out his pinky the two of them shook on their deal. "Now tell me what you know about the damn flea. I want him out of my life for good."


	17. Know your enemy

**Know your enemy**

"Are you sure?" Crimson eyes gleamed Kanra sidling up a little too close. It didn't help that she was just wearing the hospital gown that seemed one size too small. Shizuo sighed keeping her at arms length. Anyone that walked through that door might misunderstand.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Tell me everything you know about the flea." Shizuo sighed, knowing there was slight panic in his voice.

Kanra only shrugged making herself comfortable, or at least that's what it looked like. "If you insist. Do you have a bin beside you?" Shaking his head he caught a sly grin, the covers being lifted. "What the hell are you doing?" The raven slipped underneath the covers, their shoulders touching. The teen shuddered inching away.

"That's not nice, Shizu-chan. I thought we were partners now?" Shizuo turned away from that pouty face.

"You look like the damn flea. Its weird." It was a miracle that he was even talking to her and hadn't tried to hurt her again. The dark bruise around that slim throat stopped him. She had been through enough and he had made things worse. That was why he didn't shove her away and put up with a little closeness.

"Well sorry I can't change my genetics. But it can't bother you that much, You haven't tried to kill me any more." Shizuo sighed, his gaze falling to the bruised neck and cast. "Or could it be you feel guilty? Hm?" Biting his lip the teen suppressed a growl. Everything about her reminded him of Izaya.

"Just get on with it." He was losing his patience, the visit and betrayal from his therapist hadn't helped.

"Okay, okay. I'll tell you what I know but what are you going to do about it?" Crimson orbs were questioning, a faint smirk on Kanra's lips. What would he gain by knowing more about the flea? Why did he even want to in the first place? The raven was a complete psycho. Or maybe because it was the most logical thing to do. The first time he had gone in wielding his anger like a double edged sword and that had caused him more damage.

This time he was going to remain calm and collected, the more he knew about Izaya the more he could plan his strategy. Not that he was good at it but maybe with Kanra's help they could corner the raven and take him down while protecting their friends. "You don't know, do you?" His fists clenched trying to calm himself down.

"Funnily enough Izaya was a normal little boy. Everyone loved him and showered him with affection." Shizuo groaned when Kanra began speaking to him as if she was reading a children's storybook.

"I don't need to know that crap." Crimson eyes flicked up to meet his, one dainty hand resting on his chest.

"Shh! Every story has a beginning, middle and an end, I'm starting at the beginning. Now don't interrupt." A slim finger pressed against his lips.

"Now where was I? Izaya grew up in a normal family, A mother, a father, an older sister and their dog." Shizuo groaned needing a cigarette.

"I get it, happy families. Don't expect me to feel any sympathy for him." Kanra only smiled.

"I haven't started yet. Now Izaya was six years old when his parent's marriage started to fall apart. The pair of them would argue everyday and snap at their children. As the weeks went by their arguments only escalated leaving Izaya and his sister to tread on eggshells."

Shizuo said nothing, not feeling a shred of sympathy. After what had happened to his class and the previous victims there was no feelings of any kind accept for disgust, anger and hatred. "A few weeks after Izaya turned seven, his parent's marriage ended. It was messy. Both of them wanted custody. His mother won and as revenge his father killed their dog."

Confused coffee eyes blinked. "What did the dog do?" Why kill an innocent animal? Kanra grinned. "I knew you'd ask that. Not so unpredictable after all. You see when they got married as a joint present they brought the first member of their family, a small puppy." Shizuo only growled.

"Oh."

"It was then that Izaya got his first taste of death. From there his obsession with blood began. The first thing he killed was the little cat from the house next door. It was messy and there was blood everywhere. From there he began to find more domestic animals to experiment on."

Shizuo blinked. "Do I want to hear the rest?" He could easily imagine the flea stabbing a small cat while laughing manically. Kanra shrugged shifting closer, any further and she would be on top of him. "You were the one that wanted to know. We could do... something else." The raven winked suggestively, with a sigh Shizuo pushed her away.

"Hahaha, just my luck I get one of the completely faithful ones." Kanra grinned sitting back against the flimsy headboard. "Izaya became obsessed with death, wanting to control his own life. He would sit in the library going through various books and theories. My cousin was a genius even at such a young age. He'd have a simple game board and make it look so complicated."

Shizuo couldn't help but listen. "Just after he turned thirteen Izaya met Shiki and was given a succession blade. At the point his mother found his growing collection of animal corpses and knew her son was seriously sick." Shizuo yawned.

"So then what? He killed her?"

"Yep, slit her throat. Of course his hands were small and it got very messy. Especially when his older sister came in and started screaming and he had to kill her too. All it took was a single call and Izaya was taken away into the safe hands of the Awakusu-kai. Shiki mentored him in their ways and taught him how to kill."

Shizuo turned away in disgust feeling his stomach drop. "So? How do you feel about him now?" The teen shrugged wanting to leave the room.

"He's a sick fuck that tried to kill my brother." Kanra sighed.

"Then we're on the same page." The raven moved, the hospital gown riding up and showing off the scars.

"...Yeah. It looks like it." He had learnt enough and nothing new that would change anything. If he went after the damn flea now he would be heading straight into the underground where he didn't want to go. His own succession blade would cage him and he would lose everything.

A loud knock at the door made him realise just how much of a compromising situation he was in. Kanra was practically on top of him, skin showing. "Shizuo, I'm- what are you doing?" Coffee eyes had scrunched shut praying that it wasn't Chiyoko or Kasuka that walked through that door. Kadota stood on his guard watching Kanra warily. "Hm, looks like I should leave you alone to talk."

The raven slowly slipped off the bed, brushing down the hospital gown, with a sultry wink and a flick of her hair she was gone, skipping past Kadota. "See you later, Dotachin and Shizu-chan." Just his luck, his friend had to walk in at that moment. The door closed a little too harshly.

"Since when were you two-"

"We're not. There's nothing between us." Kadota dropped down in the chair meeting his gaze.

"I hope not, It would break Chiyoko's heart. What if it had been her that walked in?" Shizuo sighed laying back down and readjusting his messed up pillow.

"I broke her arm, Kadota. I was trying to keep my temper in check. She looks like that damn flea."

Kadota sighed. "You promised me you would tell me what was going on. I'm pretty sure the others will come and visit you..." Meaning they didn't have a lot of time. Kadota didn't wear the school uniform choosing to where black instead. "Did anything happen at school?" Any more deaths or suffering?

"No. everything seems quiet. The class doesn't suspect you any more. They think that you were a victim that survived thanks to your strength." The teen shrugged. It didn't make a difference.

"My therapist was on Izaya's side. She was trying to manipulate me." Kadota simply sighed. After the recent events nothing was surprising any more.

"When I got hit by that truck, I saw him. He was watching and taunting me. Everything is a game to him Kadota. But things have gotten a little complicated."

His friend rubbed a hand through his hair. "What? You making out with Kanra?" Shizuo denied it with a growl shaking his head.

"Then what were you doing with her? From where I was standing it looked..." Kadota trailed off seeing a shadow pass over the door.

"We're teaming up to take down Izaya." Kadota groaned slapping a hand to his forehead.

"Shizuo, are you sure this is a good idea? You said this Izaya likes games, what if this is to force you into a corner. You barely know Kanra. Don't you think its a little suspicious that she came in after the first death?"

Shizuo sighed. They were good points and every single one had crossed his mind, making his mind feel as if it was being torn apart. To trust her or not to trust her? The scars were the clearest proof. "She's been hurt, by Izaya. She's scared of him, her body is covered in cuts and scars." Kadota was listening quietly analysing the information he had given.

"Why now? Why after she's been caught out? I don't trust her Shizuo. I don't like the fact she's close to Yumasaki and you should at least try and keep her away from your girlfriend." Kadota was right as usual but he was getting desperate to make sure everyone was safe.

"I know. Kadota, I'll make my own mistakes." His voice sounded hollow in his ears.

"Suit yourself, its impossible to get through to you when you've made up your mind. Just make sure you don't get hurt. Now what did you give Karisawa?" Shizuo rolled over his body feeling stiff from the lack of movement. "It's called a succession blade..."

The room was deathly silent apart from the empty words leaving his throat, once again telling the story that was his life, his deal with Kanra and what he knew about the serial killer. Time continued to tick on by, no one bothered him while he spoke.

"...Oh. Then I guess I should thank you. You didn't have to give Karisawa something like that." Shizuo knew that but at the time it was his only option. "I'll make sure she keeps it safe. You know those vide-"

"I've seen them. Its only a matter of time before they track me down. Kadota sat back in the chair.

"Its not fair though, you didn't accept it, they just gave it to you. Fuck man. I knew it would be dangerous...wow. Are you going to tell Chiyoko? She'll need to know."

Shizuo stared at the wall. "No, I don't want to. I thought we would spend our entire lives together. But she's not going to want to be involved in the yakuza." Or more like he wouldn't allow her to get involved. Chiyoko was his weakness. How many would use that against him?

Coffee eyes widened narrowing down the feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Kadota, where is she?" He had asked his friend to look after her.

"Don't worry, she's safe. She went to look for a get well present for you." Shizuo clenched his fist punching the covers. "What did you let her do that?" Tossing back the covers a hand rested on his arm.

"You were told to stay in bed, Shizuo. Karisawa is with her, there's nothing to worry about." All movement stopped his anger draining.

"I know. I know, I just don't want to lose her. All I've done is think about it. I want to protect her but am I the one putting her in danger?" He didn't get an answer. "I need to let her go. But my chest hurts at the thought. Kadota, what would you do?"

"For a start I think you need these." A small box was dropped in his hand, a pink lighter landing on top. "I would go to the strongest person I know and ask for their help. That would be you, Shizuo. You kept your promise you helped Karisawa. The only one in the class to survive so far. Keep Chiyoko by your side, just not in the dark. If you get too clingy she'll walk away." He needed to tell her the truth.

"Thanks Kadota." In the background he could hear a loud squeal two happy looking girls throwing the door open. "Shizu-Shizu, did you miss us? School was so boring without you? Chi-Chi got in trouble for not paying attention. His girlfriend blushed moving to stand beside him, a bag in her hand. From here he could smell the cream cakes. Kadota gave him a warning look before leaving them to it. Shizuo sighed knowing that he had to either tell her or let her go.


	18. Unwanted visitor

**Unwanted visitor**

Shizuo looked at the closed door knowing he was on his own. Chiyoko was smiling unaware of what was going through his head. It was hard. He had missed her since the last time. What was between them couldn't be easily broken, well that wouldn't be the case if Izaya struck. If the flea was upgrading his game then next would be someone more important than Karisawa.

Kadota could take care of himself and his little brother was safe away from the school. That left Chiyoko or maybe Izaya would go after Kanra. Not that he cared much about her, it was just the case that he felt responsible for her safety since he was the one that had falsely accused her and taken the use of one of her arms.

"Shizuo-kun, are you feeling better?" She was blushing again, taking one of the boxes from the bag. The scent of sweetness and chocolate hit him. "I thought these might make you feel better." Shizuo groaned inwardly. Really he was such a shitty boyfriend.

"Thanks." His stomach turned at the sight. It wasn't that he wasn't hungry, the hospital was trying to force feed him vegetables and other healthy crap. He was starving and couldn't wait to be discharged.

"Everyone in our class was asking about you." Only because they were curious of how he was involved. "I missed you." Shizuo felt his heart strings pull.

"Chiyoko we need to talk." She didn't expect what he was trying to do, taking one of the cream buns out of the box.

"Did I buy the right ones?" There was a slight hint of panic in her voice.

"Yeah, you know I like all sweets. Chiyoko-"

The door was thrown open without so much as a knock. Kadota was leaning against the door frame a carton of milk in his hand, panic in his eyes. "Sorry to disturb you two. Shizuo we need to talk." Damn. Just when he was about to tell her.

"Chiyoko, why don't you go and visit Kanra?" The raven was still hospitalised. Apart from his friends she had no visitors.

"Oh okay. See you soon Shizuo-kun." He noticed her face drop as she trudged from the room.

"Chiyoko." His girlfriend looked up expectantly. "You forgot something." Attempting to get out of bed, Shizuo reached for the crutches the nurse had left. Their kisses were natural now, becoming a hello and a goodbye, good morning and good night. It was all he had ever wanted and he didn't want to let go.

The girl left his room happy, Kadota only shaking his head as he closed the door. "Karisawa is missing." The words were like a knife to the chest. "The nurse said she was speaking to someone and went off with him." Shizuo groaned head dropping in his hands, the damn brace getting in the way. It was just what he had feared.

That blade should have meant she was no longer a target. Izaya had said as much during their last conversation. So why now? Had he gone back on his word? "Did you get a description?" Kadota dropped down on the end of the bed. Did he look like that? Like he had lost the most precious person? "Black suits, apart from one that wore red."

Shizuo didn't know whether to panic of feel relieved. "Its not Izaya." A single sceptical eyebrow raised.

"How do you know that? Is it because he said he wouldn't go after her? He's a serial killer Shizuo. You can't trust anything he says." It was rare for his friend to raise his voice. He must be really worried.

"You said a red suit. It sounds like the guy who gave me that blade." The ring on his finger caught the light. The blade was supposed to keep her safe. If this carried on their friendship would become rocky.

"So the yakuza has her? That isn't any better." Shizuo said nothing reaching for his clothes. He hadn't been given permission to leave yet. Tearing off the neck brace he let it drop to the floor. The irritating hospital gown was next.

"Are you okay to leave? You did get hit by a truck. Not to mention fell from the top of a building." Shizuo shrugged in response. "I didn't fall. I jumped."

"Which isn't as crazy as it sounds, right?" He didn't answer struggling to pull his jeans on. "You know you can't do everything by yourself." Kadota took the other leg helping him get dressed. It hurt like hell and some of the material had to be cut to get his cast through. Not much though, it seemed Kasuka had anticipated him leaving early.

"I'm not alone, I have Kanra." His partner stuck in the same boat.

"You shouldn't trust her, Shizuo. Promise me you won't let your guard down." But he knew it was a promise he couldn't keep. Kanra needed someone to trust her, to help her get over what Izaya had done to her.

"Lets get Karisawa back." Slipping the t-shirt over his head, threading his arms through the holes, the blond reached for his crutches.

All along Kanra had only been a couple of doors away from him. He had found her name plate when he had tried to reach the toilet the first time. As usual the door was open, the raven sat on the edge of the bed in her own hospital gown, staring out of the window. It didn't matter that Chiyoko and Walker were with her.

He could see the fear and loneliness she portrayed. The two innocents didn't understand what she had been through. Keeping his weight from his broken leg, the teen knocked on the door to alert them of his presence. "Shizuo-kun, you're out of bed?" Chiyoko moved to his side a look of concern on her face.

"I needed to go for a walk. Kanra can we talk?" The crimson eyed raven bounded to his side, wrapping her arm through his.

"Sure, Shizu-chan." Two pairs of eyes widened staring at their linked arms.

"Shizuo-kun?" The teen groaned knowing the misunderstanding Kanra was creating.

"Chiyoko, I'll be back soon. I'm going to get discharged and then we can go shopping." It would kill his leg and tire him out but for her it was worth it.

"So where are we going?" Kanra was grinning as she skipped beside him.

"Shouldn't you get changed?" The raven simply shrugged. "Karisawa has gone missing."

"Really? I just saw her. She came to say hello and show me a new story she'd written. That one has unique tastes." She was taking it as a joke.

"This is Karisawa we're talking about. She vanishes within seconds." But not that far. He had a feeling this was just to get his attention. Even with his strength he wouldn't be able to chase after them, not when his leg was holding him back.

"Well you know this wasn't Izaya. He actually does keep his promises." Shizuo said nothing noting the way the raven shivered.

"I know, its about the blade."

A few of the nurses stared at them but they got through the corridors safely enough, walking out of the entrance. Parked outside was a black limo, stretching across the road. Leaning against the door was the man Kadota had described. "Kanra, you can wait here." The girl shrugged continuing to follow him. "What? You said I can. I want to go with you."

His speed was slow his grip tightening on the plastic handle. If it broke he was screwed. It didn't look like the man was going anywhere, patiently waiting for him, one hand waving at him. Karisawa wasn't in any danger. One of the black tinted windows was rolled down allowing him to see the interior. It was empty.

"Its been a long time. Do you remember me, Heiwajima no nii-chan?" Shizuo stood still and blinked. It was just how he remembered. The red suit and same coloured hair, the dazed but somehow dangerous look, a scar crossing over one eye. The same tacky looking cane.

"I remember. Where is Karisawa?"

The red haired yakuza sighed. "I can't say I like enclosed spaces. I thought we could meet somewhere private, that's why I borrowed Shiki-no-danna's limo. Its too cramped and dark for me. What do you say we take a walk? That's if you can." Why didn't he feel any danger from the man?

"I'll come with you when you give Karisawa back."

Next to him Kanra was smirking. She knew something and she wasn't going to tell him. Maybe Kadota was right. "Shizu-chan, This is your mentor? You got a good one." Huh? "Akabayashi-san, do you remember me?" Ah that was it. Akabayashi. "The red demon. Why did you choose Shizu-chan?"

Red demon? He didn't look like it. "That is none of your business little lady. This is only between us. The hyper girl didn't have the succession blade on her. I advised her to go back and get it. Of course she wanted to be dropped off at the shops. Something about a limited edition anime release." The yakuza cringed rubbing at his ear. "Of course that squeal is like a blade."

Shizuo laughed the tension draining from his body. "Kanra, go back and let Kadota know." The raven didn't look like she wanted to leave him. "Fine. See you soon, Shizu-chan." He didn't do anything as she pecked him on the cheek, it meant nothing.

"The hyper one isn't your girlfriend?" Shizuo shook his head again climbing in through the open door.

"No, she's my best friend's girlfriend." Akabayashi said nothing sliding in opposite him. "Sorry about this. You need your leg to heal." Wasn't this the man that was going to drag him into the underground? No more words were spoken, the man humming a tune and tapping on his cane.

"Isn't this much better?" The red head winked opening the door for him. Climbing out he could see they were outside of a park, dogs and children were running around. Couples were sitting on the benches. Akabayashi walked slowly across the grass allowing him to catch up. "Its a beautiful day, don't you agree?" Shizuo nodded looking up at the clear blue sky.

The two of them sat by a fountain, his eyes taking in the carving underneath, watching as water spewed out of the top. It wasn't a dark alley and he wasn't held at gun point. "You're growing into a fine young man. I'm glad to see my judgement wasn't wrong. I see you've made your decision." Shizuo moved his hand to cover the ring but knew it was already too late.

"I had no choice." Akabayashi drummed his fingers over the length of the cane.

"Everyone has a choice, no matter how cruel. You can choose the right thing or you can choose the wrong thing or you can choose to walk away completely. Its still a choice, whatever the circumstances." The way the yakuza scolded him gently reminded him of his father.

"I'm stuck with this ring, aren't I?" His response was a single nod.

"Its not all that bad, there are perks. Your friend is completely safe from harm...unless she manages to cut herself." Akabayashi laughed.

"Why did you choose me?" A large calloused hand ruffled his hair.

"Kindred spirits. I felt it the moment I saw you. You and I are alike." The man seemed happy and laid back staring up in to the vast sky.

"But I'm a monster." His gaze dropped down to stare at his bulky leg.

"As am I. You don't think I got this scar in a cooking accident do you? When I was younger, I was rash and reckless, I had a quick explosive temper. Things change when you fall in love."

Shizuo sighed not believing the man was dangerous or yakuza. He felt a connection with him. "I still have little slips and I have my temper when I need to use it but its a waste to feel angry. When you slow down and remain calm you can notice the beauty of this world. Haven't you ever wanted to just lay back and watch the clouds pass?"

"Yeah." He understood how much alike they were. Was he staring at his future self if he learnt to perfect control of his anger and strength? "You've still come to take me away." The cane was tossed back balancing on one shoulder.

"I'm afraid so." That meant he would be in range of Izaya? Would he be forced to live with them?

"Oh. I have a girlfriend and my friends. Couldn't it wait?"

The red demon laughed warmly. "You seem to have misunderstood. I won't force you away from those you love just yet. The yakuza is no place for a teenager, no matter what Shiki-no-danna decided to do. For now I'll be your tutor, I can show you how to control your emotions, I can teach you how to fight. Though those videos were impressive."

Shizuo blinked. "You watched those?" He hadn't imagined Yakuza watching online videos.

"Shiki-no-danna was showing us the new video for Hijiribe Ruri. It was on the most viewed list so we decided to have a look. I knew it was you as soon as it started." Shaking his head the teen stood abruptly needing to think, forgetting his leg was a liability. "Fuck!" With a cry of pain the broken limb gave way.

"Be careful." The man held him up with ease, sitting him back down. "I know this is a shock, but you've had years to choose and accept. We won't do anything dangerous. You're a diamond in the rough. I can help you shine, to be who you want to be."

"So a private tutor?" His mind was spinning, confusion filling him. But he knew that his mentor wasn't a bad man.

Akabayashi wouldn't rush him. It would just be like the after school sessions he used to have with Tomoyuki. His parents would accept it, his grades were dropping faster than his classmates. Shizuo's head snapped up feeling that he was being watched. There in the distance was the teenage raven, waving. His fists clenched knowing he would be at a disadvantage if he went after him now. Izaya would have to wait. "Okay. I accept you as my mentor."

The red head clapped his hands. "Good. I'll give you until the end of the week until we begin our lessons. I really am glad that I chose you." A large hand was held out to him. This time using his crutches to bear the brunt of his weight the teen stood slowly. "Come on, I'll get you back to the hospital, you don't want your friends to worry." Shizuo held out his own hand, the two of them shaking on their new bond as student and mentor.


	19. Consequences of unpredictability

**Consequences of unpredictability**

Shizuo relaxed back in his seat. It wouldn't be long before they were back at the hospital. "Akabayashi-sensei." He knew now there was no need to fear the responsibility the ring on his finger held. Somehow his finger felt lighter, the burden becoming lighter. Akabayashi was tapping his cane humming a tune to himself.

"What do you want to know?" Shizuo sighed clenching his fist. Akabayashi was part of the same organisation as Shiki and according to Kanra, Shiki was Izaya's mentor. "Do you know someone called Izaya?" The man's aloof grin turned sour.

"You're talking about Shiki-no-danna's successor?" So he did know him.

The cane tapped against the floor. Coffee eyes widened as a sharp blade was pulled out of the handle. "I believe that there is no good or evil only intention and choices. Shiki-no-danna was wrong to choose him. There is something wrong with that kid." So even the yakuza thought there was something wrong. Unless of course Akabayashi was different from them all and he had signed up to join a den of monsters.

"And Kanra?" One skilled hand angled the blade, letting him see the glint from the sharp edge.

"That little lady is cut from the same cloth." Shizuo blinked waiting for more. "Where there's one, the other won't be far behind. Why are you so curious about those two?" The teen shrugged staring out of the window. He wasn't going to drag someone else into his problem.

Akabayashi didn't push him, circling the blade before it was slid back into its sheath looking like a normal tacky cane. The limo slowed to a halt outside of the hospital. "If you don't have anything else to ask, you should go back and rest."

"Yeah, thanks." Sliding along the empty seat, Shizuo reached for the handle.

"If you've somehow managed to get involved with that boy, be careful."

The teen exited the limo, gently closing the door. Or at least trying to. Another smaller car drove up, a familiar squeal blasting his eardrums. Shizuo smiled seeing the door open wide. The first thing he noticed was the long brightly coloured wig on that reached past her waist. His mouth fell open at the amount of bags she was holding. So much for being weak and needing to be protected. Karisawa was strong when she needed to be.

The limo and car drove away leaving him and Karisawa. "Shizu-Shizu! Look what I've got." Changing his grip, the teen walked slowly back towards the entrance. Underneath each push he could feel the flimsy material bend and groan. "There was a man that was asking for you. The nurses thought he looked scary and wouldn't let him pass. But I knew he wasn't scary so I spoke to him."

Shizuo said nothing, letting the otaku carry on. "He seemed to know me and said I should always carry the knife you gave me. I didn't tell him anything, I swear." The teen sighed resting a hand on her shoulder.

"Karisawa, its fine. That was my mentor." Well back then it hadn't been. Karisawa beamed, holding up the bags up.

"He gave me a load of money as an apology and one of his friends drove me to the store."

As long as she was happy. Karisawa was out of the equation. No one would dare harm her and even if they did, it would be at their own peril. At last he reached the front doors. Kadota was sitting on the bench outside waiting for them. "Dotachin." He could see the cold anger under the surface even as his friend took the otaku in his arms.

"Even middle schoolers know not to climb in stranger's cars." Shizuo said nothing going to leave them alone. "Shizuo, sit down. You look like you're about to collapse." Awkwardly he sat down at the other end of the bench, trying not to look at the couple making out in front of him.

"D-Dotachin. Not here." Typical she was okay acting out in public but not being kissed.

"Shizuo-kun." Crap. Glancing up he met worried dark eyes. "Is everything okay?" There was no sign of Kanra, something niggling at the back of his mind. Akabayashi had said the two ravens were cut from the same cloth. That could be because they were related...

"Yeah. Everything is fine now." And apart from Izaya it was. He could finally fill out that little space on his guidance form. Though he wasn't sure his new teacher would appreciate him writing yakuza.

Chiyoko was biting her lip, toeing at the ground. "Kanra said you got into a limo with a stranger." The blond scowled rubbing a hand over his face. At the end of the bench the other couple fell silent. Why was nothing ever easy? He should have known Kanra would have told her something different. The raven had made her intentions against him clear. How many times had she pressed up against him?

"Kanra was mistaken. Nothing happened. Karisawa was at the store as you can see by how much crap she brought back."

"Hey! Its not crap, its limited edition mmph!" Shizuo sighed glad his friend had shut her up, even if they were kissing again. His girlfriend didn't look pacified, in fact it looked like he had made things worse.

"Why does Karisawa know about this and I don't? I'm your girlfriend, aren't I?" It looked like she was going to burst into tears.

Fuck. Now what did he do? Kadota was keeping the otaku quiet not paying attention. "Chiyoko, Karisawa was there by chance. My grades are dropping again and without...Tomoyuki, I can't study properly. The man I just met is an old friend I met years ago. He's offered to be my tutor." Just not in maths and his other subjects. "I'm sorry if I worried you."

Was that it? Had he said it right? Shizuo hated it when she cried. "Um, its okay. I just thought..." With a sigh he reached for her hand.

"Come on. We still need to go shopping." Pulling himself up, the crutch groaned and snapped, sending him back onto the bench, while the crutch lay in two pieces on the ground.

"I'll go get the nurse." Before he could stop her, Chiyoko had already vanished through the doors.

As expected they weren't happy to find he was out of bed, or that the crutch was broken and that he didn't have a neck brace. The list of their complaints continued, Shizuo surrendered allowing himself to be guided into a wheel chair and wheeled down the corridors. "Shizuo Heiwajima, you are in hospital for a reason. The sooner you rest the sooner we can discharge you."

So he sulked. In silence. The teen was helped into bed, the doctor checking his leg. Somehow he had managed to crack the cast. "...Only making it worse...healed...not healed." Shizuo lay back against the pillow listening to the doctor mumble redoing his chart. At last he opened his mouth.

"Can I go home?" The creaky doors were becoming annoying.

"No. Do you realise that if it wasn't for your...lets say adrenaline strength you would be dead? I am your doctor and I will permit when you may leave." Shizuo groaned pounding his pillow. "Please keep the movement to a minimum. You need your body to heal completely. The nurses will change your bandages. If you have any questions, I will be around to give you a check up tomorrow morning."

"Fuck!" The door closed leaving him alone. Seconds later the nurse came in.

Chiyoko sat in the chair by his bedside, holding the cake box for him. Once again he was back to being miserable. The neck brace made it hard for him to move, the new bandages were a little tight and his leg was elevated with a new cast on it. Not to mention his clothes had been taken away and once again he was in a hospital gown. He was pretty sure they had put something in his drip too.

"I didn't know. I'm sorry." Shizuo sighed unable to shake his head.

"Its not your fault. I didn't have permission to leave. Are you okay being here? Won't your parents worry?" The blond closed his eyes feeling a warm hand in his hair.

"Uh, maybe. I want to stay here."

"Chiyoko, go home. Kadota will walk you." She was biting her lip again clutching at her uniform. "You can visit again after school tomorrow. I'll get my parents to talk to the doctor." Chiyoko nodded, finger tips brushing against his lips.

"I want to kiss you." The girl blushed lowering her head to kiss him. His fingers itched to touch her.

A knock at the door signalled the end of his friend's visit.

"See you tomorrow, Shizuo-kun."

"I didn't think I would make it in time." Shizuo sighed recognizing the voice next to him. "You got hurt again, Nii-san." Behind that blank façade he could tell his little brother was smiling.

"Just a little. Nothing major. Our parents are worried about you." So even his brother was trying to scold him.

"Kasuka, I can't move at the moment. That damn doctor gave me something." Blank eyes stared into his own.

"Maybe that's a good thing. The doctor is trying to make you better." Shizuo sighed closing his eyes. It looked like the issue had already been discussed with his family. "I'm doing well in acting. I have my first real debut. Its a small bit in a drama. It's kind of funny actually..." His brother lapsed into silence.

Kasuka seemed to be more sure of himself, his voice clearer. His younger brother stood slowly walking to the front of the bed. It was for his benefit, so he could see how much Kasuka had really changed. "I'll be known as Yuuhei Hanejima." Shizuo smiled. It looked like the damage Izaya had done had finally been completely erased. Now it was time to step back.

Shizuo was awakened by a loud scream. The light in his room flickered on and off, his machine at his bedside had gone off. A power cut? His fingers flexed, his leg coming down from where it was raised. Outside of his window it was pitch black. He didn't know how late it was but it looked like the drug had worn off.

Making his way through the dark, the teen groaned as his foot caught in what felt like wires sending him sprawling onto the bed. "Fuck." There was the scream again. There was no doubt in his mind that it was Izaya. The teen had been watching him and Akabayashi. Struggling to get up, he at last made it out of his room. The lights in the corridor were the same flickering on and off. Using the meagre light Shizuo ducked into Kanra's room, dragging his broken leg behind him. The nurses hadn't left any new crutches for him to use.

"Kanra?" The raven was curled up in the corner of the room, hands over her ears as she screamed. Shizuo didn't think twice, dragging himself over to comfort her. "Kanra. Its okay." Somehow the flickering lights must have triggered something. The lights turned on again and he could see the panic in that gaze. "Shizu-chan?"

The raven's working arm was like a death grip clinging to him. "He's coming." Shizuo knew who she was talking about. "What did you do? You made him mad again." The room blacked out again, the teen wrapped his arms around the frightened girl. The last time Izaya had been pissed off, it was because of Karisawa. This time it was probably Akabayashi.

"I won't let him hurt anyone."

He felt Kanra jump in his arms, the girl shivering violently. A bright light filled the room, a joyful tune filling the room. For the two of them it had the opposite effect. Shizuo glanced at the phone as it continued to ring. "D-Don't answer it." Gritting his teeth, the blond plucked the phone up, seeing a black cat on the ID caller screen. It was clear who it was.

"Cut it out!" Shizuo barked down the phone, hearing laughter that sent chills down his spine from the other end.

_Hello to you too, Shizu-chan. I'm surprised you managed to leave your room. Then again you are annoyingly unpredictable. _

"What the fuck do you want? Quit screwing with the lights!"

_Now now Shizu-chan. You wouldn't want to hurt yourself. Hahahaha. That's my job. Now. As to what I want..._

Shizuo clenched his fist in anger. "Spit it out. Quit screwing with me." His response was more laughter.

_Well, I'm curious. Which one do you deem as more important? Chi-chan or Kasuka-kun? _The teen froze, his blood running cold.

"Don't you d-"

_Dare hurt them? Oh, Shizu-chan. You are so predictable sometimes. Always the hero. Just like your mentor, Akabayashi-san. So? Which one?_

The blond said nothing trying to control his breathing. _You were the one who tried to escape. I was going to be niiiice and wait until you recovered. Now answer. Chi-chan that is currently in her bed searching for a phone strap or Kasuka-kun who is currently in his room rehearsing his lines? You can only pick one. _

Shizuo growled in rage slamming the phone against the wall. The lights flickered and then stayed on. Thanks to his decision Izaya was going to go after Kasuka or Chiyoko. "FUCK!" He couldn't choose between them, they were both equally important.

"Shizu-chan. What did he say?" The teen only shook his head slumping on the floor. He needed to get out of the hospital and fast.


	20. Against the clock

**Against the clock**

"Gah!" The flimsy bed frame slammed into the wall. The phone somehow was still in one piece, vibrating against the floor, the small rectangle screen lighting up. His leg was barely holding him up, yet the adrenaline speeding through his body was fuelling his rage.

"Shizu-chan." The teen spun around at the sound of that awful nickname.

"Don't call me that!" Kanra shivered where she was crouched. The phone continued to ring, grating on his nerves. The damn flea had threatened both Kasuka and Chiyoko, the two most important people to him. He knew what they were doing, or had that been a lie? There was no way he could watch them at the same time. Then again it was Izaya they were talking about.

"Shizu-chan. What did he say?" It seemed that the raven was feeling a little better. A hand rested on his shoulder. The room was a wreck and still that little electronic device continued to make its presence known. It was Kanra that swept the phone up staring at the little screen. "We have to answer. You don't want him to get any worse."

Shizuo clenched his fists, keeping that anger in, where it continued to seethe under the surface. Every last bit would be used to crush the nuisance if he dared hurt either of them. Except that he didn't know where Izaya was and he was stuck in hospital. "Damn it."

The teen fell down more than sat down, Kanra sitting opposite him. The phone was in the centre untouched, where it rang relentlessly, each ring a shock to his nerves. "Answer the damn thing then!" Both of them hesitated reaching out at the same time.

If this was a game then he wasn't playing. If he didn't know the rules... Kanra pushed the button and then another, the egotistical voice coming through loud and clear.

_Shizu-chan, so violent. What if that had been a normal phone? _Shizuo stared hard at the raven sitting opposite him. The girl was shaking her head.

_So meeean cutting me off like that. _The cold manic laughter grated on his nerves. _As I was saying before. I'm going to kill one of them. Hahahahaha. _Shizuo felt his blood run cold. _If you guess which one then I suppose I'll stop and let them live. Chi-chan or Kasuka-kun. Get it right and they both live. Get it wrong and you lose a brother or a girlfriend. Simple. Even a protozoan would understand that much. _

_The game starts when you wake up. Can't have you running around in the dark now, can we? Well not that you could run around. _Shizuo slammed his fist down, the phone was quickly moved out of the way. _Always getting angry, be careful Shizu-chan. You might harm someone you care about and thaaats my job. _

_Humans are my playthings and you are no different. Hahahaha. Oh! I almost forgot. Good night. _Kanra screamed as the phone went dead and the lights went out plunging them into darkness. He could hear footsteps coming closer. Shizuo lashed out blindly. He felt something cover his mouth.

"Shizu-chan? Where are you?" His eyes drooped breathing in whatever was covering his mouth. His body felt exhausted as it collapsed to the floor, everything going black.

His head throbbed when he opened his eyes. Shizuo groaned his cheek pressed against the cold floor. The room was bright, showing him the damage he had done. Next to him was the raven. Coffee eyes widened remembering exactly why he was on the floor. Shit. Chiyoko and Kasuka were in danger. "Kanra! Wake up." Shizuo shook the raven not getting a response.

Shaking a little harder the girl groaned opening her eyes. "...Where are we?" Shizuo shook his head massaging his temple. "Shizu-chan?"

"Your hospital room. What time is it?" It was daytime. The game had started and maybe he had already lost.

Chiyoko or Kasuka. He needed to find them. Kanra was slowly pulling herself up. "Shizu-chan, what happened?" The blond didn't answer reaching for the phone. The only number he knew off by heart was his brother's. His fingers trembled as he entered the number in. In the corridor he could see the nurses walking up and down. It was almost mid morning.

Taking a deep breath Shizuo pressed the dial button, waiting anxiously whilst the call was trying to go through. _The number you have dialled..._ With a curse the teen felt despair fill him. Kasuka could be busy, he could be filming right now or doing whatever else he did... "Damn it." He couldn't lose his brother.

_The number you have dialled... _Shizuo cut the call trying again. _The number you have dialled... _"Pick up!" _The number you have dialled...The number you have dialled...The number you have dialled is not available please leave a message after the tone... _"Kasuka when you get this give me a call back." Hopefully the panic he was feeling didn't seep through into his voice.

It wasn't the only message he left, yet at the same time trying not to cause his brother any panic if it did turn out he was okay. By now Chiyoko should be sitting in class. "Her number is in my phone. I'm going to see the nurse." Shizuo was already gently scrolling through the phone book, so he didn't crack the phone.

Chiyoko or Kasuka. Both were important. _The number you have dialled... _Chiyoko had never missed his call. Sure the pair of them were a little shy when it came to answering the phone. But when he called she answered and when she called he could feel those little butterflies in his stomach as he stared at the screen.

Coffee eyes narrowed on the strapless phone. It wasn't his phone. It was Kanra's. Shizuo sighed. The constant noise outside the room was getting on his nerves. He didn't want to think that one of those trolley beds being rushed down the corridor had either one of them on. _The number you have dialled... _

The new teacher could be strict. Or maybe Chiyoko hadn't charged her phone. Maybe she had left it at home... There could be numerous reasons. It didn't mean she was... Shizuo tried to swallow past the lump in his throat. His fingers trembled as he alternated between his girlfriend and his brother, both were the same. _The number you have dialled..._

Cutting the call, the teen returned to the phone book. If Chiyoko was in class then so were his friends. Finding Dotachin on the list, Shizuo waited for it to go through. But would his friend answer the phone knowing it was Kanra's? _Hello? Are you bored again? Stop calling. _

"Kadota, its me. Is Chiyoko there?" He was met with a hushed whisper.

_Shizuo? Why do you have Kanra's phone? Chiyoko isn't here. She didn't come in...Sensei, this is imp-_

The connection was cut, leaving him feeling worse than before. Chiyoko wasn't answering her phone, she hadn't turned up to school. So where the hell was she? Maybe home sick in bed? A family emergency? Anything...anything but that. His heart felt like it would break knowing she could be in Izaya's clutches.

"Shizu-chan, I've convinced the doctor to discharge us." The raven ran into the room, fingers pressing against the door. "Why are you on the floor? Did you get through to them?" The phone was still trying to connect to his brother's phone. Shaking his head, Shizuo stared blankly at the floor.

"I see. What do you want to do? Izaya won't be happy if you don't play his game." Chiyoko or Kasuka?. Chiyoko or Kasuka? _The number you have dialled... _He was getting sick of the woman's robotic voice telling him the same crap over and over again. "Shut up!" The phone hit the wall hard, smashing into pieces.

Chiyoko or Kasuka? He couldn't choose between them. Chiyoko or Kasuka? Shizuo remained on the floor covering his ears with his hands. It was all a bad dream and when he woke up he would be laying in the same hospital bed or maybe in his own bed and Izaya didn't exist. "Shizu-chan. We should hurry." He knew that, if he could guess right then they were both saved. But if he was wrong...

"If we split up, we have an equal chance. Shizu-chan?" The blond nodded.

"...I know." He just couldn't choose which one. There shouldn't need to be a choice, none of this should be happening. Clenching his fists, Shizuo took a deep breath. "...Chiyoko. Kanra, go after Chiyoko." The raven nodded.

"You've chosen your brother then?"

The cab door closed, Kanra grinning at him nervously. Shizuo watched it drive away in the opposite direction that he had to go. Both of them were on their own. His new crutches weren't much of an improvement and he knew they wouldn't hold up the entire day. He didn't know what the raven had said to his doctor but it had worked, the nurse helping him get dressed and out the door.

Dropping down on the seat, his crutches fell to the side. "Where to?" His plan fell short. The teen had no idea where his brother was. "Take me home." Rattling off his address and slumping back in the seat, he could only hope his choice was correct.

His father was still at work as usual, leaving his mother to welcome him home with a big hug. "I didn't know you were out of hospital. You should've called me or your father. Is your leg okay?" Shizuo forced a smile.

"I'm fine mum. Where's Kasuka?" He was running out of time.

"He's in the middle of filming. I was just going to see him, if you want to come. The director is really nice." Shizuo wasn't listening already making his way out of the door.

No matter how fast he went it was never enough, his leg was a liability and may cost one of his loved ones their life. The traffic didn't help, slowing him down even further. At last his mother parked outside a large looking house. "I'm so proud of him, he's doing so well. Has he told you what the script is about?"

Shizuo shook his head struggling to get out of the vehicle. "Its about a rich family, the only son gets led astray and ends up trapped with a pyscho." His mouth dropped open, slamming the car door. Quickly he made his way into the house, his crutch went a bit too far, slipping from his grip.

"Stop!" Coffee eyes widened.

As he got closer he could see Kasuka was surrounded. "How dare you do this?" His rage took over, finding a large statue by the door, hefting it up with one arm he let it go, knocking three of the attackers far away from his brother. The remaining few stared in shock. But he wasn't done, no one would hurt his little brother.

Glancing around he could see no sign of the damn flea. The crafted table was next knocking two of them out. "Cut!" Shizuo blinked hearing a sharp clack. He had only been staring at the small area around his brother. Following the sound his eyes widened seeing the wires and cameras, a group of people standing or sitting. Crap.

"Cut! Medical check they're okay. I need them. Who let that kid in here?" The one with the loud demanding voice was no doubt the director. Kasuka wasn't looking at him. Damn. He had screwed up. His head dropped feeling his rage drain. Everyone except for his brother were laying unconscious and wouldn't be getting up for a while.

Turning around he could see his mother shaking her head. "Shizuo, maybe-" A loud chime rang out, his mother's ring tone which she refused to change. "Hello... Oh, we haven't met...no problem...I'll pass you over." The phone was held out to him. "Its one of your friends, Kanra. Did you give her my number?"

Numbly he took the phone holding it to his ear. Kasuka was perfectly safe, though he had ruined the set. "Hello?" There was rustling in the background and then what sounded like a thud. _ Shizu-chan, you went after Kasuka-kun? Poor Chi-chan, I guess you don't love her that much after all._ He didn't ask about Kanra, he could guess what the thud was. Another one that was his fault.

_Do you think your brother hates yoooou now? You ruined the set like that. Such a monster. Or is it a protozoan? You did get it wrong after aaallll. _Shizuo closed his eyes, not wanting to hear the next part. _Say bye bye to Chi-chan. _

"Don't you dare-" Harsh laughter interrupted him.

_You guessed wrong, Shizu-chan. Hahahaha. _The call went dead, the same words repeating over and over again in his head. 


	21. For the one you love

**For the one you love**

Everything seemed to freeze around him, the phone slipping from his numb fingers. Muffled voices were all around him but he couldn't hear a word. A hand rested on his shoulder, shaking him gently at first. He had guessed wrong. Kasuka was perfectly safe. Chiyoko... Izaya had gone after his girlfriend.

Shizuo blinked as his vision blurred, reaching up mechanically he wiped the wetness from his eyes. Chiyoko. Something clattered to the floor, seconds later he joined his crutches. The pain went unnoticed. The girl he loved...she couldn't be gone.

Voices got louder, someone tried to pull him up by his arm, fingers lifted his chin, Shizuo found himself looking into blank eyes laced with concern. Chiyoko. "...Nii-san? What's wrong?" The words wouldn't come out. This wasn't happening. He couldn't lose her. But then, had he? What if Izaya hadn't gone after either of them? There was no proof that she was...

Wiping his eyes, one trembling hand reached for his crutches, carefully pushing himself back up onto his feet. Until he saw for himself, he wouldn't believe it. "Nii-san?" Glancing past his little brother, he could see his mother trying to smooth things over with the director.

"...Sorry." He may have just ruined everything for Kasuka.

"I forgive you. Tell me what's happened. Did the doctor let you out? Nii-san?" Shizuo had never known him to be demanding, it looked like acting was doing him good.

Forcing a smile, one arm wrapped around his concerned sibling, pulling him close. It felt like he was never going to see him again. "...Later. I have to make sure. Good bye, Kasuka." Taking a step back, the teen moved out of the way.

"Nii-san!" Shaking his head, Shizuo turned away. He didn't look back as he headed towards the door, phone in hand a look of determination in his eye.

There was no way to contact Kanra, Chiyoko's phone was a dead end. Glancing at the phone he wondered whether or not he should call a cab. No, it would waste too much time. Instead his gaze shifted to his mother's car. It wasn't the best idea, yet right now he felt like he was trapped in a corner. "Sorry mum."

But the question was how did he start the thing? He didn't have the keys. "Nii-san!" Shizuo jumped slightly hearing the shout from the house. There was nothing he could do. "Nii-san!" This had been his choice to go after Kasuka instead of Chiyoko. Yet if he could go back and do it all again, then would he choose his brother again?

A hand rested on his shoulder, wide eyes held a hint of panic in them. Just like always his brother knew when something was bothering him. "Kasuka, shouldn't you be on set?" His legs were tired the crutches already groaning under his strength.

"Where are you going? Nii-san, what aren't you telling me?" Shizuo looked away guiltily. "Then I'll see for myself."

Behind him a beep sounded, the sound of something unlocking filtered through his ears. "Where are we going?" The blond blinked in surprise watching as his blank and quiet brother walked around the car to get to the driver's side.

"Kasuka!" Opening the other door, Shizuo climbed into the passengers seat. "How did you get mum's keys?"

His little brother turned to stare at him. "She told me to wait in the car." The key turned, the engine came to life.

"You can't drive!" His fingers gripped onto the edge of his seat. The vehicle reversed, before shooting forward away from the damaged set.

"Neither can you. I've seen our father drive plenty of times." Well if Izaya didn't kill him, his brother would.

"Ah! Why has it stopped?" His seat belt was firmly across his shoulder.

"I stalled it. Nii-san, I'm driving. Where do you want to go?" Shizuo slumped in his seat. He shouldn't get him involved. Rubbing a hand through his hair, the teen groaned.

"It's not your problem." Kasuka tapped the steering wheel.

"Orihara-san has always been my problem." The car was started again. "You aren't denying it."

"...Yeah, Its Izaya." Next to him his brother sighed.

"I thought so. You should have told me. I don't need protecting any more, Nii-sa-" Shizuo shot up in his seat reaching for the wheel. "Kasuka. The light's red. I need to get to Chiyoko's house. Slow down!" The car swerved as his brother tried to keep control. His heart pounded in his chest.

"You've spoken to him?" His brother accused.

"...He's been back since Tomoyuki died. I thought he was Kanra but I got it wrong, then he said he was going to kill either you or Chiyoko, I thought he would go after you." The teen lurched forward against the seat belt.

"Sorry, I'm getting the hang of it. Nii-san, I think you should start from the beginning." The car swerved again barely avoiding a green motorbike. Behind them someone was beeping their horn. The car stalled again.

Ten minutes later Kasuka had parked the car into the wall in front of his girlfriend's house. None of the adults would be happy. The window had been rolled down, but the child lock had been put on. "So Yagiri-san was helping him?" Shizuo nodded taking a puff of the cigarette. He wasn't going to ask why his little brother had them. Right now it was exactly what he needed, as he stared anxiously at the house.

No one had come out at the loud noise. The front wall had crumbled meaning the bumper was wrecked. "Yeah. They won't be happy about this." Neither their mother or his brother's manager. It didn't help that someone had probably called the cops on them for reckless driving.

"I know. I'm coming in with you." Kasuka mumbled and Shizuo could tell there was still a sliver of fear that had a hold.

He was the older brother, it was his job to protect the younger. They heard it before they saw it, a loud wailing coming closer. All the damage he could wreak in Ikebukuro, Kasuka could do the same in a car. "Its the police. Nii-san, I'll deal with them. Be careful." The child lock clicked again, the front lights coming on. "Oops, wrong one. Don't look at me like that. I won't get in that much trouble."

Shizuo sighed, pushing open the door. "Be careful." Awkwardly getting out the car and using the end of his crutch to close the door, the teen watched as his brother nervously reversed the car, a groan leaving him at the state of the front. "Fuck." Both of them were going to be grounded for life. But right now he had bigger problems.

Flicking the cigarette butt away, Shizuo hobbled over to the front door, coffee eyes narrowed. It wasn't locked. The damn thing had been broken. Reaching out he didn't need that much strength, the door swinging back. The smell that hit him wasn't pleasant. It was horribly familiar and had him retching. Behind him a siren sounded as the police car sped past the house. "Good luck, Kasuka."

Taking a deep breath, Shizuo stepped over the threshold. "Chiyoko?" There was no answer. "Chiyoko?!" The scent got stronger as he went upstairs. Chiyoko had never been in his room and he had never been in hers. The first thing he noticed was the smear across the pink wall. He didn't need to move any closer to know what it was.

"Chiyoko!" The silver covers on the bed had been slashed and nearly all of the teddy bears had been beheaded, white stuffing spilled over the floor. The white chest of drawers had been thrown open, his girlfriend's make-up had been knocked from the top. "CHIYOKO!" Panic filled him when he turned around.

There on the floor was a slim hand poking out from behind the door. The crutch fell from his grip as he practically crawled over to the body behind the door. It wasn't Chiyoko. The woman was laying unmoving, a crimson patch soaked into the carpet underneath her. She was dead. The white blouse was drenched in her own blood. But it wasn't Chiyoko, maybe her mother.

Shizuo quickly left the room searching the rest of the rooms, there was more blood smeared across a double bed, where a familiar teen lay perfectly still. "Kanra." Hobbling over to the bed, he couldn't see any cuts or blood. "Kanra." She didn't look pale either. Taking a seat on the bed, Shizuo reached out gently slapping her cheeks.

"...Uhn." Crimson eyes flicked up to meet his own. "Oh! Hey, Shizu-chan." The raven tried to get up slouching against his shoulder. "Ugh! My head." Shizuo smiled glad to see her still in one piece, it quickly faded, his hands resting on her arms.

"Did you find Chiyoko?" Kanra looked away without answering.

"No. She has to be here!" Leaving the teen alone, Shizuo headed downstairs, a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.

The smell of blood hit him worse as he stepped into the living room seeing a puddle of blood across the floor going towards another room. Walking past the khaki coloured sofa, he could see another hand. Again it wasn't Chiyoko. Taking a quick glance he could see it was a middle aged man with short mousy hair. Covering his mouth, the blond turned away. The man's throat had been slit.

"Shizu-chan." It was enough, he had already seen so much death. Falling to his knees Shizuo growled landing on his leg, on all fours he emptied his stomach. So where then was Chiyoko?

"...She isn't here." Kanra shook her head.

"It doesn't look like it. Her mother is dead though." Shizuo said nothing pointing shakily to the kitchen. "And her father."

The phone in his pocket rang out. Kanra sighed knowing who it was. Sliding the phone from his pocket, he could see the same black cat on the screen. Izaya. Accepting the call he found that he couldn't speak. _Always too late, Shizu-chan. Couldn't save your classmates, though you did try to save your baby brother. Hahaha hilarious, he was in no danger._

Shizuo swallowed, hating how weak he sounded. "Where is she?"

He was met with more laughter. _Dead. _Right there he could feel his heart shatter. _Of course I could be lying. Think about it protozoan, why would I end the game so prematurely? Your girlfriend is alive. I can make her scream as proof... _

"No. Don't hurt her." It wasn't over he could still save her. "What do you want?"

_Haha, oh dear, you still think yooou can save her. Maybe you can. You know what I want, Shizu-chan. You were my original target all along._

Shizuo shuddered at the sing along voice. "I'm here. What do you want?" The laughter on the phone stopped.

_Aw, how sweet. You want to save her that much? Hm, this is so much fun. Shizu-chan, stand still. It might hurt a bit._

Coffee eyes widened feeling a sharp prick against his throat. Turning around slowly he found himself staring into gleaming crimson eyes. His gaze shifted to the needle sticking out of his skin. "...Kan...ra?" The raven smirked.

"Thank you for trusting me. You made everything so easy." He could hear laughter filter through the phone.

His eyes drooped as he reached out to grab her. Shizuo staggered hitting the floor, Kanra stood over him with a cold smile, eyes dancing with mirth. The phone was taken from his loosened grip. "Thanks for stalling Izaya." Whatever was in his system worked quickly, his eyes slipping shut.

When he opened his eyes, he found his arms above his head, thick chains securing him to the headboard. He was on a large bed, the covers soft underneath him. "Ugh." It felt like someone had taken a sledge hammer to his skull. The room was plain and looked unused. Everything looked new, the white walls making the room look large and empty.

The only door opened, a happy Kanra bouncing in. "I said it wouldn't put you to sleep for long." Shizuo growled trying his restraints. "Now now, stay still. If you don't do as I say you won't see Chi-chan." The teen stopped struggling. "Good." The raven skipped closer to the bed.

"Why? You showed me the scars?" His mind was full of confusion.

"Ahaha. You actually believed me? These were done by me." Coffee eyes widened as the girl removed a blade from her pocket, hiking up her skirt. The sharp edge slowly slid over the skin of her thigh drawing blood. "Ah! So good." Shizuo watched her eyes flutter, turning his head in disgust. "Aw, do I disgust you now? Do you like the room? Its like a clean canvas waiting to be dyed in crimson. Perfect for your final resting place."

So Akabayashi and Kadota had both been right. He had been a fool to fall for a fake story. "Where is Chiyoko?"Crimson eyes rolled.

"Chi-chan this Chi-chan that. Your poor girlfriend." Shizuo glared at her. "Fine fine, I'll go and get her."

His chest swelled when the door opened again, Chiyoko was held in Kanra's grip. She was alive. The raven dragged his girlfriend forward, shoving her onto the bed where she sprawled on top of him. "You wanted her." With a cold smirk Kanra was gone. Shizuo gazed down at Chiyoko wanting to touch her but being unable to do so.

The girl was shivering. "Chiyoko. Are you okay? I'll get you out of here." She shook more violently, one hand reaching for her hair as she sat up slowly to straddle him. Huh? "You really are too easy." Shizuo blinked. The girl he had fallen in love with began to laugh, her hair slipping forward revealing the much shorter raven locks underneath. "...No."

The wig fell to his chest, one slim finger touching her eye. A small disc was flicked aside, one dark eye and one crimson staring back at him, a familiar smirk mocking him. "Lets have lots of fun, Shizu-chan." Shizuo couldn't look away feeling his heart tear in half then crack into tiny pieces. "...No."


	22. Forever young

**Forever young**

_A/N:- Thank you for the reviews and onto the next chapter. Enjoy._

Shizuo shook his head struggling against his bonds. "LIAR!" It wasn't true. There was no way...Chiyoko couldn't have been Izaya all along. It had to be some sort of cruel trick. The girl who owned half of his heart couldn't be the one he hated...it just couldn't.

The serial killer was still straddling him removing the remaining contact, crimson eyes staring at him mockingly. "Are you crying, Shizu-chan?" The teen kicked and bucked but nothing seemed to work. "Did it hurt that much knowing your girlfriend wasn't real?"

"What did you do with her you damn bastard?" He didn't believe it. Couldn't believe it.

"Ahahahaha, you really want to carry this onto the end? I planned everything and like the protozoan you are, you fell for everything." Shizuo wanted to cover his ears and close his eyes, but doing that would be asking for trouble. "Did you think our meeting was a coincidence or perhaps fate? I was waiting for you to come along."

"I told you I am always free, no one can touch me. I am a god and humans are my playthings." There was nothing to connect the two, it was as if they were two different people. Shaking his head, Shizuo tried to bite down as a finger brushed his cheek. "I've been watching you since the first time we met. Namie-san was sent by me, though you didn't tell her anything until after the first death. Poor Kasuka-kun though, he looked like he was suffering."

"DON'T MENTION HIM!" His shout was met with manic laughter, Izaya rocking back.

"Ahahaha, so much fun. Giving you a fairytale ending, making you think you had gone mad. The communication through the computer. Did you know there was a camera in your room? Couldn't have anyone else interfering could we?" Shizuo shuddered. The whole time he had been watched.

"...You killed Tomoyuki." The raven shrugged.

"Actually he wasn't my kill." Shizuo blinked. What? "Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan." The raven shook his head in pity. "If you had looked into the original fifteen that I killed you'd know they all had their throats slit or they were stabbed, just like the couple I was staying with." As Izaya spoke he pulled out a familiar looking blade. Another succession blade.

"Tomoyoki-kun was pushed, remember I was still by your side." There was another killer? "She's my perfect double. I'm so glad I didn't kill her." He had to be talking about Kanra.

"...You killed Midori." Again Izaya shrugged.

"Nope. Kanra was experimenting. Not bad though." Shizuo flinched as the blade arched in the air. Izaya could kill him at any time.

"She learnt from the best, you know she used to find animals for me. Hey! Are you listening?" His eyes had slipped shut for a few seconds. "Pay attention! Ahahaha!" Shizuo felt it, the chains cutting into his wrists as he struggled.

"Agh!" The sharp edge glided along his forearm. With a hiss he tried kicking out. Sharp nails dug into his chin as his head was tilted none too kindly, cold crimson staring into his own.

"Now where was I?" That stupid sing song voice was back. "Ayako-chan's death was genius, I watched her put that poison together." Shizuo clenched his fists needing that rage. It didn't seem to want to rise though, lost underneath the mess of his shattered heart. "But of course that was getting boring so Kanra offered to go to school, I couldn't since I was already close. The look on your face ahahaha priceless. We really do look alike."

"Of course three outsiders got in the way. Its surprising how much my precious humans love such a monster. Poor Tetsuhiko-kun, poor Iwao-kun and Sugita-kun, all dead because of you." Izaya continued to talk but he wasn't listening. The more he heard the more everything seemed to slot in place. He had fallen for a trick. His first kiss had been with the serial killer he despised. Chiyoko was dead.

The touches they had shared, the awkward shyness all fake. "Shizu-chan, are you still crying?" The clumsy kisses, their first date...all to trick him, nothing had been real. He had been played and the result was a broken heart and being unable to gather his strength, unless he had been given something. Just what had been in that syringe?

"Shut up!" His voice sounded dead and emotionless even in his own ears, a helpless echo of a broken boy. "It was you who killed Atshushi-sen-" Shizuo fell silent, the sharp blade plunging into the pillow beside his head. Feathers scattered as it was stabbed repeatedly with each laugh.

"You were always number sixteen, I planned everything." The knife came down again. " .Everything. You. And. .Friends."

The teen remained still closing his eyes knowing each stab could easily hit him. "It was MY GAME!" Izaya screamed making his ears ring. "THAT BITCH RUINED EVERYTHING!" The knife sliced his wrist drawing fresh blood. "Yes, I killed the teacher. Why would I want everyone's attention on someone else?"

"How is it you can accept your friend's violence, hm? Answer me!" Shizuo gasped the cold edge pressing against his throat.

"Karisawa is nothing like you." Keeping perfectly still he tried not to aggravate the crazed teen.

"No? She was going to kill him and you know it." Izaya sang twirling the blade. "I did you a favour stepping in."

"A favour?" Shizuo spat. "You call that a favour you slashed his throat, wrote messages on the wall with his blood! You're nothing but a sick twi-" Crimson eyes glared at him, the faint light reflecting from the surface of the blade. "Aw. Poor Shizu-chan, becoming weak, not able to stomach a little blood. You let yourself get so pathetic. You even told Dotachin about me."

The fear he had felt believing Izaya was free was nothing compared to having the actual person in front of him. His eyes were wide pupils dilated, his breath hitching. "STOP CRYING!" He didn't want to point out he didn't have use of his hands. The skirt swished as the raven climbed off of him, skipping around the bed.

"Kanra! I'm hungry." The second Orihara came through the door a wide grin on her face.

"You haven't killed him yet?" Shizuo glared at her. He had been a fool to ever dream of trusting her.

"Not yet. I'm taking my time. Shiki-san can wait." Whilst they were talking he tried his binds again. They held him fast, he wasn't going anywhere.

"Fine." Kanra sounded bored, nothing like the fake kindness she had shown him. The bitch was a killer. "Do you want me to get anything for Shizu-chan?"

Both of them turned to look at him, arms above his head, strength gone, pillow in feathered tatters, his leg broken just like his heart. "Hm? There's no point, he'll he dead before you return." Izaya grinned eyes holding no remorse.

"Aw, No last meal? How cold of you?" The two of them laughed.

Shizuo closed his eyes in resignation. He was going to die. Whether it was going to be quick or slow, he had no idea. The fact was that either way he was going to die, there was nothing to change that. Kasuka had probably been taken in by the police or even worse hospital. His mother was probably there worrying over him, his father at work blissfully unaware of anything that had happened.

Kadota had no idea where he was, neither did any of his other friends. Now he knew that Kanra had probably threatened the doctor, or killed him. The door closed, sounding like thunder in the empty space. He was going to die. "Ah, I love fatty tuna, its the best thing in the world, especially after blood has been spilled."

Now that he thought about it, Chiyoko hadn't eaten much, any food was given to him but he had never seen her eat and when he did it was always something bland. His stomach turned at the thought of how many kisses he had shared with the raven. "Now where were we?" Izaya bounced on the bed dropping down on his leg.

"Argh!" Shizuo hissed surprised that the cast had endured though all the falls.

"Ah Thaaat's right. You played the hero. Stupid. Unpredictable. Protozoan. Who would've guessed that you had a succession blade? That you would be the next generation of the Awakusu-Kai. I'm not supposed to kill you." The blade tapped along his cast, it was only a matter of time before he was cut again.

"But. I'm above them, I'm above everyone. Rules don't .me." Shizuo groaned his t-shirt was sliced. "Then there was that nurse. Anyone that you got close to died. Though you tried to escape." His chin was roughly gripped. "You were going to go with Akabayashi-san. I couldn't allow that." Shizuo looked away feeling the nick on his cheek.

"So unpredictable and yet aaall of this time you were a pawn dancing in the palm of my hand. I set the path and you followed. Everything was calculated to perfection." The blade slammed down into the ruined pillow, the sharp edge catching his shoulder. "The hardest part was choosing a name." Shizuo said nothing.

"Names have meanings you know. Chiyoko means Child of forever, Wakahisa means forever young. It suits me, hm? I could have picked anything, Akane which means deep red, or maybe Ai for love. Or there was Chie which means Wisdom and then there was Hikari... I had a list. What do you think? Did I pick right? Ahahaha, well I must have done for you to fall in love. Poor Shizu-chan. SAY SOMETHING!"

Shizuo rolled out of the way, the chains biting deeper into his wrists. "Ugh!" Izaya sat back and laughed at his pain, the white sheets were slowly being stained with his blood. He wasn't going to beg for his life. "...I saw you. How?" He had knocked Kanra out, Chiyoko had come running up to him as Izaya disappeared into the crowd., then there was the live footage Namie had showed him.

"Oh? That wasn't me. That was just a little extra touch to confuuse you. Sooo did it work?" It wasn't Kanra and it wasn't Izaya? "Aren't you missing someone else in your class?" Shizuo blinked in confusion, wincing as his arm was slashed. Missing? There was that day where Seiji Yagiri had taken off, then there was...

"Mika Harima. She would do anything to get Seiji-kun and of course Namie is his sister with a little crush. I threatened to kill Seiji and they both caved. Namie-san agreed to work for me and Mika took a little surgery. Another one that looks identical to me." The raven threw his head back laughing. "Well that is unless you look close enough. Buuut it was enough to fool you."

Yes it had been, enough to scare him out of his wits. All along Izaya was right by his side, letting him fall deeper and deeper in what he had believed was bliss. The love of his life... all a lie. Kanra, Mika, Izaya they could all go to hell. Maybe he would see him there. He hoped not, since he had met him his life had been miserable.

"Shizu-chan, why are you so quiet? Shizu-chan? Don't ignore me. LOOK AT ME!" Shizuo screamed as the succession blade sank into his shoulder. "Everyone has to love me. There will be no exceptions, not even from you." Using his good leg he kicked out, the unstable flea dodging out of the way, plunging the blade into his cast. "Argh! Fuck!"

"Nice try, protozoan." The cross-dressing bastard hopped back onto the bed, straddling his waist. "Its been so fun I could vomit, but now the game is over." Shizuo glared at him, trying to hide the fear he felt, the slight trembling of his body. His fingers clenched. His gaze locked onto the the blade. Good bye Kasuka, Kadota, his parents, friends and...Goodbye Chiyoko. "Bye bye, Shizu-chan." His eyes slipped shut as the succession blade came down.


	23. Ignorance is bliss

**Ignorance is bliss**

_A/N:- So this one is based on Izaya, if you don't want to know what our favourite little psychopath is thinking then skip this one. Enjoy._

The succession blade fell from his tight grip, clattering onto the floor. The blood stained edge gleamed up at him reflecting the madness in his eyes. Leaving it where it was, Izaya staggered back away from the bed. One step after another. The room was beginning to feel like the walls were closing in on him.

Taking another step back and then another, his back hit the floor making him jump. Him. Izaya Orihara. Throwing open the door, his blood stained fingers brushed crimson smears over the handle. His fingers were trembling and he didn't have a clue as to why. Slamming the door a bit harshly, the small silver key was slotted into it's lock, sealing the room with a soft click.

His steps quickened as he skipped down the empty corridor, head turning wildly. "Fuck!" Izaya stumbled placing one hand on the wall to keep himself upright. Something was wrong. It had been since the first time he had met number sixteen. Kasuka should have been the last target before he moved on. Ikebukuro had been becoming tedious and boring.

What he hadn't expected was that the younger brother would be saved by a monster. Shizuo Heiwajima. The faux blond with incredible strength and completely fake. No one understood how suppressed the protozoan was. A ticking time bomb, waiting to go off. His sharp crimson eyes had seen everything, the monster was no exception.

He was a god after all and as a god he knew all, was worshipped by all and feared by all of his little precious humans scuttling along their daily lives like ants. He had known he was different all along, a genius, a prodigy, an existence that ruled above everyone and everything else. The animals were his prey, the humans toys for him to do as he wished with.

No one could stop him, though the humans in uniform tried. The police as they called themselves tried to act out, attempting to catch him, not that they could. They were still humans, still foolish mortals, bound to the cycle of life.

Izaya ran wiping his hands on the panelled skirt. The blood wouldn't come off. Spinning around wildly his gaze fell to the locked door, the silver key squeezed in his hand. "Damn it. Damn it." The knife. He shouldn't have left the knife back there. It was evidence. "Stupid stupid stupid." Izaya wrapped his head repeatedly with his knuckles.

He didn't make mistakes. He was perfect. Absolute perfection. So what was that? Where had everything began to derail? It was a game. All a game. A long complex game that made his victims suffer and lose their minds, whittling them down to pathetic individuals that begged him to take their lives.

At the end of the corridor were three doors. The centre led outside, the door concealed, the right one led to his and Kanra's bedroom and the the left led to where his little clone stayed when she wasn't following orders, Seji and Namie stayed there too on occasion. It was their home, perfectly concealed from the outside world.

It was the very place Shiki had set up for him after the man had learnt of his...habits. His eyes widened hearing a loud noise. Reaching for his knife he found himself empty handed. "Shouldn't have left it haha." How many times had it been now that his hands had been drenched in the warm blood red life force? It was only natural that there would be people out to get him.

That was how most of his targets worked. He killed them, someone tried to kill him for revenge, so he killed them. Around and around they danced on the board, the dance of death. A god. The grim reaper, whatever he was called it didn't matter. He was the one who controlled who lived and who died. Everything was in his power.

The door in the centre was thrown open, the corrugated steel on the other side screeching in his ears. "Hey, Izaya. Are you done already?" The raven didn't answer squeezing his hands into fists. "I brought you your fatty tuna." Taking the bag, he was already unlocking the door to their shared bedroom.

"So? What are we going to do with the body? Its the first time you've killed someone in our home." The door slammed shut behind him, Kanra already inside. The carpet was blood red, something his cousin had picked. In the centre was a large bed. One of the legs had been damaged, so they had sawn all four legs off, dropping it to the floor.

The saw was now lost, bloodstained and broken after trying to cut into solid bone. The walls were plastered with newspaper clippings and wanted posters, piled up on the floor were tapes recorded from the news. He was popular with his beloved humans, it was how they worshipped him. Right now he didn't have an appetite. It was strange he had never stopped eating, even after he had first killed his family.

Placing the container on the floor, Izaya slipped off the girls school shoes he had worn as Chiyoko. Kanra grinned dropping down next to him. "It was fun while it lasted. It was surprising that he was so strong." Izaya remained unusually silent. "What a shame, I could have made him my play toy. Did you see that body? He would've been the envy of all men in a few years."

"SHUT UP!" The container was crushed his favourite food smudged into the carpet. "Shut up shut up shut up!" Kanra blinked staring back at him.

"Izaya? Don't tell me you- You didn't-" His cousin didn't get to finish. Izaya pushed her down, one hand covering her mouth. Crimson eyes gleamed up at him.

"...Shut up..." Climbing from the bed, the killer left the room slamming the door.

"Ahahahahaha." Covering his eyes the raven slid down the door, head falling into his hands. "Hahahahahaha. As if. Not possible...Hahahahahahahaha!" Rocking back Izaya laughed manically. The door opposite slowly opened and then he was facing the mirror image of his self. "Mika-chan, still alive?" The girl nodded, scar showing on her throat.

Well then, he might as well kill time. "Is Seji-kun and Namie-san here?" The girl nodded. She really did look so much like him. The scientist had done a good job, then again it was for the sake of her little brother. Everything had been going so well but this time he hadn't gotten through unscathed. The brute had done something to him, he wasn't sure of when or how.

Bouncing up on his feet, Izaya giggled fingers clutching in the skirt, his double stared back, crimson eyes unnerving. "Don't look at me." His fingers wrapped around her throat slamming the teen into the wall. Again the raven reached for his trusty blade that wasn't there. The girl didn't look scared she stared back calmly as if he wasn't going to kill her.

"I thought this would happen." Izaya spun around not feeling the so called therapist's presence. He wasn't one to believe in heaven or hell...but what the hell had the blond done to him?

"What do you want, Namie-san?" The older woman stood in the doorway in a light green jumper, raven hair shimmering down to her waist.

"Just here to see how pathetic you've become." Her voice as always was patronizing. "Let go of the girl, we don't need another body for your mentor to get rid off." Izaya scowled, throwing Mika away in disgust. "I guess you need a therapist, come on." Usually he would laugh and tell her where to go. Usually he was celebrating another victim...

Rubbing a hand over his face, the teen barged past a concerned looking Seiji. The door closed with a click, his employee locking the two of them in the room. "Getting a bit cheeky in your old age?" The cranky woman flipped him off. "Careful, I'll dock your pay." Izaya teased. Namie scowled, smoothing her hair back. "You don't pay me."

The serial killer shrugged. "Well if I did..." Crimson eyes narrowed at the chair. Another damn sofa where he was supposed to talk about his feelings. Oh well. Climbing onto the blue sofa, Izaya jumped testing the springs inside, the cushions were soft under his feet. "Well if no one thought you were a brat before..." Namie flashed a grin, taking a seat in a spinney chair, one leg folded over the other as she held a notepad and pen, tapping it annoyingly.

"You're not a therapist, Namie-san." The woman swiped one slim leg at him which he jumped over as if she was a skipping rope. The ones that had tried to delve into the complexity of his god like genius mind had all lost their own. The humans didn't understand him, though he still loved them all. Their blood stained his hands a glorious crimson, the same colour as his eyes. Namie was one of the few he had met and let live, she was...useful...amusing.

"I don't have to be a therapist to know what's wrong with you." She bit back. Izaya grinned tossing his head back as he continued to use the sofa as a trampoline. "You think you can read me? Ahahahahaha. Namie-san you are a sad little human." His movements slowed coming to a stand still, free falling to the sofa. "But if you must...Try it. Don't blame me if you break." Izaya made sure his mask was up. If she really did know what the protozoan had done...

"Good. You might not like what you hear. If you dare to harm Seiji, then I'm out." He could hear the nervousness in her voice. Covering a yawn, Izaya looked at her.

"Seiji-kun this Seiji-kun that, which one of us is immoral here? You're in love with your little brother, sharing the same room..." The pen clattered to the floor, a look of rage on that pointy looking face.

"Lay down and close your eyes." Namie 's eyes glowed as she snapped at him. Leaning against the sofa, Izaya smirked.

"What? So you can try and kill me?" He didn't let his guard down for anyone. Namie crouched to pick up the pen, the black pencil skirt riding up.

"Why would I bother? You'll find some way to irritate me beyond the grave."

Izaya laughed. "Yet you still put rat poison in my coffee." Not that he had drank anything Namie made, it was given straight to Kanra to play around with.

"Whatever. Why did you kiss him?" Her voice was sharp and curt, going into fake therapist mode.

"What are you talking about?" Those dark eyes stared back at him trying to look right through him.

"Shizuo Heiwajima. You kissed him multiple times. Why?"

Something stirred inside him, an unknown feeling that had made itself known many times when he was around his target. "That's all?I thought you were going to ask about my childhood. Haha. I had to keep in character, it was all planned." Everything, step by step. Getting close. The holding hands, the soft kissed, the kindness, the dates. "It was all planned."

"And the charm? Take out your phone." Reluctantly he did as he was told, watching the small silver heart swing. "You brought those together?" All an act. "Throw it away." Izaya blinked at the words, his grip tightening.

"What was that, Namie-san?" His ring finger brushed against it.

"The charm. You brought it for an act, throw it away." He hated it when she looked smug with herself.

"...No." Wrapping the phone protectively in his hands, Izaya slipped it back in his pocket.

"No? Why not?" She wasn't writing anything but he could see she wanted to.

"It's a memory of how I tricked, Shizu-chan." So he was keeping it...nothing wrong with it.

The two of them jumped hearing the loud rapping on the door. "Izaya! Get out here!" The shrill voice belonged to his cousin who had no doubt impatiently picked the lock. "Coward! Get out here!" Namie was watching him with undisguised interest.

"...You didn't kill him, did you?" The long haired raven tossed her hair back, laughing maliciously. "The great serial killer couldn't kill someone."

"SHUT UP!" He could and would kill him. It was just that his hands trembled every time he tried it. The other teen had done something to him. Izaya clenched his fists, sharp eyes roaming the room for something to hurt the bitch. This was no longer amusing. "Fine. Bypassing the fact that you're insane, you won't be able to kill him."

Biting back a retort, the raven shook his head ignoring his cousin. "If everything is over...Why do you still have that phone? Why are you still wearing that school uniform?" Izaya grinned shifting back.

"I haven't had time to get changed. Ahaha, what are you getting at?" Even then he knew his words sounded hollow, like an excuse.

All of his memories were like a movie, he was the main character yet when he thought back and let them play, it was emotionless. When it came to his current target, everything was in a blossom of brilliant colour. It had been so much fun. Making friends, getting involved in everyone's lives, living a normal life, falling in l- "No!" Izaya shook his head violently.

"You already know. You've fallen for your own act." Namie wasn't looking smug any more, her eyes shifting from left to right. So he could be a little unstable, all the geniuses were insane. He more so than others, he was a god after all. "Stay away from him, get Kanra to kill him." The thought made him sick.

Rolling from the sofa, the teen backed away. "You think you can manipulate me with these lies? That's my job." The banging on the door continued. "SHUT UP, KANRA!" The infernal knocking ceased for now.

"Shizuo was in love with Chiyoko but you fell just as har-" Izaya picked up Mika's purple hairbrush holding it out in front of him.

"Namie-san, it's not nice to tell lies. I'll kill him. He was my target. This is the longest amount of time I've spent on any of them."

Namie stared back a little apprehensive. She was afraid of him. "And if you can't? If you really are in love with him? Then what will you do? You're a killer. You went after his friends, his family. He hates you." Izaya said nothing pacing back and fourth, the hairbrush brandished like a defensive weapon. He needed his knife, with his knife nothing could hurt him. "Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Me? In love with that...monster? It's laughable, stupid, ludicrous. Hahaha." But if it was true...Then what did he do?


	24. Wish for death

**Wish for death**

_A/N:- And back to Shizuo. Ducked out of my parent's anniversary party to type this. Oops. Anyways enjoy._

Shouldn't he be dead? Shizuo cracked one confused eye open wishing he hadn't. Izaya was straddling his waist blade raised high. Seconds ticked by, his gaze unable to look away from the succession blade as it quivered in the serial killer's hand. Why wasn't he dead? How long was Izaya going to drag this out for?

"Huh?" Jumping at the tone of the voice, cold crimson stared down at him in shock. "Hahahahahahaha!" The knife slipped falling harmlessly beside him. Two hands wrapped around his throat throwing him back against the covers. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" It didn't hurt much, psychically anyway.

"...What the fuck are you talking about?" Again he struggled uselessly at his bonds. "JUST KILL ME!" The sick game had gone on long enough, he was resigned to his fate. The bland white room would be the last thing he would ever see. A harsh resounding slap threw his head to the side.

"Shut up, Shizu-chan. I decide when the game ends." Izaya mumbled picking up the blade.

Shizuo winced as the sharp edge slashed down shredding his top. None of the cuts were deep enough to be fatal, they would all probably scar though. "Fuck!" All he could see in those crimson orbs was madness and pure insanity. The blade cut vertically across his chest, the next was diagonal. Closing his eyes, the teen could only cringe as the flurry of cuts became wider and messier covering his torso. "Ahahahahahaha! I'm in control. I decide everything."

Each cut beaded with his life force, staining his skin a dark rose as Izaya's hands pushed down covering his own hands. "Beautiful. More. Bleed more." Again and again the blade swept across his skin, a child like scribble etched into his skin. "Now the game ends. Bye bye, Shizu-chan." Good. It was over.

The blade was pressed against his throat, one vicious tug and it would all be over. Instead the sharp edge was unstable trembling against his skin. "Still nothing? What did you do? What did you do? A protozoan like you? WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?" Shizuo shrank back, the knife drew a thin line of blood before it was removed, once again held above the mass of cuts.

"JUST KILL ME! QUIT SCREWING AROUND!"

Another slap, then another, his head snapping one way and then the other. "Shit!" The teen hissed as the blood stained edge grazed his cheek. Coffee eyes widened full of confusion. Why wasn't he dead yet? Izaya was holding the blade over his heart, slim wrist shaking. Why? This was what the killer had wanted all along.

The blade quivered one last time, the side glinting as it slipped from an unstable grip. Shizuo watched as it fell, clattering on the floor. Wide crimson eyes stared down the fallen weapon. The crazed teen scrambled off of him, staggering backwards towards the door. Before he could open his mouth the door slammed shut, the key turning hastily in the lock. He was still alive.

There was no concept of time in the room, so he couldn't tell how long he had been left alone tied to the bed covered in blood. Outside he could hear clattering and stumbling, raised voices, but nothing that could be distinguished. Why had he been left alone? What the hell was Izaya planning now?

It was a waste of time to try his binds again. They wouldn't budge. Maybe his strength had been stolen away or maybe it was because his heart was broken. Empty rage, that's all he could feel. The girl he had loved was an act, nothing but a lie...Izaya had fooled everyone. His friends, his family, everyone had liked Chiyoko. No one had suspected her.

The door rattled making him jump, heart pounding wildly writhing his chest. Was this it? Was this where he met his end? Silence. Whoever was trying to get to him didn't have the key. His ears pricked up hearing the lock rattle. The noise continued, until the door swung open, Kanra crouching where the lock had been.

The raven didn't look happy to see him, slowly standing. Those cold eyes glared at him as she stalked into the room, coming closer and closer towards the bed. "How are you still alive?" Shizuo said nothing wishing he knew the answer himself. "Why are you still alive?" Kanra poked angrily in the chest, making him hiss in pain. Her broken arm was still in a sling, held protectively against her chest.

"He should have killed you by now. We should be picking our next target." As if noticing something, Kanra slowly walked around the other side of the bed, cold eyes narrowing. "What did you do? Why is Izaya's knife here?" Again he said nothing, there was nothing to say, nothing to feel except loss and pain.

The blade was picked up, being twirled in the only good hand the raven currently had. A malicious glare was sent his way, then she was hurrying from the room. "IZAYA!" The door was left swinging wide open, allowing him to see another blank wall. His way out had been left wide open. If he could just find that spark and be able to use his strength, the teen would be out and homeward bound.

There was just the problem that he didn't have a clue where he was. Besides that he was tired. Everything that had happened had taken its toll. It was enough. Even if he managed to crawl out his heart was shattered, the fact that he would never love again sank in deep, drowning him in despair. He had loved Chiyoko. He would always love Chiyoko, even if she hadn't been real.

Whether it was from Izaya or Kanra he would become their victim, just not number sixteen as the flea had planned. His thoughts slipped into a more morbid thought process. What would they do with his body? Leave him to rot? Dismember him? It seemed like something Kanra would be capable of.

How long would it be until his body was discovered? What would his parents and friends think? Or even worse Kasuka. His little brother had raced off in their smashed up mother's car. Would he blame himself for what had happened? "Damn it." His head smacked back into the pillow, white feathers flying up everywhere making him splutter.

It wasn't like he wished to die, it was just that there was no way out of it. Shizuo needed it to be quick, to stop the thoughts plaguing his mind. Outside he could hear shouts. It sounded like the two ravens were arguing. In a whirlwind of cold fury, Kanra burst through the door brandishing the succession blade.

So it wasn't going to be Izaya that killed him. Shizuo couldn't help but feel disappointed that he wouldn't be taken out by the one that had tormented him. "I'll put a stop to this." The girl rushed forward, arching the knife down. "I knew this would be a bad idea." Her voice was like ice.

"NO!" His eyes widened hearing a shout, Izaya panting in the doorway. "Don't kill him, Kanra!"

Don't kill him? What the hell was going on? The blade stopped just short of his throat. "You've grown weak Izaya. Weak and pathetic. Kill him. End this." Shizuo watched Kanra's fingers leave the hilt of the blade, smoothing down the sharp edge. "Kill him. Now." The weapon that would kill him was held out towards the raven.

Izaya stood unusually quiet in the doorway, staring between him and the knife. While he had been left alone, something had happened between them. "Tch." The blood stained blade was thrown angrily to the floor, Kanra licking at the gash in her palm. "You can't do it, can you? Pathetic. I surpassed you a long time ago. Izaya. You make me sick. Stay here and drown." The raven huffed glaring at him as if he was some sort of thief.

Kanra strode from the room barging past her cousin. Izaya stepped into the room, fingers resting on the door as it slowly closed. The soft click echoed throughout the room, the tension could be cut with a knife. Crimson eyes swam with confusion, the killer stepping closer. Something was different. Shizuo swallowed thickly. It was wrong. Right now Izaya seemed more dangerous than he had when he was holding the knife. "Are you going to kill me this time?"

"Haha." The raven laughed softly, reaching the side of the bed, slowly crouching to pick up the blade. "You want me to kill you? Have you given up?" The teen sighed gracefully twirling the blade. "...Don't..." The bed dipped, Izaya taking a seat next to him. One tainted hand reached for his face, at the last moment picking up one of the small white feathers. "...I should be in control of everything..."

Shizuo shrank back, feeling the softness of the feather as it was gently brushed against his cheek. "...What the hell are you doing?" His voice betrayed the fear he was feeling. The way he was being touched, it was just like Chiyoko. Slowly his eyes slipped shut tilting his head into the touch. Chiyoko. Izaya's laughter was soft in his ear.

Coffee eyes snapped open, his head shook violently. Izaya wasn't Chiyoko. The raven haired teen was a serial killer, one that had damaged Kasuka, hurt his friends and nearly drove him mad. "No!" Turning his head away he couldn't look at that face. Chiyoko had been a lie to rip his heart from his chest.

"...Shizu-chan..." Why was he speaking so damn softly?

"No! Don't fucking touch me. Just kill me." It wasn't Chiyoko. His heart was dead never to feel the same love again for anyone. But with his binds Shizuo could only escape so far, the chains biting harshly into his wrists.

"Shizu-chan..." A knock at the door startled him. "Namie-san is back already."

The blade was left on the covers, Izaya skipping half-heartedly to the door. Shizuo squeezed his eyes shut. It couldn't be happening. "Here. Kanra stormed off somewhere." It was the one person he never wanted to see again. Actually the list was getting pretty long.

"Shiki-san will clear up any messes she makes."

"Fine. It's none of my business, right?" Namie bit back waspishly, the door closing again.

"...Shizu-chan." Every footstep could be heard, as the raven returned to his side. "Shizuo-kun." No. It couldn't be like this. He could do nothing as Izaya took a seat on the bed. His eyes remained firmly closed. "That looks sore." Shizuo cracked an eye open hearing the sound of swishing water.

"Fuck!" The teen hissed as a wet piece of cotton wool was dabbed over the first crimson mark.

Shocked coffee eyes blinked in confusion. Why was he cleaning what he had caused? What the hell was wrong with him? "Shizu-chan, Shizuo-kun." That gentle voice. Shizuo shook his head yanking ferociously at his binds.

"Get away from me." His heart wouldn't be swayed, he wouldn't fall for any more tricks.

"Shh. I'll make it all better." One by one the mass of cuts were gently cleaned, the disinfectant stinging. "See. Its looking better already."

Shizuo said nothing, feeling his stomach turn. It was a lie. The other teen was completely insane. "None of them were that deep. You must he hungry Shizu-kun, I sent Namie-san to get some food." No. No no no. Who cared if he lost his pride, it was better than the alternative.

"Izaya kill me." The raven only hummed continuing to clean his wounds. "KILL ME!" Blood dyed fingers stroked along his cheek.

"Why? Why do you want to die so badly?" Izaya sounded genuinely interested.

"Because...Just kill me. Please." Something was wrong, with both him and the flea. "Kill me. You've done enough." Crimson eyes met his own, full of pity.

"I can't do that, Shizu-kun. You have to stay here." Izaya's voice was soft, the teen moving closer. "I know now. It's okay." Shizuo thrashed violently trying to get away. One hand rested on his broken leg to stop him kicking out, the other held the side of his head.

"Get away from me. Get aw-mmph!"

His eyes widened in shock and disgust, Izaya moving away from his lips. "Shh! I'll make it all better. No one knows where you are. You're all mine. Shizu-kun, you'll stay by my side, won't you?" The hand on his leg smoothed along his upper body, past the stinging cuts, up along his arms. "Look what you've done to your wrists. Not to worry. I'll make it all better...all better."


	25. Echoes of a lie

**Echoes of a lie**

Shizuo kept his eyes firmly closed, it was better to pretend to be asleep than open his eyes and face the cruel reality he was trapped in. Izaya had gone from cold hearted serial killer to a messed up whack job who no longer wanted to harm him. Right now he wasn't sure what was worse. It must have been a while now since he had been confined by the raven.

His leg had been bent each way, stabbed and jumped on. How badly was the bone broken now? At first the pain had been excruciating now it had dulled to a constant ache. His energy hadn't returned, leaving him powerless to the flea's whims.

His arms were painfully bound above his head, his wrists sore and bloody. Shizuo tried not to cough, his mouth was dry, lips chapped. His stomach was empty, seconds away from grumbling and giving away his current pretence. It was a good thing he had used the toilet before they left the hospital, or that would be another awkward situation.

"Ah! Haha." Click. How long had it been since he had pretended to pass out? How long since the raven had begun giggling like a school girl and snapping photos. Shizuo could hear him circling the bed. The end of the bed dipped making him sweat, panic spreading in his veins like wild fire. Long fingers rested on his ankle, making him bite the inside of his cheek to suppress the shudder.

"How long are you going to sleep?" Shit, here he goes again. "Should I wake you, Shizu-chan?" Click the camera sounded again. "But like this you won't reject me, so maybe...hahaha. Sleep." Shizuo focused on smoothing out his breathing, inhale exhale inhale exhale, not too fast or slow enough that it would be noticed.

How could he fall asleep with the raven that close? Who knew if he would even wake up at all or if he did what situation he would be in. "Oh! Your wrist is bleeding again." Shit. The teen tried to keep his body relaxed, hearing the raven get closer and closer. A soft grip held his wrist, digging into the gashes. "Mmn." A soft whimper left his throat feeling the pain.

Fuck! Had he given himself away? "Shh, its okay. I'll make it all better..." Shizuo inwardly cursed hearing Izaya speak in a gentle tone. It was happening again. He wanted to shake his head, shout and scream. If he had been killed then this wouldn't have happened, he wouldn't be doubting himself.

He wasn't sure whether or not to feel relieved hearing knocking at the door. Did it mean Kanra was back to kill him? "Tch, stupid woman." Izaya's whispered voice faded. Still Shizuo refused to risk opening his eyes. "Here. I got you what you wanted. Don't bother me anym-"

"Shh. You'll wake him. Don't you dare wake up Shizu-chan." A shudder ran through him hearing the hushed tone. His arms slipped, the chains cutting into his freshly wounded wrist. "Ugh."

Fuck! Clink. The chains rattled against the bed frame, they must have been loosened slightly. "Namie-san. Now look what you did! Get out!" Shizuo groaned opening his eyes, no longer able to pretend. The door slammed shut leaving him alone in the room with the psychopath. "Hm? Oooh she got everything. Shizu-chan, you're awake now?" The raven hummed happily skipping over to the bed.

The blond was staring wide eyed, his wrists dripping with blood. "Good morning. Good evening. Goodnight. You can't tell which it is can you? Ahahaha" Coffee eyes bulged seeing his ex girlfriend staring back at him, the dark eyes and even darker hair. "Shizu-chan, I got you some food. Haha you must be hungry." Shizuo blinked shaking his head. "Now where were we? Ah! That's right..."

Shizuo continued to stare.

"Hm mm, your wrists." The bag was dropped on the floor, Izaya leaning over to take his wrists.

"Ugh." His eyes slammed shut seeing those dark eyes stare into his own.

"Shh. I'll make it better, all better." Shizuo swallowed, unable to do anything as his wrists were cleaned and bandaged.

"There we go. All better. Look, Shizu-chan. LOOK!" The teen jumped at the raven's shout. "All better." Avoiding looking at the flea, Shizuo tilted his head back, looking at his now thickly bandaged wrists, the chains rearranged so they didn't cut into his skin as much.

"...Stop." Dark eyes narrowed.

"You sound horrible." Coffee eyes rolled, his body trying to twist away.

His current state gave him away, his parched throat making it hurt to breathe. Shizuo coughed trying to make it feel better resulting in a coughing fit, Izaya's hand resting on his back. With a shudder he tried to shift further over, the bed dipping as the flea got closer. "Shh. I've got you, Shizuo-kun." Damn.

"...Sto-" Great now he couldn't talk properly his throat like sandpaper.

Hearing the rustling of the carrier bag, Namie had given to Izaya, Shizuo groaned not wanting to know what was in the bag. Something to hurt him with? No, at the moment it looked like the damn killer had no intention of hurting him. Why was he being like this? Chiyoko had been a sick lie, so why was he using it to torment him further?

A hand rested on his shoulder tugging him back to lay on his back. "Come on." Shizuo stared sceptically at the bottle held out to him. His eyes were on the clear liquid. Izaya grinned unscrewing the lid. "Here you go." Biting his lip his teeth clamped together refusing anything from the damn flea. "Shizu-chan, open your mouth."

The bottle top was pressed to his lips, a few drips bringing life back into his lips. "Drink." His lips were pried apart with easy, The water spilled into his mouth. Shizuo puffed his cheeks not wanting to swallow, who knew what the hell it contained. He wasn't going to be tricked or drugged any more. The bottle was taken away, dark eyes narrowing.

"Shizu-chan, Swallow." He was speaking in that voice again.

Opening his mouth he felt his chest become wet, water spilling out. His reward was a slap, the noise resounding in his ears. "Bad, Shizu-chan." Shizuo struggled uselessly, the messed up raven slamming a fist down on his cast.

"Agh!" At this rate it would never heal. Well that was if it had the chance to.

While he writhed in pain, twisting and groaning, Izaya crawled onto him straddling his waist. "Be a goood boy." The raven singsonged gently shaking the bottle. Shizuo glared feeling something rise in his stomach. Averting his gaze the bottle was forced past his lips. One hand rested on the side of his head wrenching it up.

Cold liquid filled his mouth, water continued to pour in. His arms yanked trying to get away. Water trickled down his chin, his cheeks puffed to their fullest. The bottle was taken away, persistent lips pressing against his own. The teen tried to move, his hair being yanked harshly. Dark eyes gleamed and now that he was this close he could see the red flecks.

Izaya's tongue slipped into his water filled mouth, pushing him further into the bed. His own tried to push the intrusion away, finding itself caught in a trap. Their tongues entwined one trying to gain entrance and plunder, the other trying to force the intrusion out. He could tell the raven was smirking. "Gah! Mmph!" Sharp nails scratched over the healing cuts on his chest, his mouth fell open, Izaya stealing complete control. His nose was pinched hard, making it hard to breathe. Shizuo groaned swallowing for air, the cool liquid gliding down the back of his throat.

"...Ugh." Izaya's thumb swiped across his lip, the raven rocking back.

"See. It wasn't that bad. I wouldn't poison my Shizu-chan." The sick teen was grinning down at him, placing the bottle against his lips. Shizuo gulped greedily, watching as the level went down and the bottle was nearly empty.

"...Fucker." Turning his head away earned him yet another slap sending it back to the front.

"Good boy, you finished it all." His hair was ruffled making him nauseous. The plastic bottle was tossed over one shoulder, bouncing across the floor.

"Get away." His voice sounded broken, not that it mattered. He was completely ignored, Izaya rummaging through the carrier bag.

"Shizuo-kun, I brought you some cake." That voice was deceptively sweet. "You'll have to tell me if you like it or not." No. He wouldn't fall for it again. His hips bucked trying to dislodge his captor to no avail. Izaya held on like he was riding a bucking bronco, one hand clasping at his cast, the other holding onto the bag. "Shizuo-kun?"

"Get away!" His heart was pounding violently, his hands clenching, tugging at his bonds. "Aaarggh!" Pain seared along his arms, crimson seeping through the thickened bandages.

"You're going to hurt yourself." Shizuo shook his head thrashing. He needed to get out. They were the same and not the same, she was the one he loved, she was a lie. "Get away!"

The skirt hitched up, the teen sliding up along his body, one finger swiping at the reopened cut on his chest. "Shizu-chan?" Those dark eyes flicked up to meet his own, one lock of hair lay splayed over his chest. "Are you going mad?" Yes he was, completely insane. The same and not the same. "Its okay, I don't mind." One tainted hand cupped his cheek. "You can stay with me."

Shizuo heard his stomach growl, the sugary scent hitting him hard. Just how long had he gone without eating? "Get awa-" The same hand that had caressed his cheek gently only moments before, now slammed down over his mouth, fingers biting into his jaw. "Shh! I don't want to use it again, its not fun when you can't move."

His breath hitched, swallowing thickly. His eyes flicked from left to right in panic. "Shh." Slowly he was released, the flea grinning as he took the soft pink cake box out. Shizuo watched as the lid was lifted, one of the cream fingers was carefully removed. The smell alone made his mouth water. The sight made his stomach rumble. "Ahahahaha, I knew you would be hungry. I know everything about you."

One slim finger dipped into the fresh cream. "I really don't like these, horrible sweet things." The same finger dragged along gathering the cream on his finger. "But you do. Shizu-chan loves these. A monster with a sweet tooth." A cream covered finger was forced between his lips, the edge of a nail catching his tongue. "Well? Is it good? Did I get the right ones?" Izaya's voice was soft against his ears.

"Aaaaaargh!" Shizuo screamed yanking at his bonds, the chains rattled but remained fixed. "Get away! Get the hell away from me!" His eyes felt damp, the teen blinking the wetness from them. Hadn't he already accepted it? Chiyoko had been a lie. Chiyoko was Izaya, Izaya was Chiyoko.

"Shizuo-kun?" So why was the damn killer continuing the act?

Dark eyes fixed on his own, fingers ruffling his hair, carding through his faux blond locks. "Shizuo-kun, Is everything okay?" He had to be doing it on purpose. The skirt hitched up again, revealing more skin.

"...Why won't you...kill me?" Why torment him continuously?

"Shh! I'll make it all better." Another finger full of cream was slipped past his lips. Tears trickled freely down his cheeks dripping onto the ruined pillow underneath him.

"...Chiy...oko." He was met with a smile, another finger dipping into his mouth. Shizuo felt his stomach turn in disgust, attempting to bite down. His eyes flicked up seeing those dark ones gazing back at him.

"...No." His jaw locked unable to do any damage, tearing his gaze away, one hand stopped him from turning away, the other force feeding him what used to be his favourite sweet treat.

"No? Did I get the wrong one?" Shizuo let his eyelids slip shut.

"...Kill me." His plea was ignored, Izaya readjusting his position on his stomach.

"Don't be stuupid, Why would I kill you?" The teen grinned shoving the end of the cake into his mouth.

"Mmph!" The blond muffled trying to take in as much of the treat. Dark hair was flicked back. The same and not the same. Shaking his head Shizuo chewed slowly struggling to swallow past the lump in his throat. "Good boy good boy. Eat your cake, I got it especially for you." The box was placed on the floor, Izaya crawling over him, laying on top of his cut up torso. "Shizu-chan is all mine. All mine. No one will take you away. Hahaha no one." The raven laughed snuggling on top of him like a cat and closing his eyes.


	26. Taken by madness

**Taken by madness**

_A/N:- This chapter contains non-con. You have been warned. Enjoy._

Closing his eyes, one leg crossed over his broken one. Why the hell had he drank that water? Biting his lip he tried to keep movement to a minimum. It hadn't been just one bottle either. The flea had become obsessed with feeding him cakes and making him drink what that bitch of a fake therapist had brought. "Open up, Shizu-chan."

The lid was unscrewed, the open mouth of the bottle resting against his bottom lip. "This one is your favourite, come on. Drink." The thick liquid filled his mouth, the taste of strawberries, milk and guilt on his tongue. Water, soda, milk and now strawberry milk. "Come on. Drink up. We don't want you getting thirsty again do we?"

Izaya hadn't left his side since, crowding his personal space, touching his skin. The teen gulped a few drops of the milkshake running down his cheek. His observant captor took the still full bottle away, moving closer to lap at the drops. "So sweet." Shizuo watched as the open bottle flew across the room, hitting the white wall, the pink mixture running down, to join the puddle on the floor.

At least he didn't have to drink any more. His bladder was painfully full and ready to burst, a pain in his stomach making itself known. What were the chances of Izaya letting him use the bathroom? The damn flea shifted on his hips, thighs squeezing his stomach. "Ugh." Fuck, he needed to go.

"Shizu-chan?" One crimson eye and one dark one flicked up. "Does it hurt?"

Shizuo groaned clenching hard trying to keep everything inside. "Shizu-chan. Don't ignore me." His groan turned to a whine, the annoyance shifting adding more weight.

"Get off." He didn't risk bucking his hips. One thin eyebrow arched in question.

"Then tell me what's wrong. Shizuo-kun." Izaya lightened his voice falling back into the guise of Chiyoko.

Fuck it, his pride be damned. "...I need the toilet." Biting his lip he tried to stop moving. Not that it helped with Izaya bouncing on his stomach. "Eh? Hahahaha. So that's what that look means. Shizu-chan wants to use the bathroom..." The raven rocked back and fourth causing him more pain.

"Hahaha. No." The grin faded, the laughing dying abruptly.

"What?" Shizuo growled. "I need to use the fucking toilet. Let me go."

"No. I said no. This is your escape attempt. I'm not stupid, Shizu-chan. You can stay chained up." The teen cursed unable to forget the raven was a complete psycho.

"I said I need-" A hand clamped over his mouth trying to keep him quiet.

"Never letting you go. All mine." Izaya cooed stroking his cheek.

"Izaya! Damn it! You fuc-" Shizuo blinked as he was silenced, the crazed teen smashing their lips together, shoving his tongue inside.

"No." The faux blond was left on the bed, red faced and panting in disgust, trying to spit the taste out. "Can't let you go. Won't let you go." Izaya shuffled back climbing from the bed. The milkshake bottle was kicked against the wall.

"I need to go." The door slammed. "IZAYA!"

It helped curling his body into a ball the best he could and remaining perfectly still. It hadn't occurred to him, what if there was no bathroom? He hadn't seen much except for the white walls. "Ugh." He couldn't even clasp his arms around his stomach. Pain shot through him and he knew he wouldn't be able to hold on much longer. "...Hurts."

It wasn't long before the door was opened. Not all of the way, just enough for the killer to slip through. "Shizu-chan." The teen whistled, holding something in his hands. Coffee eyes widened in horror, recognizing what the clear bag and tube were.

"No!" It was what he had refused in hospital, instead choosing to struggle with his busted leg. "Keep that away from me!"

Izaya only smirked creeping towards him. "Shh. I'm helping you." The bed dipped, a hand resting on the side of his hip. "You need to go, right?"

"DON'T YOU DARE!" Pulling at his binds his writs were protected by the padding.

"Oh? So you do know what this is?" Slow mocking clapping filled his ears. Sly fingers slipped into the waist band of his pants pulling hard. "Now now. Don't be a baby."

The button on his pants was flicked undone, a waste since the succession blade slashed through the material cutting his thigh. "Don't. Don't. Get away!" Piece by piece his pants fell to the floor, leaving him in his boxers.

"Shizu-chan. You don't want my help?" Shizuo could see through the fake display of innocence, something much darker lurking behind that smile. "Okay then." Confused coffee eyes blinked watching as the catheter was dropped onto the floor.

His broken leg was grasped and yanked hard, forcing him from his foetal position. "Don't." His stomach cramped again. That crimson eye gleamed, his legs pried apart. "Argh. Don't." Shizuo was helpless, his bad leg left useless on the bed, his good leg bent, foot pressed against his butt. "If you don't want my help...hahaha." The teen shook his head, one hand brushing the front of his boxers, the other splayed on his belly. "You can go like this."

"NO! Don't. Damn fucking ugh flea." It started off light, barely touching his skin. Slowly his captor added pressure, pressing down. "Stop...stop." His bladder protested at waiting any longer. Tears beaded leaking from his eyes, a warm feeling pooled in his groin. Shizuo scrunched his eyes closed, shame darkening his cheeks. It was humiliating.

"Hahahaha, aw. Peeing your pants like a little kid. Aren't you ashamed?" Izaya was sitting back watching him. His light grey boxers had tuned dark, the wet patch clearly visible and still he couldn't stop feeling strangely relieved. The covers underneath him were soaked. "Well? How does it feel?" A hand reached over to ruffle his hair. "This is what you get when you turn my help away." The flea's stained hands rested either side of his face like a vice grip, tilting his head up.

Shizuo said nothing sniffling pathetically. What had he done to deserve this? "...Kill me." And as usual his plea was denied.

"Shh. I'll make it all better." Izaya cooed licking his lower lip. Shizuo blinked cold air hitting him as his boxers were cut away.

"No." The soaked through material slid from the edge of the blade.

"See all gone. Uwah! Aren't you growing nicely." the knife twirled making him panic.

The blade clattered to the floor. "I know what we can do..." His captor broke into manic laughter. "I'll show you just how much...ehe." Shizuo had nowhere to go, a sly hand sliding along his inner thigh to palm him.

"Get awa-ah!" The teen groaned feeling Izaya squeeze him.

"You're not being honest. Admit you like this. Me touching you." That voice was pure poison making his stomach turn.

"Don't tou-ugh." The last person he wanted touching him so intimately was the damn flea.

"Shh. It's okay. Let go, Shizu-chan." Squeezing his eyes shut he tried to block out the hand around his flaccid cock.

"Ugh...Disgusting." His cheek stung from the harsh slap that was delivered.

"It's not nice to lie." Shizuo said nothing refusing to feel anything from the lengthy strokes. He was still a kid going through puberty.

"Something wrong? You aren't getting hard. Maybe it's broken? Hahaha. Poor Shizu-chan." Kasuka. Tomoyuki. Mizukawa. Ayako. His teacher. Kasuka. Tomoyuki. Mizukawa- on and on he let the bad memories loop in his mind, like a hamster on a wheel. They were the ones that had been hurt and killed with the exception of his little brother.

"Ungh." He didn't want to see what Izaya was doing to his body. Goosebumps ran along his skin. "Kasuka...Tomo-yuk-ah!" The remaining contact lens was plucked out and flicked away, crimson eyes narrowed.

"Wrong wrong wrong." Shizuo cursed as the upset mentally disturbed raven clenched his fist.

"Ugh." He refused to feel anything. Refused to fall for any more damn tricks.

"My name. Say my name. MINE!"

The teen grimaced, the shout piercing his ears. "...Fuck you." His head turned to the side, another slap as his reward. "Kas-" A hand wrapped around his throat.

"Shut up. Say my name, Shizu-chan." This time he didn't panic. Staring up into madness, the faux blond grimaced in pain. "Say it. Say it say it say it." Maybe if he wound him up enough, then he would be put out of his misery.

"...Chiyoko." The flea screamed clenching his fist, slamming it into his jaw.

"My name, protozoan." It hurt. Every time that vengeful fist slammed into his jaw, he could feel his lip split, knowing it would bruise. "Mine mine mine. Izaya Izaya. Say it. Say my name." Shizuo said nothing turning his head away, letting the blow knock his head to the left.

Shizuo gasped, Izaya stepping back, reaching down to pick up the knife. It did nothing to reassure him, seeing as he was stark bloody naked, laying helpless atop a stained bed. "Tch. Bad Shizu-chan." The blade slammed into his cast, the raven digging the blade in. Gritting his teeth, the teen refused to give in. "Scream it then. My name, scream it."

His still flaccid cock was left alone, sharp nails digging into the skin of his cheeks, as they were spread apart. "Wait. What are you- Agh! Fucker you fucking fucker!" Shizuo growled and cursed, feeling his entrance tear, the damn flea sheathing himself inside. "Get it out!" More blood dripped onto the covers with the rest of the mess. The skirt fluttered against his balls, his fists clenched.

"Hm feels so good, so tight, Shizu-chan." His good leg was pushed further apart, making him cry out in pain. "Hah, so good. Can you feel me inside you?"

"Get it out!" His only response was cold laughter. "Izaya!"

"See you can do it. Louder. Scream it." The raven giggled slamming into him at an erratic pace.

"Mine. All mine." Shizuo cursed, wanting the ground to swallow him whole. It was his fault, everything was his fault. "Where is it? Where is it? Cant find it." Coffee eyes sprang open in shock. An uncomfortable feeling spreading through his nerves. "Fooound it." Whatever it was, was troublesome.

Izaya pounded the same spot, an unwanted feeling spreading through him. "Stop it. Stop it...ngh...sto-ah!" Crimson eyes gleamed down at him.

"Stop? When you're squeezing me this tightly? .This." His body curled in on itself, trying to block out what was happening. "Ah! Shizu-chan." The chains rattled, his head pushed against the headboard, his good leg thrown over one shoulder. "See, you're hard now. Told you soooo." Izaya sing singsonged tugging at the skin of his balls.

Shizuo looked on in horror, his dick at full mast and dripping with pre-cum. "...no."

"Don't you mean yes? You want this. You want me. Give in." The fingers playing with his balls turned their attention to his unwanted arousal.

"...no." Tears leaked from his eyes. So much strength and completely useless.

Why? What had he done? Izaya squeezed him, stroking torturing slow, his thumb flicking the tip. "Cum for me." It felt wrong, his body reacting, even whilst his mind was denying all that was happening. Shizuo sniffed watching his orgasm with shame and horror. The covers were stained further, the wrong substance splattering his belly and his captor's hand.

"My name, Shizu-chan." He wasn't listening, staring blankly at the mess he had made. Izaya. The flea had made him cum. The person he hated most... "Ugh...ah!" His body was a piece of meat, nothing but a toy. His body had betrayed him. "Hm, you're tasty, Shizu-chan." The soaked skirt slapped against his skin, a vice like grip on his hip pulling him back into each thrust. Coffee eyes averted not wanting to see the flea lick sensually along his fingers swallowing his seed.

"Ungh." Izaya slammed into him, tensing a wide grin on his lips.

"Ah! Shizu-chan." Shizuo grimaced feeling something splash his inner walls filling him to the brim. "All mine all mine." The teen whimpered lowly, his captor pulling out, leaving the vile fluid to dribble from his violated entrance. "Ah, that's a good look for you. But now look. You're all dirty, you messed up the bed."

Shizuo said nothing. The chains rattled as he was yanked from the bed, his broken leg bent underneath him, bare ass hitting the floor, pain shooting along his spine. His arms stretched painfully, the chains still binding him. "Now, Shizu-chan. Stay. I need to go and see Namie-san. Someone needs to change the bed." A pair of lips pressed against his split ones. "Then we can continue, okay?" Izaya's arms wrapped around him, kissing the top of his head. "Shh! All mine. All mine." Shizuo stared blankly at the floor and shuddered.


	27. Hanging by a thread

**Hanging by a thread**

_A/N:- Thank you for the reviews and I'm sorry to say the next chapter will be delayed. Switched on my laptop to find I had half a white screen. I'll try and find another way but I might have to wait until it gets fixed. Thank god I have insurance. Anyways this chapter contains non-con. You have been warned. _

"Hey, Hurry it up." Shizuo stared blankly at the floor, not looking at his touchy captor or the fake therapist. His arms protested at the rough punishment, the chains biting deep into his wrists, even with the protection of the padded bandages, it hurt like fuck. A small whimper left him as he was jogged, pain shooting along his lower back.

"Shh." Izaya's arms wrapped around him, holding him close. "Namie-san, hurry up." He didn't need to look up to realise what the woman was doing. His face flushed in a mix of shame and embarrassment.

"It would help if he wasn't in the way." The woman snapped, yanking the sheets from under his head. The grip around his head tightened, pulling him into the flea's chest.

"I'm not letting him go. He's mine. All mine."

"Ugh." Gritting his teeth, the teen tried to ignore the pain. Glancing up he caught the woman's cold uncaring gaze. She looked at him in disgust dropping the stained bundle on the floor.

"I need to air the mattress. Put him out of his misery." Namie slipped a hand into her pocket. A hand covered his eyes so he didn't see what she had. "Shh. It's only for a while."

Shizuo gasped feeling something sharp touch his throat. "No." He couldn't do anything as the needle was slowly pushed in. Within moments, his sight was wavering, his vision going black as he slipped forward into blissful darkness. At least now he wouldn't know what they would do to him.

Just like the first time he had been subjected to whatever crap was in that syringe, his recovery was slow, his mind groggy as his eyes slowly cracked open. Blinking repeatedly his vision came back, finding himself face first in something white and soft. His arms no longer ached at being stretched. Shizuo blinked again seeing the chains wound around his wrists crossed over each other.

Carefully lifting his head and turning it to the side he found himself staring at the same walls. Was he back on the bed? The feeling in his legs returned with a bout of pain from his broken leg. "Shizu-chan." A shudder ran along his spine, knowing Izaya was near him again and not just near him. "You finally woke up, sleepy head."

Fingers ran over his thigh moving up. Coffee eyes widened with panic realizing that he had been moved while unconscious and re chained to the bed on his belly. "I was waiting for yooou." Izaya singsonged touching him again. His good leg had been forced underneath him elevating his ass in the air. Why couldn't he have killed him while he was unconscious?

"...No. Don't ugh." Shizuo buried his head in the new pillow, feeling something wet circle his torn entrance, his cheeks spread.

"Don't lie. You like this. See." The raven sounded happy, one hand sliding between his legs to grab his dick pressed against the covers. "Already dripping. Your hole is twitching too. Hahaha. All ready for me."

Shaking his head in denial, his head shot up, mouth dropping open as he gasped. "Ah!" Shizuo clenched his fingers, trying to keep himself on top of that thinly wound tightrope that was his sanity. "St-ah!" It was harder to move now, the chains barely rattling as they held his arms securely. His body quivered feeling something pierce his torn ring, brushing against his inner walls.

"Iz-ah!" The hand on his ass squeezed, the fingers around his half mast arousal stroked and teased. There was no answer or taunts to his unwilling moans, making him guess what was inside him.

The raven continued to lick and suck, making him feel weaker by the second, his pointless struggling stopping all together. What the hell was wrong with him? Shouldn't he be trying to escape with everything he had? "Ahn!" Shizuo closed his eyes feeling his body shudder. The wet organ inside him was removed, that talkative mouth back in action.

"Haha. You stained the covers again. Namie-san isn't going to be too happy."

His captor was laughing at him. "I'll go sloooower this time." Shizuo cursed, Izaya's skirt flapping against his bare behind. "Until Shizu-chan gets used to it." Slamming his eyes shut, the teen bit down in the soft material of the white pillow. It hurt just as much as the first time, the familiar burning seared along his inner walls.

He could feel everything and see nothing, which he wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. "Get it out!" The damn flea slowly pulled out, slamming into the same place as before.

"Ah! Iz-ah!" Shizuo gasped feeling an arm loop around his waist, pulling his body back against the unwanted intrusion.

"My name, Shizu-chan." The teen bit his lip, trying to keep everything inside. Everything seemed to stop. There was a way out.

No strength, no being able to goad the bastard into killing him and no Kanra. Stifling another noise, Shizuo ran his tongue along his teeth. A way out...Before he lost himself. All along he hadn't been walking a tightrope. No he had been dangling from the thin rope holding on for dear life. There was no controlling his thoughts or his heart and now even his body refused to listen to him.

A way out...A painful bite that would end everything. Shizuo tested it biting down softly. How long before it would be over? Izaya couldn't see his face, he wouldn't know until it was too late. "Aghugh." It was now or never. A way out... Licking his split lip his teeth came crashing down...

Against fingers that slipped inside wrenching his jaw open. "What are you doing?" Shit. He hadn't realised the flea had stopped abusing him. Slowly turning his head, coffee and crimson clashed. "Shizu-chan. What were you trying to do?" Izaya's cold tone sent goosebumps running along his skin.

"Agh!" Shizuo screamed his jaw being yanked harshly, forcing him into the pillow, while his body rocked forward with each brutal thrust.

"Are you trying to escape me again?" The pain was too much, saliva covered the digits keeping his mouth open. "No. N-ahn." His head thrashed side to side, finger clenching. His body slumped forward knowing he had cum again.

Still the raven continued pounding him into the covers. The same disgusting feeling was there, fluid leaking out between his thighs when the nuisance pulled out. "Mm, Shizu-chan." He didn't move, feeling the bed dip, Izaya crawling next to him.

"...Why?" Digging his nails into his palms, the teen tried to remain awake.

"Hm? Why what?" Those crafty fingers carded through his hair tugging lightly at the strands.

"...Why haven't you killed me?" Why out of everyone else had be been kept alive and subjected to...such treatment? Crimson eyes widened slightly.

"Eh? Why would I kill you?" His lips stung as they were kissed.

"Then what was the point?" Great he was having a normal conversation with his should be killer.

"The point? Ehe hehehe. It's a secret." Shizuo winced, Izaya tugging hard. "Hahaha. Do you want to know?" Something told him he shouldn't have asked.

The raven sidled closer against his side. "Its because...ehehe...because...Hahaha." Shizuo growled in annoyance. "Just fucking tell me." He had enough of all the games.

"Should I? Ehehehe. Shizu-chan. I haven't killed you because...I love you. Ah I said it." Coffee eyes widened watching Izaya cover his eyes and shake like one of the lovestruck girls in his school.

"..." All words failed him, his mouth opening and closing like a gaping fish. "..." The flea was...in love with him? How the hell was that possible? Everything had been an act, to trap him. When had everything changed? "Shizu-chan? Why aren't you saying anything? Aren't you happy?" Izaya shook him trying to get his attention. Instead he remained silent staring confused at the pillow.

"Oi, Protozoan. You are supposed to answer to a confession." The raven was in a dangerous mood again, seeming to switch from angry to giddy with happiness and then psychotic. "ANSWER ME." Shizuo winced, the chains were pulled harshly, something clinking. With surprise he found himself rolled back onto his back.

"You don't believe me?" Izaya shuffled over straddling his hips. "You love me too, all that time we spent together." The teen sounded like he was going to cry. Shizuo steeled himself, shaking away the virus that wanted to attack his heart. It was Chiyoko that he had spent all that time with, not Izaya. Chiyoko who hadn't existed all along and had turned out to be Izaya.

"No. It wasn't you." The cuts on his chest had barely begun to scab over, sharp nails clawing over them to draw fresh lines of blood. "Agh."

"It was always me. Forever young, always me. I was by your side the entire time." Shizuo blinked not wanting to listen yet finding himself unable to stop.

His heart was already full of doubt, dark emotions swirling around. It was wrong and disgusting. What if it was true? What if Izaya actually loved him? Then how much of Chiyoko had been an act? How much had been a lie? Izaya was staring down at him, with bright crimson eyes, a mix of emotions swirling inside. Hadn't he saved him from Kanra?

"No. No nononono." How much further was he going to fall for tricks and lies?

"Shizu-chan?" Shizuo gasped a wet tongue gliding over one of the cuts. "We feel the same, don't we? Why fight it?" Unable to look away he watched Izaya reach for the zip of the skirt, slowly pulling it down. Why? Why was he falling for everything?

The skirt slid along slim thighs, kicked to the floor. One crimson eye winked, Izaya placing his foot on his chest, taking his time to roll each long sock down, tossing them to the floor. Shizuo groaned biting his lip. Pink lace panties grinded against his naked crotch. "Get away." Swallowing thickly he found himself staring at the slim form in front of him. Each layer of clothing was dropped to the floor with a sultry smile.

"G-get away." Why? Why? Why? Why? Nothing was making sense. Why was he so damn confused? Izaya was a killer, he had hurt Kasuka. He had...he had... "Like what you see?" The raven was on his knees in matching pink underwear. "The catch is always a bitch. Hahaha. Got it." The filled bra joined the rest of the girls clothes.

"You don't need anyone else. You have me." Shizuo blinked, his stomach swirling watching as two thumbs slid into the waist band, inching them down. "I'll accept Shizu-chan. Yooou're all mine."

"No." The panties joined the rest leaving them both naked. From here he could see everything.

"Suck." Three fingers were shoved past his barely parted lips. "Get them nice and wet." Not like he had a choice, Izaya plundering his mouth, their two tongues lapping over the three digits. Shizuo did nothing, staring at his captor. Izaya or Chiyoko? Which one had been real?

"Hmm, that's good." His eyes widened, the three digits slipping between the flea's thighs. "Uhn." One by one the three fingers were pushed inside, a look of concentration on the flea's face, along with an expression he had never seen before. "Uh uh. Don't look away." Izaya's free hand grabbed his chin forcing him to look as he fingered himself.

Shizuo gulped not liking the reaction he was having. Now there was no clothing as a disguise. In front of him was Izaya Orihara, the crazed teen who he had...With a growl he kicked out missing completely. The damn flea must have given him something. Why else would his dick be straining? "Hahaha. I didn't even need to touch you."

The teen groaned, a tight heat enveloping him. "Ah! Stop!"

"Mm Shizu-chan. You feel so good inside me." Izaya giggled sinking down on him. "Ahn. So good." Bucking his hips the blond tried to get rid of the other teen. "Feels like you're tearing me apart." Shizuo groaned Izaya bouncing up and down on him, his body useless. "Shizu-chan Shizu-chan Shizu-chan...aaaaahnn."

While the flea's cry was one of pleasure his own was a mournful cry of pain. "Ugh-ah! Iz-" Izaya's hand stroked his cheek. "That's it. My name, Shizu-chan." The sly voice coaxed him, the raven's hips rolling and grinding down against his balls.

"Iza-ah. Too tight. Get...off." It was enough. He had failed everyone.

"I am getting you off, Shizu-chan. More. Coooome ooon." Shizuo gulped watching that lithe form slam down. One hand reached up, horrified coffee eyes following their path as it reached around the length that had violated him not just once but twice. Crimson eyes fluttered and closed.

"Ahn...mm...Shizu-chan Shizu-chan."

"Ngh...Iz-Izaya." In his minds eye he could see the thin tightrope that he had been holding onto snap, leaving him to free fall helplessly into the abyss. "Shizu-chan... Cumming, so close. Aaaaahnmm." The flea stretched throwing his head back bouncing up and down on his cock.

"Ah Fuck. Tight. Ah." The furnace around him constricted squeezing against him. "Fuck." His own body tensed feeling his seed fill his captor.

What the hell had he done? "Let's go again." Horrified he could see his fluid dribbling out. Why? Why? What the hell was happening to him? "Shizu-chan. Shh. Even if you're a monster, I'll stay with you. I accept you for who you are." The same words as Chiyoko..."Look at me. I love you, Shizu-chan. Soooo you have to stay with me. Forever and ever." Izaya held him tightly settling on his chest., both of them a mess.


	28. Better the devil you know

**Better the devil you know**

_A/N:- And I'm back. Thank god for whatever happens cover, my laptop was returned first thing this morning. Anyways sorry for making you wait and on with the next chapter. Enjoy._

"Ah ah mm." Shizuo moaned, the lithe form pressing into him. "St-ah" When had he stopped trying to resist? Just how many times had his serial killer captor taken his body for his own pleasure? Just how many times had he been forced to endure the tight furnace constricting him. There was no semblance of time.

Izaya was keeping him ignorant of everything, spending all their time together. Sleep, sex and more sex. Whether the fucked up raven was inside him or riding him, he wasn't permitted a break or even a choice, his mouth sealed with even so much as a whimper of rejection.

"So close ehe, Shizu-chan do you like this position?" Izaya grunted holding his bad leg up higher, to slam into him. Shizuo said nothing closing his eyes the smell of sex clogged his senses. The chains pulled harshly, his body slipping up the ill treated sheets. "Nn, Shizu-chan!"

"Ah!" The teen shuddered feeling more of his fluid rinsed, spilling over his lower half.

"Mmmm!" His slicked insides were covered again, the flea tainting him further.

Crimson eyes gleamed, an ecstatic Izaya pulled out, dropping his broken leg back onto the stained bed. "You're still awake, Shizu-chan? Your stamina is increasing." It wasn't a good thing. "Should we go again?" Sly fingers glided along his skin, sending a shudder of mixed feelings through him. A knock at the door made them both pause. "What now?" Izaya whined leaving him where he was tired and tainted on the ruined sheets.

Yet his gaze wouldn't leave the back of the sleek form as the flea waded impatiently to the door. "You're back then? What do you want? I'm buuusy." As usual he couldn't see who was behind the door.

"Really? Number sixteen is still alive?" Shizuo shuddered hearing the vindictive female's voice. "Shiki is outside." Shiki?

"...Fine." The door slammed shut the raven turning back to him.

Shizuo shivered under that gaze. "Shizu-chan. I need to leave for a while. But I'll be back real soon." His fingers clenched feeling Izaya kiss him, gently caressing his cheek. "I'll bring you back something to eat. You're hungry right?" Piece by piece the girls uniform was plucked from the floor. Closing his eyes he didn't know what to think of the odd feeling in his chest.

The door slammed shut the sound of a key turning in the lock. Once again he had been left alone. What the hell was he doing? Why was he still here? Was he seriously going to wait until the damn flea came back? Gritting his teeth, Shizuo reached up once again testing his bonds. They didn't budge.

Confused coffee orbs glanced around the room. He had finally been left alone. So what the hell was going on in his head. Shaking his head viciously to dislodge the growing doubt in his mind. His heart was being corrupted. Tugging at his chains, curling himself into an awkward ball, his skin sticky and cold.

Whether it was from boredom or exhaustion he didn't know, his eyes slipping shut. The door rattled violently making him shoot up eyes wide. Had the flea forgotten the key? No there was no way that would happen. Then maybe... The rattling became quicker, the door flying open. Kanra. "What a shame, Izaya took the key."

Shizuo glared at the girl as she closed the door and skipped towards him. "Stay away." Crimson eyes gleamed and he knew she was going to try and kill him.

"Izaya is mine, Shizu-chan. I won't let you take him away from me." The raven was glaring at him in disgust. "Why you? Why now? He's become weak and pathetic."

The teen said nothing trying to ignore his current naked state. "I mean what's so good about you? You're a monster." Kanra glided closer making him nervous. "Is it this disgusting body?" One sharp nail dragged down his belly through the sticky mess. "Disgusting. You think you can take him away from me?"

Shizuo froze the manipulative bitch climbing onto the bed. "You two will never be together." A growl left his throat wanting to say there was nothing between them. It was just that his heart refused to slow down, the words dying in his throat. "Well then, Shizu-chan. Izaya. Is. Mine." Sharp nails dug into his jaw, shoving something rubbery into his mouth. The ravenette smirked looming over him. "I'll make sure you know it."

"Shizu-chan. Did you miss me?" Shizuo jumped refusing to look at the raven. His body was firmly curled in on itself, every inch of him shaking uncontrollably. "Shizu-chan. You're supposed to answer me." Swallowing thickly he remained silent and perfectly still. One hand rested on his skin, making him flinch as if he had been burnt.

"Hm? What's wrong?" Crimson eyes blinked staring down into his own.

"D-don't touch me!" His voice quivered, trying to move away. "Don't touch me. Get away."

"Shizu-chan? I've only been gone a few hours." Hours? It was the first time he knew any thing about time. So then...Kanra had stayed with him all that time?

Shizuo scrunched his eyes closed not wanting to think about it. "I brought you some more cakes." The bed dipped a bag placed next to him. "Lets see I brought chocolate, cream, strawberry... If the one you want isn't here let me know and I'll get Namie-san to go and get it." Izaya grinned stroking his cheek. "It looks like you were a good boy whilst I was gone."

Why did he sound like he cared? "Eh? Are you crying?" Shit. Shit shit shit, this was pathetic. "Who made my Shizu-chan cry? Did Namie-san come in whilst I was gone?" He didn't know? Izaya hadn't sent her? What the hell was going on? "Shh, its okay. No one will hurt you." Shizuo shuddered under the touch forcing his damaged body to uncurl. "Come on."

They were the same, both Izaya and Kanra were monsters. "D-don't." His broken words were ignored, slim arms wrapping around his chest.

"Shiki-san bores me, always asking me to do things." The raven twirled the succession blade making him shrink back eyes wide. His reaction didn't go unnoticed.

"Oh! Its the blade. Sorry, Shizu-chan. You know I wouldn't hurt you." Izaya soothed, tossing the stained blade away where it lay harmless on the floor.

"Is that better?" Shizuo winced his chin yanked forcing him to look at the least dangerous of his captors. For once Izaya wasn't wearing a shirt instead he wore tight fitting black jeans and a v-neck. His personal space was invaded again, the slim raven laying next to him, stroking his cheek. "Shizu-chan? Is that better?"

The teen didn't reply tugging harshly at his chains. "...Let me go." His words shook knowing the only one that would show him any sympathy was the one who had put him here in the first place. Crimson eyes narrowed sending shivers along his spine.

"I can't do that. You'll try and leave me." The embrace tightened, the raven refusing to let him go burying his head against his chest. "I love you, Shizu-chan." _I hate you. _Kanra's words came back along with snippets of memory. A few hours that was all it had been and she had managed to mess him up more than Izaya. "Say something."

How long until Izaya snapped again? How long until the raven grew bored and just decided to kill him? Wasn't that for the best? The sound of a belt buckle and then a zip made him panic, shifting away. Not that it helped he still couldn't move properly or access his strength. "Did you miss me?" Shizuo felt himself nod, his body refusing to obey.

If Izaya hadn't left him alone, then Kanra wouldn't have... No. He didn't want to think about it. "Should I ride you?" Fearful coffee eyes widened watching the flea discard his jeans.

"...No! Please..." Anything but that, not after... Izaya smirked licking his lips.

"You want me inside you?" Swallowing thickly under that lust filled gaze, his legs were pried apart. Would the flea notice? Would he know about Kanra?

No, there had been no physical evidence left behind. But she had managed to scar him worse than any blade could. Never again would he be able to look at another female. "Look, Shizu-chan. I brought this. It should make it feel better." The bottle of lubricant was held up in front of him. Izaya was humming happily as the bottle cap came off, cold liquid dripping onto his skin.

Slicked fingers pushed into him making him groan. "See better already, it's all slippery inside you." Shizuo cursed his stomach cramping. Izaya was the only one who had shown any care towards him...He was a killer...But better than Kanra...Still a killer. "I know where everything is now. See?" His body jolted his sweet spot jabbed.

"Ah!" They were the same. They were different, Kanra and Izaya were related by blood, Kanra was the worst, the true monster between the two.

"I'll make you feel really good." _I'll show you what happens to those that touch my love. _The teen shuddered shaking his head. "Why do you look so scared? I'm not scary, Shizu-chan. I would never hurt you." No Kanra would just do it instead.

Shizuo gasped his nipple tweaked. "I love you. Only you. Forever." His breath hitched a quiet sob echoing painfully in his ears. Was this what he had been reduced to? A caged pet for the two corrupted ravens? "That's supposed to make you happy." The fingers that had carefully stretched him were pulled from his body. "Ah! That's cold."

The faux blond couldn't look away, the dripping length slid between his open thighs. "Agh!" It still hurt, Izaya entering his slicked entrance. Why was it different? Kanra disgusted him, made him feel sick...Izaya though..."Uhn. Mm."

Shizuo gasped as he was filled his cock twitching when it was palmed. "Only I can do this to you." But he hadn't. He had been touched by someone else, that manipulative bitch. "Mm Iz-Izaya." Crimson orbs gleamed, one hand resting against his cheek.

"Say it more. I want to hear my name from your lips." Serious Izaya, crazy Izaya, happy Izaya. Which one was real?

At the moment the raven seemed completely sane, as if he hadn't become a serial killer and hadn't kidnapped him. "You feel so good." The lubricant squelched between them, lessening the pain.

"Ah!" Every movement slammed into his prostate sending pleasure ricocheting along his nerves. "Ah Izaya Izaya." Shizuo couldn't think Izaya looming over him nailing his sweet spot again and again. _You don't deserve what he gives you. _Kanra's voice echoed in his mind.

"Shizu-chan." What Izaya did to him, how he treated him was nothing compared to what Kanra had done. "Shouldn't these be healing?" Shizuo blinked staring down at his chest, where the sore cuts littered his torso. "I didn't think they were so deep." Was that concern he could hear?

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Izaya's arms wrapped around him making his chest twinge. "I hurt you."

He couldn't say that the damage had been worsened by Kanra, every single one had been sliced open. They would all scar. "...What can I do to make it better?" His eyes widened seeing that the raven was crying. "Anything. Name it." Chiyoko. Izaya. It didn't matter who it was, they were the same. An act that somehow had become real, they had both fallen and even now they were still falling.

Tears of remorse dripped onto his skin, their moment was over. Izaya pulled out leaving both of them still hard. "Shizu-chan." Why? Why did his chest ache so much? Why did he want to brush those tears away? He knew what Izaya wanted but what did he want?

"...Unchain me..." If anything the raven cried more biting his lip and shaking his head.

"No! I can't. You'll leave. I don't want you to go. You have to stay with me, forever and ever and ever."

Shaky fingers explored his skin, brushing over the sore cuts. "I-I" Those sharp crimson orbs seemed to dull, Izaya slumped where he sat and stopped moving. "Don't leave me." Shizuo swallowed a hand reaching for him. Was he going to be strangled again? "Please." His eyes widened as Izaya's hand passed over him grabbing his binds.

"Don't go. Don't go." His heart wrenched hearing the broken mantra. Above his head he could hear rattling. "Don't go." The chains dropped behind the bed with a loud clang. He was free. It took a while for him to move his stiff arms, carefully bringing them back to his side.

"Ow. Shit that hurts." Getting the feeling back in one arm, Shizuo used it to massage his other one.

Apart from his groans at the muscle aches, the room was eerily silent. Glancing up his chest clenched seeing the clumped raven looking downcast at the floor where the cakes lay scattered, dark bangs covering his eyes. "...Izaya." The teen looked up slowly, gazing at him with empty looking eyes. Reaching out he pulled the raven closer.

"...Shizu-chan?"

There was no escape, not for him and not for Izaya. It was too late. It had been far too late as soon as he had met Chiyoko. "...It's better." Looking away his arms embraced the lithe body pressing their chests together.

"Shizu-chan? Does this mean..." Just as quickly as the life in those eyes had died, it was back in full bloom. "You just wanted a hug? You won't try and escape? Is that it? Shizu-chan?" Izaya squeezed back nuzzling his chest.

"Fuck." Shizuo hissed at the pain.

"Sorry, Shizu-chan." Izaya looked up at him guilty. For now he wouldn't say anything. Three loud bangs made him jump, his blood turning to ice in his veins. "Again?" His grip tightened.

"Don't go." Not again. He didn't want to be left where she could get to him.

"Izaya! Open up! Shiki wants you." Kanra's voice shouted through the door making him shudder uncontrollably.

"Sorry, Shizu-"

"No! Stay here. Finish what you started." He didn't want to be left alone. Even if he had the use of his arms back, he couldn't use his strength or run thanks to his busted leg.

"Shh. Okay. I'll stay here. Just let me get rid of her." Izaya's voice was soft against his ears.

"No." Shizuo smashed their lips together, fingers trembling against the raven's back. The loud knocking continued his eyes closed coaxing Izaya into staying with him.

"Ehe, I didn't think Shizu-chan would be like this." Fingers carded through his hair, Izaya nestling between his legs. "I won't stop then, I won't leave you alone." Shizuo gasped, fists clenching in the sheets. "You're mine, Shizu-chan. I love you. Ehehe."

Knock knock knock. "IZAYA!" Knock knock knock. "GET OUT HERE!" The door rattled.

"Deal with it yourself. I'm busy." Izaya grinned down at him. Thud. The door shook once before it stopped. "She's gone. Now we can continue." Shizuo said nothing pulling him down for another kiss.


	29. Love in fear

**Love in fear**

Shizuo flinched groaning as he tossed and turned in his half awake state. It was Kanra that plagued his nightmares. "Shh. It's just a dream." Warm arms wrapped around him pulling him closer. Just a dream? Clutching at the black v-neck, his eyes slipped shut nuzzling into the warmth. "That's it ehe. I won't let anyone hurt you."

The strong heartbeat resounded in his ears, a rhythmic thumping. He wouldn't be harmed? Could he really believe that? "Go back to sleep." It was disturbing that he did just that, the worry fading from his mind. The door was locked, Izaya was here...he wasn't alone. Right now she couldn't get to him. "That's it, sleep." Shizuo moved closer into the embrace his own arms reaching out. "I'll still be here when you wake up."

Izaya kept true to his word. Opening his eyes he found the raven sleeping peacefully in his arms. Gently moving one hand, the teen carefully swept the dark bangs away looking into the killer's face. Right now he looked like a normal teen, his hands didn't look like they were stained with blood. Not a hint of madness could be seen.

A loud knock made his eyes widen, his body recoiling underneath the covers, curling into a ball. "Mm hm? Shizu-chan?" His protection was lifted up, curious crimson orbs staring at him. "What are you doing under there?" Knock knock knock. It was Kanra again. Slipping further under his foot touched the end of the bed. But wasn't he getting closer to the door. "Shizu-chan?"

Scrambling back up to the top his arms clasped around Izaya's torso holding on. "Aw. Did you have a bad dream?" The knocking continued his grip tightening.

"Silly Shizu-chan. Didn't I say nothing would hurt you?" His chin was cusped their lips brushing. "Don't worry about those silly nightmares." It was the one outside the door he was worried about. "I'm going to get us something to eat and then if you're good, we can bathe together." Huh? They were going somewhere else?

Reluctantly his fingers loosened letting his captor go. Once Izaya had slipped out from underneath the covers, Shizuo drew them in using them as a shield to keep him safe. "Go away. Don't come in don't come in." His hissed whisper continued not hearing anything, hands plugged over his ears. "Don't come here. Not again not again." Bad things happened when the raven disappeared from his sight.

His mantra continued not wanting to know what was going on, scrunching his eyes shut he tried to block out everything. The covers were tugged making him curl in on himself. They were tugged a little harder where he could see the bedroom floor. As tight as he tried to hold on, his flimsy protection was ripped from his grasp, a scream piercing his ear drums. "Shizu-chan."

The scared teen fought the intruder scratching and clawing. "SHIZU-CHAN!" Shizuo flinched wondering why the noise wasn't stopping. Taking a deep breath he realised it was him. "Calm down. There we go, I'll take care of you and maaake eveerythiing aaaall better." Izaya. It was Izaya. Shizuo clung to him refusing to let go.

"You missed me that much? Ehe. I'm so happy Shizu-chan loves me too." He couldn't say anything, trembling fingers finding their grip in the raven's clothes yanking him onto the bed. "Nothing to worry about. Its just us." The wide eyed teen nodded, gaze dropping to stare at the door. It was closed for now but could she get through the thin wood? The lock meant nothing.

Shizuo bucked his hips up coaxing Izaya to join in. That smirk told him his message had been received. The raven pinned his arms above his head grinding his ass against his crotch. "Mm, you know Shizu-chan, I want you to do something for me." Crimson orbs danced with mirth. Shit. What now? "I want you to suck me off."

Suck him off? The teen swallowed wordlessly slipping out from underneath Izaya. "I think it would be best if you were on the floor." Peeking at the door, Shizuo groaned dropping to his knees and crawling awkwardly between the raven's open legs. Slipping his fingers into the waistband of the black boxers, the teen gulped. "What's wrong?" Shaking his head his hand dipped inside feeling the heat against his skin.

Izaya couldn't know why he was doing this. If he did know then what would happen? Would he kill Kanra? Or would he push him away? Or would he punish him for using him? Shizuo didn't want to find out, for now this was the safest place until he was found. "Shizu-chan? Are you just going to stare at it?" With a low groan he held the hot length between his fingers. The thought of putting it anywhere near his mouth made him feel sick.

Kanra or Izaya, Kanra or Izaya. It was a no brainer, his head dipping low, tongue reluctantly flicking out to lick at the organ. "Mm." Above him Izaya was making his pleasure known. It was horribly intimate and this time he was going ahead with it willingly. "Shizu-chan!" The head touched his lips making him recoil.

Shizuo gulped in panic backing away. He couldn't do it. "Shizu-chan?" He had screwed up. Was the raven going to go back to abusing him for his failure? Or maybe he was going to leave him alone for Kanra to play with. Both options made him shudder. He was saved by the loud grumble that sounded from his belly. "Ah. You're hungry. That's okay, we can continue after we've eaten."

His response was a non-committal nod, the teen allowing himself to be swept up in kiss. "Mm." A hand slid to his ass rubbing and squeezing. "Nn!" Pulling away, Shizuo dropped to his knees scrubbing at his lips.

"Come on, I'll bring us something to eat. No! Wait..." Izaya bounced to his feet clapping excitedly. "I'll be back in a minute."

"No!" His hands clutched at the flea's arm.

"Haha. You really are adorable. Watch this. Its a secret not even Kanra or Namie-san know about this." Coffee eyes flicked up. Something Kanra didn't know about? Letting go he watched as Izaya skipped to the edge of the room. "There's no windows in this room, right?" Shizuo remained where he was sitting on the floor next to the bed. "Wrong!"

Two hands rested on the white wall, the flea sliding it across like one huge doorway. "Ta da." Shizuo blinked staring at the small toilet and next to it a bathroom. "Sometimes even I need alone time. Kanra always tries to jump in the bath with me." Izaya was shaking his head. "So, Shizu-chan. This is our little secret."

The faux blond nodded knowing there was one place he would be safe. The small windows were high and something he wouldn't be able to see out of. Slowly he moved towards the toilet. "The plumbing all works perfectly. Stay in here and watch the water level for me." Shizuo nodded looking around the room, his knees cold against the tiled floor. Remaining where he was he watched the shadow pass over him, the panel being slid back across. "Everything okay?"

"...Yeah." A tap on the wall sounded, footsteps walking away. The door locked as usual. The teen grinned at the hidden space. Kanra didn't know about it. Feeling his stomach twinge, his gaze fell to the toilet, moving quickly to relieve himself. Would Izaya be back soon? If he was safe then why did he want his captor to return so quickly?

A familiar rattling echoed in his ears. No. No. Izaya had the key. Curling up next to the bath, Shizuo switched the tap off not wanting to make any noise. Biting his lip he took a deep breath holding it in. He could hear the familiar slam of the door against the wood. "Huh?" The footsteps were clear moving slowly to the bed. "Are you hiding? Come on out, Shizu-chan."

Clasping his hands over his mouth he remained still. "I know you're still here. Izaya wouldn't let you go – yet. Are you under here?" Shizuo flinched at the loud voice. Where was Izaya? "No? How about...under here?" What if she did know? What if he was trapped? "What? Where are you?" Hearing a series of thuds, he knew everything was being thrown around.

"Kanra. What are you doing in here?" Izaya. He was back.

"Hm? I wanted to see if Shizu-chan was still alive. What's that?" Shizuo clung to the edge of the bath, waiting for Kanra to go away.

"That has nothing do to with you. Shizu-chan is my target. Stay away." The deadly tone in his captor's voice made him shudder.

"Fine fine. I'll stay away. I have another target in mind."

Shizuo groaned inwardly feeling sorry for the poor bastard that had made Kanra's hit list. Shame and guilt passed over him wishing she would go after her new target and leave him alone. It was an awful thought. "Then go and play. The usual rules apply. Don't get caught and don't leave tracks." Laughter filled the room. Just what was he doing? They were both killers.

The teen didn't breathe again until he heard the key turn in the lock, falling onto his side, Shizuo sighed trying to get his breath back. "Shizu-chan?" Slowly the panel was slid across, revealing the mess in the room. "You stopped running the water?" Nodding slowly his gaze dropped to the silver trays on the floor.

"You can help yourself. Its not poisoned." Shifting out the way, the blond dragged his bad leg behind him. The sound of running water resumed. One tray was full of sweets, chocolates and cakes. The other was full of savoury and something in a small container that smelt like fish.

"Shizu-chan, If Kanra or Namie come in here, let me know. I'm the only one that should have access to you."

"And done. I even added bubbles for you, Shizu-chan." The teen sighed smelling the strawberry scent from here. Of all things it had to be strawberry. Izaya was whistling happily carrying the trays to the edge of the bath where he sat them on the floor. "Oopsie. Almost forgot about your cast." Shizuo watched Izaya skip to where a towel rack was. "Here we go."

It was the flea that wrapped his cast in what looked like cling film and tape. It was the flea that undressed him helping his naked form into the water. Immediately his nose was assaulted by the overwhelming strawberry fragrance. His eyes watered remembering his classmate. "My turn." The water swished either side, Izaya sliding into the water taking a place on his lap. Right now he should be feeling disgusted, instead he was feeling almost...happy?

"Lets get you clean. I don't want you getting a cold." Shizuo remained still trying not to pay attention to the pink teddy bear shaped sponge being dabbed gently across his chest.

"Izaya." Crimson orbs flicked up to meet his own.

"Yes? I love it when you say my name. Say it more. Only my name. Only mine." His body slipped Izaya going in for a kiss.

"...How long have I been here?" His question was hesitant knowing that he could accidentally reset everything back to square one.

The sponge stopped moving. "Why do you want to know? Surely Shizu-chan isn't thinking of leaving?" Shit. Izaya wasn't looking at him, bangs hiding his eyes.

"...No, no. I just wondered. I was worried about Kasuka and the ot-" Shit. He had said the wrong think. His head flew to the side, the slap echoing throughout the small room.

"No! You're not leaving. I won't allow it." His cheek stung, raising a hand to cover it. "Ah! I'm sorry, Shizu-chan. You know I didn't mean it. I love you. I love you more than my precious humans. You know that, right?" Shizuo blinked in shock, feeling a wet tongue lap over the reddened area. "Sorry, I'm sorry." Tears beaded in his eyes. Shit. Why the hell was he crying? He knew what Izaya was capable off.

"...hurts." Damn it, what was wrong with him? The blond didn't move feeling his slapped cheek being caressed. "I know. I'm sorry." Izaya's apology soothed him, his back settling against the ceramic.

"I-Its okay." The raven smiled leaning back against him.

"I won't hurt you again. I won't let anyone else hurt you. All mine." Shizuo nodded slowly in confusion sifting a hand through the water, resting a hand on top of the raven's head. Their gazes clashed both of them grinning stupidly, moving to kiss each other.

"What about the food?" Izaya shrugged pecking at his lips. Reaching over the bath, one non soapy finger dipped into the mush in the container, sliding it into the raven's mouth.

"Mm, tastes so good. I never get enough. Shiiizu-chaan, you try some." A soft persistent pair of lips pushed against his own, licking and nibbling. Their hands moved underneath the water sliding against each other's skin. Shizuo groaned giving back what he received, his tongue darting past parted lips. "Mm."

Both of them were panting as they parted, their heated gazes focused on each other. "Shizu-chan, I love you." Izaya kissed along his jaw line, Tilting his head, Shizuo moaned giving better access.

"Mm. I lov-" Pushing the raven away, the teen sat up bolt right, one hand clapped over his mouth to stop him uttering those words. What the hell was going on? He had only gone along with Izaya because of Kanra, hadn't he? That sharp crimson gaze watched him from the end of the bath. Shit. It couldn't be. Could it? Izaya was a killer.

With a growl Shizuo slammed his head against the edge of the bath. No no no. This wasn't supposed to happen. "Shizu-chan. What's wrong?"

"Go away. I'm thinking." Izaya giggled gliding through the water to lean on his chest. A hand slipped under his head stopping him from cracking it open like an egg.

"Why do you need to think? Let me do all the thinking, Protozoan."

He had known there would be no escape. "Come on, finish what you were saying." Izaya was grinning like a damn cheshire cat. An act turned real and then another act that was probably real to begin with. Too late he had realised what was happening. "Izaya, I-I" Too late he had realised how far he had fallen. "I love you." Too late to back away, too late to run away and never look back.

"Yaaaay!" The raven bounced on him splashing water everywhere, their lips brushing, eyes slipping shut. Everything was already too late.


	30. That sinking feeling

**That sinking feeling**

"Shizu-chan, the water is getting cold." Shizuo only stared blankly at the receding water level, Izaya yanking the plug. How the hell was he in love with the flea? Hadn't he managed to separate Izaya and Chiyoko in his mind? Then again why had he fallen in love with Chiyoko in the first place? At the time he had fallen at first sight, pretty much as soon as she had been caught in his arms.

"Shizu-chan, come on sleepy head. Haha I didn't wear you out that much." What was it that drew him to the raven then? Tilting his head, the teen blinked accepting the quick kiss. Izaya looked happy. Not crazy sadistic happy, happy like a normal boy. Averting his gaze Shizuo watched the water drain slipping down the plug hole taking his logical thoughts with it.

Love. Hadn't he sworn never to love anyone again? Anyone other than Chiyoko...who was Izaya. "Fuck." Clutching at his head he smacked it against the edge. Why? Thud. Why? Thud. Why? His head was caught mid movement cradled to the flea's dripping wet torso. Surprised coffee eyes widened before slowly slipping shut.

"Shh. Its okay. Its okay." This was how he was beaten. Not left broken and bleeding, not killed and his body dumped. Instead he had fallen for his captor. Maybe if the circumstances were different. Maybe if Izaya wasn't a killer they could be together. Kasuka, his friends, family and Izaya's victims, he had let them all down. "Shh, don't cry. I'm here. I'll never leave you alone."

It was warm. He didn't want to let go. To go back to acting like someone he wasn't. "Ah, fuck it." Fighting his nature, fighting to keep his temper under wraps. This time he was raising his hands. Shizuo didn't want to fight any more and since he had been Izaya's prisoner everything had been different. "Shizu-chan?" He was done fighting. Izaya had won.

Pulling free of the embrace, Shizuo clambered onto the edge, lifting his broken leg over. A fluffy white towel was draped over his shoulders, slim arms helping him from the bath. His leg was a serious liability and thanks to his mistreatment he wondered if the damn thing would ever heal. "Up we go." Together they tried to walk side by side, Izaya helping to support him.

The panel was slid across revealing the mess. The covers had been slashed and tossed across the floor, so had the sheets. The mattress was on the far side of the room leaning against the wall, the bed frame tipped on its side. "Damn. I should have got Namie-san to tidy up." Left wet and naked on the floor, Shizuo shivered dreading what Kanra would've done to him.

The mattress hit the floor awkwardly, the raven tugging at it trying to position it against the wall. There was nothing he could do to help out in his condition. "Silly thing." Izaya kicked the edge. "Sorry, Shizu-chan. That will have to do for now." The teen didn't really care. Once again he was helped up and dropped onto the mattress. "Look at you. All wet."

Shizuo didn't move the towel taken from his shoulders, Izaya patting it against his skin. "Now I have to get you more clothes. I have to call Namie-san, stay here." Opening his mouth to protest, the teen flinched seeing the look in those crimson orbs. Did Izaya know what Kanra had done. "Shizu-chan,stay." There was no room for argument. He would just need to protect himself somehow.

A mournful groan left him watching the raven's retreating back. For once there was no skip in his step, the teen was in a dangerous mood. A shudder ran through him watching as the door closed, the key turning in the lock. The lock meant nothing. Maybe he should have said something after all. Grabbing for the towel, Shizuo sighed wrapping it haphazardly around his waist.

Scrunched up on the mattress feeling completely vulnerable, Shizuo shook nervously rocking back. How much longer was the damn flea going to be? It already felt like forever. His head shot up hearing someone at the door. "Not again. Not again."

"Shizu-chan, I'm back." At the sight of the raven, the faux blond relaxed. "I brought Namie-san too."

That was when he learnt he would never be normal, the knowledge making him weep. It wasn't Kanra yet goosebumps travelled quickly over his skin and not because of the cold. It was fear. Seeing the big busted woman with the same green jumper and white lab coat sent shivers through him. "He's still alive then?"

The feminine tone grated against his ears. "I wouldn't ask you to check on him if he was dead, would I? Silly Namie-san." Izaya was closing the door sealing the three of them in. Shizuo shrank back hugging the wall. Why the hell was she coming towards him? From here he could smell the stench of her perfume.

"Stay away!" She was smirking at him moving closer. She was going to hurt him.

Why was Izaya leaving her to do as she wanted? Looking helplessly at the raven, he could see Izaya was paying no attention to him fixing the bed frame. "Well look at how docile you are now." Sharp nails reached for him, Shizuo rolling out of the way. This time he wasn't tied up. "Tch, stay still. Do you think I want to be doing this?"

Why wasn't Izaya helping him? The woman reached for him again, fingers brushing against his skin. The teen recoiled at the touch lashing out and burying his foot in the woman's gut. "Ugh. Damn you. Izaya! What the hell did you do to him?" She sounded angry glaring at him.

"Me? I did nothing but show Shizu-chan how much I love him. Isn't that right, Shizu-chan?" The raven was smiling at him.

Smiling back, Shizuo nodded. He didn't like the way the woman was looking at him. "Why the hell did you get me to help? Why not ask Kanra?" Flinching violently the teen curled in on himself. The fake therapist sighed. "Or should the question be what has Kanra done?" Namie whispered gaze fixed on him. Again she reached for him and again he recoiled and lashed out like a wounded animal. "Izaya. You'll have to hold him down."

Hold him down? No Izaya wouldn't do that. Izaya loved him. "Namie-san, are you trying to hurt my Shizu-chan?" The raven crossed the room dropping onto the mattress taking his hand. Squeezing back, Shizuo sighed leaning against Izaya's shoulder. A warm hand rested on his head ruffling his hair. It was okay, Izaya wouldn't let her touch him.

"How much longer are you planning to go on with this? The kid hasn't seen daylight in days."

"Namie-san!" Days? How many? "Hurry up and then get out." The blond jumped hearing Izaya snap, nails digging into the back of his hand. The woman crept closer reaching for something in her pocket.

"No!" Clinging to the raven he tried to get away, one hand clasping onto his cast. "Get away!" His old therapist sighed tossing something towards him.

"I'm done. It looks like he's developed a phobia of women. If you want me to check him over you'll need to put him out." Now he knew what had been tossed at him and caught by the flea.

"No!" The sharp point of the needle pricked his skin. Why?

"Sorry, Shizu-chan. Sleep for a while." The last thing he saw was the damn woman looming closer, a slim arm trying to keep him still. His panic was drowned out, head lulling to the side, black taking over his vision.

Betrayed. That was what he felt when he opened his eyes finding himself laying naked on the freshly made bed, the crisp white covers keeping him warm. Izaya had let that woman touch him. He wasn't alone, the raven curled up next to him head resting on his shoulder. Glancing down he could see small white marks over a few of the more deeper cuts on his chest.

His movement alerted his captor that he was awake. "Eh? Shizu-chan. Are you okay?" The covers slipped his eyes roaming over the naked form on view. Shit. Gentle fingers pressed over where the needle had punctured his skin. "Namie-san cleaned your wounds, a few of them needed to be stitched. I had no choice." The raven crossed his arms and pouted. "I didn't want her to go near you, let alone touch you. They'll heal properly, they might all scar."

The fog in his mind slowly cleared, the effects of the drug wearing off. Snaking one arm around the raven, Shizuo pulled him close. It was hurting a lot less now, the pain dulled or maybe blocked out. "Are you hun-" Smashing their lips together, the teen took control nibbling against the soft lower lip. "Mm. This is good too."

His heart pounded in his chest, Izaya attacking his lips with vigour. They were both naked, the covers flicked back, kicked almost from the bed. Both of them were quickly becoming short of breath, their tongues entwining. "Mm." He didn't know whether it was him moaning or Izaya. Right now it didn't matter.

His hands clenched in the sheets, then in the flea's hair. One hand grabbed his own dragging it over Izaya's chest. Shizuo groaned bucking his hips. He could feel the toned muscle, down his hand went, the organ in his mouth dancing around his own. If only it was the two of them, where no one could hurt them...

Coffee eyes flew open feeling the heat in his palm. "Mm-ah!" Breaking away, Shizuo sat up panting for breath, staring at where his hand was placed. Shit. He was touching it.

"Shizu-chan, do it for me?" The sultry tone caressed his ear, a sly tongue flicking out to lick along the shell. "Nn." His fingers were bent forcing him to grasp the raven's arousal.

"Mm ah!" Shizuo felt his blood run south seeing Izaya's eyelids flutter. "That's good, Shizu-chan." Biting his lip, his hand moved from base to tip. "Ah. Nn." The raven fell back against the soft mattress, arms flying. Moving awkwardly he hovered over the teen, one hand holding him up the other working away to pleasure the other teen.

There was no knocking at the door, everything seemed eerily quiet. Right now it was just the two of them in this room. But what about out there? Past the door and outside wherever the hell they were. Namie had said days, did he trust her though? Yes she had cleaned his wounds and checked him over like his captor had asked. Yet she was still a woman, still connected to Kanra...

"Woah!" His leg flew out from underneath him his back hitting the mattress, head landing against the soft pillows.

"I said stop thinking, Shizu-chan." Fuck. His hand had stopped moving. "I'll take care of everythiiiing." The raven singsonged placing a kiss against his collar bone. Wide crimson orbs stared down into his own. "Don't you trust me?"

"...ah!" A hand rested on his thigh riding up against his balls. "Mm." His dick twitched already dripping. What the fuck had Izaya done to his body?

"Hehe, Only I can do this, Shizu-chan." Closing his eyes Shizuo pulled the flea on top of him, sharing their warmth. "Mm. I want you too." A sly hand slid between them, slapping his hand away.

"Mm." His eyes rolled, Izaya's hand curling around his arousal, pressing them together. "Shit."

"Ah! Shi- Shizu-chan. You feel that?"

Bucking his hips for more friction, the teen carded his fingers through raven locks. Izaya's rhythm never faltered stroking them together. "Fuck." Flicking his tongue out, his lips were stolen, their moans muffled. "Mm." He was so close, so damn close. The flea's thumb flicked over the tip digging in.

"Mm-ah!" Arching his back, he broke the heated kiss, not bothering to wipe away the thin line of saliva that still connected them. His body felt hot, a sticky mess between them. "Nn-mm!" Izaya's face was flushed, lips swollen and eyes half lidded. By the looks of things he was in the same state. The raven sat up straddling his hips, cum stained fingers slipping past parted lips.

Shizuo groaned wanting more. Right now he didn't want to think about anything. "What do you think, Shizu-chan? Should we continue or take another bath?" Either one sounded like a good idea, except that they wouldn't be able to do a lot in such a cramped place. His face flushed knowing he was expected to respond.

"...I want more." His voice was low, eyes averted knowing exactly what he was doing. Izaya grinned clapping his hands together like a child at Christmas, pouncing on him.

For now he would be with the flea. Nothing lasted forever and he knew deep down Izaya knew it too. His parents would be looking for him, his friends wouldn't give up and Kadota would probably tell the police everything. Then there was Akabayashi who would be coming to mentor him. Had he already missed his first lesson? Either way as each day passed his time with Izaya was growing shorter. The very thought made his chest ache, his arms wrapping around the guy he loved and holding him tight.


	31. When something feels wrong

**When something feels wrong**

"Like this?" Shizuo moved his leg out of the way giving Izaya more room to move. It was embarrassing having the flea's head that close to his dick, then again he wasn't much better. Their current positions were the result of a small dispute, neither one willing to give in. He was pretty sure he was losing his sanity to get into an argument with a killer.

Right now though Izaya was different. Their original roles had been stripped away leaving just the two of them stupidly in love with each other. "Yeah, now we can do it together." Shizuo groaned feeling something wet lap at the tip. "You too, Shizu-chan." Fuck. Izaya's knees were just above his shoulders.

Coffee eyes widened staring at how fine the raven's skin was. "Shizu-chan." Shizuo blinked hearing Izaya whine his name wriggling his ass. Shit. Was he really going to do this? Resting his hand against one smooth thigh, his gaze flicked up seeing the twitching hole his fingers itching to touch it. But after...her, could he really put it in? Could he really have sex like that? "Shizu-chan."

Izaya was getting impatient and damn it he knew it could turn out bad. Taking a deep breath, the teen swallowed, dragging one finger across the raven's sac. Adding another finger, Shizuo traced them along the thick vein from base to tip. "Shizu-chan, no teasing." Crimson orbs flicked back to meet his own. Although said jokingly he had a feeling there would be hell to pay.

Curling his hand he guided the arousal to his lips, slowly parting them to inch the raven in. "Mm. Good." A shiver ran along his spine feeling his own need being engulfed. Fuck. How was he supposed to manage this? Sharp nails dug into his thighs, the damn flea deep throating him.

"Ah. What the f-"Crap, he was losing it.

Stroking along the raven's balls earned him a shiver, his hand stroking the base while he slipped the length into his mouth, closing his eyes. "Mm." He had intended to throw the flea off of his rhythm instead the added vibrations were causing havoc to his nerves. Licking along the shaft he could taste the freshly washed flesh.

Above him the flea shuddered thrusting into his mouth, his own hips having the same reaction. "Mmph." Shizuo knew that neither one of them were in control only seeking out pleasure. Izaya more so than him. "en-mmph." A bitter liquid filled his mouth. Pushing the flea away from him, the teen rolled partially onto his side coughing immediately regretting swallowing.

"Shizu-chan? Ah sorry." Shaking his head, he backed away slightly as the raven flipped around, cupping his chin. "Did I go too far?"

"Ugh. Never doing that again." There was a weird taste in his mouth.

"Haha, Shizu-chan has no gag reflex. Here." Taking the carton of milk, the teen guzzled it down trying to rid himself of the taste. "So cute." The empty carton went flying Izaya pouncing on him. "I love you, Shizu-chan." With a sigh he hugged the raven to his chest.

Shizuo groaned opening his eyes, he wasn't sure how long he had slept only that his body was worn out once again. There was no sign of Izaya leaving him alone in the bed. Lifting the covers he could see that he was wearing a grey pair of boxers. "Izaya?" There was no sign of the raven.

Outside he could hear raised voices. Glancing over the side of the bed he could see a tray of snacks and a bottle of flavoured water. Just his damn luck it was strawberry. Maybe he should tell the flea that he didn't want anything strawberry from now on. From where he was he couldn't reach. Throwing back the covers, Shizuo grabbed his leg pivoting to the edge. "YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" His fingers had just reached the top of the bottle, the loud shout making him jump, the bottle toppling over. "Damn it."

There were more thuds and bangs. Shit it looked like Izaya was in a bad mood. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" The rest was muffled. Even so the teen slid from the bed crawling awkwardly dragging the covers behind him. If the flea said anything he could use his phobia as an excuse.

Making it to the door Shizuo rested back against the wall drawing the covers around him. Izaya was still shouting at someone, a familiar voice screaming back. Had the flea found out what Kanra had done? Even though he was this close, one ear placed against the wall he could still only hear muffled voices. "GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

Shizuo flinched hearing the door rattle, bursting open and almost whacking him in the face. "Shizu-chan?" The first thing the flea would see was the empty the bed. "Shizu-chan!" The door slammed shut, the flea's foot getting caught in the covers. "What are you doing down there?" The angry crazed look faded, Izaya smiling down at him.

"Were you worried Namie-san would come in?" A loud thud sounded, someone kicking the door. "...Don't worry, Kanra is in one of her moods." Shizuo said nothing accepting Izaya's help. "Ne, Shizu-chan, you love me right?" Falling back on the bed, the unstable raven lifted his leg onto mattress.

"...Yeah." Something didn't feel right.

"Then you'll stay with me forever and ever, no matter what happens, right? This is important, Shizu-chan."

"W-what's going on?" Izaya looked like he was torn between crying and killing someone.

"Shh, nothing. I just wanted to know how much I meant to you. Ehehe." Shizuo flinched shifting over. Right now Izaya was scary, almost back to when they had first met. "Shizu-chan, go to sleep. I'll make everything better." For once he didn't fight when the drug entered his system. Something was off between his captors and he didn't want to be involved.

When he awoke it was to Izaya and Kanra standing off against each other. The first thing he noticed was that they were both holding knives. Izaya was holding the succession blade, while Kanra was holding something that looked just as deadly. It wasn't the thing that had been used to slice his wounds open.

The flea's hands were covered in blood, it didn't look like it belonged to him. Kanra's shirt was covered in it. "Get out of here, Kanra." Shizuo blinked watching as the pair slowly circled each other. The room seemed to grow colder. "Leave. Now." What the hell had happened while he had been out?

"Not this time. Hand him over." Shizuo shuddered pulling the covers up. "Izaya. Hand him over."

"No way. I really should've killed you back then." Shit. What was he supposed to do now?

"Perhaps. Stop messing with my fun, little brother." Huh? Weren't they cousins? The pair of them moved slamming their knives together. His ears ached from the grinding of the sharp edges.

"Tch. This time its you interfering with my Shizu-chan." Shizuo watched them clash again, wincing as Kanra ducked slicing the blade close to the raven.

"Izaya!" Fuck. Clapping a hand over his mouth he already knew it was too late.

Both of Oriharas froze in their movements realising he was awake. "Huh? Shizu-chan, why are you awake?" He could feel both of them staring at him, one pair full of concern and obsessive love the other glaring at him with hatred. "Ehehehe, I'm almost done here. Go back to sleep." He wasn't falling for it.

"I'll put him to sleep. Permanently." Shizuo recoiled Kanra Running at him knife raised.

"I said get away!" Izaya flipped over the bed kicking the blade from the teen's hand. "Stay away from my Shizu-chan." Kanra kicked out falling back to get her knife. Izaya stood in front of him blocking out his sight.

"You're a disappointment. The perfect killer becoming like this. It's pathetic. Its his fault." He couldn't see anything. Shit he should at least try and help. Damn it he didn't have his strength.

"Shiizuu-chaan, don't move." Shizuo remained where he was. Fine. If the flea thought he could handle it. After all it was a sibling rivalry, unless Kanra meant what said about her loving the flea. It didn't make sense, if they were...

With a groan he shook his head. "Are you really going to protect him?" The flea remained where he was. "DAMN YOU!" Shizuo felt his heart stop hearing the sharp edges clash. Izaya could get hurt or worse. If that happened it would get worse wouldn't it? Or would he finally be free?

"What is going on here?" Shizuo glanced over at the door where a bright green jumper pained his eyes. The woman took one look around the room.

"I'm not getting involved. I'm not cleaning that up either." His ex therapist turned and left. His relieve was cut short watching Izaya's back as he fought against Kanra.

"This is the end for you." Shizuo covered his ears blocking out Kanra's voice. It grated on his nerves and brought back horrible memories.

"Ugh." Shizuo shifted forward seeing the gash across Kanra's thigh, blood trickling down her leg.

"Hahahaha." Coffee eyes widened seeing the damage they had caused each other. At first he had thought it was someone else's blood. But maybe it was their own. Neither one was stopping their knives arcing through the air. The whole time Izaya was standing in front of him or near the bed.

"I will kill you, Kanra." His eyes locked onto the blood trailing down over Izaya's fingers.

"Can you? You couldn't the first time or the other six times we've fought. Hey, Shizu-chan. I'll tell you something go-"

"KANRA!" Shizuo never got to hear the rest, Izaya lashing out with the blade bringing in down and slashing across the raven's chest. Kanra only giggled coming back for more. They were both insane, completely mad.

Right now even if it was a fucked up situation, he was happy with Izaya and like hell he was going to let the manipulative bitch ruin everything. That was why when the flea slipped momentarily and Kanra got too close, Shizuo threw himself from the bed, the covers held in his hands like a net. "Ugh." The two of them groaned as they collided. His broken leg was screaming in protest.

"Get off of me" Get off you stup-"

The blond winced as a foot came down where the raven's head should be. "I-Izaya?" Cold crimson stared down at him. The eyes of a killer.

"Get out of the way, Shizu-chan." Moving awkwardly the covers were tossed back, Izaya wrenching the knife away. "I won't tell you again. Get out." His voice gave no room for argument sending a wave of fear through him, Kanra shuddered scowling at them both. "Say anything and I end you now."

The source of almost all of his problems slowly stood glaring at them as she backed away. "This isn't over. Both of you are weak and pathetic." The door slammed shut.

"Damn." The flea swayed dangerously falling on top of him, the knife scattering across the room. "Everything okay? Shizu-chan. Hehe look at all the blood. Is it mine or Kanra's or maybe..."

Shizuo averted his eyes. He hated violence and the aftermath that came with it. "Izaya, you got hurt." The raven shrugged trying to sit up. "Nothing that won't heal. Silly Shizu-chan, I'm a god remember." There was blood everywhere, over the floor, across the walls and all over Izaya.

"You need help." A hand clamped around his wrist.

"I said I'm fine. Help me with this." The teen nodded hating how out of breath the raven sounded.

As carefully as he could he pulled the v-neck off, knowing it would go straight in the bin. "Shit." A mishmash of cuts were across the flea's belly all dripping with blood. From here he could see the torn slashes in the jeans. "Izaya, you-"

"Shh. I'm fine. Promise you won't ever leave me, Shizu-chan." Izaya's lips were soft against his own.

"Will you go and get fixed up If I do?" It was a promise he couldn't make.

"Yeah. I'll go and see Namie-san. Oooonly if you promise me." Damn it. It looked horribly messy, skin smeared red.

"Fine. I promise. Go get cleaned up." Izaya grinned kissing him again, holding out his small finger. "Seriously?" Holding out his own they shook on promise he knew wouldn't last.

"Good. Remember Shizu-chan, you promised, no matter what happens you're mine. Stay here and don't move from this spot." Shizuo tossed the covers away now that they were stained. The door closed, the key turning.

Left alone again. Picking up the bottle he hadn't been able to reach, the teen unscrewed the cap downing the contents. With a groan he looked behind him at the panel. It looked so damn far away. Dragging his broken leg behind him it felt like hours had passed before he made it past the bed. Maybe he should have waited until Izaya got back. Or not, he wasn't risking pissing himself again.

Shizuo grimaced his leg touching one of the blood stains, small droplets that seemed to lead to the panel, a bloodied hand print was smeared along the edge. "Damn it." What the hell had they been fighting about anyway? Did Kanra really want to kill him that much? Reaching as far as he could, the blond slid the panel along revealing the small bathroom and toilet.

His mouth dropped open seeing the bath was occupied. It looked like a boy tied up. Latching his fingers onto the edge of the bath, Shizuo pulled himself up, his mouth dropping open recognizing a face that looked similar to his own. "Kasuka?" Gritting his teeth he held his breath trying to shake his younger brother awake. His arms and feet were bound, his clothes shredded cuts littered everywhere. "No. No. Why are you here? You can't be here. Come on. Kasuka wake up. Kasuka. Wake the hell up!"


	32. Out of control

**Out of control**

Shizuo panicked when there was no movement from his little brother. "Oi, Kasuka." He didn't like the look of the blood stains in the bath. "Come on." With a pained growl he pushed himself up onto his knees Sliding his arms underneath Kasuka, the teen grit his teeth lifting him from the bath. "Shit." With a curse his broken leg gave way sending them both sprawling onto the cold floor.

Lifting his hands his eyes widened in horror seeing them covered in blood. It wasn't happening. This wasn't happening. "Kasuka. Wake up. Come on. Wake up." His head drooped forward feeling his eyes become damp. "...Please." Why was he even here? Izaya wasn't interested in his brother. So then why?

Kanra. It had to be. Shizuo swallowed rubbing his eyes with his arm. His fingers trembled undoing the expensive looking blue shirt. Everything was supposed to be over. The ravens had what they wanted, why go after Kasuka? The shirt was soaked through panic lancing through his chest. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I thought...I thought..."

Struggling on the buttons, Shizuo found himself glancing back at the door in case Izaya came back. He needed to get his brother to a hospital. At last he managed the last one, peeling both sides back. Shit. Just like his torso, a mish mash of cuts were left bleeding dying his younger brother's skin a dark rose colour.

Grabbing one of the towels, Shizuo shoved it under the tap making it wet, dabbing at the wounds. They didn't look much deeper than his but they would probably scar. Shit. Kasuka was only just starting his career as an actor. Damn it. Leaving the towel where it was, his gaze fell onto the strip of silver tape. There were no scissors or sharp objects near him.

"Sorry, Kasuka." Digging his fingers under the first corner, Shizuo slowly pulled wincing with every movement, his brother's lips pulling and becoming redder. Folding up the strip of tape and throwing it to one side, he knew he would have to go through the same thing with the wrists and ankles.

What was more of a concern was the fact that not once had Kasuka whimpered, groaned or showed any sign that he could feel anything or that he was going to wake up. Shizuo grit his teeth pulling at the tape unable to break it. It was just tape. He had thrown vending machines around. Was he really this weak?

"Come on, break. Break dammit." No matter what he tried the silver tape remained solid binding his brother. "Kasuka, wake up." Hearing muffled voices his head snapped back eyes wide staring at the door. His heart pounded violently in his chest waiting for it to open. Shizuo panicked slapping the unconscious teen across the face. "Wake up. I need you to wake up."

The door rattled, the sound of a key in the lock. No. Not yet. It wasn't enough time. "WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?" More muffled voices then a thud, the door remained closed. It was okay for now.

"Kasuka. Wake up." It wouldn't be so easy to get out but if he could get Kasuka out... Lowering his head his teeth sunk into the sticky tape trying to tear it with his teeth. That had no effect either. "This is my fault."

It was the barest of movements but he felt it. "Kasuka?" Hopeful Shizuo lifted him into his arms, brushing the damp bangs aside. Never had he felt so relieved, Kasuka's eyelids fluttered, blank eyes staring up into his own. "...Nii-san?" Not bothering to wipe his eyes, Shizuo wept with relief, holding his brother close.

"You're still alive. Thank god you're still alive." Grinning stupidly he tried pulling the defenceless teen from the bathroom. Kasuka still looked out of it blinking slowly. "Come on. We need to get you out of here."

It was hard enough moving himself let alone carrying Kasuka. "...Nii-san?" Shizuo sighed using the damp towel to clean the blood from his brother's forehead.

"Yeah, I'm here." Completely useless but still here. Why didn't he have his strength when he needed it most?

"...Are we dead?" A slither of fear slipped through into his brother's question.

"No. We're still alive." There was still hope. "I'll get you out of here, I promise."

"...Found you." Something flickered within that blank gaze. Gritting his teeth, the teen pushed back dragging himself across the floor.

"NII-SAN!" Shizuo froze seeing Kasuka's face full of fear staring up past him. Why? He hadn't heard the door open. A cold chill rushed along his spine, his blood turning to ice. Slowly he turned his head staring at bare feet. Shocked coffee eyes travelled up the freshly changed charcoal jeans and red v-neck.

Shizuo found himself staring into crazed crimson orbs. "...Iz-Izaya." Swallowing thickly he had no idea what was going to happen. His mouth became dry, right now he couldn't see an ounce of love or the sane part of the teen. Kasuka buried his head against his chest trying to hide. Why wasn't Izaya saying anything?

Like a deer caught in headlights he found he couldn't move, unable to look away. "What are you doing, Shizu-chan?" Shizuo flinched at the cold tone. This was bad. Sliding his arms tighter around his frightened brother, he remained perfectly still. "I told you to stay over there and not to move. Didn't I?" With a shudder his grip tightened. "Didn't I?"

Numbly nodding his head, his eyes widened in fear a hand resting on his head. "You disobeyed me." Kasuka. He had to get Kasuka out.

"..." Licking his dry lips, Shizuo tried to swallow past the lump in his throat. "...He's my brother." It was the wrong thing to say the grip in his hair tightening. It hurt. "...Let him go. Please..."

"Ugh." The teen groaned his head hitting the floor. His captor stared down at him holding the first aid box. Was he going to be hit again? Kasuka lay motionless on the floor. "...Iz- ah!" Shizuo gasped his hair yanked back.

"What about our promise?" Shit. "Were you trying to leave me?" His leg screamed in pain, his hands trying to stop his hair from being ripped out.

"...Ugh...N-no." The box dropped to the floor. "No. Don't." The small plastic cap was flicked away, from the corner of his eye he could see another needle.

Bringing his elbow back he slammed it into Izaya's stomach, the raven crying out. Wriggling free Shizuo dropped forward, crawling towards his brother. "Kas-uh!" The air was knocked out of him a foot planted on his back. His finger tips barely reached, a weight dropping down on him, an arm wrapping around his throat pulling his head back. "Don't ple-" His eyes widened feeling the needle pierce his skin. Shizuo cried out weakly his eyes slipping shut, his body going lax.

The faux blond wasn't sure what to expect when he finally opened his eyes. His first thought was Kasuka. Sitting up he found that surprisingly he wasn't tied up, his legs and arms were free. The blood hadn't been cleaned from the walls. "Kasuka." His gaze fell to the floor where his younger brother was chained to the bottom of the bed.

"Shizu-chan." Part of him was happy Izaya was there, part of him flinched back. The grip around his waist tightened. He didn't look angry. "I'm sorry. I hurt you again." Maybe now he could reason with him. "I didn't mean for this to happen. Kanra brought him. I didn't know he would be her next target." Shizuo said nothing feeling the bump on the side of his head.

"It's okay. I stopped her from killing your little brother. I saved him. You believe me? Right?" The raven was holding him looking up at him with pleading eyes.

"...I believe you. Izaya, I'll stay here with you like I promised. Just let him go." The growing smile dropped, his captor pouting.

"I can't do that. Kanra never knocked him out, he was awake the entire journey. If I let him go, the cops will find us." Sly fingers carded through his hair.

"Please. We can go somewhere el-mmph!" Shizuo groaned his words cut off, Izaya rolled on top of him straddling his hips. "No." Pushing away he wiped at his mouth. "Not in front of Kasuka."

"Then what if I kill him?" Shit.

"I won't let you. He's my brother, he's done nothing wrong." He was expecting the slap, his head slowly turning to stare up at the teen he loved.

"Shizu-chan, I love you. You love me too. Are you going to let your brother change how we feel about each other?" Shizuo groaned the red v-neck was removed, his gaze falling to the padded bandage on Izaya's belly. "We've gone too far now. I won't let you go." Closing his eyes he let that sultry tone wash over him, Izaya purring in his ear.

Kasuka was just there at the end of the bed. "St-" His back arched, head falling into the soft pillow, something cutting into his throat. Shizuo froze reaching up to grab at the ring around his throat. His eyes widened in horror. "What is this?" He hadn't noticed. The tips of his fingers barely fit in the gap.

Izaya was biting his lip caressing his cheek. "It's a shock collar, Shizu-chan." one slim hand held up a small remote. "Its just in case. As long as you behave everything will be fine. So make sure you do, okay? I don't want to have to hurt you." A shock collar? He didn't like the sound of that.

"Wh-Why?" Tugging hard, Izaya pulled his hands away.

"Don't do that. It will activate if I use the remote or if you try and force it to come off."

"...Nii-san." Crap. Kasuka was awake. Izaya moved to get off of the bed.

"Don't hurt him." His hand was brushed away. "Izaya."

"Hello, Kasuka-kun. You remember me, don't you?" Shizuo clenched his hands into fists seeing his brother's eyes widen. "Oh, so you do. Right now you are only alive because Shizu-chan will be upset if I kill you." Blank eyes flicked up to meet his own.

"Nii-san. Are you okay?" It was just like Kasuka to worry about him. "I shouldn't have left you." Shizuo couldn't say anything knowing how his brother was going to react when he found out just why he was still alive.

"Kasuka-kun. I will make sure you aren't harmed as long as you don't interfere with our relationship." Closing his eyes he wished the ground would swallow him up.

"Nii-san? What did Orihara-san do to you?" Shizuo gasped his head pulled forward, his lips stolen. "Stop! Get away from Nii-san." As he thought the younger Heiwajima struggled against the chains. "Nii-san." Izaya pulled him onto the floor, Shizuo sprawling on top of him.

"Calm down, Kasuka-kun. I'm not doing anything Shizu-chan doesn't want." Shaking his head he tried to roll away, Izaya expecting it. Sharp teeth nipped at the shell of his ear, a wet tongue licking along as an apology.

"Not now. Not with Ka-" His back hit the floor, sharp crimson boring into his own. He wouldn't be allowed to say no. Shizuo closed his eyes feeling those blank eyes on him. "Mm." Biting his lip, he knew he couldn't stop it. His body craved Izaya. Even after everything.

"Leave him alone." Kasuka's voice washed over him, ignored for the skilled hands ghosting along his skin. "Stop it."

Izaya giggled against his skin, kissing along his collar bone. "Ah!" His arms looped around the slim neck, bucking his hips. "Nn. Don't tease." He could hear the chains rattling.

"Kasuka-kun, Shizu-chan belongs to me." The breathless kisses made his head spin.

"This is wr-" Izaya kissed him again, slipping one hand into his boxers. "Ngh."

"Shh. I'll take care of everything."

Shizuo moaned hearing the sound of a zip, a click of a cap and rustling of jeans. His bad leg lay useless his other held over the raven's shoulder. Slicked fingers traced along his thigh, slipping into the bottom of his boxers. "Wha-" He was kissed again.

"You belong to me. I don't want Kasu-chan seeing what's mine, even if he is your brother." Izaya was pouting glancing to the side where Kasuka was staring at them blankly, that gaze giving nothing away.

The bottom of his boxers were pulled to one side, his cheeks spread. "Ah!" Shizuo could feel it, Izaya filling him to the hilt. "Mm." This was what he wanted. "Move." His head turned to the side catching his brother's gaze. "Ha...nn...ngh..." This was what he had become. There was no apology he could make, his hips rocking back to meet the raven halfway.

"Mm Shizu-chan."

He knew Kasuka could hear their pleasured moans, The squelch of the lubricant, skin slapping against skin as Izaya rammed into his sweet spot balls deep each time. He knew he was a disappointment. The very teen that had harmed Kasuka he had fallen in love with. Yet there was no stopping. "Izaya. Faster." This was the warmth that he wanted. To love and be loved. It was in his grasp and he didn't want to let go.

It wasn't long before the two of them were a mess, his inner walls flooded, the inside of his boxers wet and sticky. Shizuo groaned when Izaya pulled out, leaving him feeling empty. "Ehehe we made a mess again. I'll get something to clean up with." Another kiss then he was watching the flea clutch at his stomach climbing over the bed to look for a cloth and some new boxers.

An awkward silence grew in the room, with the exception of a chirpy whistle. "...Kasuka. I-" Those blank eyes stared back devoid of any emotion. What was he supposed to say?

"...Nii-san. It's okay. Its not your fault. We'll get you away from Orihara-san and get you the help you need." Shizuo blinked backing away. Help? He didn't need help, he was perfectly fine.

"...I'm not leaving. I can't." He knew if Kasuka could reach out to him he would. "I love Izaya."

"No you don't. He lied to you. He tricked you. You can't love him, Nii-san." Shizuo closed his eyes not wanting to listen.

"He loves me." Kasuka shook his head staring straight through him. "Izaya...IZAYA!" The raven was there by his side in seconds.

"Something wrong, Shizu-chan?" His chest ached tugging at the dark jeans.

"...I love you." Izaya smiled crouching down to embrace him.

"I love you too, Shizu-chan. Come on, lets get you back on the bed. Ehehe you probably have friction burns."

"Nii-san. Listen to me." Holding out his arms he let the raven help him up, falling onto the bed. "Nii-san." Letting Izaya clean him up and slip a new pair of boxers over his legs, Shizuo snatched the cloth dropping it on the floor. Avoiding his brother's gaze he embraced the raven holding him close.


	33. Something overlooked

**Something overlooked**

"Shizu-chan, I brought you something." The door closed with a soft click, Izaya grinning as he skipped to the bed. Shizuo smiled back rolling over to make space for the raven. He didn't say anything about the way his younger brother was staring at him accusingly with those blank eyes. The strip of cloth sealing his mouth stopped any objections to their relationship.

Izaya was worried that his brother would poison his mind. "Hm? What did you get?" Chained up without the ability to talk, it was the only way the possessive raven would leave Kasuka alone. The bags rustled dropped on the floor. His curiosity was peaked inching further over.

"No peaking, Shizu-chan." The raven teased placing a hand over his eyes. "Say ah."

Trying peek through the small gap in Izaya's fingers, Shizuo couldn't see anything. Doing as he was told his lips parted. Something cold slid into his mouth the taste of sweet cream and chocolate assaulting his taste buds. "Pudding cups?" Licking his lips he was able to see again.

"Good guess, your sweet tooth is as big as always." The small plastic container was lifted out of reach.

"Oi, give it here." Stretching his fingers he tried to snatch it away. Beside the bed he could hear a muffled groan. Damn. Looking away, Shizuo focused on the pudding cup held in Izaya's grasp. His hand moved for it again missing. With a sigh the teen opened his mouth just like he knew the raven wanted him to. "Ehehe good Shizu-chan." He liked it when Izaya was happy. That was when he could push his boundaries a little and ask for small favours.

Maybe if he managed to make the raven completely happy then Kasuka would be released. The thought of his little brother chained up and forced to listen to them made his chest ache. Kasuka shouldn't be there in the first place, once again because of Kanra everything was going wrong. There was a question that he dreaded asking, the very thought that the bitch had touched his brother made him feel sick.

The spoon dipped pulled from between his closed lips. "Shouldn't you be taking it easy?" His question was met with silence, another spoonful awaiting him. Izaya was hurt and by the way he was moving it must be painful. Was that fake therapist even a doctor? Knife wounds were no joke. It hurt when his worry was brushed away, covered up with a giggle or another supposedly romantic gesture or distraction.

"Shi-zu-chan. Don't look like that." A hand rested on his head, ruffling his hair. "It makes me want to do things to you ehe." Shizuo shivered under that gaze full of promise. The last mouthful was held out snatched away at the last moment. The grimace on the flea's face was priceless. It was clear the raven didn't like cakes or sweets.

Deciding to relieve him, Shizuo leaned forward one hand curling into the black v-neck. Crimson orbs twinkled cutting across the space. "Mm." Falling back against the bed their lips brushed, tongue slipping past parted lips stealing away the last mouthful. The raven wasn't going to give in though pinning him down and ravaging his moist cavern.

With a content moan his legs fell apart letting Izaya move closer nestling between his thighs. Coffee eyes narrowed watching the dark clothing rise up showing off the padded bandage. Pulling away the teen saw the brief flicker of pain. Was this what Kanra had meant by making sure they never got together? His eyes widened seeing the white cotton bandage become spotted with red.

"Izaya. Stop." The panic showed in his voice, trying to push the raven away. "Ah. Ah st- stop." His desperate plea was ignored, sharp teeth sinking into his throat, a swift tongue licking the area and those sinful lips sucking against his skin. "Damn it. Stop!" As much as he wanted to continue and drown their own pleasure, they weren't alone and Izaya needed help.

"What's wrong, Shizu-chan?" Why didn't the flea notice his own pain? With a shaky finger he pointed at the bandage. "Hm? Oh. Namie-san did say to take it easy, ehehe. Oops." It was his fault. Because he hadn't wanted to listen to his brother. Another mistake. Letting his head drop, a mass of guilt made itself known.

"I'll be back soon. Good as new, you'll see. I'll feed you another pudding cup when I get back, okay?" His chin was cupped and lifted forcing him to look into love filled crimson orbs.

"...Yeah. Hurry up and get back here." The stupid flea was grinning, lathering him with kisses.

"Mm. Be good." One last peck on the lips and the raven was clutching his stomach heading towards the door.

Unable to avoid it any longer Shizuo met his brother's gaze. Blank and empty yet he could feel the accusing judgement. "I'm sorry." It wouldn't do anything. Meaningless words that couldn't take back the cuts marring Kasuka's skin or the emotional trauma of being able to force his fears. Grabbing his leg, slowly pivoting to the edge, the teen let it drop his good leg taking all of his weight.

If only Kanra hadn't taken his brother, things could have remained as they were. If only... Sliding to the floor Shizuo averted his eyes reaching out to yank down the makeshift gag. "...Nii-san." Perfectly monotone against his ears, right now he couldn't tell what his brother was thinking at all.

"I'm sorry. I'll get you out of here." Surely this couldn't be Izaya's only hideout. They could go somewhere else, hopefully without Kanra.

"Nii-san. Listen to me." The chains rattled. Swallowing thickly the teen steeled himself.

"Kasuka. I'm staying here. I don't have my strength any more. There is nothing for me out there." With Izaya everything felt right, even knowing how wrong it was.

"Nii-san, what about our parents? What about me and your friends?" His head hurt, he hated how rational everything Kasuka said was.

Crawling past his brother, Shizuo crossed his leg forcing his broken one to do the same. "Last time I chose you all over Chiyoko and this is what happened. I can help him, Kasuka. The old Izaya would have killed you. You know that." All he wanted was for his brother to understand. This time he wanted his own happiness.

The chains rattled again. Taking a deep breath Shizuo pushed the leg of the bed up. The thing wasn't that heavy. Especially not if Kanra had managed to flip it over. "Nii-san?"

"Ugh. Stay still. Gah!" Lifting the leg, a relieved smile touched his lips, the chains sliding off and clinking on the floor. "Move."

Kasuka was free. Dropping the bed back down, the teen checked on his brother watching him wriggle free from the chains. "Izaya should still be with Namie, I'm not sure where Kanra is. Be careful and don't get caught." Izaya wouldn't be happy with him at all but Kasuka was family and had no part in what was happening.

"I'm not leaving without you, Nii-san." Shit. "We just have to hold on a little longer. Everything will be over soon." What? Looking up in shock his brother was smiling.

"What are you talking about? No one knows where we are." A feeling of dread was slowly sinking in.

"Your tutor came around for your first lesson. Akabayashi-san? He knows where we are."

It couldn't be... Shizuo shook his head shuffling back. "H-How? Kanra..." A hand rested on his shoulder, Kasuka crouching down. "When she came for me, she was full of anger and threatened to kill everyone if I didn't come with her. She took my phone. Nii-san, she didn't check my pockets." Why was everything falling apart? Why was his happiness being taken away?

"Akabayashi-san asked me all sorts of questions. When I mentioned Chiyoko he seemed to know everything. He gave me this." Shizuo stared blankly at the small disc that flashed repeatedly. "Its a tracking device. The moment Kanra brought me here, he has known. It's almost over." Every word was spoken without emotion unaware of what was being torn away from him.

When he had first been taken he had wished the police would burst in and take the two twisted twins and the fake therapist away. Now though...He needed to warn Izaya. "Nii-san, I'll take this off." Before he could utter a single word, slim fingers slipped beneath the ring around his neck.

"Gah!" Shizuo felt a small shock. "Sto-ah!" The collar wasn't supposed to be forced off. Only Izaya could take it off without causing pain. More shocks pulsed through him, his mouth opening to scream soundlessly, the pain sending him to the floor. "Nii-san, It's not coming off." The edge bit into his skin, Kasuka yanking harder.

The pain was his punishment for daring to be happy, his fingers twitched on reflex, body writhing involuntary. It wasn't his brother's fault. He didn't know what the collar was. It would be activated when Izaya got back anyway and found out he had let Kasuka go. "...ungh..." Saliva dribbled down his chin his weakened strength draining.

"Nii-san?" Shizuo couldn't move his limbs twitching. "Is this collar to hurt you?" Sometimes his brother could be too innocent. He couldn't gather the energy to warn Kasuka of the footsteps outside. Izaya was back. The door slowly opened.

"Shizu-chan, Lets continue where we left o-" One look. That was all it took for the flea to analyse what had happened.

The door slammed shut, sharp crimson quickly losing their sanity. "Kasuka-kun, why are you out of your chains? What did you do to my, Shizu-chan?" That cold tone made him cringe in on himself.

"You did this, Orihara-san." He could see the quiver in Kasuka's legs. Right now his brother was terrified.

"Oh? I'm not the one that hurt Shizu-chan. If you promise not to leave, I guess you can wander around without the chains."

Gently Shizuo felt himself being rolled over. "Hahaha. The shock collar hurts, doesn't it? Up we go. Kasuka-kun a little help? You did cause this." His limbs were like jelly as he was lifted both his brother and Izaya supporting him.

"S-sorry Nii-san." Shaking his head slightly, the teen found himself gathered up into the raven's arms. It might be the last time he ever got to touch him.

"Eh? Are you crying?" Blinking back the tears his fingers twitched grabbing on to the back of Izaya's head pulling him down for a kiss. Most probably their last. "Mm. What was that for?" Letting go, his gaze fell to his brother who did nothing but watch them. There was no need to intervene.

"R-run."

It was time to part. His leg was only a liability and thanks to the shock collar his nerves were numb, pins and needles cramping his limbs. "Shizu-chan?" Izaya knew what was happening no matter how cheery his voice was. Forcing himself to swallow the bile that threatened to rise, Shizuo spat out the word again.

"Run." It hurt knowing it was over. Both of them had known even if they had pretended not to. Nothing lasted forever, everything had an end. In his case Kanra had ended everything by bringing a very aware Kasuka.

"Shh, its okay. Whatever is wrong, I'll fix it. Hahaha I won't let any harm come to you." He would miss it. The warm embraces, the soft kisses, the mind blowing sex, the feel of being loved. Shizuo shook his head trying to convey how he was feeling. No one had known of the countdown in Kasuka's pocket. Turning away he met that empty gaze with a pleading one of his own.

"Orihara-san, Nii-san wants you to escape. Akabayashi-san and the police are on their way." It was almost laughable how dead their fate sounded. It was never meant to be. The grip on his torso tightened, Izaya shaking his head.

"No. No one knows we're here. Shizu-chan is staying with me. Hahaha forever and ever. No one can catch me...What is that?"

The tracking disc was thrown on the floor in view for all to see. "You? Hahahaha that bitch." Shizuo groaned as he was released. Izaya's eyes looking wild and unstable. "Can't be. Hahaha. She should have checked. I always remind her to check. FUCK!" The full carrier bag was slung against the wall, pudding cups spilling out to roll across the floor. "Nononononono," His captor paced back and fourth grabbing at his hair mumbling aloud. "Still time ehe. Can't catch me. Can't catch us. Won't let them. Just me and Shizu-chan. Forever and ever. Ahahahaha ever and ever and ever and ever." The countdown had begun.


	34. Everything has an ending

**Everything has an ending**

Shizuo watched the agitated raven mumble to himself, throwing his head back and laughing. "Mine all mine. No one else's. Only mine always mine ehehe. Kanra did this. It's okay its okay. Fix it fix it all haha. Can't catch me..." Averting his eyes his gaze settled on his brother. The younger teen was standing far across the room, finger twitching.

It was because of his fear of Izaya that he wasn't getting any closer. "...Nii-san." Shizuo gulped hearing the mumbling stop. Izaya's head snapped up crimson orbs full of insanity.

"You! This is your fault. All your fault." Shit.

"Orihara-san, Y-you hurt Nii-san. I-I'm taking him back." Shizuo could hear the nervousness in his brother's voice.

Too late his hand swiped at air, Izaya climbing over the bed going for Kasuka. The two fell back colliding on the floor. "Its all your fault." Kasuka groaned trying to cover his face. Shizuo grit his teeth seeing the blows landing. "All yours all yours. Hahahahaha." The raven had gone off the deep end, maniacal laughter flooding the room.

"Izaya. Stop." That was when he heard it. A loud wail splitting the air. The police had arrived. "Izaya. Run." Time was up. The sirens grew louder. Still his captor didn't move taking it out on his brother. Damn it. Why was he so useless? "IZAYA!" His voice wasn't getting through. Did he mean that little to him?

A loud thud sounded against the door, then another and another. "IZAYA! GET OUT HERE!" Goosebumps ran along his skin hearing Kanra's voice. Rolling onto his side Shizuo grunted hitting the floor. "Ouch." Reaching out he caught the end of Izaya's jeans tugging to get his attention. The flea's fist stopped mid air, head slowly turning to look at him.

"Shizu-chan?"

"Ugh. The cops are here." At last the current situation seemed to sink in. Instead of crazed panic he was met with a warm smile, fingers carding through his hair.

"Shh. They won't get in. Ehehe there is still time." Behind Izaya his brother groaned sitting up. Kasuka's nose was bleeding, his lip was split and it looked like he would have a black eye. "Shizu-chan?"

His fearful sibling got to his feet, fixing his sights on Izaya. "You aren't taking Nii-san." The flea staggered, Kasuka jumping onto his back wrapping his arms around his throat.

"Kasuka. Stop it." Outside the thuds had stopped. What was he supposed to do when the two people he loved were fighting?

"Ehehehe." Izaya dropped back slamming Kasuka to the floor, the teen refusing to let go. What if the flea's wound re-opened? The pair continued to roll over each other punching and kicking.

"Izaya! Kasuka! Enough!" Dragging his leg behind him, Shizuo pushed Kasuka away dropping down on Izaya. His younger brother was staring in shock panting.

"Nii-san..." Both of them were hurt.

All three of them froze hearing something roar outside of the door. "What is that?" Whatever it was sounded loud and was right outside the door. Like paper something long and silver with jagged edges pierced through the door, a pile of sawdust lay on the floor. Slim arms wrapped around him pulling him close. "She couldn't wait?"

The top half of the door slid from the bottom half dropping onto the floor. Shizuo shuddered seeing the cause of his phobia holding a chainsaw. The dangerous power tool was thrown to one side landing with a thud. "The police are outside. Its time to go. Say good bye to Shizu-chan." The bitch was loving it, watching with glee.

"Shizu-chan is coming with us." Izaya left no room for argument letting him go. "Go and get Namie-san and the others. Now Kanra. This is your fault." Raven hair was flipped back.

"Fine fine. That's if they haven't already run." Her voice was grating on his nerves. "Hurry up." His shivering didn't stop even after she had gone.

"Come on, Shizu-chan." Holding out his arms the teen pulled himself up, leaning against Izaya.

"Nii-san." Of course it wasn't going to be that easy. Kasuka stood in front of the door arms outstretched.

"Kasuka-kun, Get out of the way. I will kill you if I have to." The trainee actor stood his ground, flinching as they stepped closer.

"Kasuka. I'll be fine." Putting all weight on one leg, Shizuo embraced his younger brother. "You don't have to worry." Kasuka would be better off without him there anyway.

Blank eyes stared at him in silence, tears trickling down soft cheeks. "Shizu-chan."

"I know." Gently pushing Kasuka to one side, Izaya cursed kicking what was left of the door.

"That bitch. She did something to the lock. Come on." Placing one hand on the door and his other arm around the flea's neck, Shizuo pushed his good leg over the bottom half of the door. "That's it."

Letting go his body crumpled to the ground, Izaya vaulting over with ease and brushing the sawdust from his hands. Kasuka stood on the other side watching them. It was the first time he had been outside of the room. Where were they? The corridor led to three doors. "Shizu-chan, there's no time." The wailing of the sirens blared in his ears. They weren't going to make it. It didn't mean he was going to give up.

With Izaya supporting him, he tried to go as fast as he could. The door at the end seemed to get further away, the blood roaring in his ears. "Shh. Calm down." His muscles were already aching from being bed ridden, his body felt bruised. Resting his hand against the wall he knew he was only holding the flea back. "Shizu-chan."

The door was pushed open revealing a large space, a large metal shutter sealed the place down stopping anything from getting in. "This way." Instead he was led down another corridor. Hearing a loud thud, his head snapped around seeing a dent in the shutter. "Its okay its okay. They can't touch us." Izaya moved quicker, his foot catching at the new pace. "Shizu-chan."

Stumbling forward the teen came down hard. "Shizu-chan, get up." Maybe it was better this way. They were barely past the shutters. "Come on. Get up." Everything hurt, his body felt like a lead weight dragging him down. "Shizu-chan, up now." If he gave in now he would be reunited with his parents and friends. "Come on." Behind him he could hear the shutter groan as it was forced up.

Gritting his teeth, Shizuo forced his tired body to stand almost all of his weight bearing down on the flea. "I've got you." Was it enough though?

"What is taking so long?" Kanra stood at the end of the corridor hand on her hip. Izaya was breathing heavy, a look of exertion on his face. "Just leave him already."

"Shut up. His leg is broken didn't you think of bringing a wheelchair?" The raven snapped.

"My arm is broken and you don't see me complaining. Namie and the other two are already outside. Its just us now." Shizuo knew by the look in Kanra's eyes that he wasn't invited. His eyes widened as she came closer holding a knife out in front of her. Right now he was a liability and Izaya was injured. Crimson orbs rolled the teen smiling as she flipped the knife, putting it away. "No other choice. You'll never make with the two of you. I'll help."

The faux blond nearly choked, his breathing harsh and out of control. Every step she took was like a stab to the heart. Flinching violently, his arm was lifted over her slim shoulder reminding him just how familiar he was with her body. "Lets go. Not too far now." The corridor curved to the right away from the shutters.

It wasn't much better with the two of them supporting him. Maybe if it had been someone else but with Kanra a violent shiver took over his body, bile rising as those same fingers pressed against his skin. "Wait, get away from him, Kanra." Izaya's words went unheard, the manipulative bitch giggling in his ear. "Kanra!"

"They're coming." Sharp nails bit into his skin, dangerously resting just below the shock collar. He should have asked Izaya to remove it. "Come on, Shizu-chan." That cold voice full of mirth, the sickening touches against his skin. Unable to take it he pushed away, both him and Izaya crashing into the wall.

Sliding down head in his hands, his heart was threatening to beat out of his chest, a nervous sweat plastered his bangs to his forehead. Shizuo groaned unable to stop the shivering. "Shizu-chan?" That slim hand was reaching for him. Averting his eyes he tried to stop himself from throwing up.

"Shh. I've got you." Izaya was next to him hand resting on his head and pulling him closer. "Kanra, he has a fear of women. You've making it worse. Go and get Seiji-kun."

The exit was so close practically in reach. Izaya could make it if he left now. The sirens were still wailing, the shutter had been forced open, loud voices echoed from the other corridor. "Split up. Check all the rooms. Suspects are Izaya and Kanra Orihara possibly armed. Two reported hostages are Shizuo and Kasuka Heiwajima." They were coming.

So close to getting away and thanks to Kanra he was having a damn panic attack. "Kanra! Go and get Seiji-kun." The teen glared at him turning away. "Shizu-chan, calm down. Breath slowly. In and out. In and out." It was no use, Izaya's gentle commands soothed him but Kanra being so close had opened his new mental scars and right now he couldn't focus with the police bearing down on them. "Shizu-chan, look at me."

"...R-run." He hadn't committed any crimes, he wouldn't be arrested. Izaya would though, his punishment would be severe. His current self was pathetic afraid of girls and so damn weak.

"Not without you, Shizu-chan. We'll be together forever. Focus on me not them. Breathe in and out. Nice and slow. I won't let anything hurt you." The door at the end slammed open.

Izaya's eyes darkened dangerously. "Kanra, Where is Seiji-kun?" The messed up girl only smiled skipping closer.

"He's not coming. If I knew this would happen, I would have killed – that." Kanra screeched lunging for him. Shizuo hit the floor his vision becoming spotted.

"Kanra get away from him." Sharp nails clawed his face.

"This way. I heard something." It was all over. Sickening memories flooded his mind, Kanra straddling his hips.

"Is this what I think it is?" Crazed crimson orbs gleamed stroking along the collar. With a forced smile of innocence the bitch tugged hard.

"Gah!" The shock to his system was harsh. Kasuka had meant to harm him yet Kanra was out to kill him and make it as painful as possible.

"KANRA!" It was okay, Shizuo knew he was on the verge of unconsciousness. His muscles twitched on reflex, spittle flying from his mouth, his body convulsing. The only one that hadn't used the god damn shock collar against him was the one that had put it on him. "GET AWAY FROM HIM." Through his blurred vision he could see a silver knife sticking out of Kanra's thigh.

"There they are! Surrender peacefully and you won't be harmed!" Too many voices, everything was fuzzy. Shizuo groaned his head cracking against the floor.

"Izaya. Come on. COME ON... Is he that important to you?" What was happening? A loud scream pierced his ears, a sharp pain slamming into his gut.

"Kanra." Izaya's voice was like shards of ice yet still oddly comforting.

Shizuo blinked seeing something skid across the floor. "Sorry Shizu-chan. I'll take this off. Hold still." His vision spun as he was pulled upright his head resting again Izaya's shoulder.

"You are under arrest..." Turning his head made no difference, everything was a blur to him.

"Shizu-chan, do you think you could make it?" The police were holding Kanra down. "Shi-" His head lulled to the side, breathing unsteady.

Why wasn't Izaya leaving? Shizuo could feel the raven's warmth against his skin, those slim fingers stroking through his hair. "Shh. Its okay. Shh. Breathe in and out. In and out. Shh nice and calm. Breathe in and out..."

"Let go of the hostage." The police? The grip around him tightened.

"Why are all you mean little humans trying to take my Shizu-chan away? He's mine. All mine."

Slumping forward the blond groaned barely able to stay awake. Where was Izaya? What was happening? "Let go! He's mine."

"Everything is going to be okay. We've found your brother." Unable to shrug the hands that grabbed him away, Shizuo bit his lip, the sudden pain bringing a brief moment of clarity. Izaya was right in front of him.

His captor was kicking and screaming as he was dragged down the corridor by two policemen. "HE'S MINE. SHIZU-CHAN! SHIZU-CHAN! DON'T YOU FUCKERS DARE TOUCH HIM. HE'S MINE. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. One of the ones holding him up patted his shoulder.

"Don't worry. He won't be coming anywhere near you." The words made him feel empty.

"SHIZU-CHAN. SHIZU-CHAN." He could barely see him, his arm outstretched fingers swiping at air.

"...Izaya." It was over. Already he felt his heart break. How was he supposed to go on now? "Iz-aya...Izaya...Iz-aya..."

The raven was dragged out of sight, a blur running towards him as he slumped forward. "...Nii-san." Closing his eyes to block the tears that threatened to flow, Shizuo rested his head on his younger brother's shoulder not caring what happened any more. "Can you drive us to the hospital?" It didn't matter, right now he was heartbroken and empty. His chest ached painfully and at last he let his exhaustion take over sending him into a dreamless unconciousness.


	35. The one left behind

**The one left behind**

Hospital. A different room but still the same generic theme. He hated hospitals. Shizuo blinked staring emptily up at the white ceiling. It was over. All of it taken away from him leaving a drowsy feeling that maybe everything had been a messed up dream. That Tomoyuki and the the others were still alive and well. That Izaya wasn't a murderer and the pair of them could become lovers living happily ever after.

If only that were true. A nice dream but an unrealistic one. Izaya had been taken away and his friends were still dead. So where did that leave him? Shizuo Heiwajima, should be number sixteen. The damn flea hadn't just held him captive, his heart had been captured, taken away from him to whatever dark dank place Izaya would be going.

Shizuo blinked again fixing his vision on a small tea coloured stain marring the white mass. What now for both him and Izaya? It was over. Everything was over. If it hadn't been for Kanra or Kasuka maybe they would still be together in the pure white room with the hidden bathroom. Right now he could have been lounging in hot soapy water while they tried to feed each other. All those wasted pudding cups left behind.

The teen sniffed not having the energy to reach up and wipe the lone tear that beaded on his cheek away. It felt like his life had been drained leaving him an empty shell. Everything. He had given Izaya everything, now there was nothing. Weak, so damn weak. His strength wouldn't recover. Not that it mattered. He couldn't protect anything.

Hospital. Shizuo hated hospitals. The place for the sick and dying, the place where he had let that manipulative bitch trick him into believing her lies. There was no one else to blame, Kadota hadn't wanted him to trust her. He should have listened. Curse his stupid naivety for believing she wasn't involved. The whole thing had been a set up.

Slowly closing his eyes the empty and confused teen refused to cry. Izaya wasn't there for him any more. No one was. The only one to ever understand him completely had been ripped away from him. Hell, Shizuo didn't even know what had become of the crazy raven. Had his wound reopened? Maybe he thrown in a cell to rot? Or killed to make sure there was no more problems or escape attempts? Each one drove a dagger into what remained of his heart.

Biting his bottom lip, a thin layer of skin came away. It would become sore and painful, already he could taste something metallic on his tongue. His family hadn't given up searching for him, they had found him. But he hadn't wanted to be found. Izaya had been his lover, his sanctuary and now he was gone. What he hated had been stripped, his adrenaline strength now non-existent. He was human, weak and pathetic.

It was clear how different the Orihara twins were. Izaya although more than slightly off his rocker plus that god complexed ego of his, was kind, caring and could love. Maybe it wasn't planned, it didn't matter. The flea had fallen for him and vice versa making his chest swell and his blood run south. Kanra was manipulative, vindictive and deceitful. She didn't have a heart and was most likely the one that had dragged Izaya down the wrong path. The very thought of those cold crimson orbs made his dick shrivel and his skin break out in a rash.

With a barely audible sigh one coffee eye cracked open, seeing a white block in front of him. Dreams were good until they were over. Hospital. The same white room with the ugly green curtains and thin covers. Opening both eyes Shizuo decided he might as well look around. It wasn't like he could go anywhere. The dice of fate had been cast in the air for both of them.

The pillows were puffed up underneath his head, there was so sign of a plastic feeling gown. Feeling his fingers twitch, Shizuo slowly clasped them into the palm of his hand making a fist. His wrists had been needlessly re-bandaged, erasing Izaya's first act of kindness. Slowly bending his arms his fingers steadied clasping the edge of the blanket, Shizuo lifted it gazing blankly at his bandaged torso, everything was fresh, clean and white. But it meant he was only in his boxers.

Then again he had known that seeing his bare leg elevated with a new thick cast. Tugging the blankets further to one side Shizuo hoped it covered his crotch at least. The heart monitor wasn't connected which meant less wires attached to him. The machine had been rolled back and placed against the wall. Instead there was a small wooden bedside table with a glass of water. Next to it was a clear green vase housing a single yellow flower.

A small television leaned away from its stand on the wall in front of him. Next to it was a small white clock, time carrying on as normal. Everyone going about their normal daily routines, work or maybe school, while he was left disorientated in limbo wondering where his life was going to go now.

He would never love anyone other than Izaya, meaning he would be lonely without the raven. They wouldn't be able to be like normal couples. The unofficial relationship had been wrong from the start. Yet his chest would feel hollow without him. Reaching up his fingers brushed against his neck smoothing along his skin, feeling no resistance. No collar. It was gone.

The small chair sat empty beside the other side of the bed. The door was closed sealing him in the room, the small window blocked. Turning his head away Shizuo closed his eyes. He hadn't been left alone after all. He was being guarded or maybe confined. The police probably didn't know the full story. Either way there was nothing he could do.

The teen was getting sick of thinking like that. Nothing he could do. Couldn't save Izaya, couldn't save himself, couldn't stop Kanra and couldn't prevent Kasuka from being captured. Then what could he do? His strength had failed him. Was he supposed to heal and go back to school? Pretend nothing had happened?

His memory was bad but every single damn moment of his captivity was ingrained in his mind. Clutching his head, the base of his palms dug into his closed eyelids hoping to silence the onslaught of thoughts whirling in his mind. Or maybe it was to stop the dampness that stained his cheeks and still continued to leak from the corner of his eyes. "...Izaya."

Everything was over. "...Iz-aya...I-zaya...Izaya..." Shizuo tasted the sheen of blood in his mouth, smiling bitterly. His tear ducts must be broken, no matter how hard he pushed or hastily rubbed at his eyes, the falling tears continued to stream down his tear stained cheeks. "Unh Iz-aya." It hurt. Something was clawing at his chest. "Izaya."

Izaya wouldn't be coming. In that place – their place away from the rest of humanity, the raven had come every time he had called or screamed. Well except once... Shaking his head Shizuo knew better than to let those memories play out. Kanra was gone too, no longer able to get at him. "...Shh, it's okay." His voice cracked mimicking Izaya's words.

Pathetic. Why hadn't the damn flea run away? If he had then they could still contact each other, even if he had to sit in front of the computer all day. Instead the flea had stayed to help him through a panic attack Kanra had induced. The bitch had no intention of letting him come along. The cost of her actions had been both Orihara's getting arrested.

Trying to turn on his side, his elevated leg pulled. "Shit." There was no choice but to remain in the same position. In truth Izaya staying to make sure he was okay, refusing to leave him alone had made him fall in love all over again. What was he supposed to do now?

Shizuo rapped his head with knuckles as hard as he could. Why couldn't be stop thinking? Running a hand through his hair the teen tried to shut his thought process down. Izaya. The teen ravaged his thoughts. Glossy, soft raven hair that he liked when it tickled against his skin. Those sharp blood red orbs that pierced his core and refused to be denied. The sly skilful fingers that could turn him to mush with a few simple touches.

"...Iz-aya..." The flea wasn't disappearing. Those soft lips that could take him to heaven with a smile or send him to hell with an angry scowl... The surprisingly toned chest that fit so well into female clothing and the perfectly flat stomach. "...Izaya..." The way the teen curled up like a cat against him to sleep. Izaya's dislike of sweet food instead preferring sushi. "Agh!" Shizuo groaned shaking his head. "Iz- hic- aya."

The thought of a long distance relationship with the serial killer made him throw his head back with laughter. No. It was over. His first love was gone from his life. No longer would he wake up feeling the raven's warmth against his skin. No longer would he feel the heat and passion exchanged between them. So much for not crying. His face was probably a mess.

Moving the vase on the bedside table, coffee eyes narrowed on the flat object hidden behind. Sliding it into his hand, Shizuo held the green plastic rectangle up slowly turning it around. A mirror. Blinking slowly in disbelief the teen lifted his other hand just to confirm he was staring into a mirror.

His face looked pale and sickly, his eyes were wide and red, streaks running down his cheeks. His nose was red, snot trickling from both nostrils, his lips swollen and red. Dark yellow bruises covered his throat making it look like he had been strangled, a few deep lines remained where the edge of the collar had tried to choke him.

Was this what love was? Was this what it did? Turning people into a snivelling mess when they leave? If he had known...No there wouldn't have been anything different. Shizuo loved Izaya for who he was. It didn't matter who the flea dressed as or tried to be, he would fall for the same trap every time.

Ah! School. His sole reason for enjoying the cramped place of learning was that he got time to spend with Chiyoko. Something else that wouldn't happen now. Shit. Shit. Tossing the mirror away from him in disgust, the blond watched it land on the blankets. Not that he was superstitious but why push it?

Blinking at his wrists, a troubled thought crossed his mind sending a shudder along his spine. Who had cleaned his wounds and dressed his bandages? Glancing up at the door he wondered if it was a policeman or woman blocking the door. In that room he had only had Kanra and Namie to worry about. No, there had been another one. His classmate.

What about out there? Outside the door? How many women were in the hospital? Outside the hospital? At school? Sitting up his good leg bent, Shizuo rested his head on his knee trying to calm down. His mouth felt dry, his tongue feeling alien. Goosebumps run along his skin, a violent shiver taking hold. "Izaya. Izaya. Izaya. IzayaIzayaIzaya." Rocking back his eyes closed trying to block out reality.

How long until that door opened? When the nurses or doctors had to come around and do their checks? Shaking his head the teen hummed to himself, a mantra of the raven's name going round and around in his head like a broken record. Izaya had taken everything leaving him painfully empty with the exception of the fear Kanra had instilled in him.

Slowly lifting his head Shizuo stared as each tear hit the white blankets leaving a small damp circle that would dry within seconds. "Ugh. Idiot." Wiping at his eyes the teen sniffed. "Why? Why didn't you run? If you did...If you did..." Then what? Sneak around to date a serial killer that everyone was looking out for? Lie to everyone that cared about him? Who was he kidding? It didn't matter. The choices had been made, it was all over.


	36. Scars that remain

**Scars that remain**

Shizuo awoke to the sound of the door opening. The hinges clearly needed oiling, the thing creaking open, his younger brother groaning as their eyes met. "...Nii-san." The door opened the whole way giving him a glimpse of the male officer standing outside his room and the two patients walking outside, a nurse going in a different direction.

The teen wasn't sure when he had fallen asleep, only that he had. It was depressing that he had cried himself to sleep just like a small child. But it seemed as if it had helped a bit. The way the policeman stared at them before reaching to close the door puzzled him. Trying to adjust the blanket again, he noticed Kasuka hadn't moved from the door.

As much as he wanted to be alone right now, that would be selfish to his brother. There were dark circles around Kasuka's eyes, his mouth set in a thin line twitching every so often, those blank eyes looked haunted. Just like him, the teen wasn't wearing a hospital gown. The dark skinny jeans covered his ankles, bare feet padding slowly across the floor. His torso was covered in bandages masking the dozens of cuts underneath. "...Nii-san, I-"

Wordlessly Shizuo shuffled over as far as he could without dislodging his elevated leg. Flipping back the covers he let out a deep sigh. "...Its fine." It had been his fault that Kasuka had been caught and played with. A brief light flickered in that dark gaze, his brother hurrying into the free space next to him.

"...How is your leg?" Kasuka murmured next to him. There was tension between them, an awkwardness that stopped his lips from moving and saying what he wanted to. It was probably the same for his sibling. Bridging the gap he pulled the other close.

"I don't know. I haven't tried moving it." Kasuka only nodded, the two of them lapsing into silence. There was so much he wanted to ask and so much he dreaded to know the answers for. "...How is the acting going?" Baby steps. He knew neither one of them wanted to tread past the comfort zone. Some memories would haunt him for the rest of his life.

"...Good. My manager managed to sweet talk the director around. It was okay since they liked my acting anyway. The filming should have started a... couple of days ago..." Shizuo averted his eyes knowing Kasuka was trying to prod him in that direction. "Nii-san?" Shit. Shaking his head the teen forced a smile.

"...That's good. How is mum?" No. That wasn't a safe question either. Damn it. There was no avoiding it. They needed to talk about it. A hand rested on his shoulder squeezing gently in comfort. "I-I-" Shaking his head Shizuo gazed mournfully into those haunted eyes.

"It's okay, Nii-san. You helped me through this last time. We'll get through it together." Kasuka's monotone voice cracked, distress seeping through. Both of them were damaged through the experience. "It's going to be okay." His brother scooted closer pressing to his side. "That doesn't hurt, does it?" Shaking his head, Shizuo wrapped his arms loosely around the injured teen, holding him close.

"...Just like old times, huh?" The smile was forced, as was the small laugh that tore at his throat. It would take a long time for Kasuka to bounce back, hopefully it didn't affect his acting. Shizuo sighed wondering if he himself would ever recover. They would help each other get through it. Kanra was gone and unable to hurt anyone again.

Shizuo felt slightly envious watching his brother sleep. It hadn't taken long. Within moments Kasuka had closed his eyes feeling safe. Did that mean he hadn't been sleeping? In that place the teen hadn't really been paying attention to his brother. He knew that Izaya had tried to feed him keeping calm when the food had been spat out.

Izaya had taken care of both of them. He knew the raven hadn't liked Kasuka but for him he tried his best. How much Kasuka had eaten and drank he wasn't too sure making him feel guilty. The blond knew he had become greedy, clutching to his own happiness as if it would fade away into nothing. In reality Kasuka should hate him for abandoning him. Shizuo wouldn't blame him if he did.

Reaching out his crooked finger stroked his brother's cheek, trying to ease the frown that had appeared, the flickering eyelids and clenched fists. A nightmare. Again they would need to go through therapy and long nights of not being able to sleep. "...I'm sorry." Shizuo whispered gently lifting Kasuka onto his chest and cradling the teen. "I'm sorry, Kasuka."

The slightest noise had his head snapping to attention. The wind against the window, the footsteps outside the door as one policeman walked away and another took their place. It was getting late. No one had come in. No nurses or doctors, not even his parents. Shizuo stifled a groan feeling Kasuka jab him in the ribs as his brother tossed and turned. There was no chance of him getting to sleep, which he wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not.

On the plus side there would be no nightmares plaguing him when he closed his eyes, instead he would have to put up with his thoughts. "Ugh...no." Kasuka thrashed fighting an enemy no longer near them. It was no use either of them trying to sleep.

"Kasuka. Wake up!" Raising his voice, he could see dark eyes staring through the small glass panel. Averting his gaze, Shizuo focused on pulling his brother from his nightmare. Wide eyes shot open shadows lurking within those dark orbs. Kasuka tried to pull away from him still lost within his nightmare. "Come on. Wake up."

His brother blinked sitting up and panting harshly looking wildly around the room. "...Nii-san?" The teen clung to him desperately. Shizuo tried to calm him threading his fingers gently through the messy locks. "...The cuts on your chest...Did Orihara-san make them?" Kasuka's voice shook his eyes still wide.

"Izaya did, Kanra made them worse...Listen, Kasuka I- I mean when you drove off, did you get arrested? His own voice wavered pressing on into painful territory. Even if it hurt, Shizuo needed answers and would rather have them from his brother rather than a complete stranger.

"Nii-san, you want to know what happened after you were taken?" Those haunted eyes bore into his own, a mass of secrets behind them. Swallowing thickly Shizuo scrubbed a hand through his hair. Was it really what he wanted?

"Yeah. Tell me everything. I can't avoid it forever. What happened after I went in for Chiyoko?" His heart was pounding nervously, his gaze directed at the blankets. Even if he wasn't ready to hear it, even if it made him feel sick... "Tell me." Shizuo groaned feeling Kasuka stare at him.

"Alright. I sped away in the car after you left. The police chased after me until I crashed swerving some guy at the lights. No one got hurt. I got arrested and taken to the station. I had to call both our mother and my manager. They weren't happy with me, so I told them the truth. At first they didn't believe me. They thought I was crazy and the last time I met Orihara-san was making me see things that weren't there." Shizuo knew how that felt. No one had believed him and perhaps if they had the whole situation could have been stopped in it's tracks.

"I made sure to be persistent until the police escorted all three of us to Chiyoko's house. We found the bodies and the blood everywhere. At first they thought you were a suspect and set out to track you down. It was only after Kadota and Karisawa came forward that the police saw things in a different light. Nii-san, there are a lot of rumours and bad things going around about you. There was a reporter going around catching snippets and creating stories."

"Things have been...stressful. Mother almost had a breakdown and was fired from her job. Father took it better believing you were innocent. The police found out that Orihara-san had escaped. They didn't do much. Everyday I feared the worst. I tried to keep up with acting but I knew you were still out there..." Shizuo sighed laying back against the pillows. Maybe it would be better not to ever leave the room.

"Then a man with bright red hair knocked on the door. He said he was your mentor. Akabayashi-san listened to my story in silence. Once I was finished he only sighed and seemed to know everything. Nii-san he gave me a tracking device and told me to be careful. He said I was a loose end." Kasuka shook his head burying his face in his hands.

"He was right. I was on my way to the set when she cornered me. I thought it was Orihara-san, I just froze. She told me to throw my phone away and follow her. I thought maybe she would lead me to you, so I followed. When she said we were close I was knocked out. I woke up tied up on a bed." Shizuo grit his teeth wanting to rip the bitch apart.

"She cut me, threatening to do to me what she had done to you." Shizuo shuddered staring wide eyed. "...I know everything. She told me in detail laughing crazily and then I was brought to you." Kasuka looked away and he knew it wasn't the full story.

"Kasuka, why were you in the bath when I found you?" Kasuka had left out the part where Izaya had been involved. Shizuo knew it had been done on purpose. His brother thought he had been brainwashed by the flea.

"Nii-san, Orihara-san is no good. He did the same things as the girl didn't he? It's best to forget about him." Noticing the look in his eye, Kasuka turned away. "...He saved me. You were asleep so he could leave the room. He was always watching over you. Kanra hated that, threatening to kill me in front of you. It was the bedroom the two of them shared, Orihara-san came in saw me. He started screaming at her about how it was going to upset you and ruin everything." Shizuo nodded feeling his cheeks heat up.

"Orihara-san tried to lift me from the bed. I fought him. He's evil Nii-san, don't let yourself be tricked. He held me down taping my mouth shut and binding my ankles and wrists. I couldn't move. The two of them were still screaming at each other, Orihara-san carrying me from the room. I saw you fast asleep on the bed unharmed. That was the last I remembered until you found me." Izaya had saved Kasuka. He had known but it made his heart swell hearing it.

"Nii-san, you chose him over me. I understand it wasn't your fault. I don't hate you. In the morning the police will want to talk to you and father will be here. Everything will go back to normal. We'll get the help we need. The feelings you think you have for Orihara-san will disappear now that he's not here. You never loved him. You just believed you did." Kasuka's nails dug into the back of his hands clasping them tightly.

Shizuo forced a smile ruffling his brother's hair. He didn't love Izaya? Of course he did. Izaya was the only one he would ever love. Why else would the raven plague his thoughts? For now he would remain silent about his feelings. They would never disappear, no matter how many people doubted him or how many therapists tried to get inside his head.

Shuffling down under the blankets, Shizuo closed his eyes hoping to at least get some sleep before morning hit. From what Kasuka was saying his life was about to get harder full of rumours and accusations. "Try and get some sleep, Kasuka. It's over now." Kasuka hadn't done anything wrong so he shouldn't have been too hard with all the stories. His younger brother curled up next to him, their hands clasped. Scars heal, they had been through it once and they could do it again.


	37. Dose of reality

**Dose of reality**

Shizuo blinked brushing Kasuka's arm from his face. Morning had dawned and a new day had begun. The door creaked open his first visitor since Kasuka entering the room. Taking in the short dress and long hair, the teen flinched back accidentally causing his brother to stir. "Hm? Nii-san."

"Good morning boys, Heiwajima you should be in your own room." Shizuo shuddered clenching his fists. It wasn't the nurse's fault, he knew that. She was only there to help. A hand rested on his shoulder squeezing gently. Kasuka slipped out from underneath the covers, showing the woman a smile he had never seen before.

While his brother led her from the room talking in a low voice, he remained confined in bed fear spreading through every fibre of his body. Damn it. How long would this go on for? How long was he supposed to fear all females? "Fuck. Damn it." From the gap in the door he could see the policeman watching him.

When Kasuka returned it was with a male nurse with short dark hair. Shizuo found himself relaxing, his heart rate slowing back to normal. "Would you like anything to eat?" Taking the folded card his eyes skimmed the list. Selecting a yoghurt the teen handed the menu back. "The doctor will be around shortly. Do you need anything else?"

"I need to use the toilet." Shizuo sighed as his leg was gently lowered. A wheel chair was opened up and placed next to the bed. With Kasuka's help the teen moved into the chair. His fingers trembled at the thought of leaving the room, maybe he should just be done with it and ask the nurse...No. Shaking his head the blond steeled himself.

"Nii-san, are you sure about this?" Kasuka was standing behind him gripping the handles of the chair. Right now he had no choice. If he couldn't bring himself to leave the damn room then how was he supposed to live normally? Shizuo gasped feeling a heavy weight crush him, his lungs ached as he tried to breathe. The wheelchair had only reached the door.

"That's enough." The door slammed shut, the nurse kneeling down in front of him. "Don't push yourself." Shit. Shizuo slammed his fist down on the padded arm of the chair in frustration. "It will take time. You've been through a lot." Like a baby the surprisingly strong nurse lifted him from the chair carrying him back over to the bed. "I'll be back in a minute."

/

Shizuo groaned in irritation pulling the blankets over himself. Like hell he would have his leg elevated again, not when that was there. "I see you're being looked after." The doctor looking after him looked quite young. Kasuka remained at his bedside sitting in the chair ready to intervene if necessary. "Your wounds have been taken care of and your leg has been recasted. I'll be frank with you, there is a chance that you won't be able to walk normally even after it heals."

"With the permission of your parents we have run some other tests, the results should be back soon." Shizuo blinked in confusion glancing at his little brother who looked away. "I've arranged for a therapist to come around and speak to you later today. For now stay in bed and rest. If you need anything just press the button to the side." The doctor left as quickly as he had come.

"Kasuka, what tests was he talking about?" Reaching out to pick up the yoghurt the nurse had left, the teen grimaced putting it back down without opening it, the small picture of a strawberry turned his stomach. Maybe they had some other flavours? Not that he felt hungry anyway.

"Nii,san. They ran some tests to see if you picked anything up from those two." Kasuka's voice was so low he barely heard it. Oh. Izaya didn't look like the type that would sleep around. Hell the raven looked like he had only just found out what love was. Kanra though...Damn it. "I'll go and get you another yoghurt." The awkwardness between them evaporated his younger brother leaving the room.

/

All along he had known the police were just biding their time, the next knock on the door belonging to two separate officers. Seeing that one of them was female his guard immediately went up, body curling in on itself. "We'd like to ask you a few questions." Shizuo shook his head hearing Kanra's voice coming from the woman's mouth.

His fingers shook, a violent tremor taking over as he fumbled for the big red button, thumbing it continuously. "You knew Izaya before the incident at school, didn't you?" Why wasn't anyone coming? His thumb moved faster and faster pressing down desperately.

The door opened the nurse from earlier stood in the doorway. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave." The police looked ready to protest. "Now. Your investigation will have to wait. My patient needs time to recover. Out." Shizuo flinched as the woman stared at him before leaving. "Sorry about that." The nurse was at his side rubbing his back instructing him how to calm down and breath normally.

"...Thanks." Shizuo panted finally able to talk, reading the name tag. "Itoh-san." The police woman had done nothing wrong yet she terrified him just being in the room. The nurse patted his shoulder and smiled.

"Call me Kyoichi. Your brother is in reception talking with you parents. He should be back soon. The both of you need to rest. Try and get some sleep or I could put the tv on for you?" The nurse was kind and helpful making him remember what had happened to the previous nurse that had helped him. The control was placed on the bedside table within reach.

The bright screen lit up, the news coming on. Shizuo flinched turning the channel again and again his panic growing. Eventually Kyoichi reached over delicately taking the control away from him and turning it off. "Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. Are you okay?" Shizuo laughed bitterly dropping his head in his hands. He couldn't even watch tv without getting a panic attack.

/

The nurse stayed with him making sure no one else came into the room until Kasuka came back with his parents. Shizuo knew he needed help but he hadn't known to what extent. "Shizuo." His mother rushed in throwing her arms around him. Automatically he pushed her back, leaning over to vomit violently on the floor. The shaking returned his skin itchy where she had touched.

His mother stared wide eyed up at him from where she was sprawled on the floor. Shizuo stared back in shock. "I-I-" Breaking into a coughing fit, clutching his throat he found it difficult to breath, managing to repeat the steps the nurse had shown him.

"S-Shizuo?" Shizuo looked down at his still trembling hands, not wanting to see the hurt in his mother's eyes.

The woman who had raised him had become like everyone else. "Mother. Nii-san has developed a phobia of women." Shizuo watched Kasuka help her up, his mother was in tears staring at him as she was slowly escorted from the room. Even when she was gone, the teen found his blunt nails scratching at his forearm. This was the damage Kanra had caused.

"Son." Shizuo didn't have any protests his father hugging him tightly. "Don't do that again. From now on you tell me everything. Those sick kids are going to pay." His father's voice cracked, his shoulder becoming damp. Shizuo squeezed back his arms anchoring themselves to the older man. "Are you okay? Did they hurt you?" Question after question. The teen answered with a nod or shake of his head too choked up to speak. "I'm sorry. I let them get you. I've failed as a father."

Shizuo shook his head. It wasn't anyone's fault except his own. He had chosen to go in after Chiyoko. His father fell silent more tears dripping onto his skin. Through blurry eyes he could see his brother standing at the door, holding a slim hand. Closing his eyes he knew he needed help.

/

Even after visiting hours were over his parents refused to leave making sure the doctor and nurse knew it. Kasuka sat outside with his mother, who wanted to be near him even if she couldn't be in the same room. His father remained in the room with him, the bedside table had been cleared off and placed next to the centre of the bed.

In his hands he held five playing cards with simple designs and blue patterned backs. The rest of the desk was on the table, his father sitting on the other side. It was nostalgic reminding him of all those times it had been raining and they couldn't go out and play. Nothing more was said about what happened when he went missing. His father had only mentioned how bored he looked and brought out the playing cards.

Shizuo felt better having his family surrounding him but he knew they would have to leave at some point. "Four of a kind." Placing his hand down, the teen smiled. His father winked placing his own down. Shizuo groaned his smile dropping.

"Straight flush. Better luck next time." His father had never been the type to just let him win. The money was swept from the table and returned to the pocket it came from. "Go again?" His hand slid forward already palming the cards to shuffle. A knock on the door made him jump. It didn't go unnoticed a large hand resting on top of his own and stilling the shaking.

It was only his nurse pushing open the door and waiting for entry. "How are you feeling, Shizuo? Kyoichi circled around the bed picking up the plate with his barely touched lunch. He had managed a few bites, the glass next to it that had been filled with milk was empty. "You didn't eat your lunch?"

Shizuo shrugged. "I didn't feel hungry." His fingers itched to switch the tv on again and see if that really had been Izaya on the news. He wanted to know what was happening but part of him recoiled wanting to bury the entire incident. His hand clenched pulling at the drip feed next to him.

"Hm. Try to eat and drink as much as you can." Kyoichi smiled reassuringly at him. "Your new therapist would like to speak to you. Are you ready?" Shizuo blinked his gaze snapping to the man at the door, his eyes widening in shock. A slim man stepped into the room wearing a dark purple suit, his short hair looked lilac, a silver ring stood out on one hand.

Shizuo could tell that it was a match to his own. His new therapist was no ordinary man. His nurse smiled. "He may not look it but I assure you he's the best we have." Although Kyoichi's words helped, Shizuo felt strangely calm around the man. There was no doubt the ring was a succession ring belonging to the Awakusu-kai. The man caught him staring and winked.

"Shizuo, I'll be outside if you need me." The chair scraped back as his father stood taking the cards from his hand. The nurse followed behind closing the door. The two of them were left alone, Shizuo stared at the man trying to figure out why he was here in the first place. The man with dark eyes that seemed to take on a violet light stared back.

"I'm sure you've recognized the ring on my finger." The man pushed the table out of the way dropping down on the chair one leg crossed over the other. "I've already spoken to Akabayashi-san so I know the gist of what happened. To think of all people the one to break the rules would be Shiki's successor. It's almost laughable." His new therapist sighed waving his hand. "Never mind never mind. Before we start... I am a real therapist and I do have qualifications. I'm twenty three my name is Shintaro and I'm Aozaki's successor."

Shizuo blinked not knowing who Aozaki was. "Judging by the look on your face you don't know who that is. Lets just say your mentor and my mentor have a fierce rivalry. Maybe they like each other, I'm not too sure but it's nothing to do with us so lets be friends. Call me Shin. Now avoiding the fact that you love Izaya, shall we discuss the main cause of the problem?"

"Wait. You don't think I'm brainwashed?" The eccentric man seemed to know everything already. Shizuo couldn't find any reason not to trust him. Shin shrugged picking at his nails.

"Brainwashed, Stockholm syndrome that's what your little brother believes. Izaya was dressing up as Chiyoko, that was who you fell for. I believe you are in love with him and whatever you choose to do is up to you. The main problem now is that you can't leave this room. I'll warn you now it's harsh out there, even if you manage to get over your fear. Dougen-sama and our mentors are currently discussing what should be done. So for now lets talk about the cause of your fear shall we?"


	38. One big step

**One big step**

Talking to Shin helped. Every word that spilled from his lips tore at his heart as vivid memories flooded back. Every word Kanra had ever spoken tainted his ears with their poison. Every touch was like cold fire lashing at his skin leaving cruel marks that would never fade. Shin remained quiet letting him talk, the table blocked the door stopping anyone from coming in.

They had become friends easily. Maybe he shouldn't trust so easily but Shin was too expressive, everything was shown and nothing hidden. When his breathing got out of control and he was on the verge of another panic attack, his therapist would stop him waiting until he had calmed down before they could go again.

Within the span of a few hours Shin knew everything about him, while he knew that the man had a younger sister, his parents were divorced and he lived alone. His original hair colour was black, bleached and dyed again and again to get the colour he wanted. The violet eyes were contact lenses. Shin had been Aozaki's successor for the past two years and now lived under the same roof as his mentor.

According to Shin, Aozaki and Akabayashi were rivals but couldn't do anything because they were in the same group. Aozaki was slightly possessive of his rival wanting to be the one to defeat him. Shin had been sent because Akabayashi was worried and that might put the man in danger. Shizuo didn't mind, he had been given a reason, even if it was for the sake of someone else he was receiving the help he needed.

Shin helped him see what was real and what wasn't, that Kanra was only a phantom lingering on the edge of his nightmares. The psychotic teen was being dealt with. His therapist had asked if he wanted to know what had happened. Biting his lip Shizuo had shaken his head. For now he just wanted to get back to his normal life.

/

It was still twenty two hours and six minutes before he braved leaving the room. The police tried again to talk to him, his father keeping them out of the way. His mother remained either sitting outside or in Kasuka's room. Shizuo knew it hurt her not to see him, which was why taking a deep breath he let Kyoichi remove the catheter and the drip. Already the skin on the back of his hand was a yellowish colour.

Covering himself up, the teen took a deep breath attempting to leave the room. Kyoichi smiled reassuringly handing him a pair of crutches. Slipping his hands inside Shizuo squeezed pushing himself up and slowly lowering himself into the chair. His heart was incredibly loud in his ears. Glancing up he wondered if anyone else could hear it.

Holding his crutches, the teen clasped his hands together taking deep breaths. "Ready?" Shin stared down at him walking around to hold the handles of the wheelchair. Biting his lip Shizuo thought about the woman that had raised him and stood by him all his life.

"...Yeah. Do it." His voice shook giving away how nervous he was. The chair rolled forward closer and closer towards the door. Behind him he could hear Shin humming happily. It was strangely relaxing and reminded him of a certain someone.

"If it helps then think of something that makes you happy or someone." Shizuo looked back in shock, his therapist winking at him. Turning back he could feel his face becoming warm. Maybe trying to forget Izaya was what was making his fear real. "Hm, much better. You're smiling, its a sad smile but still a smile." looking away, the teen sighed.

The large front wheels rolled out into the corridor. Shizuo tried not to stare around too much seeing the nurses going from room to room, a woman walking past him. Clutching tighter to the thin silver poles he could feel it happening again. "Shizuo, don't think about it. Do what I told you." Shin rested a hand on his shoulder.

Nodding his head, the chair continued forward past the many patients rooms, past the nurses, doctors and visitors. "Look up." Biting his lip the teen raised his head looking at the small above sign indicating the male bathroom. "You did it. You've taken the first step." Turning his head a small smile touched his lips seeing his brother and father leaning casually against the wall.

/

Twice more the police came and twice more they were sent away the next day. As nice as his nurse was Shizuo knew it was time to leave. His recovery was being hindered by an unfamiliar place. Sitting fully clothed in the wheelchair, his father gripped the handles, Kasuka and his mother walking up a little further ahead. "Shizuo, good luck." His hand was taken a little pressure placed as a telephone number was written in blue ink across his palm. "In case you need me."

The fear was still there, masked under his thoughts of Izaya. His gaze tried to narrow on the large double doors, Kasuka and his mother blocking his view. "Are you sure about this?" His father whispered. Shizuo nodded swallowing thickly. Everyone had said it would be harsh. His friends hadn't come to visit so it must be bad. Though Shizuo was glad they hadn't. He didn't want to push Celty and Karisawa away. "All right. Keep calm and if it gets too much..."

The two doors slid open and now he knew why the policeman had been waiting outside his room. It was to stop people getting in. The sun had already set, his father wanted to wait until night fell. "Damn it." Shizuo shielded his eyes from the mass of people surrounding him, the sounds of multiple shutters sounded. Bright lights blinded him.

"Heiwajima Shizuo why are you still alive?" The loud voices split his ears, the harsh questions threw him off guard. "What was the relationship between you and the killer? Were you working together?" Shizuo closed his eyes wishing the ground would swallow him up, he should have never left his hospital room.

Like vultures they crowded around shoving microphones at him. "How do you think the families of Orihara's victims will feel knowing you are still alive and unharmed?" squeezing his crutches Shizuo stayed silent letting question after question barrel into him. There was no escape.

"Wha-?" Reddened coffee eyes blinked in confusion. Held in his father's arms like a child, his wheelchair was sent crashing into the crowd of reporters. "D-dad?" His father moved quickly staring at the sole space where the car had been parked. Kasuka and his mother had already reached the car and were holding the door open.

Behind him he could hear footsteps rushing forward, the crowd was gaining. Placed in the back seat, his seat belt was yanked across, the other three clambering into their seats. At such a close distance his skin felt itchy. Gritting his teeth the teen ignored it. He refused to show his mother anything else that would upset her.

The headlights shone up illuminating the asphalt. To his side there were more flashes as picture after picture was taken. Something touched his skin making him flinch. "Lets go home. Nii-san." Taking his brother's hand Shizuo forced a smile resting his head against the window.

/

With his wheelchair and crutches left behind, Shizuo let himself be carried out of his seat and into the warmth of his home. Everything was the same as he had left it. "Do you want anything to eat?" His mother smiled standing behind Kasuka. She knew. She knew he hadn't gotten over his fear. "Or drink? I could make you a hot chocolate."

"...Not right now. I just want to sleep." Shizuo sighed resting against his father's chest. "Sorry mum. Goodnight." Slowly he was carried up the stairs and into his room. His bed had been made and his room cleaned.

"I'll contact the hospital and ask them for another chair and crutches. Try and get some sleep. If you need anything..." Placed on the bed the covers were placed over him resting against his chin. "Goodnight, son." Closing his eyes Shizuo heard the door close his father leaving his room. He was home at last.

The room felt smaller than before, the computer sat in the centre of the room, looking like new. Maybe it was. The bed felt too big for him, rolling back against the edge, the other side was left painfully empty. Izaya wasn't there. From now on it would just be him. Hearing a soft click, Shizuo rolled over seeing the screen light up, the starting procedure coming up. The log in screen came up prompting him for a password.

It couldn't be...Izaya? Shifting to the other edge Shizuo tried to get as close as possible. "...Izaya?" There was no response just the screen waiting. Gritting his teeth his fists clenched knowing if he was careless he would ruin his recovery process and have to start again. "I'm going mad..." From where he was it looked like small black dots showing up in the password bar.

Shizuo watched as the cursor moved going onto the internet and what looked like an email account. Glancing at the door to check no one was coming in, his gaze snapped back knowing that Izaya was behind the remote control of his computer. His fingers dug into the mattress wanting to be sitting in that chair.

A few more clicks and a new window popped up. Static came over the speakers loud enough for the sound file to be heard but not loud enough to be heard by anyone outside his bedroom. The moment the file began to play Shizuo covered his mouth to stop himself crying out. "...Izaya."

_Shizu-chan. Where are you? You aren't by my side. The meanie police have given me a single call to make. I know your phone is broken so I've instructed someone you don't know to save a copy of this message to my email address ehe. I don't know where I'll be going at the moment but I'll find you. I love you, Shizu-chan. I want to see you. _

Shizuo sniffed rubbing at his damp eyes. Izaya. It was Izaya. Izaya had chosen to call him instead of a lawyer or Shiki.. It was a little crackly but it was still the raven's voice. "Izaya. I want to see you." No matter how wrong it was, he just wanted to feel the other teen's warmth.

_I'll buy you a ring of your own. I don't like that you're bound to that man and not me. _Shizuo smiled hearing the jealous tone. _We'll go to a bakery and I'll buy you all the cakes you want. Won't that be nice? Our first proper date. I love you, Shizu-chan... Hey I'm not done. Back off... Then no one will ever separate us again...Get off of me! Shizu-chan! Shizu-chan! I love y- _

That was the last word on the file. Finally realising how tense he had been, Shizuo let himself relax, his energy drained. "...Izaya." The raven had tried to contact him. A sad smile touched his lips wanting to listen to the file again and again and again.

Shizuo was expecting the knock at the door. Reluctantly tearing his eyes from the screen he watched the door open. "Nii-san? Are you still awake?" From the corner of his eye he could see that the screen had switched itself off. Biting the inside of his cheek, the teen rolled back leaving space for his little brother to climb in.

"Good night, Nii-san." Shizuo sighed closing his eyes.

"Night, Kasuka." Mumbling his reply the teen turned away. Would the file still be there in the morning when he was alone again? A slim arm draped over his torso. Izaya's words went around his head taking over any lingering thoughts of Kanra and the damage she had caused.

That night he dreamt of a bright summers day, he and Izaya walking hand in hand through Ikebukuro without anyone staring at them or trying to interfere. Held in his hand was a box of his favourite cakes. Held in Izaya's hand was a bitter takeaway coffee. It was a sweet dream one that when he woke up he would feel like he had lost the raven all over again. There was no hiding it and he couldn't forget. Even after everything he loved Izaya Orihara, his flea.


	39. Broken paths

**Broken paths**

It was too early. Shizuo had known his fear was still there and would affect his life, he just didn't yet know how much. Izaya's words were kept fresh in his mind, even when he awoke to see his brother sleeping fitfully next to him. Glancing around the teen realised he was in his room. The computer was still showing a black screen.

It wasn't much longer before his father knocked on the door. "Good morning, son. Sleep well?" The way the man glanced back behind him, Shizuo knew his mother was standing away from the doorway. "Your nurse dropped these off after you went bed last night." The door opened wider his father coming over to the bed holding out a pair of crutches. "Think you can make it downstairs okay?"

Something had changed. His parents were more protective of him, his father making sure he hadn't hurt himself in his sleep. Like a young child he was lifted from the bed where Kasuka continued to sleep. Slipping his hands through the crutches Shizuo rocked forward, two strong hands keeping him upright. "Come on, you have pancakes for breakfast."

Calm, gentle and kind. His father hadn't changed yet the questions that wanted to be asked weren't. He had already gone through what had happened with his therapist. He had broken his mother's phone along with her car, he had made his brother a criminal as well as a dangerous driver. Yet no one said anything to him.

It was just like the first time he had discovered his strength. For days everyone around him had been wary moving around as if they were treading on egg shells. But what right did he have to disturb his parent's current mood? Biting his lip Shizuo took a step forward, keeping an eye on where he was going.

As he reached the door he caught a glimpse of his mother before she backed into Kasuka's room. Shaking his head the teen turned away. Until his fear was conquered there was no way to avoid hurting her. His sanctuary had been lost. No longer could he rush into her open arms if he had a bad day.

Solemnly Shizuo made his way in short steps until he reached the last step. Everything had been his choice. Everything was his fault. Biting his lip, he could taste iron in his mouth. His father stood halfway near the bottom of the stairs watching him over the banister.

The chair was pulled back for him, his crutches taken away. Pulling the tall stack towards him, Shizuo heard his tummy grumble at the sight. In the centre of the table was a bottle of chocolate and a bottle of syrup. "Take your time." Instead of sitting with him his father remained at the door leaning against the frame.

/

He didn't say anything about the tense atmosphere in the house, the fact that the phone had been unplugged or that the curtains were drawn. It was obvious why. So sitting down on the sofa Shizuo kept quiet not wanting to disturb the fragile atmosphere. "What do you say we watch a movie?" His father shouted above the loud noise, the stereo had been turned on, the music turned all the way up.

Glancing over he could see Kasuka staring at him. His little brother had already been dealing with the way things were. Sitting at one end of the sofa, his brother sat next to him, then his father and lastly his mother sat at the end of the sofa. His father switched off the stereo using the remote. For a split second he could hear noises outside. "I brought this one recently." It was all fake, a pretence that everything was okay and that they didn't have everyone bearing down on them.

For the next two hours Shizuo was deafened by the surround system. His ears were ringing and judging by the small scowl Kasuka was wearing he was the same. His father was sitting upright stony faced, his mother was biting at her nails. This was his fault too. Rubbing at his arms the teen tried not to show the goosebumps raising along his skin.

/

It wasn't fair what he had involved his family in. It wasn't their fault. "Shizuo?" All three of them looked up as he stood. It was uncomfortable and extremely awkward.

"Toilet." Mumbling the word, the teen made his way out of the room. The screen titles were still rolling up. A loud drum beat assaulted his ears as the stereo was turned back on. Anyone else would think they were having a party. Glancing at the front door Shizuo took a step closer. Through the small peep hole he could see the house was being watched. They hadn't given up.

Instead of taking the stairs back up, Shizuo entered the kitchen, seeing something move in the garden. Now that he was closer he could see it was someone jumping over the back fence, crouched and running low. One by one the intruders leapt over the fence and crept towards the house. Pulling down the handle it was no surprise to find the door was locked.

Flicking open the top drawer, Shizuo spun the small key in his hand. Panic was quickly filling him his fear already biting at him. Even so he forced the key into the lock, twisting it and letting the door swing open. "Hey Kadota." His friend nodded running a hand through his hair.

A loud squeal pierced through the music, an excited otaku barrelling into him and knocking both of them to the floor. "Get away!" Too close. Karisawa's hands were resting on his shoulders. Glancing helplessly at Kadota, he willed his friend to understand.

It was Celty that understood pulling Karisawa away from him. "Shizuo? What are you doing?" The key was picked up from the floor, his father locking the door. "Be more careful. Take your friends up to your room." There was no room for argument. "The girls will have to leave."

"...Its fine." Keeping his head low Shizuo pulled himself up placing the pressure on his crutches. "Its fine." He repeated to himself trying to gather courage. While his friends watched with confusion, silence filled the room him and his father staring at each other. Averting his eyes his father walked straight past him without a word.

"Shizuo?" Shaking his head. The teen trudged ahead feeling pitiful when none of his friends overtook him. Kadota, Walker, Karisawa, Shinra and Celty. All of them had come to see him. Biting his lip Shizuo made sure not to look at them as he made his way up into his bedroom. Pushing open the door he took a seat on the bed, carefully placing his crutches next to him.

"You don't look so good." Shizuo sighed as Shirna grinned. "Can I take a blood sample?" Same old Shinra. He had missed them. Celty scowled slamming her elbow into Shinra's ribs. "Oof. Do it again my beloved." Usually the sight of his friend begging Celty made him smile. This time it had no effect. Clenching his fists he knew it wouldn't be long until he had an attack.

"Shizu-Shizu are you okay?" Hm? Even the otaku was worried about him. Shaking his head he felt sick looking at her too long. His friends and his mother. The most important people to him and they made him feel sick.

"No. I'm not okay. Chiyoko was Izaya." The silence was deafening one by one his friend's mouths dropping open, all except for Karisawa who had a comically complicated expression. "I won't lie to you." Sitting back against the wall, his friends sat around the bed on the floor, the girls sitting behind the guys. It wasn't as detailed as he had told Shin but he told them everything.

/

It was a while before any of them moved, Karisawa's mouth opening and closing as if she had lost control of her jaw. Shinra had his head in his hands looking like his dreams had been torn away. "You've lost your strength? This is terrible." It earned him another hard nudge in the ribs. Walker said nothing and Celty typed something before deleting it.

Only Kadota stood sitting next to him on the bed and patting his shoulder. "What are you going to do?" Shizuo shook his head dropping down to stare at the ceiling. "Its hard for you to have Karisawa and Celty here, isn't it?" They knew that he had lost his strength, that he had a phobia of women just not why. What had happened in that place was between him and Izaya.

Shinra had no problem relaying all the information that he had missed. "The first one said that Izaya had escaped. The second was about all the deaths in our class and how they had stopped since you had gone missing. Then it was about how you two knew each other in the past and how you were working together." He couldn't tell if the raven was happy about it or not. Shinra had always preferred the abnormal.

"Shinra, enough. What do you want to do?" Kadota kept rubbing a hand through his hair, all of them glancing at each other a secret between them. Flexing his fingers Shizuo sighed covering a hand over his eyes. What did he want?

"...I just want to forget everything and get on with my life. I don't want to have this stupid fear, I don't want to feel sick at the sight of strawberry and I don't want to keep you guys away." His outburst was met with silence, a comforting hand rubbing his shoulder. Kadota probably knew he was in love with Izaya.

"...Shizuo. You know that can't happen. You're now defenceless. There are reporters outside not to mention that anyone who believes that trash in the papers will be out to get you. Your father has already gotten the window replaced three times, not to mention the car tyres." Kadota sighed. "You need to talk with the police and give them your half of the story. You know as well as I do its only thanks to the yakuza that they haven't taken you away by force."

Shizuo groaned feeling like shit. He hadn't known any of it. All along he hadn't noticed anything. "We all wanted to see you as soon as you were taken to hospital. Your father said to leave it for now so we didn't get caught. Our classmates weren't too helpful when they were interviewed." Kadota explained everything to him leaving nothing out.

"So I have a load of crap to look forward to when I go back." None of his friends looked at him, all of them averting their eyes. "What? What did I miss?" Did someone else die? That was impossible though. Sitting up again he could see Kadota staring at him as if searching for something.

"...They haven't told you yet, have they?" His friend shook his head running a hand through messy locks. "Shizuo. You've been expelled." It felt like he had been kicked in the gut. "I'm sorry. Everyone blamed you. Your father went nuts and started screaming at the principal. We tried to defend you. I'm sorry."

There was nothing he could say. Blinking emptily at the floor Shizuo closed his eyes not trying to think about anything. Expelled? He hadn't done anything wrong. Downstairs he could hear a loud crash. "What was that?" Moving to reach for his crutches, Kadota grabbed his wrist.

"Don't. Stay here." His friend was stern refusing to let go. Was this what had been going on while he had been with Izaya? His friends and family had been suffering. "Shizuo, this isn't your fault." Glancing up he could see Shinra looking down into his lap. Celty was clenching her fingers. Usually at this point she would be giving him a comforting hug. He could see she was restraining herself from doing so. Walker was sitting quietly and Karisawa was fiddling on his computer.

Expelled. He could no longer go to school. He couldn't step outside in fear of being cornered and it was only a matter of time before the police rapped on the door demanding his cooperation. Shizuo heaved covering his mouth. It would have been better to stay with Izaya. Shin had said it would be harsh. One by one the paths forward had crumbled leaving him with no where to go. As things currently stood he had no future.


	40. A little guidance

**A little guidance**

_A/N:- Thank you for the reviews. This one should be ending soon. Enjoy._

"_You can't do anything." sharp nails scraped down his chest. "You're only a toy until he gets bored." Shizuo tugged at his restraints desperately trying to get away. "Look at you all tied up. Izaya always shares his things and you are no different, Shizu-chan." Kanra grinned showing teeth, a cruel glint in her eye._

_Her naked breasts pressed against his chest, fingers hooking into the waist band of her panties. "I'm going to show you what happens when you get involved with us." Sharp nails bit into his jaw tugging his head painfully to the side. "You and Izaya will never be together."_

_Shizuo opened his mouth to call for Izaya, a fist slamming into his mouth. "Don't even think about it." Gritting his teeth, Shizuo's screams were muffled underneath Kanra's hand, the cuts becoming deeper. Tears leaked from his eyes. But the vindictive raven wasn't done holding the blade dangerously close to his dick. _

_Her touches disgusted him, sending chills over his skin. His struggling stopped realising it was useless, a whimper left his lips. "Izaya." The raven wasn't there to help him. Each time he so much as murmured the flea's name he received a slap._

"_Shut up. He's mine. The game is over, Shizu-chan." Although he hated it, although it disgusted him, Kanra still managed to get his cock standing. A tight heat sank down on on, clenching painfully. "Ugh. Having you inside me feels disgusting..." Shizuo struggled again feeling like he was going to throw up. _

/

Shizuo shot up eyes wide and screaming. His bedroom door slammed open his father switching the light on. Next to him Kasuka was rubbing at his eyes looking like he had only just fallen asleep. "Shizuo, is everything okay?" His father brought him into a hug. "You've opened your wounds."

Glancing down he could see the bandages draped loosely around his waist, the underneath of his nails were dark red, fresh lines of blood running down his torso. "Nii-san." Kasuka gasped quickly getting off of the bed. "I'll get the first aid kit." Shizuo's fingers trembled seeing the blood.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Shizuo shook his head remembering how he had been confined to his room after his friends had left yesterday. His father hadn't told him what the crash was or that he had been expelled from school. "Okay. When you're ready." Shizuo said nothing saved by a jumpy Kasuka tugging at the bandages.

His nightmares were becoming more vivid and now he was hurting himself in his sleep. "I need to talk to Shin." His therapist was the only one who understood him. Kasuka said nothing wiping antiseptic over his cuts. It looked horrible.

/

Shin arrived around nine o'clock through the front door. Although Shizuo didn't see him arrive he could imagine the cheeky wink and the flamboyant bow to anyone that might be watching the house. "Shizuo. You look awful." The lilac haired man perched on the end of his bed, head resting on his hand. "Your wounds have been redressed?"

"Yeah." Shizuo mumbled, looking down at his lap. "I scratched them open in my sleep. I had the same nightmare again. Did you know I had been expelled?" Looking up hopefully at Shin, his therapist sighed.

"I had a feeling. Shizuo, I think you should go and see your mentor. Being wrapped up in cotton wool won't do you any good. Pity and false kindness won't do you any good. What do you say? I have a car waiting outside, I could take you to him right now." Shin smiled taking a step back. It was his decision.

"...Yeah. Let me get dressed." It was time to get the help he needed. First he would talk to Akabayashi and then to the police. Something hit him in the face. Glancing down he could see a dark t-shirt and loose pants. "Thanks, Shin. I think."His therapist grinned and winked.

/

His parents weren't happy but there was nothing they could do, especially when Shin was so persuasive and didn't give in to his father's anger. Pulling up the hood on his sweatshirt, Shizuo took a deep breath nodding for Shin to open the door. As expected there was a couple of reporters watching the house. "Ignore them. Come on."

Following Shin's instructions Shizuo stayed focused climbing into the car. "...Why is everything purple with you?" The car itself was a dark purple, the interior was a lighter violet.

Shin laughed turning the stereo on, a heavy rock beat filling the car. "Why not? What's wrong with purple?" Shizuo shook his head making a note not to go to Shin's home. "Anyway enough of that, lets go and see Akabayashi, shall we?"

Shizuo gripped onto the edge of his seat fists clenched in terror. Shin couldn't drive or maybe it was that he just didn't use the brake. The man's path went from a to b and screw anything that got in his way. "Shin! The light is red!" The teen screamed covering his eyes. His therapist might just be the most insane person he knew...almost.

/

Shizuo stumbled from the car fumbling with his crutches. "How the hell did you get your licence?" It was more dangerous than when Kasuka had been at the wheel. Shin didn't seem too bothered with his complaints closing the car door and sliding over the bonnet. This man was supposed to be his salvation.

"One of my boyfriends was a driving instructor." Shin winked patting him on the shoulder. "Don't look like that, I'm kidding. He was a sex friend." Violet orbs twinkled one arm looping in his. "Hehe you really are too easy. Its a shame we both have someone, isn't it?"

Shizuo blinked. Was his therapist hitting on him? "Of course my Kyo wouldn't be too happy about that." Shaking his head the teen tried to keep up with Shin's pace looking up a large unmarked building. No nameplates, no signs. Nothing. "Welcome to the head quarters for the Awakusu-kai." Shin stepped in front of him bowing exaggeratedly.

Shizuo glanced down at his hand. "Won't this cause them trouble?" He had everyone watching him. His therapist and fellow successor shrugged pulling him towards the main entrance. Awkwardly following behind Shizuo made sure the hood was firmly over his head, covering his hair and his eyes. He was going to meet the Awakusu-kai.

Shizuo looked around not sure what he was expecting but a normal office layout wasn't it. His thoughts had been based around movies he had seen and right in front of him wasn't anything like it. "Disappointed?" Like usual Shin read through him. "Dougen-sama doesn't like to draw attention." The corridor was strangely empty. "Akabayashi is on the fourth floor."

Impatiently thumbing the button to call for the lift, Shizuo leaned against the wall, his leg feeling cramped. The doors slid open surprising him again. "Shin, you idiot. He's not ready to walk around." Kyoichi? Why was his nurse... His gaze dropped to the man's hand seeing a very familiar ring.

"Kyo, he'll only suffer if left alone." Shizuo glanced between the two of them feeling like a third wheel. It was clear there was something between them, Shin had already confirmed it. "Shizuo, Kyo is Kazamoto's successor." The man that he had thought was only a nurse smiled sheepishly. All along he had been under the protection and watchful eye of the Awakusu-kai.

Stepping into the lift, the teen leaned against the railing trying to catch his breath. Akabayashi might not want him any more, not now that he had lost his strength. Closing his eyes he tried to listen to the soothing music that played. Completely defenceless in the hub of yakuza, it was odd that he felt as if his life wasn't in danger.

/

The lift stopped at the fifth floor, the doors sliding slowly open. "The fifth floor belongs to Akabayashi. I'll take you to him. Shin you should check in with Aozaki." Kyoichi smiled his demands followed as the lift doors closed. "If it hurts you can rest." Shizuo nodded spotting an expensive looking leather sofa leaning against the wall.

The crutches slipped from his grasp, his hands sweating. "S-sorry I- I just- Damn it!" Shizuo growled throwing the thing away from him dropping his head in his hands. Kyoichi said nothing fetching his crutch and sitting beside him. "I'm weak. I spent so long wishing I didn't have my strength and now that its gone...I'm useless."

Shizuo blinked seeing a blur bolt underneath the sofa. Looking up he could see a large cat standing in front of him. The tabby stared with beady eyes. "Masako, come here." The large cat ran towards the nurse. "Akabayashi has a habit of picking up strays. She's a bit tired after looking after her litter." Slowly the blond reached his hand forward not feeling sick at all. His hand rested on the tabby's head stroking gently.

Shizuo smiled knowing now his fear didn't include animals. Gritting his teeth the teen felt something sharp latch onto his ankle. "Ouch. What the-" Lifting up his leg a dark as night kitten hung from his leg, small claws digging into his skin. Next to him Kyoichi laughed. The kitten didn't move or try to scramble away as he peeled it from his leg cradling it in his arms. Gently stroking it's head, his mouth dropped open seeing that it had one red eye and the other dark.

"Shizuo? Everything okay?" Kyoichi crouched in front of him waving a hand in front of his face.

"Yeah. I'm okay. I've rested enough." Shizuo sighed, reluctantly placing the kitten back on the floor. Standing up the teen leaned into his crutches making his way slowly down the corridor. Glancing behind him he could see the little kitten following him.

/

Akabayashi's office was simple but everything looked luxurious and very expensive, not a place he would have wanted to lose his temper in. It was big and spacious, a large window showing him a beautiful view of the clouds. In the corner of the room there was a small fountain. Next to it were three more kittens and another cat.

Against the wall was another long sofa, red with gold detail. On the other side was a small oak bookcase and a few photographs with captions underneath. Akabayashi sat in an large red arm chair behind a thick oak desk. On one side was a pile of paperwork. The red haired man grinned welcoming him with a wave. "Its good to see you are well." Taking a seat in the soft leather chair Shizuo felt like he was in the principal's office.

"What do you think? It's a bit plain, isn't it? I wanted more red but the others said it made the office look angry. I don't suppose you want a kitten? I'm trying to get them to good homes." Shizuo covered a smile seeing a pure white kitten use the red suit as a scratching post. "Never mind. I wanted to apologize. I should have taken you away as soon as I knew that boy was involved."

"You said the successors couldn't harm each other." Shizuo glanced down seeing the same black kitten looking up at him. Reaching out, the small ball of fur climbed onto his palm, nuzzling against his stomach.

"Yes, well. That boy is different. Have you come across the other successors yet? I didn't tell you the entire truth. You haven't met Shiki-no-danna's successor yet. She's a university student." Akabayashi tugged the kitten away from him. "That boy was originally Kine's successor, of course he no longer belongs here leaving the boy to be dealt with. Everyone had already chosen their successor leaving the boy without a mentor."

Shizuo swallowed thickly blinking in disbelief. "Shiki-no-danna decided to take him in as a second, though that doesn't mean much. That boy is an exception to the rule..." Akabayashi trailed off averting his eyes. Where had his laid back mentor gone?

"You're saying Izaya could have killed me and the rest of us?" Shizuo shook his head glad that Kyoichi was waiting outside.

"I should have told you." His mentor reached over resting a hand on his own. "I know you've been through a lot but you are still my successor."

Shizuo pulled away with a sigh. "I've lost my strength. I can't do anything."

Akabayashi smiled placing the kitten on the floor. "That's why I said I would teach you. But first you need to sort out your current problem. As soon as you talk to the police the sooner we can get the reporters off of your back." Shizuo nodded absently stroking the kitten.

"That's where I'm going. I can't let my family suffer because of me." It was time to end things so he could begin anew.

"Good. I won't keep you then. I'll be in contact about when everything settles down. Shizuo, I wouldn't have chosen you if I didn't believe you were strong." Shizuo opened his mouth, his mentor cutting him off. "I wasn't talking about your physical strength. When you've recovered you'll only get stronger."

Shizuo blinked feeling his eyes become damp. Damn it. How long was he going to be this damn emotional? "She's taken a liking to you. Are you sure you don't want to take her?" The kitten reminded him of Izaya.

"Yeah. I'll take her." Already he had decided to call her Chie.

His mentor grinned holding the white kitten towards him. "How about taking this one too? Your little brother might like him." Shizuo stared at the kitten, the shredded suit and then at Akabayashi's troubled and desperate expression.

/

Kyoichi was smiling as they walked to the car, holding the per carrier for him. Shin was already waiting for them a smile on his face. Shizuo felt his stomach turn at the thought of getting into the car and risking his life. Would he even make it to the station? "Shin. I'm driving." Kyoichi patted his shoulder handing the therapist the pet carrier.

As it turned out Kyoichi was perfect at driving, the ride was smooth and not once did he feel like he was going to piss himself. Whether it was a good thing or not all the traffic lights were green, meaning they were parked outside the police station in record timing. "Shin, go in with him." His nurse smiled reassuringly taking the hissing carrier away from his therapist.

It was nerve racking dodging the people on the pavement, his skin breaking out again as he accidentally brushed shoulders with a woman. "Shizuo, stay calm and breathe." Nodding his head, Shizuo continued through the doors. They were expecting him it seemed.

/

"We're going to ask you some questions. That might bring up some bad memories but anything you tell us will help." Shizuo swallowed nodding numbly. The room was too small the table didn't create enough distance between him and the two male officers seated at the other side. The light on the camcorder that sat on the stand was red.

It was okay. Shin was beside him ready to intervene. "You first met Orihara Izaya over two years ago when he tried to kill your brother?" Shizuo stared at the pen poised and ready to move.

"Yes." So much had changed since then, the impossible becoming possible, hate into love. Shizuo stared at the table top avoiding looking into the camera.

"According to your younger brother, you were then stalked and threatened. Why did you not report it then?" The first officer looked the same age as shin his hair neatly cut, not a single strand out of place.

"...I thought I was going mad, my old therapist was working for Izaya." Shizuo heard his voice crack, it still hurt to talk about it. Reaching for the cup of water, the teen sipped it knowing it had to last.

"Yagiri Namie she was caught outside with two others. They have already been charged. The two Orihara twins are currently being held in solitary. We need your statement to finalise their sentence." Shizuo blinked reaching for more water. It would be thanks to his words that Izaya would be sent away to pay for his crimes. "In your own words can you tell us what happened?"

/

Shizuo said nothing as he was helped back into Shin's car. His heart felt like it was tearing all over again. Even if he didn't want it to be true, Izaya was a criminal and although Kanra was worse, they both had done their fair share. No matter how much he wanted to hide the truth it wouldn't be fair to those that had suffered at his hands.

The only thing he hadn't told them was how his relationship with Izaya had become consensual and how much he loved him. Kanra he could care less about, the bitch could rot in hell for all he cared. It was Izaya that he regretted. It was too late now. They knew his story, knew that he was only one of Izaya's victims.

"How did it go?" Kyoichi glanced over at him. In the mirror he could see Shin give the nurse a warning look and shake his head. "Okay, lets get you home." Shizuo nodded numbly, his lashes wet. The pet carrier rested on his lap, Chie staring up at him, whilst the white one huddled in the corner hissed.

The reporters were gone when they parked up. Shizuo could see the window had been repaired again. The front door was wide open his father and brother waiting. Shin carried the pet carrier, whilst he moved slowly like a broken robot. "Son?" Letting himself fall forward, the teen found himself in strong arms, warm and caring. It wasn't a bad feeling to be wrapped in cotton wool.

/

Nearly an hour later Shizuo was laying lifeless on the bed, Chie snuggling against his side. "...Sorry." Two little ears perked up, the kitten's head tilting in question. "I'm sorry, Izaya." Because of his statement the raven's fate would be sealed.

His bedroom door slowly opened, forcing him to quickly rub his eyes and plaster a fake smile on. Kasuka stood in the doorway holding the white kitten who seemed strangely content. "Thank you for the kitten." Shizuo nodded. It was hard to pretend everything was okay. "I've decided on a name. Yuigadokusonmaru. What do you think?"

Shizuo blinked knowing he wouldn't even be able to remember the name. His little brother had always had a weird naming sense. "This is Chie." His brother glanced at the kitten saying nothing. "Sorry Kasuka, can you leave me alone for a bit?" He was barely keeping it together. It was okay, he would be fine tomorrow, or maybe the day after that.

"...Okay. I'll be in my room. Nii-san, if you-" Kasuka broke off shaking his head. "I hope you feel better soon." The door closed leaving him by himself. Unable to hold back any more the dam broke the tears he had tried to hold back spilled down his cheeks. Feeling something rough scratch his cheek, the teen opened one eye seeing Chie lick his cheek.


	41. Four months later

**Four months later**

"Come on, Chie." Shizuo slid the small bowl of milk towards the kitten watching as she greedily lapped up the creamy liquid. Picking up the rest of the carton he drank some himself to quench his thirst. As usual a small paw rested against his knee, wide innocent eyes staring up at him. "You want more?"

It had almost been four whole months since he had been given the kitten and had given his statement to the police. What happened after that he didn't want to know. Everyone knew that and helped keep it quiet. For the entire time there hadn't been a single newspaper delivered to the house. The television remained off whenever he was in the room and anyone that wasn't trusted was kept away from him, meaning that the entire time he only spoke to his family, friends and the yakuza he knew.

Another carton of milk was split between the two of them. That was the only similarity between them. Chie was Izaya in animal form. Playful, devious, sly and had a love of fatty tuna. The little kitten was the only thing that had stopped him losing his mind to the repetitive nightmare that plagued him.

Her company was what he needed. A companion that would just lay there and listen to him. Shizuo was glad she was there more than ever especially since Kasuka had returned to acting in full swing and was now currently away on his first set away. His brother's cat Yui- well whatever it's name was, was currently in his mother's care.

Kasuka had bounced back much quicker than expected throwing himself into his new career. Where as he hadn't moved on at all. His leg still hadn't healed and was now the weakest part of his body, his strength had yet to return as well. The only change was that with Akabayashi's help he was now attending another school and would hopefully graduate.

Not that it had been easy to settle in. His friends weren't with him leaving him alone in a class that he barely felt he knew. With Shin's help his fear had lessened allowing him to at least be in the same room. It was the one thing Akabayashi had said he had to deal with, the rest would come in time.

It was a relief that he could be in the same room as his mother without feeling sick. Karisawa was fine too as long as she didn't get close and so was Celty. Each of them had waited for him not forcing him or scaring him away. Their patience had payed off meaning that to anyone else they were close and there was nothing to fear.

Or maybe he had just learnt to hide everything so well. Shizuo himself didn't know whether or not his smiles were sincere. It was his life but he didn't feel part of it. There was a hole in his heart stopping him from being happy like everyone wished he would be.

Thanks to his mentor and a few of the others the news about him and Izaya vanished from thin air, not a single picture was in the papers. That didn't stop people's views though or the rumours. Everyone knew about him but there was nothing he could do except keep calm and ignore anything said.

A soft meow distracted him from his thoughts. "Sorry Chie, We're all out." As if in a strop, the kitten dropped from where she was leaning against his knee onto all fours. Shizuo watched as she padded away head held high. Maybe if Izaya had walked away just like she was doing now his life would be different.

Rubbing at his eyes he was glad the door was closed. When left alone he could be himself, showing only Chie how much of an emotional wreck he still was. "Mreow?" Dropping back against the floor the teen looked at his plastered leg.

It still hadn't healed. When the cast had come off and everything looked scarred but good as new, his leg had snapped unable to support him as he tried to walk on his own two feet. Surgery had been unavoidable leading to his leg once again useless and in recovery. This time he had promised to be good and use the wheelchair provided.

Shizuo sighed feeling a soft weight on his stomach. Lifting his head he could see Chie standing on his chest. "Still here? I thought you were sulking?" Hovering his hand just in reach, the kitten stepped underneath nuzzling his palm with her head.

"I have to be really happy tomorrow. If I'm not everyone will worry." Shizuo mumbled sitting up slowly cradling his companion. "Its my birthday tomorrow. I'll finally be an adult."Chie tilted her head before licking at his palm.

The nightmares had become more vague, replaced with dreams of Izaya. Each morning he awoke he would be in the same state, painfully aroused and aching with loneliness. "I want to see him." The more he thought about staying away the more he wanted to see him. But no one would tell him what had happened.

His bedroom seemed to become bigger and emptier with each day that passed, no longer feeling like home. Soon he would officially become Akabayashi's successor and be allowed to stay on his own. From there he wouldn't have to fake his emotions in front of his family.

A knock at the door made him jump momentarily. The hesitant but strong knock belonged to his mother. "Yeah?" Shizuo called watching the door open.

"Do you want anything to eat? You barely touched your dinner." Shizuo bit his lip hearing the worry in her voice.

"I'm fine. I don't really feel hungry." His mother's sharp eyes narrowed. "A few of my classmates knew it's my birthday tomorrow, so they gave me some cakes for lunch." Shizuo smiled before focusing on Chie.

"Is that so? Well I'm glad you're getting along and making new friends. If you need anything just ask." The door closed quietly, the teen listening to the retreating footsteps. Turning back Shizuo sighed. "Don't look at me like that. I know I lied."

It was hard pretending everything was okay when it wasn't. Yet with each day it seemed to come a little easier. Maybe he should have gone into acting after all. "Come on, Chie lets go to bed." Groaning in exertion Shizuo pushed himself up leaning his entire body weight on his crutches. Although the kitten had a cat bed she still chose to sleep on his chest which he was thankful for.

His new scars had been the source of a lot of rumours in his new school. It was why after only one lesson he had skipped PE. Hobbling over to the computer Shizuo pressed the button watching it load. It was a habit, another thing that made him feel safe. It had taken a while before he had found the little cat image that Izaya had used. Now it was his screen saver.

Leaving the computer on the teen slowly made his way over to his bed where Chie was waiting. "Lets get some sleep, shall we?" Shizuo blinked seeing something white underneath the kittens paw. "No! Don't shred those." Panic rippled in his voice dropping one of his crutches to snatch the bundle away.

Pulling himself up to the headboard Shizuo carefully unfolded the pieces of paper. Kadota had passed them to him after his friend's new teacher had tried to throw them out. There were three sheets in total, all of them written on in different handwriting. It was important information and at the same time a physical weight of his guilt.

Guidance forms, plans for the future, the next step. His own one had remained blank uncertain as to what he wanted to do in the future. In his hands he held three forms that wouldn't be used. Shizuo clenched his fingers reading the names at the top of the pages. Sanda Tomoyuki, Mizukawa Midori and Ikina Ayako.

Three futures ruined because of him. Ayako's one was covered in little doodles of hearts and clothes. In the box for future career, she had put model. Midori's simply said university, no mistakes or use of unnecessary ink and Tomoyuki's was as he thought, a teacher. "I'm sorry." Shizuo muttered carefully folding the sheets once and then again slipping them back under his pillow. Closing his eyes he felt Chie snuggle up to him.

/

Every year it was the same when it came to birthdays. Look happy, thank everyone for their presents and don't be ungrateful. This year was no different, his friends and family would be there but not the one he wanted to celebrate with. Hell he didn't even know when the flea's birthday actually was.

One year older and already he had seen too much. Rolling over to the edge of the bed Shizuo grinned seeing Chie leap off onto the pillow. Reaching down on the floor beside the bed, the teen pulled his crutches up. It was another day. Time to smile.

Climbing out of bed Shizuo hobbled to the door noticing Chie was padding after him. "I'm going to take a shower." Ignoring his warning completely the kitten continued to follow him into the bathroom. "Suit yourself."

The bathroom was now the only place where he was left alone. Closing the door behind him one crimson eye continued to watch him. Showers were awkward so for now he had to make do with baths. It meant waking up earlier to get ready for school but that time alone was what he needed.

Sitting on the edge of the bath, Shizuo began running the water flicking some at the curious kitten. Chie jumped back and hissed. "Still want to stay here?" Just like a certain someone he knew she remained stubborn sitting close to the bath and watching him.

When the bath was full, Shizuo awkwardly discarded his soiled underwear, another dream about Izaya remained a vague memory, fading away as soon as he had opened his eyes. Turning off the taps he flicked water at Chie again watching the same reaction. Still the kitten remained. "You two really are alike."

Shaking his head the teen got undressed, sliding awkwardly into the bath his still healing leg dangling outside. He hadn't told Shin about his dreams yet. His therapist knew that the nightmares had been stopping but not why. No, he probably did know just like he knew everything else.

/

The one day he didn't wish it was Saturday. But it was and that meant he had to be happy all day. With chie at his heels, Shizuo made his way down the stairs trying not to look at the brightly coloured balloons pinned to each corner. "Happy Birthday, Nii-san." Blinking in surprise the teen stared at his younger brother who seemed to have a growth spurt in the time he hadn't seen him.

Of course Kasuka was back home for his birthday. It was probably his little brother that had helped with the decorations. Seeing that none of the balloons or banners were purple or covered in anime it was safe to say that Shin and Karisawa hadn't been involved. "...Thanks." The growing white kitten remained silent held in Kasuka's arms.

Passing the big poster on the wall, Shizuo knew what was coming. "Morning, Son. Happy Birthday!" His father patted his shoulder grinning. Shizuo stood there as a large badge was pinned to his shirt. Seeing the bright green thing with silver letters he knew it was going to be a long day.

Following his father and brother into the kitchen where his mother was sitting, Shizuo smiled at how nervous she looked. "Happy Birthday!" Taking a step forward the teen stopped in front of the woman that had raised him and kissed her forehead. Goosebumps ran along his skin but that was exactly why he had worn a long sleeved shirt.

His mother blinked in confusion staring up at him with wide eyes. Thinking he had gotten over his fear, Shizuo tried not to flinch feeling her arms around him. "Thanks. I thought I wasn't allowed cake for breakfast?" Gently backing away and hoping it looked natural, Shizuo turned to the table seeing a large cake sitting in the centre of the table.

"I'm sure we can make an exception, it is your birthday." His mother smiled pulling out the other chair. "Sit down, Shizuo." With a nod the teen lowered himself into the seat resting his crutches on the floor and scooping Chie up. The kitten was looking around wildly at the decorations, especially the dangling ones that hung from the ceiling.

Everyone was smiling, the sideboard full of treats. Glancing out of the window he could see the remnants of a harsh shower, not nice weather when it was freezing outside. Still it didn't stop those that cared about him. Barely nine o'clock and already he had visitors.

Shinra and Celty came together, Celty looking like she wanted to be far away from the over eager raven. "Hey Shizuo, finally an adult?" Shinra was smiling but it didn't quite reach his eyes, something telling him that he might have upset Celty.

_Happy Birthday! _Shizuo smiled acknowledging the typed words. His friend remained within reach but not getting closer. Instead she held her hands out for Chie to jump into. The kitten was very choosy about her company only sticking to him and Celty, everyone else she snubbed.

Next to arrive was Walker with someone he didn't know and Karisawa and Kadota. As usual the otaku had to be held back from trying to jump at him. Fear meant nothing to Karisawa. "Woah! Sorry Shizuo." Kadota pulled the hyper teen into his arms giving him an odd look. It wouldn't surprise him is his friend knew what he was truly feeling.

Tugging at his sleeve Shizuo tried to hide the rash that begged him to scratch. Instead the teen smiled watching as his home became more crowded. "Ah! Shizu-Shizu, your present." Shizuo stared at the wrapped cube shape. "Ah, I'll put it on the table for you." Karisawa smiled awkwardly running past him to add another present to the pile.

"Shizuo..." Kadota muttered his name not bothering to hide the worry in his voice. It was a conversation he didn't want to have. Saved by a loud knock Shizuo hobbled to the door knowing who it would be. Opening the door he was greeted by the other two successors.

Kyoichi smiled ushering the other guest in. "Happy Birthday!" Shizuo nodded taking a step back but not before he was caught, a purple gloved hand resting on his shoulder.

"Try too hard and everyone will notice how you're faking it." Shin winked his eyes deadly sharp. Glancing around it looked like no one else had heard the whispered words. "Akabayashi is stuck at the office. We bring presents though." His therapist/friend would try and rope him into another session. The closer he became with Shin the less he felt he could tell him.

His eyes narrowed on the purple wrapping and surprisingly silver bow. "It's from me and Shin." Kyoichi interjected. Ah, that explained it. The two actually lived together, his nurse had been the one to decorate so the apartment looked normal. The dozen of other little gifts though confused him.

"Those are from the office. I felt like the postman trying to leave. Maybe these ones I should dump on your bed." Shizuo blinked catching the wink. Even though he had lost everything, the second time around he wasn't going to lose any of them. His family, his friends, his mentor and his future subordinates who had all somehow excepted him.

His parents had no idea that he was in the underground being trained by a yakuza. If his leg wasn't still a liability there was no doubt he would undergo similar training that both Shin and Kyoichi had gone through. "Nii-san? Do you want anything to eat?" Kasuka made his way through towards them holding a tray of cheesecakes.

His mothers mini cheesecakes were the best. Popping one in his mouth Shizuo savoured the taste from the crumbly base to the sweet dairy mixture. His favourite had been strawberry not he was onto the slight bitterness of lemon. "Should you be standing this long?" Guiltily the teen backed away taking a seat on the stairs.

Shin and Kyoichi had slipped away though Shizuo knew they were in his room. "Excuse me." Kadota glanced down at him before jogging up the stairs. Unfortunately with Kadota gone, Karisawa was free to do as she pleased. The music system was attacked and forced to play one of the otaku's favourite soundtracks.

Shizuo grinned popping another cheesecake into his mouth. The cards and presents were on the table in the kitchen ready for him to open. "Are you waiting until later to open them?" Kasuka stared blankly at him. Stuffing his mouth the teen nodded.

It looked like Shinra and Celty were getting along again, the wannabe doctor was probably jealous of the kitten and had decided to apologise. Karisawa was up and dancing dragging Walker and the other teen with her. Finishing his mouthful he decided to see what Shin wanted him to know. "I'll be back down in a minute."

_/_

All three of them were waiting on the edge of his bed. "Close the door." Leaning against the door Shizuo heard it click as it closed blocking out the happy sounding music that blasted through his home. Looking between the three of them Shizuo swallowed taking a seat in the computer chair.

The dozens of presents on his bed made his lips twitch into a smile. His main concern though was the brown jiffy bag and a smaller envelope held up between Shin's fingers. "These were delivered yesterday." Usually they would refer to the underground as the office for those that didn't know of the Awakusu-kai it was better that they were kept in the dark. Kadota knew and so did... Shizuo glanced at his friend. Was Karisawa a distraction?

Both of them were held out. "You know who it's from, don't you?" Kyoichi's voice was soft. Hesitantly Shizuo took both in his hands staring at the small black cat drawn right next to the address.

Dropping the envelope his fingers tore at the small red strip tearing the packaging open. Three things slipped out onto his lap. The first was a small red box that fit in his palm. Brushing his thumb against the velvet like feeling Shizuo lifted the lid seeing a pendant laying on the white cushion inside.

Carefully lifting the silver chain free, his eyes widened seeing that the pendant was a smaller replica of his succession blade. It looked real and sharp. "Shizuo?" All his attention was on the pendant, the tiny blade looped onto the chain. The hilt was a deep red small stones set around it. Feeling his heart pound Shizuo clasped the pendant to his chest knowing exactly who it was from. The small engraving on the back gave it away. _Always. IO. _

The second item was a clear plastic holder on a dark blue lanyard. Slotted into the holder was a blue car with _Visitor _in bold white letters. The third and final was a birthday card with a large cake on the front. Shizuo clutched at it his fingers trembling. Everything else seemed to disappear, his most trusted friends sitting on the bed, the loud music, everything.

A birthday card from Izaya. Was it good or bad though? He had helped put Izaya away and settle his punishment, surely the flea knew that. If Izaya never wanted to see him again that was fine with him, it was what he deserved. Everyone had their part to play back then, even if they were unwilling to do so.

Taking a deep breath and then another Shizuo stared at the front of the card. Closing his eyes he flipped it open, cracking one eye open. There in front of him was the raven's perfect writing. Slowly he read through not sure what to expect. With each word his eyes teared up ruining his happy facade.

_Hey Shizu-chan, _

_Its been a while hasn't it. I miss you. It hurts not being able to see you. I know everything about you silly protozoan, my current situation wasn't your fault. I would rather see that you're healthy than run away and leave you behind. Hehe, I almost seem normal don't I? That's to do with you. You make me feel...sane. _

_Happy Birthday! Thank you for being born for me. I'm sorry that I can't be there with you. I wanted to give you my succession blade as your present. You do remember what that symbolizes, don't you? My blade though is stained and would probably get you in trouble, so the pendant will have to do. Do you like it? I had it made specially._

_I miss you. I want to see you instead of enduring through your image in my dreams. Shizu-chan, I love you. I've sent you a pass to visit. Please come and see me, ne?_

_Yours forever_

_Izaya_

Shizuo rubbed at his eyes reading the words over and over again. "What is it?" Feeling a hand on his shoulder, Kadota looked down at him with worry.

Breaking into a disbelieving smile Shizuo clutched the card. "H-he wants to see me. Izaya doesn't hate me." It was his birthday and here he was crying while smiling.

"Then go and see him. You aren't yourself any more, Shizuo." The blond blinked expecting his friend to be against the idea. "You can't fight love and I don't want you to suffer. Here and now is the first time you've smiled for real. I know you. Don't think you can fool everyone."

Fiddling with the clasp on the chain, Shizuo held it around his neck redoing the clasp, the little blade resting against his chest. "Shizuo, everyone in this room knows how you really feel. You need closure. You need to see him." Shin went into therapist mode. "Just go and see him." Kyoichi nodded in agreement.

All he had wanted was to see Izaya again. Since the moment they had been torn apart he was all he had thought about. Kadota picked up the envelope that had fallen placing it on the keyboard. "...I want to see him. He wants to see me..." Shizuo leaned back feeling butterflies in his stomach, the smile on face refused to budge. "I'll go and see Izaya." All three of them smiled at him.

"Good. Now we can go and party. I can't allow that music to continue." Kadota was up and out of the room to get Karisawa back under control. The birthday card was small enough to fit in the pocket of his jeans, the visitors pass he slipped under his pillow. For once he was feeling genuinely happy.

"Shizuo, aren't you going to open the envelope as well?" Shin's voice stopped him. Glancing at the slim envelope on the keyboard Shizuo shrugged.

"I'll open it with my presents later. It looks like it's just a card. Shin, Kyoichi. Thank you." Shizuo smiled hobbling from the room, too close to the banister his arm brushed one of the balloons. Nothing could ruin his mood. _Shizu-chan, I love you. _The words cycled his mind sending his head into the clouds with giddiness. Listening to the music tracks flick back and fourth, Shizuo took his time going down the stairs to see what mayhem his friends had caused. He was going to see Izaya again.


	42. Bump in the road

**Bump in the road**

Shizuo couldn't have been more happy. The look of concern in Kadota's eyes was gone and even Shin no longer looked worried about him. For the rest of the morning he spent his time with his family and friends, a wide smile on his lips. His stomach was full, his voice full of laughter and giddiness.

Of all times Izaya had to wait for his birthday until contacting him again. Then again that was just like the damn flea to bide his time and wait. Didn't he know that he had been suffering from the start? Four months he could have been saved. The guilt, the anguish and loneliness that he had struggled through. The fear he had felt because of Kanra. All of it could have been stopped with just a few words from Izaya.

Shizuo was going to make that clear as well. If Izaya didn't hate him then why leave it so long? "Stupid flea." The teen mumbled reaching for one of his presents.

"Nii-san?" He had forgotten Kasuka was sitting next to him, his little brother staring at him curiously with the rest.

"N-nothing." Biting his lip Shizuo tried to tune down his happiness. The difference between his act and being sincere were a far cry. Most likely everyone in the room knew something had happened. It was going to be hard to hold back his excitement. The card in his pocket could be felt through the material, the pendant rested against his skin in comfort.

It was known that when he had reached adult hood he would move out and become independent. His parents were against it, believing that he shouldn't be alone. So it was a surprise that his present was a savings book with more than enough to keep him going. His mouth fell open seeing his father place a finger against his lips.

It wasn't a subject to talk about on his birthday or with his friends around. Putting it to one side Shizuo opened his presents and cards as Kasuka passed them to him. Ironically his brother brought him driving lessons for when his leg finally healed. Those that knew of what happened to his mother's car snickered.

Karisawa, Walker and Kadota had gone thirds on a limited addition box set of his favourite anime. "Well? Do you like it, Shizu-Shizu?" Turning the brightly coloured box over Shizuo read the back seeing what it included.

"Yeah. Thanks." Placing the box set to one side Shizuo winced hearing an ear shattering squeal. Karisawa was grinning clinging to Kadota rather than jump him. Shinra and Celty had brought him another box set, while Shin and Kyoichi had brought him a pair of silver boxing gloves with purple string.

Shaking his head the teen smiled. Of course it would be something purple, otherwise it wouldn't be Shin. At least it was only gloves. Because he no longer had his strength he would need to find another way to fight. For now he couldn't do anything. His therapist had joked about getting him a gun to protect himself. Kyoichi must have put a stop to it.

/

The rest of the day flew by and for once he could safely say he was having the greatest time of his life. The music blasted his ears, his friends enjoying themselves. As much as he wanted to get up and join them he couldn't. Shin and Karisawa were practically grinding against each other, their two lovers not looking the least bit amused.

Kyoichi and Kadota were similar in some ways, it was no surprise that the two got along with each other, just like Karisawa and Shin. The responsible and the crazy. Helping himself to more cake Shizuo sat back his very first alcoholic drink in his hand. The bottle was still full from the sip he had taken. It was bitter and nothing like the sweet taste he preferred.

His friends were managing just fine although it looked like the hyper pair couldn't handle their drinks. "Nii-san, do you want another one?" Kasuka put his third empty bottle down.

"Aren't you too young to be drinking?" Shizuo asked in surprise. His brother had changed more than he first thought.

"I've been drinking for a while. It helps get rid of the nightmares." Kasuka mumbled looking away. Shit, he shouldn't have asked. Bringing the bottle to his lips Shizuo swigged the bitter liquid back and grimaced. His brother laughed. "Maybe you should try something sweeter. I'll see what else we have."

/

The sun had set but no one apart from him had noticed. Scooping tuna into a bowl Chie appeared from nowhere showing how much of a glutton she was. Karisawa and Walker were passed out on the floor. Kadota was sitting next to her protectively. A drunken Walker had been taken away by his new friend or maybe boyfriend, while Celty and Shinra were asleep on the sofa, shoulders resting against each other.

His parents were clearing away the mess they had all made. "Your friends can stay tonight. I'll go and get some blankets." Shizuo stood his ground his mother walking past him. Thanks to Izaya he still managed a smile even if the briefest touch made his skin crawl.

Stifling a yawn the teen knew it was time to call it a day. "Going bed?" Kadota moved out of the way so he could get past.

"Yeah, I've had enough excitement for one day. You two can take my bed if you want?" The floor didn't look too comfortable.

"No. Kasuka has said we can take his." Which meant his brother would be sharing his bed. "Get some sleep, Shizuo. Its going to be a another big day." In her sleep Karisawa giggled shifting closer to Kadota. "Shin and Kyoichi are in your room." Ah. So that's where they were.

Chie followed at his heels as he made his way up the stairs. Glancing over the banister he could see Kadota gently lift the sleeping otaku in his arms. Kasuka stood at the top of the stairs holding the white kitten.

It had been a while since the two of them had slept next to each other. While Kasuka helped Kadota, Shizuo pushed open the door seeing the two successors sitting on the floor leaning against his bed. "Hey, Shizuo. Here to open the rest of your presents?" Shin smiled up at him reaching out for Chie who snubbed him.

Taking a seat on the bed, Shizuo glanced at the rest of the presents on his bed. "...Yeah." Slipping the card from Izaya from his pocket so it didn't get crumbled. His fingers shook as he thought the urge to read the written words over and over. All three items under his pillow were moved to his side away from where his brother would be sleeping.

Shizuo smiled unwrapping the first and holding a box of pocky. "They know you love sweets." Each one contained sweets or something for Chie. That was the only thing the yakuza knew about him, his love for his kitten and sweets. "Oh! Don't forget this one."

Shin tossed the envelope to him. It was probably a birthday card from the guys or maybe from Shiki. He had thought Izaya's mentor would be cold and cruel. He had met the man once when he was introduced to everyone. Shiki seemed cold but he was polite and nothing like he had thought. _I apologize for the trouble my successor has caused you. _Shizuo sighed remembering the first thing Shiki had said to him.

Sliding his finger under the flap the teen tore the top of the envelope open. It wasn't a card, a photograph? Or maybe a postcard? Tugging the flimsy piece of paper out, Shizuo turned it over seeing the front was black and white. "What's this supposed to be?" Turning it over he read the writing on the back.

_I think you had better come and see me. _That was it. No name, nothing. Turning the picture over in confusion his eyes narrowed on the grainy picture. It looked like there was a shape of some sort. Both Kyoichi and Shin were silent. "What is this supposed to be?" Confused he handed it over to his nurse. Opening the envelope there was something else inside.

A black card much like the one Izaya had sent him. But that meant it was from... Shizuo dropped the card as if it burnt. Sensing his distress Chie leapt onto the bed nuzzling against his chest as he sat frozen not liking the look on his friend's faces at all.

"..." Shin opened his mouth shaking his head and closing it.

"..." Kyoichi did the same. That was when Shizuo knew it was bad. Whatever it was.

"...Tell me." The awkward silence was rattling his nerves.

"...Shizuo, I'm going to get Kadota." Kyoichi practically ran from the room. "Sorry Kasuka can you wait until we're finished?" He didn't hear the rest, the door closing.

/

Shizuo gulped seeing the three of them staring at what Kanra had sent. "...J-just tell me already." Since Kadota had stepped into the room he had been as silent as the other two.

"..." All three of them were looking between each other. "...Shizuo, I need you to keep your voice down and remain calm." Kadota rested a hand on his shoulder. Nervously his fingers stroked Chie's fur. "...You told me that...When Kanra...Damn it." His friend backed away rubbing a hand through his hair.

"...Shizuo, this is an ultrasound scan." Looking past Kadota who looked like he was going to freak out, Shizuo stared at his nurse.

"Ultrasound? What's that?" Staring at the picture something nagged at him. Hadn't he seen a similar picture ages back?

Kyoichi sighed holding up the image. "...Its a baby. This is an ultrasound scan of a baby." Shizuo blinked in shock. Then why the hell had it been...

"No! No way!" Shizuo shrank back clutching Chie to him. Huddled in the corner of his bed, his eyes locked onto the grainy image.

"...Shizuo, if Kanra sent this to you then its her baby." Kyoichi sighed putting the scan down. "When she...did you or her use um...protection?" Shizuo shook not wanting to relive his nightmares again. "Shin. A little help here."

His therapist took a seat on the bed. "You told me that Kanra wanted to keep you and Izaya apart. I think this is what she was planning all along." Shin didn't look happy his fingers playing with his hair. "We didn't understand the lengths she was willing to go. Shizuo, that girl is carrying your ch-"

"No! No fucking way!" Shizuo yelped feeling Chie's claws jab into him from holding her too tightly. "That bitch! She...she...no..." Trailing off the teen felt his future crumble underneath him. "...This isn't happening..." Izaya was going to be pissed, no worse. Izaya would go psychotic. If he knew that Kanra had touched him...If he knew that the witch was carrying..."No!"

The excitement of seeing the one he loved cracked and shattered overtaken in a wave of despair. Chie was sitting beside him nuzzling his leg. The weakened walls he had been building up trying to get his strength back fell down like cardboard.

His eyes widened clutching at his throat. Not again. Why now? "Shit! Shizuo!" Kyoichi stood up pushing Shin out of the way. "Shizuo! You need to calm down." It hurt to breathe. Pain racked his chest as he tried to suck in air. Another attack. He knew what he should do to control it. "Remember what I taught you." It hurt.

How was he supposed to explain this to Izaya? Would the flea still want anything to do with him? Damn it, he was so close to happiness and now it was being snatched out from underneath him. Better yet how was he supposed to explain it to his parents and Kasuka? "Shizuo. Calm down." Shizuo slid down head low unable to stop hyperventilating. "Shizuo stared unseeing at the black dots blocking his vision.

All the hard work Shin and Kyoichi had put in to get him back to normal ruined because of a simple picture. "Shizuo. Look at me!" Sturdy fingers gripped his chin. What was left of his eyesight fixed on the scan. His and Kanra's... His stomach lurched wanting to throw up. "Shizuo! Calm down. Come on, look at m-" His nurse's instructions went unheard. Shizuo fainted.


	43. For the future

**For the future**

Shizuo winced hearing the door slam violently. It was only natural that Kyoichi's loud shouting would draw attention bringing his brother and anyone that was awake rushing into his bedroom. The incriminating scan lay on the floor in full view and for those that knew what it was fell silent.

Blankly staring at the door where his father had just left, the teen felt the rejection. Shin, Kyouichi and Kadota were watching over him, while his mother and brother stared accusingly between him and the scan. "Nii-san..." Not bothering to dry his eyes Shizuo let his head drop onto his knee. So much for everything being over.

His father had shown how he felt by looking at him in disgust and storming out. The last thing he wanted was to cause his family trouble. "...Shizuo." His mother took a step forward reaching for the scan. Shrinking back irrational fear overtook him, his fingers clutching to Kadota. "Shizuo?" As if sensing his fear stronger than ever, his mother backed away taking a seat next to his computer.

"What is this?" Shizuo blinked still in shock, his body trembling. All that hard work ruined in mere seconds. "Shizuo, dear. What is this?" Shaking his head slowly his head dropped back down slamming against his knee.

"Heiwajima-san, Can we talk in private?" Shin smiled climbing from the bed. Shizuo didn't look up hearing movement, the door opening and closing again. Once again Kanra had ruined everything. How the hell was he supposed to face Izaya now? What was going to happen with...with... Shit he didn't even want to think about it.

He should have known the manipulative bitch had something up her sleeve. "Shizuo, we'll deal with this." Kyoichi sounded sincere but how were they supposed to fix something like this? "Trust in us. You've come so far. Don't let her ruin what you've achieved." Achieved? He had done nothing. Everything was worthless.

Feeling something rough and wet against the back of his hand, Shizuo glanced down seeing Chie sitting against his leg. "Nii-san. I'm sorry. Maybe if I had got there sooner..."

"...Don't..." Shizuo mumbled watching as the kitten climbed onto his lap. It was bad enough that he had been unable to do anything to stop it from happening. With his brother apologizing it made him feel worse. "Just don't." It wasn't anyone's fault apart from his own.

"Okay, I think that's enough for tonight. Shizuo try and get to sleep and we'll talk tomorrow." Kadota patted his shoulder gently sliding from the bed. All three of them left the room the door closing softly behind them. Sleep? How was he supposed to manage that?

That night his nightmares returned with a vengeance not even thoughts or longing for Izaya could keep them at bay. Half conscious and half trapped in a vicious loop, Shizuo dug his fingers into his pillow tossing and turning. "Ugh." It felt like he was drowning. "Stop!" The softness underneath him vanished slung across the room.

"...Iz-aya ugh...help...I- OW!" Shizuo shot up wide eyed and dripping with sweat. Bringing a hand to his cheek his fingers came away slightly damp. Glancing down the culprit stared up at him looking innocent. "...Chie, was that to wake me up?" A soft purring was his answer. "Thank you." It was clear that he wouldn't be getting any more sleep. "Lets go get you a drink." His own throat was parched.

Leaving the safety of his bedroom Shizuo slowly made his way down the stairs, Chie bounding past him showing off her agility. Reaching the bottom of the stairs he could see the kitchen light was on, his father sitting at the table alone.

Shit! Maybe it would be better to go back to his room. "Son." Caught in his father's gaze Shizuo swallowed trailing after the kitten. On the table was the scan. Had his father been awake all this time? "Sit down." Chie would have to wait. Doing as he was told Shizuo said nothing. "What happened to your cheek?"

"Chie pulled me out of a nightmare." Hearing her name the kitten jumped up onto his lap where she curled up.

"They're back then?" His father's gaze never left the image in front of them.

"Yeah, my fear is back the same as before." Shizuo muttered looking away. Now it looked like he wouldn't even be able to pretend to be okay. "...I'm sorry...I let you down." The table shook a fist coming down on the wood making both him and Chie jump.

"Don't you dare apologize for something like this. It was out of your control. This wasn't your fault." Each and every single one of them stupidly stood by him watching as he screwed up time and time again. He didn't know what expression his father wore and he didn't want to know. "This is your decision and as your father I will stand by you no matter what you decide."

Shizuo blinked feeling a large hand on his shoulder. "...Dad...Tell me this isn't real." Shit he was going to cry again. Laughing bitterly the teen scrubbed at his eyes. So close and this is what happened. With a single picture Kanra had dragged him back to square one. Even so he looked up hopefully clutching the edge of the table.

His father shook his head. "I'm sorry, Shizuo. This is as real as it gets. This girl no matter how much you hate her is carrying your ch-"

"Don't say it!" It would only cement the situation. Why wasn't anyone telling him it was nothing but a cruel dream? A heartless joke? Anything but that...

"...carrying your child. The question is what are you going to do now?" Shizuo blinked in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

Opposite him his father sighed. "That child is yours, Shizuo. You're going to be a father, its a big responsibility. Are you going to walk away or step up? Believe me when I say I want to find and strangle this witch who got you into this mess. Not just one but she hurt both my sons and now this." He could hear the anger in his father's voice but not directed at him.

"But it's Kanra's child. I don't want anything-"

"Shizuo!" The scan was rotated and pushed in front of him. "You can't blame an unborn child for it's parent's crimes. This child is innocent in all of this." Shizuo stared at the picture. His child. His father was right. He couldn't dismiss it just because of Kanra. "Either way it's time you face your fear." Shizuo swallowed thickly knowing where the conversation was going. "You need to confront her and choose your own future."

Shit. His head slammed against the table letting it drop. Face his fear? How the hell was he going to manage that? He could even stand the thought of her let alone see her in person. "I know that you didn't want to know anything about the case but now there is no choice." Lifting his head slightly Shizuo let it drop again.

"...I can't. I don't want to see that bitch." There was no way he would be able to keep calm. Shizuo grimaced at the thought of having a panic attack in front of her. "I need to give Chie her milk." Grabbing his crutches the teen groaned seeing the kitten fast asleep on his lap. "Crap." Clutching at the pendant that rested against his skin Shizuo tried to calm himself knowing if he wasn't careful he would have another attack.

/

The morning wasn't much different. Karisawa trudged into the kitchen, her hair a mess and for once she was oddly silent. "Never drinking again." Shizuo forced a smile seeing her slump in the seat opposite him. Celty and Shinra were looking slightly guilty as they stepped out of the living room. Everyone else looked like they hadn't had a wink of sleep.

"Morning, Shizu-Shizu. Ugh, I feel sick." Karisawa groaned swaying dangerously. Kadota quickly grabbed her taking her outside.

"My beloved and I will be returning to our lovely home." Shinra beamed earning him an elbow in the ribs from Celty.

"Nii-san..." Kasuka stood at the threshold not looking at him. "I have to get back on set, my manager just called." Shizuo said nothing wondering where his little brother had slept last night.

One by one those he cared about left. Shinra had Celty, his brother had his acting and Kadota had Karisawa to look after. "Shizuo dear, have you eaten?" Chills ran down his spine his mother opening the cupboard. "I could make pancakes? Or there should be a few cakes left." His mother smiled jabbing a nail of guilt into him for making her force it.

"Shizuo!" The blond cringed knowing Shin had come to the same conclusion as his father. "Aren't you dressed yet? We need to make a few visits." Shit. "Don't worry. We'll bring him back safe and sound." Reaching for his crutches, Shizuo sighed seeing Chie lapping at her milk not caring that he would be dragged away.

Before he could even stand the teen was lifted like a sack of potatoes over Kyoichi's shoulder. "Hey! Put me down!"Shizuo growled pounding against his nurse's back. Completely helpless he couldn't do anything as he was carried up the stairs and into his bedroom.

/

"Let me out!" His voice raised an octave as the needle on the speedometer moved. Shin laughed putting his foot down. Right now he didn't know what was worse being driven to where the one person he never wanted to see was being held or being in a car while Shin was driving.

"Shizuo! Right now you don't have a choice. The sooner you face the truth the sooner you can decide what to do." Shizuo grimaced watching the needle creep up.

"Shin. That was a red light." Kyoichi sighed leaning against the window. How the hell was he so calm?

"Really? Are you sure it wasn't green? It looked green." Shizuo clutched at his seatbelt. Great his therapist was colour blind. "Where was I? You need to see Kanra."

"...Then give me some time. Wait until I get better."

"No can do. Its taken you four months to get back to being normal enough and that was undone by the mere mention of her name." In the mirror Shin was shaking his head. "How long do you plan to wait? Until the baby is born? If we see her now then no matter what happens we can help you overcome it." Shizuo slouched against the seat, clutching at the pendant. "Besides I thought you wanted to see Izaya?"

Izaya? The passes sat in his pocket feeling like a lead weight. They were going to see Izaya? No. Not now. He wasn't ready to face him. "But firstly lets get Kanra out of the way, shall we?" Shizuo watched the buildings blur past. Why couldn't he just have been left in his room?

/

Shizuo was practically jelly hearing a loud buzzer behind him as the cold looking black gate slammed down. "Remember what I said. Don't let her get to you." He was being left alone. Shin and Kyoichi remained at the gate whilst he was forced forward. Standing in front of a glass window his fingers trembled slipping the correct pass forward.

The cold looking officer stared at it and then at him. "Name?"

"...Shizuo Heiwajima." His voice shook barely able to stand. Another loud buzzer sounded the next gate opening.

"Go through." Shizuo sighed hoping that it was some mistake and the guard would tell him to get lost. There was no such luck. Trudging through the gate, the dank thing clanged as it slid shut behind him leaving Shin and Kyoichi barely visible. There was no going back now.

A women's prison. The one place he shouldn't be his fear going into overdrive. Biting at his lip Shizuo thought of the one he would rather be visiting. "I don't see them. I'm on my own." The guard beside him said nothing directing him into a room where the manipulative raven sat.

"No touching. If I see a single touch I'm taking you out of here. Do you understand?" Shizuo resisted the urge to laugh at the thought of going anywhere near the bitch. The door was pushed open for the first time since he had watched her been arrested Shizuo was face to face with Kanra.

"Shizu-chan, its been a while. Aren't you going to sit down?" Kanra smirked kicking the other chair out. "It can't be comfortable standing up like that, especially with a broken leg." Those eyes, that voice. Shizuo clenched his fingers around the handles trying not to throw up.

There was no way he could do this. "You got my message then?" Shizuo shuddered hearing the mirth in her voice. "I thought I would leave it a while since you were so damaged when we parted." Kanra threw her head back and laughed. "Sit down." Shizuo remained where he was. From where he was he could see the tell-tale bump.

"...This is another one..." Fuck. Licking his lips the teen tried to continue. "...of your tricks..."

"Tricks?" Kanra tilted her head resting both hands on her swollen belly. "I can assure you this child is yours. I wouldn't sleep with just anyone."

Shizuo groaned biting his lip. "You hate me. Why- why the fuck would you do that?"

Cold laughter bounced off of the walls. "Why? Because you dared to get close to my brother, to become his lover. Shizu-chan you were nothing but a victim, a number. You forgot your place and tricked Izaya. He would never go with a monster like you." The chair scraped back making him jump.

Shit. He was going to have another attack. His chest felt tight. "You made him weak and pathetic, the only one Izaya can love is me." Shizuo pressed back against the door ready to leave. "Don't bother. The door won't open for another hour." An hour?

"...W-what do you want?" Why bother him now of all times?

Kanra giggled standing up. "I want you to stay away from Izaya." Shizuo felt a sharp pain in his chest. "If you do then I'll give you this child."

"...and if I don't?" Damn it his voice was weak.

"Then I can't guarantee that the poor thing will be born." The raven leaned against the table a smirk on her lips. "All those lives you couldn't save. This one you can." It was all a game to her.

"...Why? It's your child." The words made him sick but unfortunately it was the truth.

Mocking laughter pierced his ears. "Why should it matter to me? You've seen the news, you've heard my verdict." Shizuo said nothing biting at the inside of his cheek. "The death sentence. It looks like I'm not important enough to the yakuza. They didn't even bother stepping in to help. Your statement did though. Helped put me away. I always knew you would be trouble. Not that it matters... Izaya will get bored soon enough and then he'll come for me. He'll never leave me."

Shizuo shook his head. "...Y-you killed my friends, my classmates. You tried to kill Kasuka!"

"You're still hung up on that? Bor-ing." Kanra yawned never looking away from him. The raven didn't care about anything except for Izaya. She had always been the true monster. The thought of Kanra walking around Ikebukuro send shudders along his skin.

"...What about you? What excuse will you give Izaya for being pregnant? He-he's not stupid." Shizuo licked his lips feeling how dry they were.

"Izaya will stick by me. He won't know its your filthy DNA." Kanra said smugly. Shizuo shook his head knowing the flea would figure it out. The timing, his fear of women. He would know that Kanra had touched him and seeing how he was possessive it wouldn't go down well.

"...If Izaya..." Shizuo trailed off. No. If he told her what would happen she would do something stupid. The teen jumped as the pregnant raven punched the table.

"Enough. Stay away from Izaya and you can have your child. Don't contact him, don't go and see him! He's mine." Shizuo felt the ache become more painful. He couldn't cope for an hour. How long had passed already? Damn it. Not even half of that. Glancing outside of the small window he could see the guard watching them. There was a way out.

Sucking in a deep breath, his body moved like a rusted robot forcing himself to move forward. Just a little closer. Tasting the blood in his mouth he knew he had bitten too deep. Clenching his trembling fingers Shizuo reached out brushing them over the growing bump. "It looks like you've made your decision. " The door slammed open a loud piercing whistle piercing his ears.

"I said no touching. That's it, you're out." Kanra's smirk dropped realizing what he had done.

"Get back here. We aren't done! SHIZU-CHAN!" Shizuo shuddered hearing Kanra's shrill scream. It didn't matter it was over. He had no objection to being escorted out of the building and through the gates where his friends were waiting.

"Shizuo!" Both of them caught him as he fell forward, his fingers were still trembling violently from where he had touched the source of his fear. "Are you okay? What happened?" Shizuo said nothing unable to speak concentrating on his breathing.

Collapsing against the seat the teen tried not to think about what had just happened. Stay away from Izaya? He didn't want to. "You're still conscious and you didn't have an attack right?" Shin was smiling concern in his eyes. "Do you want to see Izaya now? It's not far." Shizuo didn't respond fingers stroking the pendant. "Shizuo? Maybe we should get you home instead."

"...I want to see him. I want to see Izaya." Clutching at the pendant Shizuo stared at the pass in his hands. "I don't know what to do." Glancing up he looked at the other two successors for advice. Both of them stared back without saying a word. It was his choice. His decision to make. "Ugh! I feel sick."


	44. Seven years later

**Seven years later**

Shizuo walked down the path to the destination he had been every year. The tell tale limp was proof that his leg had never healed completely. The newly ironed black suit showed off his toned body perfectly. It was that time again. A small hand fit perfectly in his. Looking down bright crimson orbs stared back his little girl smiling.

"Sora sweetie, we're here." A lot had happened back then, his inner struggle had nearly destroyed him, his relapse was awful and it was only thanks to everyone supporting him that he had managed to get through. With no other choice he took responsibility for the child that he had helped create even if it wasn't willing.

But when he set eyes on the small bundle his heart had melted. Izaya or Sora, it hadn't been much of a choice. If he had chosen the flea then he would have failed someone. His daughter had been the right choice. There was no going back. It was thanks to Shin though that he was able to go back and see Kanra again.

_The main problem is that it's Kanra's child, right? Aren't they twins? The same blood runs through their veins. Izaya's blood. _Shizuo's lips twitched remembering the decisive words. To him Sora was a child between him and Izaya. Their eyes were the same, though her hair was the same as his original hair colour.

This was his redemption. For the lives he had helped ruin, he would raise his daughter to be nothing like the two Orihara's. She would be loved, she wouldn't feel any pain or sadness. No one would harm her, the one he would protect with his life was his little girl.

His fear of women had evaporated under his solemn vow not to be afraid of his daughter. There was a still a certain type that made his skin crawl but then again he hadn't even tried to get close to anyone. There was only one he would love and that was impossible. The first visitors pass had been ripped to shreds. Shizuo hadn't seen Izaya for seven years now.

"Papa, why are we stopping?" Sora tugged at his hand. His little girl was incredibly smart and wasn't fooled by the lies of adults. Clutching the flowers in his hand Shizuo read the name of his friend.

Taking one of the flowers out the blond rested it upon the grave stone. "I'm saying hello to an old friend." Closing his eyes Shizuo took a deep breath. "Hey Tomoyuki, Its been another year. I finally made it. You know I was never good with studying." Scratching his head he pulled Sora closer to his side. "But I did it for you. I kept thinking what I had to do... I tried my best I graduated and went on further. I'm finally a teacher just like you wanted to be. My first class is a little rowdy, you could probably handle them without any problems."

"I'm sorry, Tomoyuki. I'm not sure if fulfilling your dream counts as an apology but I'm trying. There isn't much I can do. The guilt hasn't gone away. I still know everything was my fault. After everything blew over I tried gathering the courage to see your mother. She slapped me and gave me a lecture. Weird right? The one that should hate me doesn't."

Shizuo sighed letting go of the small hand in his bringing Sora into a hug. "I've introduced you before every year. This is my daughter Sora. She's getting big now. My life right now is pretty hectic trying to fit in raising a child, being a teacher and my other thing. I'm coping though. I wanted to be a model too for Ayako. That was a bit too much though. Kasuka took responsibility for her dream."

"Papa, who are you talking to?" Sora clung to him perfectly innocent. Sky. That was the meaning of her name. He wanted her to be untouchable and free.

"This is Tomoyuki, he's an old friend." His daughter was a bit too smart for her own good making more than a few awkward conversations.

"Is he with mama in the clouds?" Shizuo smoothed down the black dress fixing the bow in her hair.

"Yeah. He's with a few other friends too." He had never told Sora that her mother was Kanra. Thanks to Akabayashi and an understanding Dougen, the birth had been a quiet affair. Instead Sora knew that her mother had been kind and loving with dark hair and chocolate eyes. His high school sweetheart that had died during in childbirth. That was the story everyone knew and no one said anything different. "Come on, we have a few more to visit."

/

The drive home was short but as usual it tired out the little girl. Pulling into the allocated space Shizuo turned off the engine fixing the seat belt next to him. "Come on, sweetie." Gently scooping her out of the seat Shizuo held her close carefully climbing out.

Carrying Sora to the doorstep Shizuo fished the key from his pocket pushing open the door to his apartment. The possessions they owned were only what could be carried if a quick relocation was needed. That was the rule of being part of the Awakusu-kai. At some point things could get messy and they would all have to move.

It hadn't stopped him from decorating and making a home for the two. A soft meow sounded next to his leg as he crossed the threshold. Placing a finger on his lips the blond stepped carefully closing the door. It was a small apartment the walls were a light rose colour, a small tv sat on a cheap stand where the dvd player and Kasuka's films were kept.

The sofa was big enough for three people, though it was mainly occupied by him, his daughter and Chie. A flimsy table that could easily be replaced sat between the tv and sofa. On top was a locked metal box that was only opened when he was alone. The kitchen was pretty basic, with only the essentials. The bathroom was adequate and plain. The only room that had been decorated without reserve was Sora's bedroom.

The walls were a pale blue, white clouds covered the area. Whilst neon stars would light up on the ceiling at night. In the corner by the door were hand prints in different colours. The smallest ones belonged to Sora and Akane who had become good friends. The ones in purple belonged to Shin and Kyoichi. Then there was his in bright yellow, Akabayashi's in red and the rest had gone slightly crazy.

The closet was made of a cloth material and not wood. The same with his daughter's old playpen which he had kept as a toy storage. Moving slowly across the soft carpet Shizuo pulled back the covers settling the sleeping child down. Placing a kiss on her forehead he let her sleep backing out of the room.

"I suppose you want feeding now?" The cat leapt into his arms nuzzling his forearm. "Come on then. Don't wake up Sora." Opening the fridge Shizuo pulled out the carton of milk reaching for Chie's dish. Setting them both on the small table Shizuo took a seat in the chair. From the beginning Chie had taken a liking to his little girl making it difficult to separate them both.

The end of the week was his only time to rest. Tomorrow he would be back to teaching and trying to juggle everything. Letting out a sigh Shizuo reached into his pocket pulling out a strawberry lollipop. No longer could he deny Ayako's love for strawberry. To honour her memory he wouldn't avoid the fruity taste that used to make him sick.

Scraping the chair back he left Chie to lap at her milk. He had other things to attend to. Trudging to the sofa Shizuo dropped down staring at the box on the table. Next to it was an unopened envelope which he had yet to touch. Running a hand through his hair the blond was up making his way to the answering machine, the red light blinking.

As usual it was full. Pressing the button he waited for them to play. _Shizu-Shizu. We've decided on a date for the wedding. Call me when you get this. _The message became static trying to play Karisawa's happy squeal. Since the beginning the otaku and Kadota had remained by each other's sides. Deleting the message Shizuo went onto the next.

_Shizuo-sensei there will be a staff meeting tomorrow after school. Please make the proper arrangements. _Ugh. Damn it. That meant another babysitter to look after Sora. The rest of the messages were crap and all deleted.

To be happy and lonely at the same time, it was an odd feeling to experience. On the table the box demanded his attention. There was no way to avoid it any longer. Dropping back on the sofa, Shizuo picked up the envelope along with the rest of the post. The tell tale cat showed who had sent the letter. It made him feel sick and happy all at the same time.

Dropping it on the wooden surface, his attention focused on the other letters. "Junk. Junk. Junk." One by one he ripped them up tossing them to one side. Turning over a dark blue envelope Shizuo tore it open sliding out what looked to be a postcard.

_Hi Shizuo. _

_Just to let you know we're having a great time and Shinra is on his best behaviour. We've decided to stay a little longer. You don't have to worry, I'm happy. Give Chie and Sora a kiss from me. _

_Celty_

On the front was a picture that had been taken from the couple's wedding. A honeymoon that had now lasted a month. Celty was wearing a long flowing dress, being carried by Shinra. The camera had managed to catch the nudge to the ribs and even the adorable little flower girl.

Everyone was being happy and following through with their fairytale romances, except him. Placing the postcard beside him Shizuo picked up the letter his fingers trembling. Nervously his finger moved along the edge where the seal was.

Feeling his heart beat quicker, the blond slid back his sleeve staring at the monitor on his wrist. Shin's way to keep track of his attacks. Closing his eyes the envelope slipped from his fingers. He couldn't do it. Sliding the chain from his neck, Shizuo stroked the pendant that he always wore. Threading the small key off into his palm the blond used it to unlock the box.

His breath caught seeing the contents as the lid flipped over. The same envelopes piled on top of each other some opened and others not opened. The same wording the same request becoming more and more desperate until he no longer had the courage to open them. Even so he couldn't bring himself to throw them away. Knowing Izaya hadn't given up on him made him giddy, his heartbeat out of control.

No, instead he had locked them away in the metal box just like his feelings. It was too late he had made his choice. He had chosen Sora and it wasn't one he regretted. Even so... even so his heart tugged painfully with everyday that Izaya wasn't by his side. Before he lost his resolve the unread letter was locked away with the rest, the key and pendant fixed firmly around his neck.

Leaving the box where it was Shizuo wiped his eyes heading for his own bedroom. Pushing open the door a double bed and cream walls met him. The bed was pointless since he could only sleep on one side. Maybe he should just get rid of it and buy a single.

On the dresser was a thick wad of paper full of text and boxes. He had always hated homework and now he had to mark the damn thing. Taking a seat Shizuo reached for his red marker and sticker sheet. Being kept busy left him with less time to think about other things. A small smile touched his lips seeing Chie poke her head around the door.

"Go on then. As long as you're quiet." The growing cat darted forward rubbing against his leg before slinking out of the room. When he checked later Chie would be laying on Sora's pillow curled up. Wiping his eyes Shizuo sighed uncapping the red pen. It was okay, he could still cope. Tomorrow was the anniversary of when Tomoyuki had been killed and when everything had started. Life without Izaya..."Fuck!" Dropping the pen he covered his eyes to stop the pages getting wet.


	45. Day from hell

**Day from hell**

There were the good days, the okay days and then there were the really crappy days where nothing went right. It looked like today was going to be one of those days. As usual his memories and nightmares couldn't be shut away when it got closer to the anniversary of his friend's deaths.

Shizuo yelped clutching his cheek glaring at the cat licking her paw. "Chie! What the hell was tha-" Oh! On the bedside table the alarm was beeping continuously. Slamming his hand down to shut the thing up, the blond's eyes bulged seeing the time. "Fuck!" Scrambling out of bed Shizuo hurried from his bedroom.

"Sora! Time to get up!" Of all days he had to wake up late. Damn it maybe he should've taken leave. "Sora!" Gently shaking his daughter awake Shizuo pulled back the covers and began getting her clothes ready.

"Papa? I can dress myself." A determined gaze met his own. Handing the small bundle over, Shizuo ruffled her hair and left her to it. His little girl was growing up. That left him to shower dress and do breakfast. Either way he would get another scolding from the principal.

Chie weaved through his legs keeping him standing in the same place. "I know you want your milk." Changing direction Shizuo sighed opening the fridge. Shaking the carton there was only a little left. "Here you go." Pouring the usual amount into the dish, he used the rest on Sora's cereal. Placing the bowl on the table Shizuo sighed again. "Breakfast is on the table."

Hurrying into the bathroom Shizuo quickly discarded his sleepwear and hopped into the shower, the cold blast was a shock to the system but it was something he needed. Reaching for the soft sponge Shizuo scrubbed his body clean not staring at the scars that littered his body. Reaching for the shampoo, his hand knocked the body lotion onto the floor. "Fuck!"

Rushing around had always made him clumsy. "Damn it." The opened bottle dropped on his foot the contents pouring out. "Great. Just great." These were the days he wished he could roll over and go back to sleep.

/

Shizuo scrubbed at his head with the towel, throwing open the drawers to get ready. "Where the hell are my socks?" Covering his mouth he knew he had to put more effort into watching his language. Stifling his next foul words the blond quickly got dressed going in search of the laundry that had yet to be put away.

What greeted him was a basket full of unpaired socks. Shizuo groaned. Why? Lifting two random ones up he knew he would need to find a pair and as usual there would always be one odd sock left. "Sora, you haven't finished yet?" His little girl stared up at him innocently and blinked spoon in her mouth.

At that moment Chie leaped across the table done with her own milk. His mouth dropped open in shock watching as the still half full bowl flipped off of the table. "Sorry papa." Shizuo said nothing feeling the wetness through his pants.

"...Don't worry about it. Why don't you go and brush your teeth?" Time was already running out. Sora nodded jumping down from the chair and running towards the bathroom with Chie on her heels.

/

"Sora! Time to go!" After the rigmarole he had gone through Shizuo strapped on his wrist monitor, pushing the wad of paperwork into his briefcase. "Sora!" Flicking the clasps the blond hurried from the room going through the check-list in his mind.

"I'm ready." His little girl stood by the door all ready with her shoes on.

"Good. I have a staff meeting tonight so Karisawa will be picking you up today." Slipping his own shoes on Shizuo finally opened the door and stepped over the threshold. "Be good, Chie." Closing the door his thumb flicked over the key fob unlocking the car.

Glancing at the time Shizuo grimaced. Opening the door he lifted his daughter into the seat fixing her seat belt. Checking it was secure Shizuo closed the door quickly making his way around the car to open his side. Dropping down in his seat the blond sighed pressing the key into the ignition.

His head dropped onto the steering wheel hearing the engine splutter and refuse to start. "You've gotta be kidding me."

"Papa. Is the car sick?" Sora smiled sweetly holding her book bag. This wasn't happening. Not today of all days. Slipping a hand into his pocket Shizuo wordlessly took out his mobile and selected the first speed dial.

/

Four bloody minutes for his friend to answer the phone and then another ten to send someone else. By the time his ride turned up Shizuo was feeling irritated beyond belief. The door opened and instead of Shin he found himself looking back at Shiki's successor and adopted daughter Haruka.

Damn it. It wasn't that he disliked his partner it was just that he couldn't look at women long or he would throw up. "Morning, Shizuo. Need a lift?" Looking away Shizuo climbed into the car strapping Sora in. "That car of yours again? I don't know why you keep it."

Shrugging his shoulders the blond slid his seat belt across. "Talkative as usual I see. I don't think you've looked at me the entire month we've been working together." Shizuo shrugged again resting his head against the window. Haruka was working in the same school as him. As well as that she seemed to have a bit of a crush on him. "Don't worry though, you can buy me a coffee to make up for it." It wasn't happening. Not while his heart belonged to someone else.

/

With Sora safely dropped off at school Shizuo left the car in a hurry not bothering to wait for the woman to catch up. The school bell rang signalling that home room had started. Fuck. Squeezing the handle to his briefcase the blond walked quicker his limp worsening with every step.

Stopping in front of his class Shizuo slammed the door aside watching as his students froze like deer caught in headlights. His sharp eyes took in the sweets and notes being passed around, the smell of nail polish attacked his sense of smell. "Get to your seats." Even without his strength he could still put fear into others even if he didn't mean to.

Except for those he cared about Shizuo's lips were locked into a permanent frown, his eyes cold and unfeeling, his body always tense. Grumpy, cantankerous or mean he had been called every name under the sun by those that dared to.

Silence filled the room as he walked to his desk placing the briefcase on top. Flicking open the catch, Shizuo glanced up seeing twenty five faces staring back at him. He had made sure to memorize each one, taking an interest in their lives. No one would turn out like the Orihara's on his watch.

"I've marked your homework. Most of you did well." Shizuo addressed the class taking out the wad of paper. On top there was a gold sticker with a star. Walking around the room he handed his students back their results. Most of them had done well, except for the select few which he was more than happy to help.

"Well that's it for the homework." Taking a seat on the desk the blond tried a small smile failing completely. "Why don't we start with how your weekend was?" Everyone fell silent a hushed whisper dying out. Well this looked to be productive. Finally a single shaky hand rose.

"My parents took me to a pet shop where I could choose a pet." The girl was usually shy except for when no one else wanted to speak up. "I chose a small kitten."

"Kittens are good. I've had mine for seven years now. She's still as active as when I first got her." The girl nodded and smiled. Another hand raised.

"I have a pet dog." More hands raised his students talking among themselves. This was how it should be. It irritated him when people showed how scared they were.

/

By break his phone had died where he had forgotten to charge it the night before. At lunch he realised he had nothing to eat. Trudging up to the roof Shizuo glanced around seeing that it was all clear. No breakfast and now no lunch, if Kyoichi knew he would have a fit lecturing him about nutrition.

All he had was a half full box of cigarettes and a strawberry lollipop. Sliding one of the cancer sticks free Shizuo fished in his pocket for a lighter. "Seriously?" he grumbled coming away empty handed. Today really was a bad day.

"Shizuo, you've eaten already?" Haruka stood a little way away from him having been informed of his fear. "Or did you forget? Lucky I made too much then." Shaking his head his body slumped down the fence.

For the sake of not pissing Shiki off, Shizuo accepted the chopsticks munching steadily on his own half. "See. Not bad, right?" Why couldn't the woman just leave him alone? Eating in silence the blond chewed mechanically. It was days like this that made it all that bit harder.

/

The staff meeting itself was completely boring. When Shizuo finally left the school the sun had already set and Shin was waiting for him outside. "Climb in." Wordlessly opening the door Shizuo slumped in the seat. "Bad day, huh? Eventually it will get better. You'll keep on improving."

"Hn if you say so. Today has been a day from hell." But still not as bad as what he had been through seven years ago. No, right now this was normal life with normal mistakes.

"Ha! I've had a pretty shitty day too. Kyo and I got into a fight." Ah so that was why Shin wasn't his usual overly happy self.

"What did you do this time?"

"Hang on, why do you assume this is my fault?" Shin took one hand off the wheel making his heart rate increase.

"Because it usually is." Shizuo dead panned holding onto the edge of his seat as they sped through a red light.

"Shut up. Kyo brought a box of these real feel condoms which I refused to use..." Shizuo blinked raising an eyebrow.

"Why? Because they weren't purple?" Shin flushed averting his eyes. "Haha. Your obsession is ruining your relationship." The car swerved making him swallow his laughter hearing the loud horn from the car they had just missed. All of his friends were scary when upset or pissed.

/

The day had been awful but at least he got to come home to Sora and Chie. "Can I stay here tonight?" A moping Shin trailed after him lilac hair drooping.

"You can take the sofa." Shizuo muttered opening the door.

"Yes! Kyo is a bitch when he's pissed off. What he can do with bandages..." Shizuo ignored his therapist taking his shoes off.

"Karisawa, Chie, Sora. I'm back." Closing the door his gaze fell to the slim legs sticking out from behind it. No! "Karisawa!" His friend was laying motionless on the floor, hair falling over her face. "Not again. Wake up." A hand rested on his shoulder. Slowly he stood seeing Chie laying behind the sofa.

This wasn't happening. Where the hell was his daughter? "Papa! Mama came back!" Shizuo blinked as his little girl walked slowly out of the kitchen a slim hand resting on her shoulder. The crimson eyes and long raven hair were unmistakeable. Kanra. Why the hell was she here? Or better yet why?

At his wrist his monitor beeped once in warning. "Don't I get a hello too, Shizu-chan?"

His limbs froze unable to move except stare knowing his daughter would be used again. No one was supposed to be able to hurt Karisawa so why hadn't she moved yet? Something cold rested against his cheek making him flinch as his gaze took in what it was. "...Did you spray paint your gun?"

Shin grinned holding it out. "Take it, you might need it..." Shizuo closed his eyes feeling the heavy weight in his hands as it slid into his hand and clattered to the floor.

"...No. Sora sweetie that isn't your mother. You remember what I told you?" For now he had to stay perfectly calm for the sake of his daughter.

His little girl nodded. "Mama is playing in the clouds with your friends. Papa, we have the same eyes." Shizuo shook his head holding out his hand.

"Sometimes people look alike. Do you want to see Kyoichi?" The hand on his shoulder squeezed. His breath caught watching her little legs hurry towards him. Shizuo scooped her up into a hug placing a kiss on her forehead. "Good girl. Shin will take you. Make sure he keeps the car slow, okay?"

"Okay papa. Erika fell asleep on the floor." Shizuo kissed her again holding her close.

"Well then why don't you take them to see Kyoichi? He'll wake them up for us." The whole time he was smiling trying not to make her feel scared. His little girl nodded hurrying over to the unmoving cat and picked her up. Next to him Shin was lifting Karisawa into his arms.

"Shizuo..."

"I know. Take care of them." Shizuo was still smiling as he heard the door open and close, those he cared about were safe. Now he didn't have to worry.

"How touching." Kanra smirked playing with the hem of her skirt. Shizuo stood his ground fists clenched.

"Get the hell out." His voice rumbled making the woman laugh.

"I only just got here. Why would I want to leave?" Shizuo glared at her spotting the gun still laying on the floor. Shin hadn't taken it with him.

"You're here for Sora, right? You promised to back off and leave us in peace." The blond hissed crouching down the tips of his fingers brushing against the handle.

Kanra blinked "I have a right to be here, don't I?" Shizuo steeled himself as she took a step forward. Akabayashi had taught him how to shoot with the best of them. But did he have it in him to take a life? Wouldn't that make him worse than Kanra? Even so his fingers gripped the cold metal slowly standing again.

"You lost the right to be her mother when you used your own child as a hostage. Was it really worth it?" Shizuo swallowed fingers trembling. "Using an innocent child just to split me and Izaya up. Was it really worth it you bitch? Sora is my daughter and you aren't going anywhere near her." Shizuo bit his lip hearing the warning beep on the monitor. Holding the gun out straight he aimed it at the manipulative raven that had ruined his life.

Crimson orbs narrowed. "You'd kill me?" His finger twitched against the trigger.

"Last chance get the hell out or I will pull the trigger." His voice was deadly calm all things considered. "Go back to your brother. You can't do that with Sora in tow can you?" A cold calmness seemed to take over remembering the struggles he had gone through since he had first met the ravens.

"Oh? And why is that?" Shizuo kept his eyes on Kanra watching as she slipped something from her pocket. The chances of him walking away without any injuries were slim but he wasn't the same person as seven years ago. There was nothing to be afraid of.

"I thought that would have been obvious. If the flea knew what you did you would be dead." Instead of outrage or bitten back words, Kanra slowly clapped her hands holding out what he had thought was a black handled weapon. Instead the television screen flickered bursting into life.

"Yeah, you're right." Shizuo risked looking at the screen confusion filling him as he watched a woman that looked very much like Kanra being wheeled out of an ambulance. His eyes took in the red strip running along the bottom. _Breaking news:- Female prisoner rushed to hospital in critical condition. _

The story from the reporter went through his ears without him hearing anything. If Kanra was in critical condition then who was in his apartment? Shizuo gasped as if he had been sucker punched in the gut. The gun slid from his fingers clattering to the floor.

The monitor beeped again warning him to calm down. It couldn't be... Slowly Shizuo raised his eyes seeing the long hair on the floor. "...Hey, Shizu-chan. We really need to do something about how gullible you are." No way! Shit! His limbs felt like jelly unable to look away at the raven smiling sheepishly at him.

His breath hitched, barely able to speak. "...Iz-Izaya."


	46. Meeting at last

**Meeting at last**

Shizuo felt his mouth drop open. Of all things that had gone through his head, this wasn't it. He had never thought that he would see the man he loved again. It was like a dream come true "I-Izaya." How long had it been now since he had even glimpsed upon that face?

The raven had grown but not enough to be taller than him. "Hey, Shizu-chan. Did you miss me?" Numbly he nodded. Izaya took a step towards him. All he wanted to do was take Izaya in his arms and never let go. It couldn't happen though. He had made his choice when he had decided to walk away for good. When he had chosen his child over the one he loved.

His breath hitched painfully the distance slowly getting shorter between them. Izaya was still a criminal, still a danger to everyone around him...he had hurt Chie and Karisawa. They couldn't be together. No one would accept it. Kasuka had already distanced himself and refused to visit unless he was alone.

On the surface things looked normal and happy. That was on the surface and not everyone's real feelings. He knew about the pity, doubt and regret that lingered in everyone's eyes. Nothing was as it seemed. With Izaya back in his life things would only get worse. He had sworn to bring up Sora to be happy.

"...Don't." Shizuo mumbled finally averting his eyes and breaking their connection.

"Shizu-chan?" Fisting his hands at his sides the blond tried to steel himself.

"...Don't get any closer." Biting his lip he tried not to reach for the pendant that always hung around his neck. "...You shouldn't have come."

"Shizu-chan, there's nothing to worry about. I've dealt with Kanra." Shizuo stared as his wishes were ignored one foot stepping forward towards him. "You should have told me." His heart lurched hearing the sincerity in the raven's voice. "But I'm here now, we can be together."

"No!" Snapping his head up Shizuo shot a glare at the raven. "No we can't. You've killed people. You and Kanra made my life hell. Do you know how many years it took me to stop having panic attacks? Why the hell did you come back? You think just because you've killed Kanra everything will be okay? Well it's not!" Inwardly he felt himself begin to weep.

The flea blinked taking another step forward. "Kanra isn't dead. She's dying, quite painfully in fact. It's a slow acting poison that causes excruciating pain for two days if the victim survives that long."

"What about Karisawa and Chie?" Biting his lip he hoped that Izaya hadn't taken their lives.

"Chie? You mean the cat? Relax, Shizu-chan. They're only unconscious. Sora-chan is adorable though, she looks exactly like I did as a child." Sora. All he had to do was remember he had others to look after.

"You still hurt them. I don't want you here." His lies were only hurting himself, with each one he felt it get a little colder. Izaya was the one he loved. Izaya was the one he couldn't love.

"Hm? Don't be silly we love each other, Shizu-chan." Another step forward, another caress of that voice he had missed so much.

"I-I don't love you any more." Shizuo watched as those crimson orbs narrowed. "I've moved on. Go back to prison or wherever else you escaped from!" This was it. Now it was over. Izaya would be out of his life for good. Or maybe the raven would kill him so he couldn't be with anyone else.

"...Heh...hehe...hehehehehehehehehe." Blinking in confusion he watched Izaya grab his stomach laughing manically. Crap. What now? He had forgotten he was dealing with a psychopath. "Hehehehehehehahahahahahahaha."

Crouching down slowly his fingers brushed against the cold metal of the purple gun. Even so he doubted that he had it in him to shoot Izaya. Swallowing thickly Shizuo picked it up forcing his fingers to lock around the handle.

"Shizu-chan. You aren't very good at lying. Just how long do you think I've been here waiting for you to get home?" Izaya straightened up taking another step forward. "Say it again. Tell me you don't love me. Go on."

Shizuo stepped back feeling the wood of the door press against him. The first time had made him feel like he was ripping his heart out. There was no way he could say it again. "Don't touch that!" The faux blond called out knowing exactly where Izaya was going. The locked box from the table was now held within those sinful fingers. It was okay, there was only one key and that was hanging around his neck.

"This is evidence Shizu-chan, that you still love me." The flea was grinning as he flipped open the lid a small paper clip held between his fingers. The letters over the past seven years spilt out onto the floor. "Everything I sent to you, you kept." Shizuo gulped reaching for the handle. He wasn't ready for this. The heartless facade everyone had come to know was shattering underneath mere words.

"Why don't you be honest, Shizu-chan?" Opening the door a splayed hand slammed it shut. Shizuo jumped seeing how close they were his skin felt hot from where Izaya's wrist brushed his shoulder. Those crimson eyes he had so dearly missed were somehow darker making his heart ache at what Izaya could have been through since they had been separated.

"I-I-" His voice quivered and once again he was back to when he was a weak powerless teen in Izaya's captivity.

"Then there's this." The tips of Izaya's fingers rested on his throat dipping low to hook the chain. Shizuo averted his eyes not wanting to see how smug the raven looked. "Have you ever taken this off? Admit it, Shizu-chan. You've wanted to see me just as much as I've wanted to see you." Poison. Izaya's words were like a sweet poison slipping through his veins.

"I-I-" His words failed him, his resolve collapsed. Those lips he so desperately wanted to kiss were mere centimetres away if he lowered his head. "I-I-" Shizuo forced his slack arm to move pointing the gun at Izaya's chest. "G-get out! I've got a new life now, I-I've moved on!"Crap. Not now. He couldn't rub his eyes not in front of the flea.

The gun held in his unsteady hand trembled his finger shuddering against the trigger. "...Is this what you want, Shizu-chan?" Forcing his head to move the blond nodded trying to steel himself. "Then go ahead. The only way you'll ever get rid of me is to kill me." Shizuo gasped Izaya's fingers resting on his own. "I've thought about you every second we were apart. At first I thought I would go mad. It was painful wondering if you were okay, if you were suffering. I wanted to see you so badly. It was Shin-chan who came to see me."

Jolting in surprise the barrel of the gun brushed against the padded bra. Shin had been to see Izaya? "You have good friends, Shizu-chan. I'm a little jealous. I'm trying to change for you. See I sound sane now, don't I?"

Shizuo said nothing. "Don't push me away, I need you, Shizu-chan." Slowly the fingers overlapping his own lowered the gun. "No weapons. I didn't even bring my knife."Closing his eyes the gun clattered to the floor. "This is giving you away too." The thing on his wrist was beeping incessantly.

It was useless. He was done pushing Izaya away and trying to hide his true feelings. "I-Izaya..." His voice cracked the tears that had been threatening to fall did so spilling down his cheeks, wiped away by the gentle thumb caressing his cheek.

Izaya's arms wrapped around his waist resting his head against his chest."It's okay, Shizu-chan. I'll make it all better." The raven whispered. Shizuo sighed raising his arms slowly to return the embrace. "Hehe, you're so warm, Shizu-chan." So was Izaya, it was the warmth he had needed. No one could replace him.

"...I missed you, Izaya." Shizuo whispered back tightening his grip.

"You're taller than me now. It's unfair." The flea stared up at him and pouted. Shizuo laughed the first real laugh in ages. "I can still do this though." Those lips quirked into a smirk, fingers threading through his tie to pull him down. Shizuo shivered under that gaze promising all sorts of things in the near future.

"Y-you should go. This isn't right." There was no power or emotion in his words.

"Do you really believe that, Shizu-chan? I'll leave but not yet." Coffee eyes widened hearing the last bit. Izaya would be leaving? Where? When? They had only just met again. "Don't look like that. Come on lets get away from the door." Shizuo watched as Izaya pulled the chain across making sure no one could get in.

"I should let Shin know I'm okay..." Reaching for his phone, warm fingers rested on his wrist.

"Leave it, Shizu-chan. Shin-chan already knows." The flea smiled sheepishly pulling him away. Shin already knew? How? His steps slowed remembering what Izaya had said. The two of them had been seeing each other. The whole damn thing was probably planned. "Shizu-chan, you're scowling again. That's not a good face to make in front of Sora-chan."

Sora. Was she okay seeing her pet and babysitter unconscious and unmoving? Had she eaten? Maybe he should call after all. "Shizu-chan, come and sit down. Don't you trust your friends?" Pausing in the doorway he could see cake boxes on the table and a plastic takeaway container. The beeping at his wrist was getting annoying, his fingers working on the strap and letting the monitor fall to the floor.

Pulling the chair back Shizuo took a seat staring at the goodies on the table. It was just like old times, the nostalgia threatening to make him bawl again. "Did I get the right ones?" In the first box there were two slices of strawberry cheese cake, in the second there were two chocolate éclairs and in the last there were two fresh cream doughnuts.

"...Yeah. Yeah you did." Shizuo smiled. Izaya was back. "Listen Izaya, this isn't rig-"

"Good. I know how much you love your cakes." The raven cut him off opening his own food. "Next time we could get something together."

"Izaya, thi-"

"Ah! We need to get new charms, don't we. I think that store is still open." Happy families it was what he wanted yet it felt wrong. Like he shouldn't be allowed to be happy. "How long have you had Chie? She's a little protective of Sora-chan. Went right for me claws outstretched. Hehe. Kinda cute though."

"..." Shizuo sighed knowing Izaya wasn't going to let him talk about the fact they shouldn't be together. "...A kitten. I got her from Akabayashi as a kitten."

Izaya smiled touching his cheek. "No wonder. It doesn't look like we're going to get along. Did she scratch you?"

"Yeah, to wake me up. I'm a teacher and a single father now." He muttered taking a piece of strawberry cheesecake from the box. "That's why you ca-"

"Was the studying hard? I bet you had a lot to do. My protozoan got this far. Well done, Shizu-chan."

"Iza-"

"I should have brought more cakes or maybe one of those chocolate medals. You know the ones I mean right?" Shizuo sighed taking a bite of the cake. The original bakery he had been to years ago was still running and their cakes still tasted better than ever. Russian Sushi was still open as well. Izaya continued to talk interrupting him each time.

"IZAYA!" Shizuo slammed his fist on the table. "I'm sorry, I can't do this. I have Sora now and responsibilities we can't go back to how things were. We can't be together." Dropping the cheesecake in the box the chair scraped back as he left his seat. "I have to go and get Sora and Chie. Kadota is going to kill me if anything happens to Karisawa." The blond sniffed pushing on through with his choice.

"Shizu-chan, wait! We can fix this. Please? Don't go. Stay with me." Izaya was out of his seat, Shizuo couldn't find the strength to shake away the hold, arms locked around his chest from behind. "Let me show you how much I love you." Shizuo shivered feeling the words spoken against his back.

"Izaya, I ca-" That was all he managed before he was released, spun around and pressed against the kitchen wall. Gazing into those crimson orbs so full of love and lust the words died in his throat. Since he had known it was Izaya in his living room, his blood had run south. He had been trying to hide just how happy he was to see the flea. With Izaya pressed up against him though he could tell the raven was having the same problem.

"Shizu-chan, stop denying me." Izaya's fingers hooked in his loosened tie pulling him down. Crimson and coffee clashed, Shizuo feeling like he could drown in that gaze. Lowering his head his lips got closer and closer Izaya crossing the final few centimetres between them. Those lips were as soft as he remembered whilst his where sore where he had bitten the skin off.

Their first reunion kiss was chaste their lips barely touching, Shizuo closed his eyes cupping Izaya's chin. There was no dislodging the flea from his heart no matter how much he thought he should. Flicking his tongue out he teased the raven's lower lip teeth nibbling gently at it. Breaking away his eyes flashed open the same time as Izaya's.

"Shizu-chan."

"Izaya."

They spoke simultaneously, the pair of them gazing at each other. Wordlessly Shizuo held out a hand only to find it in Izaya's already outstretched one. Entwining their fingers Shizuo squeezed comforted when Izaya squeezed back. Hand in hand they left the table of their favourite foods behind and stepped over the threshold of his bedroom, the door closing softly behind them.


	47. Punishment

**Punishment**

Shizuo bit his lip not wanting to think about how perfect Izaya looked in his bedroom. Part of him still knew it was wrong and that he should have chased Izaya out. It was the other part of him though that wanted to grab the happiness dangling in front of him. "Shizu-chan, come on. I can't wait any longer." Shizuo shivered at the needy tone the slim body pressed against his own.

Pushing the flea back onto the bed the blond groaned watching as Izaya shuffled back one knee bent the skirt falling dangerously low. He was pretty sure the raven could look sexy in just about anything. With a single crook of a sly finger Shizuo was crawling onto the bed blood rushing through his body making him light headed.

His fingers rested lightly on Izaya's fine skin, hand moving underneath the skirt. Underneath the small touch the raven shivered. "...Why women's clothes?" He needed to calm down and stay in control or else risk losing himself in Izaya's dizzying pace.

"Hm? There were some things I needed to know. Shin-chan slipped up in one of our little sessions. Kanra could keep a secret but not those around her. She broke in the end." Shizuo watched Izaya's expression darken finding himself flipped underneath the flea. "You went to visit Kanra and not me, Shizu-chan." Shit. "You didn't bother to at least try and explain what was going on. You ran."

"Iz-" A hand clamped over his mouth.

"I'm not done yet. I had to learn everything from my humans that shouldn't even be involved. Did you wait for me? You look pretty happy without me." Izaya's voice rose piercing through him in its accusation.

Pulling Izaya's hand from his mouth Shizuo rapidly shook his head. "No! I wanted to see you. I wanted to..." There was no denying that he hadn't even tried to talk to Izaya. Izaya was right he had ran away. "...Sorry..."

"I'll forgive you, Shizu-chan. If you answer a few questions honestly." The raven smirked pushing his shoulders down. "Why didn't you come and see me? You had several passes." Shizuo shook his head unable to answer. He didn't have an excuse. "Nothing? You really are a protozoan. Where's the lube?"

Closing his eyes Shizuo didn't want to look at how much he had hurt the one he loved. "Bottom drawer." As soon as he murmured the words his eyes flashed open. "Izaya, wait!" Too late the drawer was slid open. "Shit." Shizuo wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

"...Shizu-chan? Ah I see." He didn't want to hear the smug tone. Seven years he had been without someone. No one could replace Izaya so what was the point in trying? Besides there was his daughter to worry about. But on those lonely nights his hand just hadn't been enough, his fingers could never send that surge of pleasure through his system.

Karisawa had opened her own fantasy shop for... special needs. It was her who had lined his bottom drawer with sex toys to alleviate his frustration. Usually the drawer was locked in case Sora wandered into his room. "Hehe, Shizu-chan. Who knew you were into these things." Shizuo flinched at the gaze. "I want to see it."

Shizuo glared at the cream vibrator. "See what? Get out of there." His voice wobbled slightly the embarrassment leaking through.

"This is the only one unwrapped so it looks like this is your favourite hm?" Shizuo gaped. It was the only one he used now since his previous favourite had broken. "Uwah, so many different toys. Cherry lubricant? Really Shizu-chan. Oh wait you have more." Helpless and mortified he watched as Izaya rummaged though his drawer. "This one. Use this one."

x-x-x

"Stop fucking looking at me." Shizuo growled barely managing to get his pants off before Izaya was spreading his legs staring intently. Seven years since he had touched Izaya and Izaya had touched him.

"Ah ah, Shizu-chan has to do this or I won't forgive you." Swallowing thickly the blond nodded. "Hold your arms out." Doing as he was told soft silk draped over his wrists wrenching them back over his head and tying them to the headboard. "You're hard already. Look at this." Shizuo gasped feeling a slim finger tease his clothed arousal.

Izaya's hand held his legs open, fingers dipping into the waistband of his boxers. "Don't!" Too late the mess inside was revealed. Seven years was a long time not to be touched by the one you love.

"Aw, Shizu-chan you made a mess." With an embarrassed glare Shizuo watched as his underwear dropped to the floor. "Hehe. Look how much you've grown. Mm." The blond flushed hearing Izaya practically worship his dick. "Its a shame I have to put this on you." His situation got worse a cock ring snapping around his base.

"..." Shizuo said nothing putting up with the the flea's antics. Cold fingers brushed against his ass and even though he couldn't tell whether Izaya was being serious or not his arousal still twitched his ass begging to be filled. So much for being strong enough to overcome, to walk away.

"Shizu-chan, you didn't let anyone else touch you? Did you?" Izaya's eyes narrowed, two digits pushing past his tight muscle. "I'll kill anyone that touches you. Hehe, just kidding." Shizuo shuddered thinking back to how Kanra was slowly dying. It wasn't a joke.

"N-nagh!" The blond groaned feeling the raven's fingers scrape against his inner walls. "Of course not. Damn it flea! Agh!" Those fingers so dearly missed pulled out.

"Are you sure? You didn't sleep with Dotachin, Shin-chan or any of your other friends?" Coffee eyes narrowed on the way Izaya stroked the vibrator his hand covering it with lube. "Or maybe you were playing kinky games with Karisawa, hm?"

Shizuo gasped feeling the blunt head of the phallic object press against his barely stretched entrance. "Six buttons? What do these do then?" Crimson orbs gleamed. Hopefully he had forgotten to put the batteries in again. "Shizu-chan looks so happy now. You forgot about me didn't you?"

Shizuo grit his teeth shaking his head. "No! I wanted to see you. Iz-mmph." Those soft persistent lips were on his nibbing and sucking Izaya's tongue diving between his lips plundering his moist cavern. His eyes snapped open the rest of the toy shoved inside him smashing against the bundle of nerves.

Taller, bigger built and in reality nothing had changed. He was still wrapped around Izaya's finger. His arms pulled against the bindings surprised when the knot only seemed to get tighter. His own muscle entwined around the flea's both of them synchronizing their movements even after the long break. Shizuo bucked his hips grinding against the raven.

Izaya's fingers ghosted over his skin lower and lower. A dull buzz began and he knew the vibrator had been switched on. "Mm! Izaya!" Pulling away the buttons were pressed the damn thing vibrating like crazy thrusting against his sweet spot.

"So that's what it does. Seven years, Shizu-chan. Seven years thinking about you, writing heart felt letters that you didn't even open." Shizuo felt guilt pierce through him.

"Iz-"

"Save it. I want to chain you up and make sure no one else can touch you except me. We were happy, Shizu-chan. In that little room." Trembling fingers touched his cheek. "I want you to only be mine." The flea looked like he was going to cry. Biting his lip Shizuo tried to stop the pained moans that threatened to spill out.

The raven's fingers wrapped around the base of the vibrator pushing it as far as it could. "Ehehehe How big is this one?" Tugging again trying to get free the blond tried to calm Izaya down. "I hope you have nothing to do tomorrow...Hahaha." Shizuo blinked watching as tears leaked from those sharp yet clouded eyes. "Haha I love you, Shizu-chan. Why- why didn't you come and see me? WHY?" There was nothing he could do feeling Izaya's rage and pain.

He hadn't been the only one suffering, he wasn't the only one drowning in loneliness. Shizuo groaned. "Iz-Izaya. I'm sorry. I love you. You were right. Uhn. I did run away...ah...haaan. I was afraid...nn...you wouldn't want me any-ah-more. Do what...ah...you want." His arousal was straining his need to release strong.

"Eh? Shizu-chan? Izaya's hand stopped moving their eyes meeting. "You admit it? You love me?" Shizuo nodded sniffling. Both of them were in the same situation. The same emotions were reflected in those crimson orbs. "Hehe. I'm glad." Who knew what the raven would do if he rejected him.

The cock ring was taken off a hand stroking his neglected cock. Closing his eyes he didn't bother to try and control his body exploding over Izaya's hand and across his belly. "Hm, you made a mess." Shizuo groaned leaning back against the pillows his eyes closed. The vibrator twisted harshly against his prostate one last time before the toy was yanked from his channel and tossed on the floor. "You won't need those any more."

"Izaya, untie me." His plea went unheard the skirt hiking up giving a flash of lace pink panties. His mouth watered unable to look away.

"Not yet." The raven winked thumbing the waist band and shuffling the panties down slim thighs. Shizuo groaned unable to cover up how happy he was. His eyes widened seeing that he wasn't the only one that had grown. "Nn. Still as tight as always." Both of them moaned as the man he loved pushed inside him.

"Izaya!" His face flushed in embarrassment as he came again. Izaya wasn't that much different looking like he was barely holding it together. "...Nn...move." Shizuo gasped his back arching fingers clenching uselessly. "Hurry."

Feeling that throbbing heat inside him again was overwhelming. Izaya was nothing like the silicone toy he had used to try and satisfy his needs. Every time it had left him with an empty feeling, thoughts of Izaya bringing him to tears. How many lonely nights had he cried himself to sleep? Chie wasn't there as comfort any more since she spent every night curled up with his daughter.

"Nn...Shizu-chan." His heart felt like the gaping hole was being healed. The two of them one again. Shizuo rocked his hips his knees holding the skirt up as Izaya thrust into him. "Ehe It's not a dream." The silk was undone from his wrists allowing them to be free. The flea wasn't the only one who could take control.

His arms looped around Izaya's neck needing more. The heat in his veins wasn't enough he craved the raven wanting more. After he would think about what to do but for now he had an itch to scratch. Izaya slammed into him again and again smashing into his prostate sending jolts of pleasure ricocheting through his nerves . "Nn...good...Iz-ay-ah!"

Catching his breath Shizuo let his arms fall pushing against the toned chest. Crimson orbs widened Izaya falling back on the bed as he flipped their positions. "Sh-Shizu-chan?" If all the most embarrassing things in the world could have brought the flea back to his side he would have done it all. "Nn. Wha-"

Shizuo rolled his hips earning a shiver and moan from those cocky lips. Lifting himself up slightly he let his body drop slamming down on the hardened length pulsing inside him. "Ahn! Shit Shizu-" A smirk touched his lips feeling clingy hands grope his ass trying to regain control. "Nn...hehe...cumming!" Izaya cried digging his nails into to his ass cheeks.

"Ah!" Shizuo tensed throwing his head back, back arching eyes fluttering as he felt Izaya fill him with love. His own movements became erratic riding the heat for all he was worth. Hands resting on the smooth chest the blond bit his lip. A hand slid though the back of his hair yanking him down where the raven stole a kiss controlling his orgasm.

"Shizu-chan, I love you." Izaya's voice caressed his ears locks of hair being kissed, crimson orbs staring at him lovingly. Shizuo knew it was wrong but right now he couldn't seem to think of why. Moving his knees he slowly pulled himself up enough for the raven to slip out of him, the man's fluid leaking from his ring. "Hehe. You still belong to me."

Tiredly nodding his head his eyes widened seeing a family photo in a silver frame. It had been taken at Sora's fourth birthday. Shizuo stood in the centre holding his little girl, next to him were Sora's god parents Kadota and Karisawa. Around them were everyone that had become important to him. Izaya wasn't in the photo but hidden behind the picture was a school photo of Chiyoko along with a newspaper cutting of the raven before Shiki had given him a small passport size photo.

"Shizu-chan? Something wrong?" Izaya's fingers carded through his hair.

"No, I'm just catching my breath." After all the training he had gone through to survive as a yakuza stamina was no longer a problem.

"Oh? Are you going to ride me again? Hehe maybe a blow job? You've become lewd Shizu-chan." He missed the teasing voice, the unstable confidence and that sinful body pressed against his own.

"Says the one wearing a skirt." Shizuo flashed a smirk gliding his hand along one smooth thigh underneath the the soiled skirt. "You forgot I'm not injured this time." Coffee and crimson clashed. "I'm in perfect health. Think you can handle me?" Izaya blinked and grinned.

"Hm, Go ahead. This side of Shizu-chan..." The raven grinded against him circling his hips for friction. "You always manage to surprise me...Shizu-chan, you're the only one that fits perfectly with me. My unpredictable protozoan." Shizuo sealed that talkative mouth with his own reaching for the discarded bottle.


	48. Struggling with doubt

**Struggling with doubt**

_A/N:- Last couple of chapters and I finally managed page breaks without FF taking them out. Enjoy._

In the back of his mind Shizuo was wondering what had possessed him to try taking control. He had a gist of what to do now he just had to put it into practice. The man in question was laying seductively on the soiled covers in a pink lace bra the blouse undone and laying either side. A possessive growl left his throat at one leg bending to reveal no panties beneath the skirt.

Izaya giggled as he crawled onto the bed holding the bottle of lube. The entire time the raven had been in control well at least not mentally. This time he was doing things for himself. It just so happened to be fuck Izaya Orihara into a whimpering mess happened to be top of his to do list.

"How is this, Shizu-chan?" Izaya tilted his head blinking those lust filled eyes with a puppy dog innocence. In response Shizuo yanked the cap open changing his mind to unscrew the lid. Placing it on the bedside table the faux blond took a deep breath trying to control his own arousal.

"Keep it up, flea." Straddling the smaller body his hips ground down on the erection hidden beneath the skirt. Izaya giggled reaching for him. Slapping the clingy fingers away his determined gaze flickered to the strip of silk he had been tied up with. The thought was dismissed almost immediately he wanted Izaya to lose himself hold onto him and never let go.

No he had a better idea. Running his fingers along the soft silky strip, Shizuo entwined his digits with the sly ones that slid up his back. "Sit up." he growled grinning as Izaya did so the same cocky grin on his face. Moving behind the raven Shizuo held the strip up placing it over those sharp crimson orbs. Pulling both ends back he quickly tied a knot blindfolding the man.

"Hehehe Shizu-chan, how kinky." Maybe he should have sealed Izaya's mouth too. That sultry voice went straight to his groin. "What now?" Taking the ends of the blouse Shizuo pulled it back sliding the white cotton down slim arms. It was slightly unnerving how good Izaya looked in female clothes, even more so how much it turned him on.

Leaving the bra on his fingers teased the under wire. Slipping his fingers underneath a grin touched his lips taking out the silicone used as padding. "All this time and you're still a cross dresser." Dropping them to the floor Shizuo brushed a finger over one exposed nipple. "Nn...hehe tickles." Still Izaya giggled refusing to stay still.

Determined to make the damn flea cry out Shizuo slipped his other hand tweaking at both nubs his lips against the column of Izaya's throat. Licking along the exposed neck his tongue flicked out playfully pausing at the junction where his shoulder met. Sinking his teeth into the soft skin the blond drew blood lapping at it in apology. Izaya it seemed liked it shivering under his touch. "Nn, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo glided one hand down flipping back the skirt to palm Izaya's throbbing arousal, the flesh hot in his hand. Sharp nails bit into his leg as his fingers crooked stroking the raven. "Hahn! Feels good." Shizuo nodded in agreement the flea's back arching one arm thrown in the air to curl awkwardly around his neck.

Leaving the perky buds alone Shizuo blindly reached for the open lube holding it over the dark skirt. With a smirk Izaya couldn't see he tipped the contents into the raven's lap. Seeing the way it stuck to those slim thighs Shizuo gulped trying to recover by licking along the shell of the naughty raven's ear. His actions earned him another shiver and an audible swallow. "Shizu-chan is a tease." Dipping his fingers into the mixture while his other hand slowly tortured the raven from base to tip.

The blond flipped up the back end of the skirt staring at the creamy globes on display. "Uhn!" Shizuo gulped bringing his fingers to the twitching ring that somehow seemed to be giving him an order just like the cocky owner. Swirling his finger around the tight ring his other hand leg go of the hardened length holding Izaya up, the raven trying to thrust down on his fingers.

"Don't be so impatient." Shizuo muttered inwardly feeling happy that he was doing it right. Pushing one coated finger inside he bit his lip feeling the tight heat constrict around him. Biting his lip Shizuo added another and then a third hearing a whine from the blindfolded raven.

Again Izaya tried to slam down on him and again he used his larger body to keep hold of him. Thrusting all three fingers inside Shizuo watched the raven tremble biting his lip. "Shi-Shizu-chan!" Part of him hated how insecure the man he loved was when everything came down. In the bedroom in an intimate act there was no where to hide and with the blindfold Izaya's senses would be heightened.

Remembering the sex for dummies book Karisawa had given him when she had first opened shop, Shizuo parted his fingers scissoring the tight entrance. As far as he was aware Izaya hadn't been with anyone else and the last time they had sex his size had been pretty pitiful compared to how much he had grown.

Slipping his fingers out his gaze dropped to his dick standing to attention rubbing against the cleft of the raven's ass. Scooping up more of the lube from the skirt plastered to those thighs, Shizuo slapped it over his erection pushing Izaya up on his knees. "Shizu-chan, are you sure you ca-"

Cutting off Izaya's nervous laugh, Shizuo slipped his fingers into the raven's open mouth lining himself up and pushing inside. "Fuck!" He had almost forgotten what it felt like to be inside the flea. With a hiss he stopped moving.

"Shit. Shizu-chan, you'll tear me apart!" It wasn't the cry he wanted from those lips. "Mm don't stop." Shizuo grit his teeth knowing he shouldn't have been the least bit surprised. Snapping his hips forward he buried himself balls deep within the moist channel. "That's it!"

Pulling himself up on his knees Shizuo looked at the man underneath him wiggling his ass and rocking back into him. The dark thoughts in his mind swirled to the surface momentarily making him freeze in his movements. This wasn't right. As if sensing something was wrong the raven reached up tearing off the blindfold all of his problems dissolving under that gaze. "Is that all you can manage, protozoan?"

Shizuo cursed clenching his fist his gaze drawn to the bloodied bite mark that he had made. It was nothing like the scars that littered his own body stopping him from moving on. Shaking his head his hand rested on the perfectly smooth skin of the flea's back pulling out to the tip only to slam back in nudging the bundle of nerves that had Izaya clawing at the covers. "Fuck! Uhn Izaya!"

"Ah...hah...more...more..." Izaya's passionate moans were music to his ears urging him to aim for that spot again and again growing excited as the raven's legs began to quiver. "...Shi-zu-chan...more...fast...er..." Shizuo moaned in response one hand slipping underneath the front of the skirt fingers skimming the sensitive flesh of Izaya's neglected cock.

As much as he wanted to tease, both of them were reduced to broken words, heat consuming them as the room grew smaller their world becoming the bed and the pleasure they felt. Shizuo drowned in the tight heat that convulsed around him, the mingled moans flooding his ears unable to discern what belonged to who.

His knee began to ache at the exertion his body tensing at the tightening walls threatening to crush him. "Nngh! Izaya!" Shooting his load he felt Izaya's ass becoming filled with him. Pulling out Shizuo slumped his flacid member resting against his thigh, his hand covered with the flea's seed. The raven was laying on the covers looking thoroughly screwed eyes half lidded panting slowly.

"Izaya? You okay?" Shizuo tried to move his legs giving out sprawling him next to Izaya.

"Mm...Shizu-chan...love you." The raven mumbled holding out a hand. Not caring about the mess they made Shizuo entwined their fingers.

"...Me too." Shizuo muttered pushing aside the dark thoughts. For now he just wanted to be with Izaya. Those crimson orbs stared back at him a soft smile on those lips.

"Hehe. Want to go again?" Shizuo sighed feeling a hand on his bare ass. It looked like Izaya hadn't had enough. The man's eyes widened as he tried to move. "Ungh. Brute. Were you trying to make me bed ridden?"

Shaking his head Shizuo pulled himself up feeling a dull ache in his knee. "I should call and see if Sora is okay." Rolling away a warm body covered his own.

"Stay here, Shizu-chan. With me." Izaya's fingers clenched in his hair plundering his mouth. Shizuo moaned bucking up. Rolling back he pinned the raven underneath him. "Shizu-chan, I want to be inside you." Those eyes held so many promises.

"You already did. I have more stamina than you." Shizuo knew if he let Izaya take control he would be lost, his responsibilities dissolving into thin air. He had school tomorrow.

"Shh, Shizu-chan. Just give in." Izaya breathed against his ear making him groan.

"Nn...Rock paper scissors?" The blond muttered thrusting into the raven's hand. It was happening again. Izaya toying with his body.

"Why waste time? You'll only lose. I always win, Shizu-chan." Shizuo sighed knowing how right the flea probably was. Even so he was nothing like he had been seven years ago. Flipping the flea over his fingers found the dripping entrance. Izaya grinned up at him in challenge.

x-x-x

Stepping from the shower Shizuo wrapped a fluffy towel around his waist his hair damp. Limping into the bedroom the blond paused leaning against the door arms folded. Izaya lay curled up under the freshly changed covers fast asleep. As much as he wanted to slide in next to him and share their warmth his thoughts were free to stab at his heart.

Trudging forward his head dropped staring blankly at the floor. His fingers skimmed the covers peering at the innocence Izaya showed hands pillowed underneath his head. "..." Shaking his head Shizuo sat down on the end of the bed watching the drops of water from his hair drip onto the towel. In his hands he held his phone.

He didn't look back at the man he loved. Guilt flooded him reminding him happy that he didn't have a right to be happy, neither did Izaya. It was only hours until Kanra died on a hospital bed. Squeezing the phone his thumb pressed the first number.

Kadota would probably be pissed at him, Karisawa would be back to her hyperactive self demanding all the details. Shin...He couldn't bring himself to talk to Shin at the moment. The man had been in contact with Izaya behind his back. Sora would need her breakfast, he would have to wake up early to get ready for school and drop by the office.

Biting his lip his hand began to tremble as he pressed the second digit. "Mm...Shizu-chan, what are you doing?" The raven yawned resting his head on his shoulder. "Are you calling the police?" It hurt that Izaya didn't sound the least bit surprised.

"...This isn't right and you know it." His fingers clenched against the plastic losing the courage. "We don't deserve to be happy. All those lives..." The phone clattered to the floor Izaya's arm wrapping around him.

"Says who, Shizu-chan? There aren't any more problems. We can be together." Izaya's words were tempting, so very tempting.

"I can't. Izaya, I don't want you anywhere near my daughter." Shizuo sighed feeling the raven freeze against him.

"Shizu-chan." The arms around him vanished. "...Okay." The blond looked up in shock.

"Iz-Izaya?" There was a sinking feeling in his gut.

"Okay, Shizu-chan. I won't come into your home again." Shizuo blinked at the brief peck on the lips. "Good bye." The man he loved already dressed in a suit that was too big for him skipped from the room without looking back.

A sharp jagged pain pierced his chest his legs moving after the raven. "Izaya!" The front door slammed shut leaving him alone. "Izaya!" Shizuo mumbled dropping to his knees. He was all alone Izaya had left him. It was his own fault. Even so he hadn't thought the possessive raven would leave him.


	49. Right and wrong

**Right and wrong**

Shizuo sat slumped on the carpet staring blankly at the door. Izaya had walked out on him. He was hoping it had been a joke, that the door would open again and there would be that cocky smirk and teasing voice. It wasn't so. Time had already passed by and continued to do so, a cold chill settling on his skin.

Izaya was gone just like he had asked. This was what he had wanted, so why did it hurt so damn much? It was the right decision for everyone. "Izaya." Shizuo clenched his fist watching as droplets splashed onto the back of his hand. This was for the best. Izaya was gone, everyone around him would be safe and...and... "Izaya." Rolling onto his side the blond lay curled up on the floor reaching out for something that wasn't there.

This time Izaya hadn't been taken away from him. This time it had been his own fault. The raven had come back to him and instead of welcoming him with open arms like he wanted to, he had pushed him away and chased him out. It was his own fault he had been abandoned. His own stupid fault for being indecisive. Clenching his fist, Shizuo slammed it against the floor.

"Stupid." His fist came crashing down. "Stupid...stupid...stupid!" Again and again he punched the floor feeling the pain shoot across his knuckles. "Stupid...stupid...stupid!" It hurt but nothing compared to the pain in his chest. For the best? Best for who?

Why was it that he was the only one unhappy? "Damn it!" Staring at the grazes on his knuckles the barely covered blond pushed himself up not caring about the bumps covering his skin from head to toe or the slight shiver. Right now he didn't care. Right now he hated everyone for making him choose the path he had, hated Izaya for leaving him, hated Kanra and more than anything else Shizuo hated himself.

He hated moving around all the time and not having a secure life, he hated Akabayashi for choosing him as a successor, Shin for seeing Izaya more than he had. Gritting his teeth he felt his lower lip split leaving a metallic taste in his mouth. Happily ever after? It would be fine without Izaya in his life? How? Just how long had he been pretending to be okay? How long had he despised the life he was living?

Shizuo growled kicking the sofa wincing as he stubbed his toe. "Stupid...stupid...FUCK!" Again and again he kicked the back of the sofa feeling more pathetic and wound up with each time he planted his foot. Why couldn't he have been more honest with himself? Why couldn't he just tell Izaya he didn't want him to go?

An angry snarl left his throat his movements becoming more violent as if the sofa was to blame for every single one of his damn problems. Shizuo stumbled forward his foot going through the material. Not enough, it wasn't enough. Clawing at the material Shizuo tore at it wrenching it apart, leaving the poor thing in ruins.

The television flew from the stand crashing to the floor his bloodied foot crushing the casing into smaller bits not caring that tiny sharp bits were embedding themselves in his skin. The table flipped high in the air his fist cracking the centre the wood folding like paper. "No!" Shizuo blinked watching the precious box holding all Izaya's letters go flying. "No! Nononono!" Dropping to his knees Shizuo crawled through the wreckage he had created reaching desperately for the letters that covered the room fluttering down landing all around him.

"No!" Scrambling through the sharp wood, plastic and electronic components Shizuo reached forward clasping desperately at the closest letter. Clutching it possessively he went after the next and then the next smearing his blood over the cat drawings on the envelopes. They were the only things left of Izaya now except for... Reaching up to brush his fingers over the comforting pendant his fingers instead rested on his chest. The pendant was gone.

Shizuo blinked. Feeling something sharp dig into his leg. Staring blankly at the thick nail sticking out of his skin, his bloodied fingers hooked around the head yanking it free. For a mere moment he watched blood seep out of the wound running down his shin. Catching sight of another letter his damp fingers reached for it.

When he was sure he had collected them all Shizuo hummed to himself carefully placing them into the box he had brought for them, his sad smile fading as the lid wouldn't close. There in the mess he had made the heart broken blond curled in on himself hugging the box of letters to his chest.

x-x-x

Cracking one eye open Shizuo stared at the pile of smashed wood in front of him. So it wasn't a dream. Not having the strength or will to move the blond remained curled up ignoring the noise that had woken him up. The phone. The damn thing kept on ringing. He already knew it wouldn't be Izaya calling him.

The moment the phone stopped its infernal ringing there was a loud knock on the front door. Izaya wouldn't knock, the raven had never been polite enough for that. The handle rattled making him fake a bitter smile. No one would get in without the key. It was okay Izaya knew where he was, if he came back...

Crack! The door flew open banging against the wall. "At least answer your phone." Shizuo didn't bother raising his eyes. Kadota. Did he know about Karisawa already? "Shizuo. What happened?" His friend crouched down picking up the fallen towel. "Come on." Like a child he was lifted from the destruction he had caused and carried into his bedroom where he was set down on the bed that had only been occupied a little while ago. "Stay here, I'll call Kyoichi." Shizuo said nothing staring at the laundry basket where the evidence of his and Izaya's last night together was.

Kadota was back rummaging through his clothes. "I've called the school to say you're not coming in today. Kyoichi has taken Sora to school, he'll be here soon. You met with Izaya then?" Shizuo blinked in surprise. It was morning?

"...He's gone. I told him to leave and... he did." Shizuo sniffed rubbing at his face. He felt awful, his head aching. Kadota said nothing tossing a pair of boxers at him. Mechanically he slipped them over his legs. "...I didn't want him to go." Swaying to the side he slipped to the side and coughed.

x-x-x

"If you sleep on the floor naked of course you're going to get a cold." His nurse scolded taking the thermometer out of his mouth. "What is with these wounds?" Shizuo glanced down at the blood smears over his legs, arms and belly. "I've called Akabayashi-san someone will be around to tidy up and fix the lock on the door. In the meantime you'll stay in bed and rest." Ah, he was causing trouble again.

Shizuo endured the antiseptic swiping across his skin. His leg was lifted Kyoichi pulling out shards of plastic and wood from the bottom of his foot. "Karisawa and Chie are fine, in case you were worrying about them." Guilt hit him like a hammer. He hadn't thought about it, he should have gone straight there.

The pair wrestled him into bed pinning him down with the covers once he was bandaged. "Get some sleep. I have to make arrangements." Shizuo said nothing waiting until the nurse had left the room. Did he know what Shin had been doing?

"I was wondering when this was going to happen." Kadota spoke quietly leaning against the window. "I can't remember the last time I saw any real emotion from you." Averting his eyes Shizuo sneezed groaning as his vision blurred. "Karisawa is perfectly okay and so is the baby. We were going to tell you when we came over for dinner next. We want to return the favour. Shizuo, we want you to be our child's god father. There is no one I trust more."

Shizuo blinked rubbing at his eyes, trying to sit up. "...Sorry. I could have..." A hand clapped over his mouth knowing how another life could have been ruined.

"Stop apologizing. It hurts seeing you like this. Are you honestly going to tell me you're happy like this? You hated studying and writing when we were in school. You never wanted to be a teacher. You hate shouting, violence and gangs. Yet you joined the Yakuza. When are you going to stop playing the hero? None of this crap was your fault in the first place." Kadota snapped storming over to the bed.

Shizuo gaped seeing how angry his oldest friend looked. "You know before Celty went on her honeymoon she asked me to watch over you. Shinra was pretty worried as well. You don't belong in this life, Shizuo. This isn't you. I'm sorry but that's the truth. Wake up before it's too late."

Shaking his head the blond bit his lip. "Its my fault. Everything happened because of m-" Coffee eyes widened in shock his head turned to the side. Kadota held his hand splayed ready to slap him again.

"Enough. Do you remember what you did yesterday or the day before that? You want Sora to be happy but she needs you to be. Every time we babysit her she asks if she's done something wrong." His friend spat clenching his fist. "Papa's eyes don't smile. That's what she told us. You have a smart daughter, of course she would know if her sole parent wasn't happy!"

Shizuo lowered his head. His little girl had noticed? But she hadn't said anything to him about it. "Th-that's not her fault. I-" What the hell had he been doing?

"Then show her how much you love her. Stop pretending to be someone you're not." The door opened again both of them falling into silence.

"Haruka will pick up Sora after school and bring her back here. I'll be around to check on you later. Shin will want to see you too." Shizuo forced a smile nodding his head. "See you later, remember to rest." The door closed with a soft click.

"Your current life is a schedule you don't even agree to." Shizuo sighed shuffling down the bed his head pounding.

"I know...Its for the best." He mumbled tugging at the covers. Kadota laughed bitterly running a hand through his gelled back hair.

"The best? Who decides that? Shizuo, you're miserable. The only good thing in your life now is Sora. You can't decide who to love, it just happens. You love Izaya – fine. Erika is hardly stable yet I'll remain by her side because I love her. I can watch over her and stop her even think of doing something stupid." Shizuo slumped Kadota's words slicing at him like a knife.

"I thought...our teacher...Tomoyuki-" Shizuo gasped feeling like he was finally breathing, the invisible chains now visible to him, Shackles around his wrists and neck. Nothing belonged to him. The apartment had been given to him by Akabayashi, his job choice was because of Tomoyuki. Even Chie had originally been his mentor's.

"Think about it! Would Tomoyuki and the others want you to be unhappy? Don't you remember what he said each time we studied with him and you didn't want to? What was it?"

Clenching his fists in the covers, the words were choked out. "...Shizuo, I'm not helping you because the teacher asked me to. I'm helping you because I'm your friend. But if you don't want me to just tell me. You can't help the unwilling. Make your own decisions, your grades affect your own future..."

Kadota took a seat on the bed. "That's right. Then he would do that silly little laugh he had. The dead are the dead you can't drag them around with you. Shintaro is a therapist but he doesn't understand you. Shizuo, please wake up."

"...Yeah. I know. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I- Kadota, can I be happy?"

Kadota smiled resting a hand on his shoulder. "That's your own decision, right? Your strength has come back hasn't it?" Guiltily he thought of the mess currently in his living room. "That's more like you already."

Shizuo laughed bitterly. "What, a monster? I'll have to learn to control it all over again."

"None of us ever thought you were a monster. You know Kasuka actually wants to come and see you. It's not Sora he doesn't want to see. Its you stuck playing a character in a script. He cares about you. Take a look." Shizuo picked up the phone from the bed shakily scrolling through the messages from his brother. _How is nii-san and Sora doing? _The same message over and over again. "Then there is that box you're hiding under there. Its your letters from Izaya, isn't it?"

Reluctantly he nodded feeling a little scared at how Kadota had cut him open seeing through him more than Shin ever had. "You never read them did you? Do you want to go through them together?" Lifting the covers Shizuo slowly pushed the box away from him.

Swallowing nervously the blond swallowed thickly, tearing the envelope flap.

_Shizu-chan, _

_I haven't heard from you. Are you okay? Do you still have your fear? Are you eating properly? I want to see you and know you're okay. Here's another visitor pass in case you lost the others. _

_Love Izaya_

Shizuo blinked wiping at his eyes imagining the man he loved pace back and fourth in worry when he didn't reply. Kadota tore open the next one handing it to him. With shaky fingers and a deep breath he opened it and began to read.

_Shizu-chan,_

_Why aren't you responding? Is everything okay? Did something happen? Shizu-chan please let me know you're okay. I'm enclosing another pass for you. _

_Love Izaya_

_Shizu-chan,_

_How are you? I miss you. One of the Awakusu-kai's pets came to visit me today. I've taken him up on his offer for counselling. I'm doing this for you. Ne, come and visit me soon?_

_Love Izaya _

Shizuo blinked watching his tears fall onto the already bloodied envelope. He had shut out Izaya too, ignoring all the feelings the man he loved had taken the time to write. "It looks like this one was the latest." Kadota handed him another letter.

_Shizu-chan,_

_It's been seven years now and still I haven't heard from you. Are they even reaching you? There are a few things I want to ask you...Something I missed. If it's true then its my fault I couldn't protect you. I should have known something was wrong...I should have. I'm not including a pass this time. I'm coming to see you, Shizu-chan. I wonder what you'll be like now? Probably taller than me, you seem like the type to go through a growth spurt. Hehe, I wonder if all of you grew. I wonder if you waited for me or if you've moved on with your life. I won't mind (Sorry, that's a lie) as long as you are happy. See you soon. _

_Love Izaya. _

Shizuo dropped the letter staring at the words. "You okay?" Kadota was watching him holding the rest of the letters. Was his decision back then wrong? Should he have done something else? It was too late for regrets now. But where did that leave him? "Don't think too hard. Rest for now."

Biting his lip, Shizuo's gaze narrowed in on the tear stains that weren't his. Izaya. The raven had been crying when he had written it. When he had found out about Kanra. "I don't need to. I want to be happy with my family. Sora, Chie and Izaya. I know what he did was wrong and he's made a lot of people suffer but I still love the damn flea." It felt like admitting what he truly wanted was letting everyone down.

"Good. Then be happy. When you get better I'll give you this." Shizuo blinked staring at a small square of folded paper being held up. "You weren't the first that Izaya came to see. In his own way he loves you and you love him. Shizuo, he knew you weren't happy which is why if you want to be, you'll have to grab it for yourself." Reaching out the piece of paper was pulled back placed in his friend's pocket. "Rest first. I know you. You'll go staggering through Ikebukuro."

Both of them froze hearing a loud thud. "I'll go." Kadota slid off of the bed reaching for the handle. The door flew open a smiling face appearing around the door. Karisawa shuffled into the room, her eyes looking shifty.

"Shizu-Shizu, did you get sick? Don't get mad okay. The door opened further revealing his little girl looking guilty holding Chie in her arms. "The school couldn't get hold of you, so they called me since you put mine and Dotachin as emergency contacts. Anyway they said Sora-Sora was sick so I went to collect her and well...She's not sick."

Shizuo sighed putting the letters to one side. "Sorry papa, I wanted to stay home today. Are you angry?" Glancing at Kadota his friend was covering a smile.

"No. But if you stay in here with me you might catch my cold." Lifting back the covers Shizuo shuffled over patting where he had been laying. Innocent crimson orbs lit up Sora placing their cat on the floor and running to the edge of the bed. "Up you come." Lifting her with ease his little girl settled against his chest.

"Love you, papa." Her small arms wrapped around him squeezing.

"Me too. No more pretending to be sick to get out of school. Wha-" A blur bolted under the covers, small black ears peeking out of the covers. "Chie!" Stroking her fur Shizuo rested his head against the pillow.

"Do you want us to drop by later?" Kadota asked placing a glass of water and some medicine on the bedside table. Nodding his head, something was placed in his palm.

"Don't forget to take your medicine." Shizuo opened his hand seeing the piece of paper.

"I thought you weren't-" His friend raised a hand pointing next to him where his daughter was already fast asleep.

"I don't think you'll go anywhere now. See you later." Shizuo was tempted to open the piece of paper. Instead he clutched it safely in his hand pulling his daughter and Chie closer. Closing his own eyes he thought about apologizing to his friends and finding Izaya. It was his turn to be happy.


	50. Craving happiness

**Craving happiness**

_A/N:- And here we are the last chapter. Enjoy. _

Laughter filled the office everyone crowding around the large screen that took up a large portion of the wall. Subordinates, leaders and the successors all sat together watching the screen. What did the big bad yakuza watch? When he had first found out he had been shocked. There on the screen was Ruri Hijiribe the popular idol.

Nearly everyone in the Awakusu-kai was bewitched with her. Any meetings were cancelled and everyone gathered in front of the large television with the surround sound. Shizuo himself didn't think much of her then again that might be because of the piece of paper in his shirt pocket. The address had been memorized, his fingers twitching unable to keep still.

The idol on stage in the red dress sang the words he wanted to say with ease. The love song ended, everyone in the office clapping. "_And a big thank you to Ruri-chan for performing." _Shizuo watched bored as the woman stepped from the stage joining the reporter. "_Is the rumour about your engagement with Yuuhei Hanejima true?" _

Shizuo jolted sitting upright from where he had been slouching. His brother had a girlfriend? Since when? Admittedly she was really pretty. "_Yes. It's true." _The entire room went eerily silent. Coffee eyes widened staring at the large diamond on the idol's finger. Kasuka hadn't mentioned anything.

"No! This can't be!" The office was in an uproar. There and then he should have quietly snuck out since they knew the actor's real name. Instead the screen changed, a red banner scrolling along the bottom of the screen. _Kanra Orihara first of the murderous pair died in hospital early this morning. _It was over. His tormentor and Sora's mother was dead. Izaya had been right, there was no recovery.

"_We're live standing witness to the execution of the serial killer Izaya Orihara." _No! Shizuo pounded the table standing up in shock. It couldn't be... _"The two Orihara's have destroyed many lives between them. Earlier today Kanra Orihara died in hospital with suspected poisoning. The doctors reported that she was in a lot of pain even though not once did she manage to speak. Now we come to this. Only a few minutes to go until Izaya Orihara suffers the same fate for his crimes. The following scenes may be disturbing." _

Shizuo couldn't watch the camera turning onto a pale raven, crimson orbs scrunched in pain. With every jerk it felt like a stab to his heart. The needle pressing down sending the lethal dose into the prisoner's veins. Swallowing thickly his eyes couldn't look away frozen to the screen in horror. No! The figure in the chair jerked a few times slumping back where he didn't move. "NO!" The blond screamed staring at the screen. It couldn't be Izaya. The damn flea was too smart, like a cockroach.

"...Shizuo..."

"...Boss..."

"...Shizuo, calm down." They reached for him but Shizuo evaded backing away his gaze fixed on the screen. _Izaya Orihara dead. _It wasn't true. It couldn't be. Clutching at the address the blond staggered from the room sliding down the wall. He had to believe in the raven.

**One week later**

Most don't know they are in a cage until its too late. Who knows if friendship is real, if you can trust your partner or mentor or even those that are the closest to you. No one can see the invisible chains snaking around their wrists and ankles anchoring them down, rendering them unable to move.

The false sanctuary provided in an act of kindness nothing but a trap, the thin silver bars slowly coming down until the cage is complete and the door is locked. A small bubble of fake happiness. Ready to burst the moment you realise that its not real.

Humans as Izaya called them were manipulative in nature with hidden agendas and ulterior motives for their own means. Presents and gifts were a means to unknowingly bribe or pacifying. Connections forged gave access to emotions and personal lives, setting themselves up for hurt and betrayal.

But maybe that's what he had wanted at the time. A safe little haven where he could recover, where everyone else took responsibility for his actions. Maybe deep down he had wanted to remain blind to the truth. The flea if he was here would call him a protozoan.

Shizuo sighed taking the steps one at at time. His fever had got worse, not to mention the other successors crowded him. Haruka had taken over the kitchen and making meals for him and Sora. Shuddering at the memory he knew he would never have soup again. Stuck under house arrest there was no way for the blond to sneak out.

The entire time he had held onto that small piece of paper wishing that he could just run to the raven who he knew was waiting. Shizuo sighed again trudging up the stairs one at a time. As it turned out the address was to a penthouse apartment right on the top floor. Really, he should have known. The lift had been too nerve racking standing there twiddling his thumbs. Which was why he was taking the stairs one at a time.

According to Kadota the damn flea was waiting for him to come to his senses and get out of the cage he had unknowingly been in on his own. But a week was a long time. What if the address was invalid and Izaya had gotten tired of waiting for him? He had cruelly let the raven wait seven years without any contact.

Did he have any right to go and see him? To dare to be happy? Shizuo stopped his hand resting on the banister hearing it creak under his grip. Izaya had killed his sister for him and now he knew that the man he loved was still fighting for him. Biting his lip Shizuo let go carrying on.

But wasn't he still pissed at the damn flea for walking out on him? Shaking his head he kept walking one foot moving in front of the other up each step until his frown faded, his legs spread wider as he took two steps at a time breaking into a run. No this time he had already decided to have the flea back in his life. The feeling he had a week ago he never wanted to have again.

Every night he had woken up screaming from the same nightmare. That he would knock on the door and get no reply because that had been his flea on tv. The very thought made him feel sick. Every night it was the same nightmare.

In his pocket his phone vibrated. Kadota. _All ready. Just waiting on you. _Biting his lips Shizuo slipped the phone back in his pocket. Since last week the leaders of the Awakusu-kai had become more stern, expecting more and more of him, even offering to babysit Sora and set them up in the main house.

Shin had become more insistent on delving into his mind trying to get the information he wanted. The only one that hadn't done anything was Akabayashi who had told him to take a walk, look at the clouds and think of what he really wanted. His partner Haruka had been watching him closer than before. That might be because he had tried to yank her hair off hoping it was a wig and Izaya in another disguise. He wasn't that lucky. Since the flea had walked out on him he had heard nothing.

The steady steps turned into a light jog and then into a reckless run up the flights of stairs. Catching his toes Shizuo went sprawling on the stairs banging his knee. Grunting in pain he pushed himself up and carried on.

By the time he reached the top Shizuo was on his hands and knees panting harshly. Why the hell did the flea live on the top floor? There was no need to check the address on the piece of the paper, he did so anyway. Surprisingly it was the same door he had seen in his nightmares. Reaching out he knocked lightly.

The door remained firmly closed with no sound of movement behind it. Shizuo grit his teeth knocking louder...nothing...again he rapped his knuckles harshly against the wood watching as the wood chipped...nothing... "Damn it flea!" Grabbing the handle the blond pushed wrenching the door open.

The door swung wide showing a single large bed in the centre of the room and a small bedside table with a laptop set up. "Izaya?" Shizuo froze hearing a soft click an icy feel pressing against the back of his neck.

"Get inside!" Holding his hands up Shizuo walked into the apartment, Haruka holding a gun to his head. "Where is he?" Pushed forward the blond sat on the edge of the bed glancing around the empty apartment. The door slammed shut swinging open a touch since the lock was broken. "Izaya Orihara and Shizuo Heiwajima, both of you have been declared liabilities and not fit to be in the Awakusu-kai."

So this was how it was going to end. His partner who had supposedly had a crush on him was going to kill him. Thanks to Kadota and Izaya he had known something like this was coming. Which was why he had gotten Sora to safety. The only one the Awakusu-kai could hurt was him. His friends and family were leaving Ikebukuro.

Hearing whistling get closer a hand covered his mouth stopping him from warning the unfortunate person away. Instead the door opened the raven dropping the groceries he had been holding. "Shizu-chan, you're here already?" Izaya grinned happy to see him. "Haruka-chan too."

Shizuo watched the woman had one gun and there were two of them. "Do you mind putting the gun away? I have enough otooro for all of us...No! My tuna!" The raven crouched in panic searching through the bags. "Ah! Its okay. Oh goodie. Shizu-chan, are you aware you have a gun against your head?"

The blond blinked glaring at the raven. "Is that all you have to say? You walked out on me you bastard! You mmph!" The same hand clamped over his mouth.

"Enough. Get on the bed arms raised." The gun moved pressing against his temple. Even with his strength he would wind up dead. Slowly the flea did as he was told.

"You are aware that during the month I've been watching over my Shizu-chan, I've been keeping an eye on you all. Hehe. Information is a powerful thing, who knew?"

"Stop talking." Shizuo hissed. Of all people it was going to be Izaya that would get him killed.

"Haruka-chan. Wakes up everyday at 5am has a shower, a protein shake for breakfast and then an hour of gun practice. Ten minutes before going to school she visits the office to give her report on you just like the others. For lunch she has the same bento every day. After leaving work again she reports to Shiki-san and the others. At 7pm she eats a balanced dinner making a note of the calories. At 8pm she has a bath and is in bed by 10pm, with her gun under her pillow. Hehehehehehehe, I know everything about you, Haruka-chan."

Shizuo blinked reaching out blindly as Izaya placed his hand over the barrel. "Including the fact that after you load your gun for practice you don't touch it again. Besides that you keep the weapon locked in your desk. In short, there is no bullets currently in that gun. If there was and you pointed that at my Shizu-chan. I might just have to kill you." No bullets?

Lashing out the gun flew across the room, his partner staring in shock. "Neither of you will get out of this building alive." Shizuo grit his teeth staring at her in disgust.

"Shizu-chan, run!" A smaller hand slipped in his own pulling him from the room. Together they ran down the corridor stopping at the lift. The doors slid open Izaya running his fingers over the panel. "This way." Instead of the lift the two of them slipped through the fire exit door. He caught a glint of silver the fire alarm ringing out throughout the building. "Don't stop!" It was the serious Izaya again, no hints of madness in those eyes.

"There they are!" A loud shout alerted the rest of the yakuza where he was. He himself had never done any of the illegal jobs. The ones chasing him though did and on a regular basis. A similar shout came from below them. They were cornered. Shizuo sighed cracking his knuckles wondering if he would have to fight his way out. Seeing the guns he swiftly changed his mind.

"...Izaya..." Taking a step forward towards the banister, Shizuo looped one arm around the small waist.

"Shizu-chan? DON'T!" Too late he toppled back plummeting down from the height. Clutching Izaya safely to his chest, the blond free fell knowing it would hurt. The staircases blurred past him. Closing his eyes Shizuo smiled bracing himself for impact.

The harsh ground never came. The sound of something ripping sounded in his ears. His back hit something soft yet it still knocked the air from him. Trying to calm his trembling body he opened his eyes seeing Kadota and Walker holding what looked like a thick hammock. Underneath him was a thick blue mat that looked like it had been pinched from the school gym.

"You idiot protozoan! What the hell were you thinking?" Shizuo laughed softly feeling Izaya's fist bang against his chest.

"Guys, argue in the van." Reluctantly he let the flea go, rolling painfully from the mat. He was going to have a lot of bruises in the morning. With Kadota on one side and Izaya on the other they made it outside and into the van. "Shit. Hurry up. The double doors were thrown open a happy Karisawa and Sora waved at him, Chie was curled up in her lap.

Kadota climbed in the front slamming the door with Walker the last to climb in the back. Shizuo groaned resting back against the interior his arms holding Izaya close. Outside they could hear banging and shouting. "Floor it!" All of them in the back swayed to the side. He couldn't see anything except for Kadota's panicked expression in the mirror showing just how much trouble they were in. Closing his eyes his arms locked around the slim waist refusing to ever let go.

x-x-x

Togusa was a mad man not once taking his foot off the accelerator. Yet they managed to lose the yakuza and reach a hotel without so much as a scratch on the exterior. For now they were safe. All of them slid from the dangerous contraption a bit shaken.

"The rooms are booked. Shizuo, Izaya you two are together. We'll look after Sora tonight." Kadota was already walking on ahead. His friend was right. Izaya was back now they had to talk.

Sliding the card key across the door opened allowing them inside. All three doors were next to each other. "So, Shizu-chan. We're alone no-ow!" The door slammed shut Shizuo slapping the raven full across the face. "What was that for?" Izaya rubbed at his reddened cheek.

"You left me!" Shizuo clenched his fist.

"I had no choice. Its not my fault you got sucked into the Awakusu-kai... I know, you got sick. I'm sorry. It hurt me just as much. We're free now. For the time being."

"I saw you die." The memory was still painfully fresh.

"I'm here aren't I? Or maybe I'm a ghost?" The raven giggled. "Wooo Shizu-chan, I'm back to haunt you. Hehehe." Shizuo blinked turning away. "Shizu-chan?"

"Don't make fucking jokes! Do you have any idea what I f-felt." Shit not again. A hand rested on his shoulder.

"Sorry. It wasn't me. It was Seiji-kun. Mika-chan committed suicide almost an hour later. Namie-san went mad, she's in the very mental institute she was working in. Everything is done. There are no loose ends." Except that the yakuza were after them. Taking a seat on the bed Shizuo dropped back onto the covers.

"Shizu-chan, are you going to push me away again?"

"...After you left I realised what I wanted. For better or worse, I want you in my life."

"For richer or poorer?" The blond nodded knowing he only had what was left of his salary.

"In sickness and health?" Izaya's eyes twinkled.

"I guess. You aren't sick are you?" The flea didn't look sick.

"Till death do us part?"

"What the hell, flea? What kind of question is that? We've only just met again." Wait. Where had he heard those words before? That's right...Celty and Shinra!" Shizuo's eyes snapped open seeing Izaya kneeling on the floor. "Wha-?"

"Answer the question, Shizu-chan." Swallowing thickly the blond stared at the silver band. His finger felt empty since he had torn off the successor ring and crushed it. This couldn't be happening...It had to be a dream...After everything, did he get to be happy too?

"...Y-yeah. I don't want to leave your side again." His hand was taken, the silver band being removed from the cushion and slipped onto his finger.

"The ring I owed you as promised. I won't ever leave you, Shizu-chan." Shizuo nodded cupping Izaya's chin kissing those soft lips.

"What do I call you now?" His chest was exploding with happiness making him feel all warm and fuzzy.

"Izaya Orihara is dead. I've been playing around with a few names Roppi, Psyche, Hibiya, maybe Sakuraya. Its up to you. I'm yours, Shizu-chan. Who do you want me to be?" Those crimson orbs twinkled the raven slipping from his grasp to tip toe across the room and quickly open the door. Karisawa and Sora blinked innocently.

"Uh...Hey Shizu-Shizu." Shizuo shook his head holding his arms out. His little girl beamed rushing to him. He was jobless, currently homeless and had done everything he had promised himself he wouldn't. Yet now Sora was staring up at him with a wide smile looking happier than he had ever seen her.

"Papa looks happy." Shizuo smiled pulling her into his lap. Everything had been stripped from him. All he had was his friends, Izaya and Sora. Yet he was happy, incredibly so. Then the door closed and Izaya stepped forward. Two pairs of crimson met, Sora tilting her head. "You look like mama."

The raven gave him a look. Shizuo blinked just as confused. Sora reached into her pocket taking out a folded square. Slowly she opened it pointing at the girl he had loved back in school. "This is you! Mama Chiyoko!" H-how? Had Karisawa and Kadota said something?

"But I'm a man." Shizuo sighed glad Izaya wasn't going to tell her the truth. His little girl sighed tapping the paper again. It was a habit lately when she believed she was the smarter one.

"So is this. Same eyes and face. You're mama!" Damn it. "You're mama. You make papa happy." Shizuo's eyes widened watching Sora hug Izaya's leg demanding to be picked up. Somehow she knew.

"Shizu-chan?" Izaya was staring down at his daughter.

"...Yeah. It's okay." Izaya Orihara was dead. Just like Kadota he would stop him from doing anything stupid, because he loved him.

"I guess I could be your mama." The sight of the two of them together was too much. Turning away he rested his elbow on his knee covering his eyes. The bed dipped a hand taking his. "Shizu-chan, this is a new beginning for all of us." No matter what happened or what played out, everything would be okay as long as he had those he loved. Scrubbing at his eyes, the blond wrapped an arm around Izaya's waist.

"I love you, Shizu-chan." Izaya leaned against his shoulder.

"Me too." Shizuo pecked his lips.

"What about me?" Sora looked up holding her arms out. A bolt of black flew across the room leaping into his arms. "Chie too." The cat hissed at Izaya snuggling between them.

This was the starting point. They could do anything they wanted. Crash Celty's honeymoon, go and see Kasuka and have a decent talk, though with Izaya it might get awkward or even see or see how his parents were settling in their new home. But that was for another day. The four of them were a family. This was his happiness and nothing would be allowed to ruin it.

End

_A/N:- That's the end of that one. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Let me know what you thought. Thanks for all the support and yeah, see you on the next one. _


End file.
